34. Feed Me, Mi Amor
34
FEED ME, MI AMOR
OSEN
I hold my sweet savior and future mate, and she reluctantly falls asleep telling me, “Just a little, tiny nap.”
But it isn’t a little nap. Jade falls so deep, so fast that I can’t even snag her subconscious to bring her into my shadowscape with me.
My magic is slowly replenishing with the intimate moments we’ve had since I was been brought back to life, but it’s not quite enough to fill my magical pockets. I’m barely hanging on to my sanity and my life. I don’t want to push Jade or Calder, and I definitely don’t want to make them feel like they are only a meal to me.
It hasn’t been easy. I suppose I’ve failed and pushed some already.
Instead of falling asleep and resting with her like I should, I study Jade’s gorgeous face, and my heart swells with the gratitude I feel for her.
She didn’t need to forgive me after I took advantage of her trust. Yet she helped me come back and made sure my relationship with Calder was going to survive.
I wouldn’t have faulted her if she had turned her back on me or blatantly hoarded Calder for herself.
It’s an incubi gift to sense the emotions of others, since we feed off powerful emotions, too. With my special sight, I can see this woman glows with magic but also from the massive amount of love in her soul.
I’ve never been one to feed from emotion, preferring the spicy flavors of sex.
Except now, my death seems to have changed me, and I’m just as willing to feast on experiencing the love that pours from this woman into our pack.
I want to claim her. I want to make her cry out my name as I make her come over and over on my cock. I am an incubus after all. The shadowsex we had in her mind was wonderful, but it isn’t the same as feeling the warmth of her skin and the subtle, involuntary reactions of her body. I want to smell the fragrance of our combined releases. I want to taste the desire of her body on my tongue and in my soul.
I want her. Completely.
The guys have accused me of being obsessive, and they aren’t wrong.
And Jade is my new obsession.
I’ll have to remember to share. Just not today.
As soon as she wakes, I’m going to fuck her into oblivion. When I’m done, she won’t remember her own name.
Consent … I must remember to get consent.
I haven’t told her yet, but I need to. My shadows are already bonding with her. She is mine. If she were to reject that bond, I’d be torn into pieces and set adrift in the darkness.
I cannot live in darkness anymore. No, I need my lightbringer for my shadow. And she can truly be my shadowmate. I know a trace of my magic still resides inside her. I didn’t mean to leave it behind, but I don’t think it’s an accident. Maybe some part of her wanted to keep me with her.
I hope that’s it.
Jade snores softly, and I chuckle like it’s the cutest thing in the world. I suppose it’s precious because of what it means. She trusts me—enough to have me inside her body and to be vulnerable with me. That’s a big fucking deal. I don’t even think my pack ever trusted me completely.
Calder didn’t.
If he did, then he would have come to me when he was broken.
He trusted Jade more than me, even when he didn’t know her to be anything other than a witch—a witch who might have killed me, no less.
Fuck. What does that say about me?
Guilt swims in my mind as I remember how I behaved before my death. I was secretive, stubborn, hotheaded, and reckless. I deserved to be the one cursed as a berserker more than Arran did, which is saying something.
I have to do better. For Jade. For Calder. For all of them. Earn their unwavering trust again.
I must fall asleep for a while. When I open my eyes again, the only light in the room is from the moon leaking in through the window.
Jade shifts against my body, electrifying me in a way that should be illegal. She groans when she wakes herself up. Her half-lidded eyes blink slowly, trying to remember where she is. “Osen?”
I squeeze her to my chest and kiss her forehead. “Here, my sunshine.”
She grins sleepily and nuzzles into me. “What the hell is on my legs?” she says in a wary tone.
I glance down and see Arran in his wolf form, curled up and pinning down her feet with his huge body.
“Beast,” I laugh. Then I see Maxum on her other side.
A hand slides over my hip, and I instantly recognize Calder’s touch.
“Where’s Flint?” Jade asks with a worried tone.
“Patrolling the area to make sure no one sneaks up on the house,” Maxum grunts, and grinds his hips into Jade’s ass.
“Who’s going to guard my ass against your sneak attack?” she jokes.
“The only one with the authority to do so… you .” He kisses her shoulder. “But go back to sleep for now. I promise I won’t invade.”
“I’m awake now.” Jade sighs, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “I’m overheated with the living wolf blanket.”
Arran’s wolf whimpers, but Jade sits up and gives his ears a good rub and coos over him like he’s an innocent puppy and not the apex predator he is.
Beast is eating it up, thumping his tail against the bed, rattling all of us with the beat. I sense Arran isn’t immune to her sweet talk, either.
“I’ll get up with Jade,” I offer.
Calder moves out of the way, and I drag Jade out from under a bratty wolf who refuses to lift off her legs.
I help her to her feet, and she says with a bit of amusement, “I’ve lost feeling.”
“You can’t lay on her like that,” I reprimand.
The wolf covers his snout with his paws in shame. Fuck, even I know that’s adorable.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” Jade says to him in a baby voice.
I lift her into my arms, and she squeaks at the unexpected action.
“I won’t have you fall down on my watch.” I carry her out of the bedroom and set her down on the long couch in the living area. I sit beside her and lift her legs into my lap and massage her feet. After a minute, I ask, “Better?”
She sits silently, staring at me with a strange look on her face.
“What? Something wrong?”
“No. It’s just weird having you here. Really here.” She quickly adds, “Not in a bad way.”
I’m irritated by that comment, and I’m not sure why. Though when I think about it, I realize she’s correct. It is weird.
I pinch my lips together, feeling awkward for the first time in my entire existence.
“What is it?” she asks. “Did I upset you?”
“I… I don’t know how to be me anymore.” I turn my face away, trying to hide my inadequacies.
“Hey?” Jade leans forward and with a gentle finger, she guides me to look at her. “You can talk to me. No judgment.”
“I’m a selfish asshole most of the time. I fed off Calder and others only when it served me. And now…” I choke up and stop talking.
“What’s different now?” she prompts in a soft voice.
“I don’t want to be just a magical sex leech.” I rub my eyes and feel the sting of tears. What the fuck? I don’t cry. Shit. This must be the influence from dying and being trapped in someone who’s actually in touch with their emotions.
When I don’t go on, Jade says, “From what I’ve seen, you weren’t ‘just’ anything. Your pack meant more to you than a meal ticket. And they loved you too. You were a complex person with a full range of traits, both good and bad. Just like everyone else.”
I sigh long and hard. “Jade, you don’t realize that I’m the monster other monsters fear. I can destroy a person, get past any locks, and dive into any mind and bend them to my will. I have consumed people whole, leaving them an empty husk. I can rip the dirtiest secret from someone’s thoughts or drive them to madness. I am the monster. And I’d understand if you broke the bond building between us now that I’m explaining this all to you.” I look into her eyes, trying to implore her to grasp the truth in my words. “At my core… I’m just a monster who uses people for sex and magic.”
“Are you though?” She frowns like she knows something I don’t. “Tell me this, are your powers working?”
“Yes,” I answer warily.
“Then why haven’t you fed off me yet? Or Calder?” she asks. “If you were a mindless sex-machine monster, then you would have pressured me into sexual feeding or you could have forced us, as you say, but you haven’t done that.”
“Yeah, but…”
“No more buts. I need to hear what you want to be in this new life of yours. And don’t tell me what you think I want to hear.” She sits back and waits for me to answer.
I take a long moment to consider truly what I hope for. “I’d like to finally participate in life. During my death, I got a taste of how removed I really was. I had time to reflect on how I always pushed my pack away. But now, I want to be a proper mate to you and Calder. Sure, I was loyal to the pack, but I didn’t participate. Engage. I mean… did I really know Flint at all? Not really. I want to truly know them. Be there for them.” I shake my head, feeling like the asshole I am. “I’d like to be someone you come to for comfort and love. And I’d like it in return.”
“And sex?”
“I mean, I’m not going to turn down sex with you and Calder,” I confess. “But I don’t want that to be the only connection between us.”
“It isn’t,” she says, like it’s a fact. Perhaps she’s right. “We are connected through a freaking crazy bond of our souls and our experiences. We have spent hours in the shadowscape just talking.”
I pull her into my lap and kiss her like she is my very soul that I need to merge with. Not for a feeding but because she’s my mate.
“It’s okay to ask for what you need in a relationship,” she says, soothing me with soft strokes of her fingers over my brow and jaw. “Are you hungry?”
I growl with need. “Yes.” My mouth crashes over hers, and I murmur as I claim her, pulling her to me. “I’m hungry for your body, but I also hunger for your love. I want to devour you so I can keep you safe inside me. I want to give you the worlds and share all the beauty in them with you.” My lips brush over hers. “I love you, Jade.”
“I love you too.”
I pull her underneath me on the couch and cage her in with my body. I could use my shadows to pin her down, but I want her hands on me. Having her as a partner is a revelation. Only Maxum could thwart my paralytic power with his demon energy, not that we were physical very often. And now, Jade can give me that blessing and, by extension, give me Calder in a new way.
“How do you want me, sweet witch?” I ask, nipping at her lips.
“How do you want me?” she counters. “You know I can take pretty much anything you offer. Although I don’t think I can deal with being whipped with a cane.”
I chuckle darkly. “I might want to spank your plump ass, but I’ll never want to chance leaving a permanent scar on you. Besides, I doubt this house is equipped with a full arsenal of toys.”
My hand slips down between us and under her waistband.
Jade grips my biceps and squirms as my fingers find her wet center gliding over her clit. I press forward and sink two thick fingers into her cunt.
She lets out a tiny gasp, trying to be quiet for the others.
“Make as much noise as you need to,” I growl. “I want them to know how much you enjoy me fucking you.”
“Yes, sir,” she says with a smirk.
My shadows slide around her throat, and her eyes widen. I hold her with enough tension for her to feel it, but not so much that she can’t breathe.
My lips claim hers and our tongues stroke against each other. My fingers pump into her wet heat with an obscene squelch of how needy she is for me.
I lift up her shirt. Two more shadowtendrils slide under, winding around her breasts, squeezing in time with my thrusts. She undulates into my hand, taking as much as I’m giving and more.
Curling my fingers and circling her clit with my thumb, I bring her to a climax. Her body shudders and she moans, clenching around my fingers. “More. I need to feel your cock inside me.”
“As you wish,” I pull back, tearing her underwear from her body.
She pulls her shirt over her head, revealing her full delicious breasts, while I yank off my sweatpants.
My shadows seep out of my body, reaching for her, needing her.
She purrs with delight when she studies my muscular body and monstrous incubus tentacles in the moonlight. “You’re beautiful,” she says with awe.
I blush at her praise. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone say that about me before. Certainly never about my paralyzing shadows ready to pounce, claiming a victim.
Is she a victim?
I wasn’t lying. I am the true monster in the pack. Yes, the others have killed and maimed, but they’re also honest about it. I’ve manipulated and bullied. Even Maxum, with all his demon nature, wouldn’t have blatantly used people the way I have. He just kills them by ripping them to shreds or scrambling their brains. But never for fun, always with a purpose.
When I was killed and shoved into Jade’s mind, I changed. Perhaps it had a lot to do with being separated from my magic and my body.
I don’t want to be the monster I once was.
Can I learn to be giving and compassionate? I was able to when I was inside Jade. Can I do the same at her side?
“Um… should I call you handsome instead?” Jade asks, biting her lip and watching me with a vulnerable expression.
She is bare to me in every way. I spent all this time getting to know her. After talking and dreaming together every night, I know her better than the others do. She might even know me better than all of them put together, too.
Fear crawls up my spine and constricts my airway.
Will I fuck this up?
“Call me anything you’d like,” I say with a lopsided grin, pushing past my insecurities. If I plan to make this work, I need to be honest. It’s what Jade values above almost everything else. “Goddess, I don’t deserve you.”
“Because you’ve done bad things?” she asks, reading me like a damned book.
“Am I that predictable?”
“I know you, Osen. And yeah, you’re playing hard into the ‘ Am I Redeemable?’ trope right now,” she says with a wicked grin.
I cross my arms over my chest, and her eyes eat up the sight of my muscles. It makes my dick ache with pride and the need to satisfy her.
“Poking fun at the recently dead guy, huh?” I tease back, but with an edge so she can sense I’m not completely joking.
“You can poke me.” She points to her vagina. “Right here is a good spot. Or here.” She indicates her mouth and licking her lips. “Dealer’s choice.”
I bark out a laugh. Because yeah, she’s antagonizing a monster incubus into having sex with her. It’s ridiculous.
Without warning, I descend on her. My hands wrap around her thick thighs as I wrench them wider for me so I can dive into her wet pussy. My shadows capture her hands and hold her down. I kiss the living hell out of her.
I pull back and see her eyes are wild with lust. “Is this what you want? Me to fuck you like a madman? To lose my mind?”
“Yes!” She heaves her chest up to rub against my torso. “Fuck me like you need to.”
I slam into her channel, and she sucks in a breath. Her cunt flutters around my length, adjusting to my thickness. I slide out slowly to the tip, then thrust back into her. And again.
Her eyes roll back into her head with each thrust as I grind against her clit.
She murmurs my name over and over, thrashing her head back and forth while I work her into a manic state, edging her with my calculated rhythm. My magic feeds on her sexual excitement. My shadows torment her with a mix of gentle and gripping touches, sipping her pleasure like a fine vintage.
“Please, Osen,” she cries, panting beneath me.
My mate is a beautiful mess, writhing and sweaty with need.
“Please what ?” I ask, biting her lip and then sucking the pain away.
“Please, let me come.”
I release her hands, and they are instantly on my body, searching and exploring every hard plane of my flexing chest and arms as I pound into her. Nails dig into my back, carving her will into me.
My own desire unleashes inside me. I lose all restraint and fuck her with abandon. The couch rocks into the wall with each of my thrusts. It’s as if I’m trying to crawl back inside her body through her pussy. I want to be one with her again.
“Jade…” I grit out as her body clenches around my cock, milking me.
As I spill inside her, I gaze into her glowing green eyes and discover a bliss I’ve never experienced in all my years. I feel truly, unconditionally loved.
My shadows soak up all the pleasure, the desire, the love we’ve created together. The energy around it is unmatched… like it’s a work of art.
I absorb all her affection and feed that dark place in my heart that has been closed off for far too long.
My shadows intertwine with her soul’s brilliant light. We bond. Light and dark. Yin and yang. The other side of the same coin.
She is my perfect shadowmate.
We are the two in one.
I just hope I haven’t cursed her by being linked to me.