Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
ELLIE
“I’ve decided to forgive you, on one condition.”
I narrow my eyes. “I wasn’t aware I was in need of forgiveness.”
“Yes, we’ll get to that. So this condition is simple.”
I raise my eyebrows and brace myself. Zoey’s idea of simple is not usually the same as mine. The last time she declared our itinerary for the group vacation simple, we barely had enough time to eat between activities. “All right, hit me.”
“Take me to The Bar.”
“That’s it?” I raise my eyebrows. The simplicity of the request has me suspicious.
“That’s it.”
“Okayyyy…” I say, still perplexed. “Now?” It’s just after eight and Zoey got in a few hours ago.
From a flight and subsequent car service Matt set up.
My insides go all melty thinking about him and everything he did to orchestrate this surprise.
For me. All I’ve been able to do was text him a massive thank-you so far and a selfie of me smooching Zoey’s face. I think my excitement was palpable.
She was only able to get two days off and I work Sunday, so we really only have the rest of tonight and then Friday and Saturday to hang. I plan to make the most of it.
Matt booked her return flight for Sunday morning. He’s the main topic we haven’t gotten to yet, and I have a feeling Zoey is trying to figure out how to ask me about him. I mean as far as she knows, my fuck buddy freaking flew her out here. She’s got to have questions.
It’s been a while since we’ve really caught up and all she knew up to this point was I was casually seeing someone.
Sleeping with someone. By now she knows who he is and probably that it’s more than casual sex, based on everything he did to get her here.
I’ve been struggling with that fact myself, so I haven’t wanted to bring it up then or now.
“Yeah, let’s do it! If you’re up for it?” she asks hopefully.
I’m still not sure why she wants to go to Matt’s bar, but it’s walking distance and it’d be nice to see Nate, if he’s there. Maybe I can apologize for last Sunday.
“Let me just change out of my sweats,” I tell her, hopping off the bed we’ve been lazing around on to search for some jeans.
I grab a pair and drop my sweatpants to pull them on.
“I can’t believe you flew in a cute outfit.
I always go in, like, the most comfortable thing I can find.
I usually look like a hot mess. Minus the hot. ”
Zoey looks at her own jeans and shrugs. “The flight’s only a few hours and I thought I should look less like a plebe in first class. Though I totally fucked that up anyway.” She sighs.
I pause buttoning my pants and look at her, already grinning. “What did you do?”
Zoey rolls her lips together, hesitating. “They handed me what I thought was like a mint or something. In my defense, they didn’t say anything and they used tongs, so I figured it was edible. I didn’t realize what it actually was until I tried to bite it.”
Oh no. “What was it?”
“A fucking warm towelette,” Zoey cackles. “I wanted to melt into the floor when I realized.”
We both laugh so hard we end up in tears.
“Ellie, good to see you again.” Nate taps the bar with his knuckles and slides a napkin in front of me. “And you must be Zoey?” He slides one to her as well and flashes a crooked smile. What a flirt. He must have talked to Matt. “What can I get you ladies?”
“Ooh, how about—”
“If the question involves tequila, the answer is no,” Nate interrupts with a straight face. I stare at him with an open mouth. “Matt already thinks I gave you too much.” He puts his hands up.
“I was going to say ‘how about something fun,’” I huff. “And apologize for Sunday.” It comes out as a grumble. Maybe if he hadn’t started that way, the apology would’ve been nicer.
He waves off my half-assed apology. “Are you asking me to make you a girly cocktail?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, we are girls. I was thinking a sour or something bubbly maybe?” I flutter my lashes dramatically and place my hands together in prayer position.
“How about a cider?”
“Oooh, yum. I’m in.” I clap my hands and Nate’s mouth twitches.
“Cider for you too, Zoey?” He pivots slightly to look at her. I glance over only to see her giving us a big, cheesy grin.
“I’ll just take a sauvignon blanc, please. Thanks.”
“You got it,” Nate confirms, leaving to go grab our drinks on the other side of the bar.
“So this is Matt’s bestie?”
“Yeah, they grew up together,” I tell her.
“He seems nice.”
“I don’t know him that well, but yeah, he is. So how was Chandler’s baby shower? I feel bad I couldn’t make it.” Am I avoiding the Matt conversation? Maybe. But I also want to know.
“Nah, don’t feel bad. We all missed you, but honestly you lucked out. Not only did they make us play ‘guess the poop,’ but Josh asked about you like seven times. Dude needs to take a hint.”
I ignore her Josh comment. He’s also reached out to me a handful of times, but I’m just not interested in reconnecting in any way. “Guess the poop?”
“It was melted candy bars in diapers, Ellie. Diapers.”
She shudders and it makes me laugh. I missed her so much. Moving away from friends sucks.
“Promise me you won’t make me play that game when you have kids.”
“I promise,” I say, looping my pinky with hers and then letting go. “All right, now that I’ve met your condition, are you going to tell me what you’ve forgiven me for?”
Zoey raises a single eyebrow at me. “I think you know, Ellie-bellie,” she sings.
Fudge.
Nate reappears with our drinks and sets them down. “I’m so going to call you that now.” He winks and I roll my eyes as he leaves, looking back at Zoey.
“Well, go on,” I direct. “Ask me what you want.” I knew this was coming, and I know she isn’t really one to pry, but I’m still nervous for some reason.
Zoey takes a sip of her wine before talking. “Fine. Why didn’t you tell me your fuck buddy”—she uses air quotes with her non-drink hand—“was a famous hockey player? And when were you going to tell me he wasn’t just a fuck buddy?”
It’s busy for a Thursday, so I glance around to see if anyone is overhearing us.
It’s not exactly the best place for an important conversation, but I don’t want to blow her off.
Zoey’s not smiling, so I know she’s not just joking around with me.
And I know her well enough to know she’s not mad.
But as I look at the question in her eyes and remember how she used the word forgive, I realize it’s almost worse. Zoey’s hurt I didn’t tell her.
“I’m sorry,” I start. I sigh and take a glug of my cider.
“I…don’t have a good excuse. It’s not that I didn’t tell just you, you know?
I haven’t told anyone. Dev only knows because she ran into him at my apartment one night.
And despite her efforts, I haven’t given her any details, really.
I guess I’m feeling…I don’t know. Something that’s keeping me from wanting to talk about it.
” I pause. “And you know how I feel about hockey, so that’s been… ” My nose scrunches as I trail off.
“Oh, Ellie. I didn’t think about that. Shit, I’m sorry.
” Zoey squeezes my hand that’s resting on the bar and I know I’m forgiven.
She’s quiet as she threads our fingers together.
“It’s okay to not want to talk about it, I just want to be there for you.
I want to know about your life,” she says.
“It’s really weird being this far apart, and being in the dark on this just made it such a stark change from before. I was worried I was losing you a bit.”
“No. No, never.” I squeeze our hands together tighter. “If I was going to tell anyone, it would be you.” I look Zoey in the eyes and think of all of our conversations over the years about boys and feelings and…so much more. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit.
“With Matt?”
I nod and drink more. “Like sex?” Zoey mouths the second word.
“No, that’s all…good. Better than good,” I say as my cheeks turn scarlet, I’m sure.
Zoey’s brow draws down as she studies me. “Okay, we’ll circle back to that later. Is it about being more than fuck buddies?”
Why she chooses to mouth the word sex but can say fuck buddies at full volume confounds me, but luckily no one seems to be paying us any attention over here at the far end of the bar.
I shrug, unsure how to talk about this. “I just haven’t felt this way before,” I finally come up with.
“Oh, Ellie-bellie,” Zoey sighs sadly. “What about Josh? You guys were in love, right?”
It’s funny how Josh feels like an afterthought now.
Like my time with him was years ago instead of months.
Is it possible that the time away from that relationship is why it feels less…
strong? I remember feeling love for Josh, but not this all-consuming intensity.
My gut tells me it’s because I wasn’t in love with him.
Like maybe I subconsciously kept him at arm’s length to avoid this mess.
Maybe my subconscious knew he wasn’t worth it.
I’m not sure how I feel about that. “I thought we were,” I murmur.
Zoey’s answering smile is so big I have to rethink what I said. “What?”
She hums. “Eleanor Anderson. Ellie Anderson. Oh yeah,” she says. “Has a nice ring to it, like royalty or something.”
I swallow at the implication and drop my head. I’m transported back to the other night when I had a little breakdown.
“Hey.” Zoey’s soft voice is closer now. I look up at her. “That was a stupid joke. I’m just excited. This is the real deal, I feel like. It’s good, right? You deserve more than what you had with Josh, whether it was real love or not.”