Chapter 17
Lilla
This week has been absolute shit; everything is out of my control.
There is no stopping what is happening; I simply do not have the power.
If I did, I could drain the damn lake that is now home to a toxic algae bloom, and the reason I have had to put down two sweet pups this week.
I love my job, the endless dog kisses and cat snuggles, and I love the look on the family's face when I care for their animals like they are my own babies. But some days and weeks are relentless, striking hard, fast, and without mercy. Losing a loved one is hard, whether human or animal; it’s a burden no one wants to carry.
It’s tough to be the one administering the very thing that stops their heart, and this week I’ve stopped two.
My phone finally rings, “Dr. Lane here. Yes, thank you for calling me back on a Saturday. I’m calling to see what steps are being taken to keep dogs and other animals safe from the contaminated water in the dog park east of town?
” The gentleman begins to tell me how all the agencies are working together to ensure safety is the top priority and to manage the spread of algae.
I, for one, am not impressed. “That all sounds great on paper, now it’s time to put that good idea to use.
Two dogs have been put down because of that water.
If that park owner doesn’t want some serious legal action coming, then I suggest you close the damn park.
” With that, the backtracking began, the assurances coming in full force, as expected.
“With all due respect, sir, save your excuses for court; otherwise, close the park.” Quickly, I flip my phone shut, ending the call, just as I pull into John’s driveway, where Teddy is peaking out the window, waiting for my arrival.
John’s wife, Layla, opens the door, and Teddy comes barreling out, running right into my legs, chasing his tail, and kissing me wildly.
“Good morning, big guy, are you ready for your exercise?
" Leaning down, scratching his back, giving him all my love, feeling my anxiety surrounding the dog park fade, just a little.
Layla laughs at her tornado dog doing laps around me in response to the ‘W’ word.
“He’s been waiting by the window all morning.
He’s conditioned to know when to expect you, and boy, is he always ready.
We appreciate you doing this for us, but we just don’t have it in us anymore to keep up with our wild boy.
” Leaning down, I hook his leash on him as he pants and wags his tail.
“It’s really no problem, I enjoy it. We’ll be back soon.” With that, Teddy and I head off on our usual path.
I know I’m helping them, and it makes me feel so good, but what they don’t know is that they’re helping me.
Teddy and I stroll to my old house. Why I torture myself the way I do is beyond me.
The home sits vacant, the grass long and overgrown, as trees encase the once-pristine driveway.
The dark blue trim around the windows is chipping and fading with time, and the inside remains dark, just as it’s always been.
Walking past, I wonder if there will come a time when my parents will be there, looking for me.
Wondering where I went, if I’m alive, and if I am, who I became.
As soon as I make it to the end of the estate, I cross the street, leaving the old abandoned house, just as they left me, without looking back.
Crossing the bridge back to Teddy’s house, we stop, overlooking the river that flows endlessly and peacefully.
Looking at the water cascading over the small rocks effortlessly, I remember all the times I’ve stood in this very spot, yelling at my parents for leaving, for never showing me love.
Yelling at God for bringing me into a world that hated me, parents, classmates, and people who I thought were my friends.
It all seemed so consequential when really, it was trivial.
At the time, I hated everyone, even Haley.
I despised everyone who hurt me, who made me feel weak, and more alone than I already was.
I loathed everyone who left me, like it was the easiest thing they’ve ever done, my parents, and Jace.
I envied Haley because she had it all, and sometimes, her kindness felt like charity, and trust me, I’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime.
I felt like I was a roadblock to her growth, so when graduation came, I tried to leave for her sake.
Until she ran after me, screaming at me in the middle of the road, telling me, ‘People who love each other don’t just leave.
Do you not love me, Lilla Elizabeth Lane?
!’ Her words were fuming from her breathless, petite body as she raged on the sidewalk.
I remember standing there dumbfounded, because I’ve never had anyone fight for me before.
And there she was, my best friend, screaming at me for the whole world to see, asking me if I loved her enough to stay.
She unknowingly gave me the one thing I’ve always wanted, value.
To be loved enough for someone to stay–I was apparently that for her.
How could I envy her? Here she stood with her arms wide open, giving me her home to make mine, allowing me to love her family as she does, and letting them love me.
She was my home, and has been ever since.
This bridge reminds me of a time when I craved love and attention, when I wished for someone to want me as I needed them.
Here I stand, years later, providing for myself without anyone's help. If you’re in my life, it’s because I want you, not because I need you.
To need someone makes you vulnerable; now I guard my heart, because I’ll be damned if I let someone break it again; I fear it won’t withstand the wreckage.
Arriving back at Teddy’s house, he’s panting and worn out, ready for a nice cold bowl of water.
Letting ourselves in, I unhook his leash, and he zooms into the kitchen like a racecar.
Following Teddy, I’ve never been this far inside.
I always stop in the entryway, fear of overstepping or interrupting, but I wanted to make sure they knew Teddy was home.
I hear John and Layla talking to a guest in the kitchen.
Stepping in, their guest is sitting at the island with his back to me.
He looks tall and broad, as his muscles bust at the seams in his tight navy blue t-shirt.
He has on some kind of black tactical pants.
His baseball cap is backward, with big letters "M.M.F.D," hiding his short, dark-chocolate hair.
From behind, this man is very, very sexy.
Layla pulls my attention, “Hello, sweetie, want a glass of water?”
After the way this man has my mouth watering, “Yes, ma’am.” She chuckles, pouring me a glass, at my response, their guest turns around.
John rounds the corner of the island, “This is our son, Jace. Jace, this is our vet and dog walker, Lilla.” Instantly, I drop the leash, my heart beats rapidly, and the drool that I had moments ago vanishes into dryness.
It can’t be. No. Not him, anyone but him.
He stands and walks towards me, and slowly I find myself stepping back.
Play it cool, I don’t know him. I can’t let myself remember him.
Jace’s gray eyes sparkle as they beam into mine; his five o’clock shadow runs along his tight, square jaw.
His eyes grow as he takes me in, looking me over like I’m a ghost, when in reality, I’m nobody.
I clear my throat before quickly bending down to grab the leash.
“Nice to meet you.” A quizzical look takes over as he tilts his head to the side.
I hold out my hand, like the dummy I am.
Eww, what am I doing? I don’t want to touch him.
Quickly, I pull my hand away. He watches my motion with a slight smirk.
“Hmm, Nice to meet you, huh?” He crosses his arms, showcasing his tattooed forearms and biceps. I nod, moving my eyes to his parents. Run.
“Mhm, right, well, I have to run, see you next week.” I start backing up, “Nice meeting you, Jace.” Without giving anyone a chance to respond, I high-tailed my ass out of there so fast, you’d think I was going to shit myself. When really, I’d rather do that than see Jace Evans again.
Fuck my life, He’s back like the wrecking ball he is, and in my town.