Chapter 21
twenty-one
The past few days with Seb have been an endless stream of bliss. He disappears for most of the day, but spends his nights having dinner with Matteo and I, and telling stories about their ridiculous escapades. Every night I fall asleep wrapped against his chest, cocooned in warmth and protection.
Today, however, he seemed more tense than usual when he kissed me goodbye.
He lingered a bit longer, almost as if he were afraid to let me go.
I’ve spent all day trying not to dwell on the look he gave me.
Instead, I buried myself in work. Even though Rory has been running the day to day operations back home, I still have obligations that require my attention.
After going through the online inventory, ordering the regular supplies, and arguing with my paper-goods supplier for over an hour about the lack of medium cups apparently sweeping across the entire United States right now, I’m exhausted.
Settling into a comfy leather chair in the sitting room down the hall from the dining room, I pull up Rory’s number on my phone.
I need to update her on a few things, and honestly, it would be nice to just hear her voice.
She picks up on the second ring, her usual sarcastic tone a welcome sound to my ears.
“Well, if it isn’t my favorite world traveler. How is Italy? Divine, I assume?” She asks and I snort out a laugh.
“I’m hardly a world traveler, Aurora. I’ve barely left Seb’s villa. But it is divine. I could easily fall in love with this place and never come back.” I sigh, and I swear I hear her smile through the phone.
“Uh huhhh, I’m sure you could fall in love…with Italy.” She’s fishing, but I won’t make it that easy for her.
“Beautiful artwork, the most romantic scenery. I mean, what’s not to love here, right?” I tease.
“You’re going to make me drag it out of you, aren’t you?” She gripes, and I snicker.
“I have no idea what you mean.” I feign ignorance, knowing this is driving her crazy. I know Rory thinks something is going on between Sebastian and I. She’s right, so I can’t really deny anything.
“Had any of that delicious Italian sausage on your trip yet, Vanessa?” she blurts out, and I choke.
“Oh, my fucking god! You are deranged!” I screech. She cackles through the line, her laughter absolutely contagious as I dissolve into a fit of my own.
“Well? That wasn’t a no!” she prods for more information, and I hope she can hear my eye roll through the phone.
“Things are…good.” I say, my voice at least two octaves higher than usual.
“Good?” she asks, and I groan.
“Great.” I reply, knowing I’m selling the situation way too short.
“Just great?” She should interrogate for the CIA.
“Ughhhh FINE! They’re amazing! He’s amazing! Aurora, he’s incredible. He’s so sexy, and smart, and fuck, the intensity the man exudes is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life.” I feel like a teenage girl with her first crush all over again.
“Ah, I remember this feeling so vividly. Actually, I still have it on the daily every time I look at my husband. Are you just stalking on the DL or are the feelings mutual?” She asks, and I smile.
“Most definitely mutual.” I hesitate, wondering if I should reveal the depth of our relationship. But who the hell else am I supposed to talk to about all this if not Aurora? “He told me he loves me, Ror.”
Silences drags on though the line. I fold my lips between my teeth, waiting for Rory’s response, but all I hear is her steady breathing.
“Did you have an aneurysm?” I ask, and she snorts.
“I don’t even know what to say. In the few years I've known Sebastian, I’ve never even considered him falling in love. He's just so…serious.” she says, and I can’t argue.
“You’re not wrong. The way he speaks to me, the way he makes me feel, it’s never felt more serious, Aurora.
And if I’m being honest, it terrifies me.
I don’t know how to be loved that way. Or if I'm even capable of loving someone else like that. I know I want to, and I’m willing to try.
But what if…” A heavy sigh escapes my lips and I bury my free hand in my hair.
“What if what?” She sounds so motherly, so soft and gentle.
“What if I fail him?” I finally speak the words I've been afraid to since the moment his lips first met mine.
I would be truly heartbroken if I became another responsibility for him, another weight on his shoulders that wasn’t even worth carrying.
“Vanessa, I wish I could hold your hand when I say this. But please, just listen to me. Shut the fuck up. You know you could never fail anyone you love. That is absolutely not something you’re capable of.
You put your heart and soul into everything and everyone you commit to, and Sebastian would never be anything less.
If anything, he would be so much more. I know you’ve been let down by your family time and time again.
And you’ve been toyed with by boys before.
That’s a whole ass man you’ve got there, honey.
Trust me, it’s a whole different ball game.
” I know she’s right. She’s only echoing the exact words my logical mind has been telling me.
“Can I ask you something? Will you give me a completely honest answer?” She asks, and I already know what’s coming.
“Of course,” I reply, bracing myself. Confessing my feelings to Seb is one thing. Telling the rest of the world how I feel is something completely different. It feels so much more vulnerable, so much more intimate.
“Do you love him?” She questions, and I don’t have to think about my answer.
“Yes. I love him.” I reply, unable to stop the smile that overtakes my face.
“Fuckin’ knew it!” She shouts, and I laugh.
“He drives me absolutely insane, but I do.” I reply, dark brown eyes flashing through my mind.
“Oh, you’ll come to learn that’s the very best part.
You think Break is all sunshine and roses?
No, that man is certifiable. He makes me question my sanity daily.
But I know he is the only person on this entire god-forsaken planet I would ever want by my side.
He’s walked through hell to protect me, and I know he’d do it again without question.
He is every missing part of me. I know all those perfectly healed women talk about how you have to stand on your own and you can’t love someone else if you’re not complete as you are, and that’s fine.
For them maybe. But I know I would absolutely die without that man.
” She speaks about her husband in the way I’ve always longed to feel for another person.
In the way I feel every time Sebastian is near.
It’s scary, the feeling of needing someone so much it’s as if your heart won’t beat without them.
It’s amazing how quickly your mind and body forget how they ever functioned before that person came into your life.
I’ve always dreamed of finding someone who could truly understand my soul and accept it without judgement.
I never thought it was in the cards for me until Sebastian strolled into my life, all Armani and attitude, and ruined all my perfectly laid plans.
I was happy to be a bitch forever. Well, maybe not happy.
But content. Now, I’ll never be the same without him.
“I don’t think I could ever have predicted this happening.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. The man is fucking gorgeous.
I definitely knew that going into this situation.
But I didn’t expect him to also be so thoughtful and kind, so much of a challenge to my mind and my heart in the best way.
He was completely unexpected. It would’ve been so much easier to hate him.
” I tell her, and she snorts out a laugh.
“Would it, though? Then you wouldn’t get all those fantastic orgasms I know you’re living for right now,” I can hear the sly smirk in her voice, but she’s not wrong so I can’t argue.
Something crashes in the next room, the sound of rapid Italian shouting filtering through the doorway, jolting me upright in the chair. Enzo comes around the corner, his expression more severe than I’ve ever seen.
“Aurora, I gotta go. I’ll call you back later. Love you.” I hang up without another word, setting my phone on the table and standing.
“Enzo, what’s wrong?” I demand, and his brows crease.
“I think you should retire to your room, Ms. Diaz. There is some business that needs to be attended to. I will come get you as soon as things are resolved here.” He lies. It’s all a lie. Something is seriously wrong, and he’s refusing to tell me.
“Tell me what’s going on right now,” I demand, but he looks away.
Someone shouts louder, the urgency in their voice sounding so dire though I can’t understand what they’re saying. Something about the chaos going on in the background, the way Enzo is trying to dismiss me, my anxiety is rising higher and higher by the moment.
“Ms. Diaz, I really think you should-” he tries again, but I cut him off.
“Do not placate me. Tell me what’s going on right now, or I’m going to find out myself!” I command, and he flinches. He hesitates for only a moment more before taking a deep breath.
“Things did not go to plan this evening,” is all he can say before I’m pushing past him.
Matteo’s voice is clear above everyone else’s, shouting loud commands in hurried Italian.
Tears already sting my eyes, and I will them away.
I hate that I cry in serious situations.
I want to be strong under pressure, and I know if I’m going to be a part of this world, I need to grow thicker skin.
As I navigate my way towards the voices, I listen for Sebastian’s.
I hear nothing. Panic builds in my throat, anxiety burning through my veins.
Just give me one word. Just one. Anything.