Chapter 20
twenty
I pace back and forth in my study. Never in my life has anyone ever spoken to me the way she does.
I can’t stand her defiance. But at the same time, it turns me on more than anything ever has.
She doesn’t understand the nuances of this world, doesn’t understand where the boundaries are.
It’s my job to show her. But I can’t do so if she’s constantly behaving like such a fucking brat.
She’s driving me insane. The self-control I’ve perfected over a lifetime seems to evaporate in her presence.
Deciding I can’t give her a moment more to behave this way, I make my way directly to her room. This back and forth, unknown boundaries, and wondering where the other one stands ends now.
Coming to the door, I turn the handle and find it locked.
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. She locked me out of a room in my fucking house?
! I have no more patience for this. Rearing back, I kick the door open.
Wood splinters as the latch gives way. Vanessa shrieks, shrinking back on the bed where she was sitting.
“What the fuck are you doing, you psychopath?!” she screeches.
“Honey, I’m home. It’s been such a long day already. And we have much to discuss. Like your fucking mouth.” I growl, stalking across the room.
She stares at me, speechless. Her eyes are red-rimmed. She’s obviously been crying. She thinks I am to blame for her distress, but I’m not. If she’s going to live in this world, she’s going to have to learn her place in it.
“Please, just leave me alone, Sebastian. I’m tired and I need some space from you right now.” She tells me, and I hate the sound of that.
“Well, I hate to tell you this, but that’s just not an option for me.
” She needs to know what being with me is going to be like if she intends on making this work.
And I hope she does. I never expected to care for her as deeply as I do, but I can’t stop it.
I never saw myself planning a future with anyone before Vanessa.
“Sebastian, please, can we just talk later?” She does look and sound tired. But I can’t push this off. I can’t let my mind continue to go down a never ending rabbit hole.
“No, Vanessa. I don’t understand why you’re upset.
I won’t apologize for my nature. I can’t stomach the idea of another man touching you in any way.
I don’t understand why you won’t just let me care for you.
Let me…just…love you.” The word just slips out, my frustration breaking down all my defenses.
I know immediately that I’ve said the wrong thing. She looks at me with rage in her eyes, as if I’ve betrayed her in some way by admitting too much. I can’t lie to her anymore. I don’t want to.
“How dare you say something like that to me, Sebastian! Something so fucking manipulative!” She explodes, lashing out at me in an unexpected way.
“Manipulative? By admitting to you that I fucking love you?! How could that be manipulative?!” I match her energy, anger building inside my chest.
“Because you don’t want to love me, Sebastard!” She screams, coming chest to chest with me. “You want to hold me captive here with you, suffering and compliant until we both wither and die together! Because then at least you don’t have to be alone!”
Her words feel like acid against my skin. She feels like staying here with me is the same as captivity?
“But that’s the difference between you and me, Sebastian. I would rather be alone forever than spend it trapped in this fucking prison of self-loathing and jealousy!” Every word feels like a slap to the face. I feel like I’ve done all I can to make sure she’s spent all her days here in comfort.
“Stop! You’re done! If you want to spit your fucking poison at someone, you can do it to someone else.
I’m done being your punching bag, Vanessa.
You are a fucking brat, and I'm tired of it. I’ve given you all the possible comfort I can give, and you’ve made no concessions to even try to accept me or my lifestyle.
You demanded my truths, and I gave them to you.
You have no idea how difficult all of this emotion is for me, but still you act like every time something doesn’t go your way, you’re ready to walk out the fucking door.
” I tamp down my rage, knowing it can be impossible to come back from if I don’t control it. But she started this.
“You think I want to feel the weight of this empire looming over me every fucking day, all day, balancing on a knifes edge, and then come back to this bullshit? You have no idea what kind of responsibilities I have to manage. I don’t need you adding to the fucking list, Vanessa!
” Resting my hand against the bedpost, I pant, my shoulders heaving.
Adrenaline courses through my veins, my heart pounding against my ribcage.
“Sebastian-” her voice is softer now, but I can’t hear it. I can’t be nice to her right now.
“No. You want to go, then fucking go. I’ll have Enzo inform the pilot. All you have to do is tell him you’re ready. The choice is yours.” Turning, I leave her behind.
Walking back into my suite, I slam the door behind me, the sound echoing through the cavernous room.
Fuck, she drives me absolutely mad. I’ve never felt rage like this before, and I’ve killed men for less.
This morning, Matteo and I spent the day devising a plan to catch Luca in his lies.
But no matter what I did, I couldn’t shake the thought of her from my mind. I couldn’t wait to get back to her.
But as soon as I did, I found her with her arm wrapped around another man.
Was it innocent? I’m sure. She’s never given me a reason to doubt her, and Enzo is as loyal as they come.
But seeing her hands on another man filled me with a ferocity I couldn’t contain.
I wanted to rip Enzo apart with my bare hands.
A man I’ve known since he was barely more than a child, who I've seen grow into a dependable soldier I know I can place my trust in.
Maybe something in me felt like the two of them looked better suited than Vanessa and I do.
He’s much closer to her age and can probably relate to her on a level I can’t.
But the very thought of another man ever getting the chance to be in my position makes me want to wage wars.
Stripping off my dress shirt, I drop my clothes to the floor.
I’m never one to leave my things in such disarray, but my mind is a fucking mess and I can’t stop the spiral.
I turn the water in my shower as hot as it will go, hoping the hot water and steam will make me think more clearly.
Everything feels so fucking heavy. The weight of my responsibilities to Fortuna, my feelings for Vanessa, the secrets I still hold back from her, they all feel like chains around my neck.
I’ve never let the people who depend on me down.
But now this woman feels more important to me than any obligation, any family blood, and I don’t know how to handle the confusion.
I’ve only ever known my responsibility to Fortuna.
It’s the only thing that’s ever mattered to me, what I've built my life around.
Is there truly any hope for a different path for me?
Stepping under the scalding stream, I hiss before letting the heat settle into my bones.
I shouldn’t have yelled at her. A man who raises his voice at the woman he claims to love isn’t a man at all.
But no one has ever gotten under my skin the way she does.
Resting my forearms against the tile, I let the water rain down on me.
What if she does choose to leave? I know there isn’t a corner of this world I won’t search to find her.
But I don’t have the time to devote to such a feat right now.
I have to focus on what’s going on with Luca.
I can’t let myself get sidetracked, no matter how much it would kill me to know she’s gone now that I know what needing her tastes like.
I’m so dissolved in my own mind, I don’t hear Vanessa come into the shower behind me until she’s pressing her body against my back, her arms snaking up my chest as she kisses my shoulder.
“I’m sorry.” She whispers, and the walls I’ve perfected over decades to keep everyone at bay shake.
“No. I should never have raised my voice at you. Even when you anger me, it’s not okay.” I grip her hand, relishing in the warmth of the water, and her body leaning into mine.
We stand this way for minutes, hours maybe. She brings me solace unlike any I’ve ever known. I’m not sure I would’ve been able to survive the night had she decided she wanted to board the plane home.
Her hand slides down my body, delicate fingers wrapping around my shaft lightly at first, then increasing the pressure as I grow harder in her grip.
She pumps me slowly, and I love the way she takes command of my body without waiting for permission.
As if she’d need it. My knees buckle slightly, my arms falling forward against the cool tiles as she picks up her pace.
My breaths are coming out in pants, lust enveloping us both.
I’m close to the edge already, my chest rising and falling with the rapid pounding of my heart.
Turning, I surge forward, my hands spearing into her curls as I take control of our kiss.
I devour her, body and soul, pouring every ounce of love I can into her.
I tug harder, angling her head exactly where I want it to be, taking what I need from her lips.
As much as I love the power I exude over her, I don’t want to overdo it.
Until she opens her mouth, and I’m completely undone.
“Punish me,” she moans, and I’m a fucking goner.
“Bambina, do not play with me,” I warn her, my lips trailing across her collarbone.
“I know I have to learn how to fit into your world. Teach me,” she breathes, and I’m lost. So fucking lost for this woman.
Tilting her head back, I kiss her deeply, implanting the memory of me permanently into her mind and body.
She’ll never get me out of her system, as if she would ever try.
I place one last soft kiss on her lips before pushing her to her knees on the shower floor.
Her nails drag a path down my torso as she drops, and I revel in the feeling.
She wants to claim me just as desperately as I do her.
I won’t stop her. I would be a fool to pretend I don’t belong to Vanessa completely.
Before I can command her, she wraps her lips around my swollen head, taking me as deep as she can without gagging.
Her tongue traces every vein along my shaft, her curls plastered to her face as her head bobs to the rhythm of my racing heart.
I can’t suppress the animalistic groan that rips from my chest, and I wrap my fist around her dark hair.
Her eyes meet mine and I could come right now from the need blazing there.
She is all heat and fire, pure dark energy that fits so perfectly with mine.
She gives me a small nod, allowing me to take the control I crave, and I tighten my grip on her hair, thrusting into her throat.
She rubs her thighs together, an attempt to relieve the ache building at her core, I’m sure.
But this is supposed to be a punishment.
“Don’t you dare come.” I tell her, my voice hoarse as I use her for my own pleasure. She whimpers, her hands finding my thighs, nails digging into the muscle so deeply I’m sure she’ll leave marks.
“This isn’t for you, Bambina. This is for me.” I tell her, my breathing labored and strained. I wish I could enjoy the feeling of her sinful mouth for an eternity.
She moans around my shaft, and my hips jerk in response, a small growl escaping her lips. I don't need her words to know she’s loving every second of this. I never dreamed of finding a woman like this goddess, this temptress on her knees before me.
“Are you gonna take me all the way down that perfect throat of yours and swallow everything I give you?” Her beautiful eyes flick to mine, a devious, knowing look hidden there.
I grip her hair tighter in my fist, fucking her mouth faster until I ignite, coming down her throat in long bursts.
She swallows every drop, her fingers flexing against my thighs as she chokes on my release.
Sparks dance across my vision, her mouth feeling like the most divine heaven I’ve ever encountered.
When I finally come back down to Earth, I release her hair.
Her mouth falls open with a wet pop. The sound feels obscene, but so are the millions of things I want to do to her right now.
She falls back on her ass, looking up at me.
Her eyes are a little glassy, but she looks satiated.
Even though she wasn’t chasing her own pleasure, she still looks as though this was just as satisfying for her as it was her me.
A devious smirk breaks across her face, and I’m dying to know what’s running through her mind right now.
“What are you thinking, my little devil?” I ask, my thumb skating across her swollen bottom lip. She leans into my touch, her eyes closing for only a moment before a soft smile graces her gorgeous face. When they open again, her honey eyes are perfectly clear.
“I love you too, Sebastian.” She replies, and my final defenses are obliterated.