10. Kennedy
CHAPTER 10
Kennedy
I walk through my home, the feel of the carpet between my toes a soothing difference compared to the heels I had to wear all day.
Today was brutal and my mind has been either on work or my encounter with River. I just can’t seem to shake this attraction we now have brewing between us.
My day started with drama after an article came out regarding the late-night antics of one of my star players. This player thinks it’s part of his persona to go out, get drunk, and make a fool of himself any chance he gets. I got a call before the sun was up, and this issue is still wreaking havoc on my day.
I hate unresolved issues at work and although par for the course, this one seems to be following me each time I go into the office. This particular player’s behavior is starting to weigh on my shoulders, and I think it’s just the price one pays to be in the position I’m in. Brett Henry might be the league’s best pitcher, but right now, he’s becoming my biggest headache.
I only left the office because I knew River was coming over. And that brings me to the other part of my life that I can’t seem to adjust to. I have never had thoughts pertaining to River in a sexual way, and now I can’t get him out of my head. Ever since the wedding, my mind is constantly pulling in the direction of River.
I went over to Sam and Ashton’s place because I needed a break from the issues at work. The moment I walked in, it felt like none of my problems stemming from work existed because River was all I saw.
Without trying, my brain seems to solely steer my thoughts back to that night in my hotel room. I can’t even get myself off without his fucking face entering the picture. The fact that who I saw as enemy number one morphing into whatever this new version of him is, it’s got me feeling off-kilter. I don’t even know what could happen next between us that won’t take us down a road we can’t turn back from.
River and I have one, and only one, thing in common, and that’s our stance on relationships. Have I been in them in the past? Yes. Do I long to be tied down right now? Absolutely not. And from the way I’ve seen him parade a new date to every event I go to where our friends are concerned, I can say he puts the same damn effort into staying unattached.
Pursuing even something sexual with River feels heavier than any date I would go on with a random person. I feel like we already have baggage, and we aren’t even connected romantically. We push and pull to get a rise out of one another; no mental path I go on leads to a good outcome the way I see it.
The fact that we aren’t starting from scratch with one another makes me nervous. It means there are already feelings there, even if those feelings were the result of years of irritation. We have a history, and one wrong move would not just leave my heart broken and our connection severed, but it might contribute to dismantling all I’ve built with Samara and Ashton. They’re part of my family now, and I can’t risk losing that as a result of my need to explore River’s body with my tongue.Oh gosh, just the thought of that is causing me to sweat.
Is it hot in here?
I move around my kitchen, opening my fridge to see if Heidi left anything for me to eat. Although I’m known for my kick-ass persona in a boardroom, I’m a shitty cook. Heidi has been with me for a few years now, and I don’t think I could see myself surviving if it weren’t for her. She keeps my home life in order while I try to keep up in a professional world that society has deemed male dominated. So I fight this idea that because I’m a woman, failure is behind every corner.
I rub the space between my eyes, hoping to subdue the inevitable headache that’s bound to erupt. My mind is going a mile a minute, and even if I try to think about something not relating to River, my thoughts go to work and all the stress that comes along with my position in the organization.
I look through the meals in my fridge and decide a glass of wine would probably hit the spot better than any high-protein meal. I’m reaching for a glass when the doorbell rings, causing my heart rate to skyrocket.
I get to my front door and pause with my hand on the handle. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I can do this. I’ve dealt with more intense situations; I can handle a man I’ve spent a decade verbally sparring with. I’ve got this.
I swing the door open and realize I’ve got nothing. All those mental notes I made regarding how catastrophic this can be if it fails fall by the wayside because all I see is a man who has no right to look so good in jeans and a T-shirt. Does he look better now than he did a few hours ago? How is that even possible?
River is standing in my doorway, leaning against the doorframe, an easy smile gracing his features.
“Hey, Skipper. Miss me?” His confidence is palpable, and I’m just standing there, taking him in.
He’s changed since I saw him at Sam and Ash’s place. He’s got some dark denim pants on, a clean V-neck shirt, with a leather jacket. He has bad boy written all over him, and I have to stop from salivating.
I look down at my watch. “Not as much as you must have. Nine on the dot. Must be antsy to see me.” Hoping I sound more confident than I feel.
He moves toward me, and out of instinct, I move back, not sure how to maneuver through this new path between us. I’ve spent years dodging his words and hoping none of them stuck. But now all I want is to stand in the way of all his words and feel them take over my body the way that orgasm did when we were in my hotel room.
“You didn’t answer my question,” he says, moving closer to my ear. The goosebumps that erupt along my arms are unstoppable and do not go unnoticed by either of us.
He’s got me against a wall, my open door forgotten in the kitchen at this point, his eyes pinning me with his stare. I look straight at him, wondering what his next move is.
He slowly brings his right hand up my body, careful not to connect to any portion of me. Soon, his palm goes around my neck, not enough pressure to cut off my airway, nor does it feel threatening. The only feeling it does bring is heat to my core and a spike in my heart rate.
“By the feel of that pulse of yours, you’re just as excited to see me, Kennedy. So tell me, did you miss me?” I feel his breath against my face, and all I want is for those plump lips of his to take over and kiss me already.
Knowing he’s expecting words and not actions as a response, I decide to throw him off his game, even for a second. I grab his shirt and tug him so he’s flush with me, and I plant my lips to his.
The moment we connect, the same feeling as this afternoon consumes my senses. It almost feels like all the moments I thought I was living a fulfilling life come crashing down. I know in this instant, each step forward will never be the same because I know what it’s like to be consumed by River Nichols.
He brings both hands to hold my face, and he deepens the kiss, and I swear I see stars. He’s only kissed me at this point, and all my big moments in life already feel insignificant compared to this one.
He puts his hands behind my thighs and hoists me up. I wrap my legs around his middle, and I feel his dick at my center, ready for attention. He’s moving me through the house, never pulling away. My breath is his, and this control he has over my movements is his to take.
We’re going into the hallway when I remember the mental pep talk I had before he arrived and find the strength to pull my lips off of his.
“River, hold up. Wait,” I say, and he stops, keeping me in his arms but looking conflicted as his gaze meets mine.
“Scared?” We might be crossing into new territory together, but he reverts to his playful banter with me like we’d usually do.
“Honestly, yes. Aren’t you?” I hear the seriousness in my tone, and I can’t help the ice bucket this feels like I’ve doused over both of us.
I undo my legs from around him and let my feet connect to the ground again.
“I mean, I have no doubt what we’d do in there would be epic.” I nudge my head toward my bedroom. “I mean, years of pent-up frustration coming together. I can guarantee it would be explosive. But I’m not sure I can handle ruining multiple friendships if this turns out to be a huge mistake between two people. We have Ashton and Samara to consider. If this blows up in our faces, we could potentially ruin four friendships, not just two.” The moment I say it, he starts to walk off toward the couch, but I catch his hand and interlace my fingers. He pulls me with him toward the couch. He sits, pulling me onto his lap.
“River, I want to do this with you, but I’m scared about what this means. I think you and I can agree we like keeping things casual. But I’m well aware nothing about us together can be casual. We’re always on the verge of destruction when we are in the same room. Plus, we aren’t strangers who have just met. We have years of history, even if it’s volatile.”
It’s true. My relationship with River, aside from what I have with Samara, is probably the most constant thing in my life. Although the word constant is more in the sense of wanting to rip each other’s heads off, it’s still something I’ve come to expect. I don’t know if I put much weight on that fact until this very moment.
“The thing is, once we move from enemies to whatever this is, it has the potential of destroying everything,” I say, fearing we may already be threatening this whole thing with what we’ve done.
“It also has the potential of being everything,” he says immediately and brings his lips to kiss me right under my ear, a place I didn’t know triggered so much heat within my body.
It’s then I realize how comforting this side of River is for me. This side where I don’t get his jagged edges and he doesn’t get mine. I want that side of him to be mine more than I ever imagined.
I move my face away to give him more access to this part of my body, and he takes it. He begins to leave open-mouth kisses on my skin, and I feel like he’s setting me on fire. When his lips reach mine, we deepen our connection with another searing kiss. I bring my arms around his neck, caressing that soft spot of hair on the back of his head.
Once we pull apart, he gives me his full attention.
“I get it, Kennedy. I know how you’re feeling because for months now, I’ve been fighting this tug I’ve felt toward you.” His confession catches me by surprise. “It’s true. For the last few months, I’ve wanted to touch you, feel you squirm with my touch. I’ve wanted to explore this thing that seems to be simmering, and if I don’t try with you, I may seriously boil over.”
I can’t help the laugh that escapes me.
“I can’t pretend I know how this turns out. But I do know that I crave your presence instead of fighting it lately. I don’t know what switched, but it’s happening, and I think it would be a disservice to us both not to explore it further. If you tell me right now you can’t do this without getting deeper feelings involved, I understand,” he explains as he rubs his hands in circles over my hips. “Please don’t mistake my need to be with you as taking all the other things that could happen lightly.”
He continues, “I get it. You’re scared, and you have every right to be.” He moves a piece of hair behind my ear that fell out of my messy bun.
“So what should we do about it?”
“I think we explore this. We try it out and have some fun. We keep Ash and Sam out of it. That way, if things get messy, we walk away and avoid a huge ordeal involving our closest friends. I’m not asking you for your hand in marriage, Skip.” He winks at me, keeping things light like he usually does. “I just think we could have a little fun together.”
I chew on my lip as I think about what he’s saying. Can I keep this from Sam? Would she be pissed if she found out I was dating River? Would Ashton be pissed?
I know this is going to eat at me, knowing I’m keeping this big secret from my best friend. But it’s also exciting to have something that’s just mine and River’s, even if it’s casual.
“Okay, so I guess we’re doing this,” I say, continuing the movement of my fingers through the back of his hair.
A cocky smile spreads across his face, his hazel eyes pulling me in like a vortex. “You ready for me to rock your world, Skipper?” He pulls my face to his and kisses me, this time starting slowly, and I feel it build in intensity.
I move myself so I’m straddling him, and start gyrating my hips. I need a release, and I’m hoping I get the opportunity to do so multiple times tonight.
River’s hands move down my back, and he grabs onto my ass, squeezing me tight. I can’t wait to feel his bare hands on my flesh, no clothes between us.
I begin to pull at the hem of his shirt, but he breaks apart from me.
“Nope, Skipper, we’re not doing that tonight. I’ve got to keep you coming back for more.” He smiles and winks at me.
“What the fuck, Riv? You’re going to leave me like this?” I move my hips again for added effect.
He drops his head back and laughs. “I know I’m going to regret this tomorrow. But I think we should do this another night. I think if we’re going to start something together, we do so when we haven’t both had a long day.”
“You’ve gotten me off with my vibrator and seen me naked. I have needs, River!” My voice is rising as I speak, irritation lacing my tone.
“Oh, I know you do, sweetheart, but I need to make sure I get you nice and antsy for me before I give you everything,” he says as he peels me off of him and deposits me on the couch cushion next to him. “Gotta keep you coming back for me and all.”
“That’s the opposite of casual!” I complain. “River, you’re going back to being a royal pain in my ass again.” I cross my arms over my chest and make sure my scowl is prominent in my features.
He runs his hands through his hair, looking up toward the ceiling as if contemplating whether this was his wisest decision. Standing up, he straightens his shirt.
“Listen, I work a twenty-four-hour shift starting tomorrow, so I’ll see you in two days. You around then?” I can see he’s really having to hold back here, and that’s bringing me some satisfaction, at least.
I look down at my nails, feigning indifference. “Yeah, I think I could fit you in.”
He laughs, then comes back toward the couch, caging me in as his hands rest on the back, his body hovering over me. “Oh, sweetheart, I’ll fit, but I know you’ll have to get used to me once I’m there.”
I swear my panties are even more drenched than they previously were at this thought.
Damn him and his taunting.
“Well, that magical dick of yours has a lot of competition with the silicone one that’s in my drawer,” I throw back at him.
A soft smile consumes his face. “That’s okay. I’m not jealous.” Then he does something I don’t expect. He stands back up, and places my hand up to cup his dick. He’s hard, and that rod is definitely one I’ll feel the effects of for days after I finally get a taste of it.
My mouth goes dry, and I swear I’m going to have to burn this underwear because they’re toast at this point. He chuckles, leans down again, and gives me a quick kiss.
“I’ll see you in a few days.” He winks and heads off toward the front door. I’m still sitting on my couch when I hear the elevator chime its arrival.
Fucking River, always getting the upper hand.