9. River
CHAPTER 9
River
“Ma, you home?” I walk into my childhood home with Lola, and I’m immediately pulled into comfort. Not much has changed with the layout of the house, something my mother takes complete pride in after years of people nagging her to move things around.
After my father passed away, there was a moment she thought she’d move us out and start a new life, keeping with the plans she and my dad had prior to his passing. But after many people around us told her to take a year and reflect on that after some time passed, she chose to stay put, knowing she could never really part with the last place my father called home.
I walk further into the house, Lola sniffing out where Grandma could be. I find my mom and brother sitting at the kitchen table.
“I didn’t know you were coming over here today,” I say, directing my comment to Clay as I walk toward my mother and wrap my arms around her.
She’s much shorter than us, as we tower over her much like my father once did. She looks up at me, and I can see the pride in her eyes. Before I know what’s happening, Lola is pawing at me to move so she can get her grandma cuddles in.
“Mom said she wanted to see her favorite child before you came over to ruin her afternoon,” Clay says before I flip him off.
“Hey now, both of you stop. You know I find you both equally a pain in my ass.” She chuckles and moves toward the coffee pot to grab a cup of coffee after giving my dog a few scratches under the chin.
My mother, despite years of pain after losing my father, never faltered in caring for us, even with a broken heart. I look at her now and see all the pain she carried on her shoulders for so long, bearing a lot of that pain for all three of us.
Once she’s greeted me, she turns her attention to the golden retriever watching her every move.
“And you, Lola, did you miss Grandma? I know, Daddy didn’t let you come stay with me. He made you stay with that neighbor of his.” My mother is speaking to my dog like she’s a baby, but her eyes dart over to me narrowed as if she’s holding a grudge.
“Come on, don’t do that. It was easier to leave her with the neighbor with the way I was coming and going to the firehouse. No hard feelings.” I give her my sad eyes, and that makes her laugh.
Attempting to veer this conversation in another direction, I switch gears. “Ma, you were missed at the wedding,” I say as I grab the hot mug out of her hands. “How was Shelby’s red carpet event?”
Apparently, one of Shelby’s best-sellers was picked up for a Hulu movie, and the big event was the same day as Ashton’s wedding. She was conflicted about what to do, but she had confirmed the red carpet event before knowing the date of the wedding.
“Oh, Jasmine was so happy I was her plus one. Shelby was shining the entire night. It was really special to see. Let me show you pictures.” She gets up to grab her phone off the counter.
“There were so many celebrities. I was starstruck, boys. Truly in awe of everyone I got to meet.” Mom’s smile beams at us as she opens her phone and starts going through what feels like a thousand photos.
“Geez, you almost have as many photos from one night on the red carpet as you do of the dog,” Clay says, earning himself a smack across the shoulder.
“Don’t start, Clay. Lola and I have a special bond, don’t we, sweet girl?” She looks over at my dog, who’s currently panting, her tongue wagging to one side, looking at my mom like she’s her reason for living.
I roll my eyes and sip my coffee, feeling a bit surprised at all the accomplishments Shelby has attained throughout the years. She did apologize for her actions back at her high school prom, and we can now laugh about it, but I won’t lie and say I’m not slightly scared of her imagination. I’ve read her books; she might be slightly unhinged. Luckily, I had the wedding as an excuse not to attend this event.
“Did you go to the memorial?” I ask. My mom takes in a breath and looks over at me, the pain of that day still close to the surface.
“I couldn’t do it,” she says, her mind on something distant.
Although we live in Boston, my father was out in New York for the week training with one of the firehouses out there. We were left back here packing up the house. Moving to New York had been a sure thing until everything changed, and our lives were forever altered.
Unfortunately, the week he went out there was the same week as the terrorist attacks of September 11. My mother watched in horror as she began to realize my father wasn’t coming home to us. I remember bits and pieces of that day, but nothing is as cemented in my mind as my mother’s sobs that took over the room as she watched everything unfold on the television.
“I’m thinking of going this year if you feel like going. I’m headed out to Ground Zero on the actual day. If you decide you want to go, just let me know.” I grab her hand and kiss her knuckles.
“I’ll let you know, sweetie.” She returns a small smile at me, and I would bet all my money in the world she will stay behind. She tries to go every year to that part of New York, but she never can get herself near that portion of the city. Jasmine, Shelby’s mother, asks every time my mother visits, and each time, my mom says she’s not ready. I think she’ll never be ready, and that’s okay. We all handle grief in different ways.
“So, what’s up with you and Kennedy?” Clay’s curiosity wins out, and I school my expression to keep from showing how annoyed I am that he brought this up around our mother. Thanks to him, now she is going to hold onto that piece of information and pester me with it.
“Um, well,” I move my hand along the back of my neck, “I’m seeing her tonight, actually.” I should have lied. With the way I see my mom’s face light up, I know this is going to bite me in the ass later.
“Finally, sweetie, you’ve opened your stubborn eyes.” My mom looks like she’s going to bounce out of her chair with excitement. “I knew you two would finally see things clearly. You’ve been fighting this for too long.”
“No, we haven’t. We’ve hated each other for a decade. Don’t read so much into this.” I omit the part that we are just keeping things physical. It’s not anything deeper than that.
“No, ask your brother. From the moment I met Kennedy years ago, I saw she would be the right fit for you. She keeps you on your toes, and she doesn’t sugarcoat anything. She’s exactly what you need.”
“That’s interesting because she seems to have more of a liking toward my twin than she does me,” I say, a little more bitterness to my tone than I would like to have.
“Rightfully so. Fuck, I’m way more fun,” my brother says, then gets a glare from our mother.
“Language, Clay!” she scolds, and I see my brother’s cheeks pink. I chuckle to myself even though I know my mother could do the same to me, and I’d cower the same way my brother just did.
“Anyway, she doesn’t like me more, Riv. She knows it gets under your skin, so we just play this little game. She and I aren’t attracted to one another like that. She looks at you completely different than she looks at me. Isn’t that weird that we’re identical for the most part and people aren’t attracted to both of us? Abby always mentioned how different we were in her eyes. I don’t see it. I see myself as an extension of you.”
“Way to get deep, brother. But yeah, I guess it’s hard for us to understand. I mean, I never dated a twin to understand what people are talking about.” I get up in search of something to eat.
Grabbing an apple, I move back toward the table and start eating. “I guess we’ll just have our fill and move on.”
“River Nichols, you will treat that girl with respect. I raised you better than that. I mean, there has not been one girl you’ve brought home who I’ve liked. The latest one, what’s her name,” my mother snaps her fingers, “Klarissa, right?”
“Karissa!” Clay and I both say aloud to correct her.
She waves us off and continues, “I wasn’t a fan. She was only into dating you to hang out with your firefighter friends. I don’t like that, son. Kennedy is the one to hold on to though. I love that girl.” She pats my hand, followed by a little squeeze.
Mom gets up from the table, not giving me much room to explain that this thing with Kennedy is just an attraction.
“Is this the right time to clarify that ‘dating’ is a stretch for what you do with the women you hang around?” Clay whispers, and luckily, my mom’s ears are nowhere near us to eavesdrop.
He’s not wrong though. Kennedy and I are going to get this itch out, and then we’ll probably be good. Even though that kiss earlier today was anything but simple. I have never felt that kind of connection from one kiss.
“I’m going to take a shower. Will you boys be around a bit longer?” Lola is already up and ready to follow when my mother looks back for an answer.
“Yeah, I’ll stick around,” I say, taking another bite of my apple.
“Same. I don’t have much to do now that I cook for one most of the time,” my brother replies, and I see the pain in his eyes when he says it.
Mom nods in understanding and begins her walk up the stairs. Lola’s paws follow right behind her. They’re two peas in a pod.
“So you’re seeing Kennedy tonight? Going to dinner?” Clay asks, curiosity evident in his tone.
“You know it’s not like that, Clay. I’m just going over there, and, I don’t know, we’ll see where things go.” I shrug, unsure how I should approach this whole evening.
Of course, if it were up to me, I would get there, strip her out of her clothes, and show her exactly what I’ve been fantasizing about doing to her since that night at the hotel.
“Hmm, maybe bring take-out? Or some dessert? Unless she is the dessert.” He’s now wagging his eyebrows and showing me his sly grin while I laugh.
“Yeah, that’s always a thought. Although, I have a feeling she’s going to want to plan everything out. We need to make sure we aren’t bringing feelings into this. You know that’s not my thing, and it’s sure as shit not hers. I just can’t get her out of my head.”
Clay’s chewing his lip. “How is it that the two most relationship-phobic people are going to start something together? Watch out, you’re going to catch feelings. Just you wait.” He laughs, and I roll my eyes.
The only truth in his statement is that Kennedy and I are allergic to relationships. I date here and there but keep things very much above the surface. The excitement usually fizzles out, and we just part ways. I know that this thing with Kennedy and me is simple: two people who want one thing—to get naked together.
“She’s sort of not really into long-term relationships. It’s the best of both worlds.” At least, that’s how I’m taking this.
“Oh man, brother, you’re going to be head over heels for this chick in a few months and then crying on my shoulder,” he teases. I decide the best response is with my middle finger.
Although she and I look at relationships with the same effort we do in picking our socks, I know we look at life differently. I think the way I live my life might actually piss Kennedy off. At least, that’s how it feels when I talk about some of the adventures I’ve been on in the past. I remember telling stories of skydiving, scuba diving, and other things, and I could feel her judgment in the way she shot daggers with her stare.
I think she’s someone who would thrive off a little thrill every now and then but finds it hard to turn that beautiful brain of hers off. She’s constantly ready for the next step, and that can sometimes hinder people like her from discovering new passions in life.
“Yeah, she’s a ballbuster. I can’t wait to see this unravel.” He holds his hands together and rubs them like he’s an evil villain in a movie.
My brother isn’t wrong about Kennedy being a ballbuster though. I will admit I’m a fairly confident person, but it’s not always something I see in a lot of women. Many women I have met will act like things don’t phase them, but when digging deeper, they’re as insecure as the next. So seeing it in her is a definite turn-on.
“Well, if I can give some advice and you can do what you want with it,” my brother starts as if he’s really going to give me an option not to hear it. “Be mindful that she’s going to be in your life forever. She’s Sam’s best friend. Ashton’s your closest friend, besides me, of course. You don’t want to fuck this up with Kennedy only to have it backfire in some way with Ash and Sammie.”
I’ve been thinking with my dick because now that he says that, it feels like a weight has been dropped in my lap.
“Either this is going to be absolutely amazing or a fucking shit show. I’ll be here either way, Riv,” he says as he sits back in his chair.
Of course Clay chooses this moment to find that small piece of romance still left in his heart. Here I am, thinking what a nice setup I’ve got going here with Kennedy because we know each other so well. We can skip over all the awkwardness and get straight to what we both want. But here he is, planting seeds in my head about how this is going to be a bigger thing. Now I just need to see what page Kennedy is on, and hopefully, it’s the same as me.