Chapter 26
Jace
On the way home, Hayden’s face doesn’t hide what he is thinking. “What, man? Just say it already.”
Hayden’s cocky smile doesn’t hide shit, and he knows it. “She’s a tough one, how you gonna win her over?” That is the question I’ve been asking myself every damn day, trying to find the perfect answer.
Setting my head back on the headrest, I look out the window, “I don’t know…
I’m trying, I really am. I just don’t know how to reach her; it’s like every time I make progress, she retracts…
She's scared. I get it. I promised her some big promises, and the next day I was gone, without a word.” Swallowing, I shake my head before turning to look at him.
“She told me the shit she went through when I left, and it killed me, Hay. I’m not a soft guy, I don’t let my emotions out, but when she was breaking down in my arms, it made me realize nothing I say can fix this. ”
He pulls into my driveway and turns off his truck, giving me his undivided attention. “Let’s talk through it.”
My chest feels tight, just thinking about what I want to say.
Sliding my shoe back and forth on the rubber mat, Hayden waits quietly, allowing me to sort my thoughts.
“I didn’t know how I felt back then; all I knew was anytime she was in the room, she was the only one I saw.
At any moment we were in the same vicinity, my body pulled towards her.
I know that sounds wild, but it almost felt out of my control.
I had her in my arms, and she felt like she belonged, fitting into every crevice like my body was made to fit with hers.
Then I left. I changed everything, I changed how people saw her and how they treated her; I changed how she saw herself, and none of it was for the better, not then anyway.
Now, I’m back, and I see the way she looks at me.
Sometimes I’ll catch her looking at me like she did when we were seventeen, with need and desire in her eyes, and other times she looks at me like I’m the one person she hates the most. I get it.
She knew her parents would never show up; she knew their tendencies…
I gave her false hope. I promised her I’d stay, and you know me, I don’t take promises lightly.
Anyway, I made her a promise, and I broke it, and her heart in 24 hours.
” Hayden leans back in his chair. “I’m not giving up.
I did that once. She’s right, I left because I had to, but we’ve been out for years. I could have come back, and I didn’t.”
Hayden sits up in his seat, running his hand over his head, “From an outsider looking in, there is still fire in her eyes when she looks at you. Tell me one time you’ve needed something since we’ve been back that she hasn’t helped you with?
You can’t. I’m not saying there aren’t going to be challenges, or that she’s going to forgive you because you're back. I’m just saying the fire is still there, light that bitch up.
Show her you still care, show her it’s never gone away.
Has she seen your tattoo?” My eyes grow wide, shaking my head no, “See, the problem is she thinks you left, and forgot about her. She thinks you abandoned her, as her parents did, but you didn’t.
If you had come back all those years ago, you wouldn’t have been the man you are today.
Would you have wanted your old self loving her, protecting her, and providing? ”
“No. I was so fucking lost.”
“That’s what I’m saying, it all works out. She just needs to know you aren’t going to run again, intentionally or not.” He’s right, he’s always right, he drops me off, and I head inside to shower, hoping the water suddenly gives me a step-by-step guide to fix this.
Lying in bed, I think about what Hayden said. Fuck It.
Going to Lilla’s contact, my thumb hovers over the call button. Show her, I’m going to stay.
Hitting call, my heart instantly starts to beat harder, as the thoughts of her lips on mine crash into my mind, reminding me of everything I’ve been missing. The line rings and rings, glancing over at the clock, 11:45 is displayed, shit. Just as I’m about to hang up, the ringing stops.
“Hello.” Her sleepy tone echoes through the earpiece. Sleepy Lilla sounds beautiful.
“Hey, you.” Lying on my back, I roll the bedding between my fingers, listening to her shuffle on the other end.
“Are you okay?” Her soft, majestic voice, now more lively, sends a heat to my chest.
“Is my girl worried about me?” She scoffs, and I can feel her intense eyeroll, “Truth, not really.” Lilla’s hmm comes through, sending a wave of desire down my spine. “Tell me something honest, Lil.”
Releasing a breath into the phone, her soft voice comes through, and immediately, I know she’s smiling. “Hmm, I wish you were a normal person who would just text, instead of calling.”
“Texting doesn’t have the same effect. Like how just by the change of your voice, I know you are smiling right now.” She chuckles, making me smile too.
“Yeah, smiling at myself, not you. What you did is wake me up, and I have to work in seven hours.”
“Six hours of sleep will be plenty, I know you have to work, Zeus has an appointment with you. I think he misses his mommy.” A sarcastic laugh is sent through.
“I’m not his mom, Jace. I’m also going to be really grouchy when I see you because I’ll be sleep deprived.”
“Lucky for you, I like you in all forms. And luckily you aren’t on speaker because that would have broken my baby's heart, you should apologize, he loves you…”
“Jace. Why are you calling me?” To tell you not to give up on me, to say I am truly sorry, to beg you to give me one more chance.
“To remind you I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere, ever.
To beg you for a redo date. I know I broke the trust, I broke promises I wish like hell I could have kept, but I can’t go back.
I can only try my damndest to show you who I am now, and how much this man still wants the girl who stole his heart in one night.
” Usually, I am not a man to beg, but for her, I’ll drop to my damn knees anytime.
“If I say no?”
“Then I’ll call you every night at 11:45 until you say yes.”
“Why that time?”
“Remember when I took you home after that party, and you asked me to make you forget. I curled up behind you, pulled you into my chest, and looked at the clock on your nightstand, making sure I had time to hold you so that I wouldn’t be late for curfew.
It was 11:45. My curfew was one, but I fell asleep holding you.
When I woke up, it was after two, so I sped home.
When I got to my road, I rolled through the stop sign, and a cop pulled me over right outside my house. ”
She is quiet on the other end of the line, but I could hear her breathing, so I knew she was listening or had fallen asleep, but I had to keep going.
My heart was begging to give her the truth, pleading with me to give her all of me.
It was easier on the phone because I didn’t have to see her disappointment, but I would still feel it.
I wanted to feel something other than the hate she had for me, for what I did.
Not that I didn’t deserve it, but I wanted to feel all the emotions, and I was ready to take whatever she would give me, even if it ended in more hate, so I kept going.
“My dad came storming out, pissed that I fucked up again. I wasn’t a good kid, Lil.
I was troubled, and for no good reason. He sat me on the couch and told me he and my mom decided it was time I got sent away.
And at that moment, you know what I thought?
” I wait for her to answer, to make sure she's awake and listening.
“What?” Her somber voice was just above a whisper.
“I didn’t hold you long enough.”