Chapter 21
21
‘You did that?’ I say, when Laurie has finished speaking. He nods, ashamed. He looks like he knows he’s messed up, realises this is so far beyond crossing the line that the line is now merely a dot on the horizon. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ I ask. I can barely process what he’s admitted. He forged the note I got from Jamie, and he gave Jamie one and signed it from me? ‘Laurie, seriously, oh my god. That is psycho . Actually psychopathic. Are you KIDDING me? Jesus Christ! I egged Jamie’s freaking car because of you.’
Nobody else speaks. What is there to say? Actually, there’s plenty for me to say. I let everybody else look down at their lap and play with their drinks glass. They can listen as I make Laurie understand how insane he is.
‘Why would you interfere that way?’ I ask.
And I’m shouting loudly enough that Mum says, ‘Flo. By all means go ape on him, but can you turn the volume down to three instead of ten, please? You’re ruining other people’s lunches.’
I look around us – customers at a few tables are craning their necks to see what’s going on, but they snap back to their own lunch companions when I catch their eyes.
I take a breath. I can’t go and find Jamie with half the story: I want to know it all .
‘Jamie said he once promised you he wouldn’t go near me,’ I say. ‘When was that?’
Laurie shakes his head, opening his mouth to speak and then snapping it shut again like a fish.
‘I deserve answers,’ I warn him. ‘When?’
‘A couple of times,’ Laurie answers. ‘Maybe when he first came home with me, when you initially met. And then after Mum and Dad’s big anniversary party. I thought I was doing the right thing,’ he goes on. ‘I’m your big brother, and you don’t know Jamie like I do. He used to be a player. He slept with everyone . And so I told him you’d better not be one of them.’
I nod my head. ‘Well, that’s one thing,’ I say. ‘But making us both think the other wasn’t interested when we had already …’
Laurie looks up. ‘What?’ he says.
‘Started falling,’ I tell him.
Laurie considers this and – fair play to him – does look distraught. ‘I didn’t know you felt that way, that deeply,’ he says.
‘It’s none of your business, either way,’ I tell him. ‘I need to hear you say you understand that, Laurie. You can’t interfere in other people’s lives this way. Not in my life, not in Jamie’s. And whatever happens next, Jamie needs to know that you’re there for him.’ Laurie nods. ‘Although, god knows, if he decides not to forgive you, nobody could blame him.’
I can tell that stings, because Laurie winces like it hurts to hear.
‘We are supposed to be his family, and we’ve let him down. You’ve let him down by doing this, and I’ve let him down by … Well,’ I settle on, ‘I’ve let him down in my own way, too.’
‘I’m sure you haven’t, darling,’ Dad says. ‘You’ll make it right.’
‘And we can all rally around, ask Jamie to stay for the last few nights of the holiday,’ Mum nods. ‘We are a family – Jamie included – and family messes up sometimes. Family also has to forgive sometimes …’
Alex squeezes my arm. ‘I think Laurie’s sorrier than he looks,’ he says in a stage-whisper, and I’m too mad to laugh at him, but I give him a look that lets him know I get it, I can lay off Laurie now.
‘You can shut up,’ I say. ‘You could have told me what he’d done.’
‘I understand, now, that I shouldn’t have interfered,’ Laurie says. He looks sheepishly at Kate, who shakes her head at him and rolls her eyes, her way of saying he’s an idiot and she forgives him and that they’ll talk about it later.
‘Do we know where Jamie is?’ I ask. ‘I need to go and find him. Laurie?’
‘When we were at the house this morning, he disappeared. Now he knows we’re out for the afternoon, my money is that he’s packing. I don’t know. He could even have left already.’
I stand up and it’s only when I’m on my feet that my confidence wavers.
‘Go,’ says Kate. ‘Go get your guy.’
I nod.
And then I run.