Chapter Forty-Nine
Forty-nine
Scarlett
When I storm into the hockey house, everyone stares at me.
The confidence I felt while driving here deflates like helium from a balloon. But it’s been hours, and every time I call Kian, it goes straight to voicemail. The thought of him ignoring me shoved something so sharp into my chest that I drove here like a woman possessed.
In the entryway, gear bags clutter the floor, and the guys are dressed in black suits and beanies. Dylan’s shirtless, holding a bowl of cereal, when he spots me. There’s a knowing smile on his face, and all three of them point upstairs.
The steps have never felt intimidating, because nothing about Kian Ishida is intimidating. He’s all hard edges and dark inked skin at first glance, but then he’s soft hugs and bright smiles. I’ve decided that’s not something I’m willing to lose.
The cat I got him—though I’ll never admit it because he keeps posting about being “the chosen one”—isn’t enough. Kian needs to know that I’m willing to fight for him.
The sound of Sade hums beneath his door as I twist the knob. Kian’s by the window, staring into the street. His hockey bag is already packed on the bed.
“Kian,” I call. He doesn’t turn. I walk over and grab his shoulder. “Ishida.”
“I’m coming, jeez. You sound like Coa—” The words fall flat on his tongue. “You’re here.”
His shock reignites some of the determination that drove me here.
“I called you. I texted you. I’ve been driving myself crazy looking for you, and you’re here staring out your window. What are you even looking at?” The words spill out, uninhibited.
“A blimp,” he says, confusing me more. “Y-you called me?”
“You blocked me.”
His head rears back. “No—what? My phone’s dead, and I figured I didn’t need it since I’m leaving for my game.”
I blanch. “B-but you’ve been avoiding me.”
“I was giving you space.”
“I don’t want space!”
“Then what do you want?”
“I want y—”
There’s a knock on the door, followed by Cole’s voice. “Not to be a cockblock, but we should’ve been at the arena twenty minutes ago.”
I tense at the reminder, but Kian continues to stare. “What do you want?”
My focus drifts to the door, but he hooks a finger under my chin to make me face him again.
“I’d really like to be on Kilner’s good side tonight. It’s Yale,” Sebastian says out in the hall.
Kian ignores them. “What do you want, Scarlett?” It sounds achingly desperate. Vulnerable.
They knock again, and I’m caught in a pressure cooker. Kian must see the look on my face because his touch softens. “Go without me,” he calls out, and his teammates groan.
“We can’t play without our captain. And I’m not telling Coach we left you.”
The reminder of my dad makes my body wind tight. I can’t keep his captain locked in his room because I want to burrow into his chest.
“Go,” I tell him. “My dad’s waiting. You can’t be late.”
“This is important.” The conviction in his voice tells me that, despite everything, I would still be his first choice.
I drag his gear bag off the bed. “Your game is important too. Go!”
He hesitates, taking the weight of the bag when he sees me struggle to carry it. There’s a flash of uncertainty that flickers across his features, making guilt coil tighter in my chest.
“I’m not going anywhere, Kian. Not anymore.”
···
It’s a confusing feeling, having a life-changing confession at the tip of your tongue, only to push it aside to watch a hockey game.
Summer, Dylan, Sierra, and I sit rinkside. My dad spots me behind the bench, and when his gaze drops to my jersey, he smiles. What the hell?
I can barely focus from the shock, but for the entirety of the game, Kian embodies his captaincy. I regret not coming to see him play sooner; even watching Summer yell at the referees more than my dad is entertaining.
Kian assists but slides the winning goal in just before the final buzzer. He uses his stick to do an archer pose and glides to the bench, right to my dad, who pats his helmet and pulls him in for a hug.
It’s a whirlwind getting out of the arena and to Porter’s to celebrate. The team’s already there, drinking and dancing, when we arrive.
“I’m going to get some food. You want something?” Sierra asks me.
Seeing her willingly eat greasy bar food makes me smile. “I’m okay. I’m going to…” I trail off, and she gives me a knowing look.
I scan the crowd, and there isn’t a single head of black hair or a flash of tattoos that belong to me. The bathrooms are empty, thankfully, and I even check the alley, where I find Tyler Sampson and Amara Evans near the dumpster pretending like they weren’t clawing at each other.
Back in the bar, I stare at the vents, knowing I’d crawl through if I had to. But then my gaze catches on the photo booth, and my heart restarts.
I’ve only taken two steps inside when the backs of my thighs hit something—or someone. I trip into two strong arms, and I’m shoving them off until I notice the tattooed skin.
“Hi, Scar.”
Scar.
Kian’s presence makes me release a sharp exhale. In this booth, he’s too big, too tall, too everything, and being so close makes my rehearsed speech dissolve on my tongue.
I freeze, stuttering out, “Y-you won.”
His head tilts. “Not yet.”
With his breath on my cheek, I remember where we are. I pull back for a semblance of control. “Were you waiting for someone in here?”
“I was.”
“Oh,” I squeak, scrambling off his lap. But the light touch on my wrist stops me.
“I was waiting for you, Scarlett,” Kian says. “It’s always you.”
Suddenly, the jukebox outside starts, and “In My Life” by the Beatles surrounds us.
“You talked to my dad,” I finally say. “Since when?”
“Since I went over to your house the other day and told him what you meant to me. And that if he was angry, he could take it out on me.”
He talked to my dad.
“Your dad knows I love you, and I told him nothing’s going to change that. He wants you to be happy. Even if it’s with me. I hope it’s with me.”
The words feel so different coming from Kian. Knowing that my dad—in whatever Coach Kilner way—told him so himself. Kian gives my wrist the lightest tug, drawing me back to him. I go easily.
There’s a desperation for six-second hugs that sits heavy on my chest. I can’t handle it.
“Kian, everything I said to you after my exam— I was wrong. I was wrong about being okay without you. I was wrong for hiding the truth about my dad. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you weren’t a safe place for me to share that.”
He doesn’t speak. I hold my breath, hoping I can disappear into thin air. If he doesn’t start talking, I’ll start rambling.
“You were saying something earlier,” Kian finally says. “It’s all I could think about the entire game. I think I know, but I don’t want to guess; I want to hear it. From you.” His hand slides to my cheek. “What do you want, Scarlett?”
“You,” I say immediately. “I want you. As my best friend, my boyfriend, a hockey player— I want you in every form, and I know that’s selfish, and I understand if you’re hurt and you don’t want to give that to me anymore, but I need you to know that you’re wanted.
So much it hurts to not have you with me. ”
His eyes light up as if I’ve screwed in the missing bulb. But even then, he stays so still, my hands start to tremble at the thought of watching him walk away.
My chest almost caves in. “Do you—do you still want me?”
He lets out a derisive laugh. “I’ll show you what I want, baby. Come here.”
Kian’s hands trail over my blazing skin, maneuvering me to straddle him. He presses his face to my neck, inhaling me like a man trying to quench his thirst. The kisses he leaves there are borderline punishing, and I barely orient myself.
“Kian,” I whisper. “I—I—”
“I know, sweetheart.” He kisses along my jawline. “I missed you too.”
“W-wait.” I find every ounce of willpower to pull back, and his eyes widen. “I need you to know that I meant it when I said you deserve easy. You don’t need to prove anything to me.”
His thumb brushes my cheek. “I know, but I’d jump through any hoop to get to you, Scarlett.”
I kiss him then, holding him tight and pulling him closer as I press my weight into his lap. A beep sounds when my back hits the photo booth button. Kian must have put coins in it earlier.
The light flashes. I sink my hands into his hair, and he places his on my ass, groaning into my mouth.
Kian bites my lip, and it’s like he’s lit a match.
My hands go to his belt buckle, and he watches as if I’ll disappear.
Another flash. Then he slows me down, pressing his forehead to mine, until I’m quivering.
With the last flash, he nods, and I undo the buttons on his jeans, pulling him out of his boxers.
He’s warm and thick in my hand, and when his finger dips beneath my skirt, he smiles. “You missed me, huh?”
“So much.”
He lines himself up with my core, guiding me down until I sink onto him. “Say it.”
“I missed you. I need you. I want you,” I chant.
It’s like he’s caught in a spell, but then he looks down at me. “Whose jersey is that?”
“Whose do you think, Ishida?”
I shake around him, urging him to move, but he’s frozen.
“Should I take it off?” I tease, jerking him out of his stupor.
“Hell no.” He grips my thighs. “I’ll have to turn you around later.”
“You can do whatever you want with me, Captain.”
He nips my jaw, then kisses it softly. A few more flashes go off in the booth, but I don’t care. All I know is that there’s not enough room in here for this, but that doesn’t stop Kian from lifting me up and down like I weigh nothing.
He pushes my hair back, holding my face in his palms like it’s something fragile. He doesn’t let me do any of the work; he takes control. The foreign feeling makes my insides ignite, and I shatter on his lap. He follows soon after, not once taking his eyes off me.
I must be as red as my hair when I bury my face in his neck. Kian fixes my skirt and shifts my panties back in place.
He runs a hand down my back, softening me like putty. “You really want me?”
My heart holds up a tiny white flag, as if to say, I can’t take it. There isn’t a universe where I wouldn’t want Kian Ishida. He’s the purest man I know.
So I nod.
“Can you say it for me, baby?” His eyes soften, pleading for more.
“I’ve always wanted you, Kian. I could be happy right here for the rest of my life.”
He grins. “I can make that happen.”
There he is. “Yeah?”
“You won’t have to lift a finger. The kids can take care of themselves.”
It’s so ridiculous, I can’t help but laugh. “You’ve got kids I don’t know about?”
“Oh yeah,” he says. “They’re in dire need of a mother. Care to fill in?”
I let my fingers thread through his hair. “What’s in it for me?”
“This.” He pulls me into his hug, holding tight for longer than six seconds.
He breathes me in like I’m a delicate flower, and he’s chosen me.
“I won’t let go. It’s all I’ve done my whole life.
With my dad, my mom, my sister, and now my friends.
I’m tired of letting go, and I refuse to let go of you. ”
The words embed themselves into my skin, piercing the softest parts of me. I bask in the words from his lips, the indents from his fingers, the redness from his kisses.
Suddenly, the curtain flutters, but Kian reacts fast, holding it closed. “Occupied.”
“Kian?” Cole asks. “Shit, are you waiting for your girl? I think she left, man.”
“Oh, she came,” I whisper.
Kian shakes his head. “Give me a minute.”
“Yeah, yeah, wipe your tears. I’ll buy you a beer,” Cole says, sounding worried.
When I try to move, Kian holds on. “Can I kiss you?”
I blink. “Kian. You just made me come. You can do whatever you want.”
He shakes his head. “I want you to answer. Want you to feel safe with me, okay?”
My dad’s words come back to me. Are you safe with him?
So I nod, and Kian kisses me, only giving me his tongue when I clutch his shoulders so tight I’m sure my nails are leaving indents. It’s agonizingly slow, but it lights me up from head to toe.
He’s hard under me again when a chant starts outside the photo booth. “Cap! Cap! Cap! You always have us, buddy.”
I laugh, but it makes me a little sad to think that, if I weren’t here, he’d spend the night alone. Still, a part of me knows that no matter where he is, I’d find him.
I slide off his lap, and he ducks out of the booth before reaching for me.
There’s a hiccup in the hollering. His entire team is staring at us, and I’m praying I don’t look like I just had sex.
Kian leans in. My eyes go wide because I think he’s going to kiss me, but he shifts to grab the two photo strips from the slot.
“Don’t forget your pictures,” he whispers.
I snatch them out of his grip and flush all over again. I’ve never seen myself like this, nor have I been able to capture the way Kian looks at me, but it’s all here. Kian takes my hand and leads me to the hockey table. I shove the pictures into his back pocket.
“Red stayed? I thought we were getting Folklore Kian tonight,” Sebastian jokes.
I squeeze Kian’s hand; he squeezes mine back.
Sierra and Dylan come toward us, his hand firmly on her waist. Their eyes narrow. “You had sex,” they say.
My ears burn, but Kian looks proud as he pulls me to his chest. “How do you know that? Am I glowing?”
They look at me.
“You know, it’s annoying when you two do that in-sync thing,” I say.
“Can’t help it. We’re partners,” they say in sync.
“Who had sex?” Cole asks, handing Dylan a beer that he refuses. His gaze catches on us. “Wait, is that why you were in—”
I focus on Kian’s arms, pretending like he has tattoos I haven’t seen.
“Oh gross! Seb and I just took a picture in there.” He starts to gag, turning away to tell Sebastian. Kian laughs, and I bask in the way it vibrates against my back.
We sway to the music. “You okay here? We can go home if you want.”
He makes it sound easy, like it wouldn’t be an inconvenience. But my friends are here, and the only person I need is pressed right to me. “We can stay.”
“Okay, but when we go home, I have someone for you to meet.”
I tilt my head back to look up at him. “Is it your cat?”
His brows furrow. “How did you find out? I was going to surprise you.”
“You posted him like thirteen times yesterday. The entire campus has pictures with Whiskers. And there’s an article about him in The Dalton Press.”
“My boy’s gonna be a star. Can you believe he chose me?” I nod, and he grins. “You’re going to love him.”
“I already do.”
He appears weightless as he presses his lips to my ear. “You have me forever, you know?”
It’s like a craving finally satiated. The room falls away, and only our heartbeats and the music surround us.
Three words dance at the top of my tongue, but I think more than that, he needs to know I’m here. “You have me forever, too, Kian.”