26. Baylee #2
“You know you don’t have to work if you don’t want to right now. You can focus on school if you need to,” he tells me.
“I appreciate that, but I think it might be good for me. I’m used to working a few hours a week. I always save up a little for myself too.” I reach over and kiss his cheek.
“Just know the offer stands if you change your mind, Firefly.” He winks.
“Sorry to break things up, but maybe we should head back up to the floor. They said after eight would be a good time for us to return,” Eric says, looking at his phone.
We gather our trash, and grab the extra snacks we got to take to the room.
Taking this time downstairs gave us the energy we were longing for after hours of sitting in Carolyn’s room, watching her lying there in the same state with no change.
It’s been draining seeing her so weak all day.
My heart hurts for her, in addition to seeing the pain in the eyes of both Tucker and Eric throughout the day.
I was hopeful as the hours passed, but when I saw she made no change, it felt as if a piece of me kept breaking seeing that she wouldn’t improve.
It’s encouraging that she hasn’t gotten worse though.
The intensive care unit is situated in its own dedicated wing. We arrive on the floor from the elevators, move through the double doors, where security scans our guest passes and the nurses’ station is straight ahead. The minute we walk in, we can tell something is immensely wrong.
It’s as if things are moving in slow-motion. I look over and see the doctors, respiratory therapists and nurses rushing into Carolyn’s room. I stand there, motionless, unable to understand what’s happening.
I have no clue how much time passes before someone comes to speak to us, but it feels like all the air is pulled from my lungs before I finally take a full breath.
I brace myself, prepared to hear she’s gone.
My eyes are full of tears, and I reach for Tucker’s hand, not even pretending that my own hands aren’t shaking.
“Are you Carolyn Malloy’s sons?” the charge nurse comes up to us to speak to us.
“Yes, we are.” Both Eric and Tucker stand up straighter. I still see commotion in the room, what looks to be a doctor is still inside with nurses and other medical personnel, so I have to assume she’s still alive, right?
“Your mother’s heart stopped and we called a 'code blue’ right before you entered the unit,” she begins, “that’s why you saw all of us running around. We were able to stabilize her, but she’s currently intubated.”
Tucker squeezes my hand and I audibly gasp. It’s hard to see Carolyn from here because her room is still full of people moving around. I blink and I feel the moisture from the tears I was holding back.
“Once we have some more answers, we’ll update you. We’ll know more once tests start coming back.” She goes back in the room, and we walk up to the glass and stand in shock at how quickly things changed from when we went downstairs.
None of us say anything and the numbness feels all-consuming as we simply stand there, feeling as if so much of our world is crumbling right before our eyes.
It feels like hours pass before someone from the healthcare team comes out and allows us to go inside. We try to keep our composure, the lightness we carried up here from downstairs long forgotten.
I watch the cyclical way her chest rises and falls with the intubation machine. This isn’t fair. All I want to do is scream. She deserves more. Tucker and Eric deserve more.
Tucker stands at the end of the bed and he’s frozen.
The shock is palpable from him. I look at him and reach my hand out, he puts his hand on the blanket and touches her feet.
I smile softly. He used to do that for her when she worked long hours as a nurse at school.
She used to complain her feet hurt from running around all day.
Even all these years later, he remembers.
I leave him there and walk up to her side and grab her hand.
“Hey, Carolyn, it’s Baylee. Tucker, Eric, and Brittany are here.
We’re all here. If you wanted all the attention, you’ve got it.
But now it’s time to stop all this and wake up, alright?
” I move my fingers along her palm, hoping she’ll react, but I get no response .
Eric grabs her other hand and starts talking to her.
Brittany moves to her shoulder and starts talking to her about all the shows she has to tell her about, so she needs to wake up because she needs her crime show buddy.
We give her all these little moments she has to look forward to.
The only person that hasn’t spoken to her is Tucker, who has only stayed at the foot of the bed, moving his hands along her feet, silence plaguing him.
I look back and see him looking down, most likely lost in thought.
I move over to him and touch his shoulder. “Tucker, talk to her,” I whisper.
He looks from me to her, tears streaming down his face, silent sobs wracking him. He takes a breath to compose himself.
“Ma, I still need you for some of my firsts,” he finally admits. “I need you to sit in the crowd and watch me marry my girl.” A sob breaks free and he quickly tries to hide it.
I hug his side, trying to comfort him and kiss his arm, hoping he can feel my love by his side.
“I’ll be right back, okay?” I look up at him.
He simply nods and I turn away.
I pull out my phone from my back pocket as I walk out.
When I’m in front of the elevators, I make a call.
He answers on the first ring and it’s a balm to my aching heart.
“Dad, I need a favor.”