Enough

Chapter 24

A year later

IT’S HARD TO believe how much time has passed since the divorce.

It’s my second month working as a nurse at St. Mary’s.

They hired me right after graduation. Gwen said she had nothing to do with it, but I wonder if she’s lying.

Gwen told me she heard awesome things from everyone I worked with during my clinicals and that I shouldn’t have been surprised that I was the top choice for hire when I got my degree.

It was one of the proudest moments of my life.

If someone had told me when I was lying in bed at the hospital after losing my baby that I’d be where I am right now, feeling how I feel, I would have never believed them.

It’s been a long road of recovery for me. I’m still trying to figure out who I am, and most days are a challenge, but I can feel myself getting stronger every day and I feel so blessed to have the family and friends that I do.

I still remember how I felt when I got my first paycheck.

It was direct deposit, so I didn’t get to hold it, but I remember how it felt to look in my account and see I’d made my own money.

To know that I could support myself and the kids was an indescribable feeling.

I used some of the money from the divorce settlement to buy a small house and I was able to stay in the same school district so the kids didn’t have to switch schools.

The house is modest and much smaller than the one I had with Mike, but it’s mine.

The kids have had to learn to accept riding the bus.

They’re doing better with the all the changes, but I remind myself daily to make sure I don’t take their emotions for granted.

Now that I’m working nights, things are a little complicated.

Mike takes them three nights a week, and I try to work twelve-hour shifts so that I can be home when they’re home.

One night a week, Grandma Kay spends the night while I’m working.

She’s a true blessing to me, and the kids adore her.

I sleep while they’re at school and I’m there to make dinner and do homework.

Changing my internal clock was tough at first, but it’s worth it to have that time with the kids.

Gwen works afternoons, so I’m usually going to work when she’s leaving.

We try to get together once a week, but it’s not the same.

I miss hanging out with her every day. I know she misses us too.

It’s a Thursday and I’m not working tonight.

I stay up late after the kids go to bed just to keep with my sleep schedule, and Gwen always texts when she gets home from work.

I call her when I get it so we can catch up on our day.

It’s 11:40 and she hasn’t texted. I assume she was exhausted after her shift and fell asleep, but when my phone rings I leap up to answer it in a panic. She never calls.

“What’s wrong?” I don’t even say hello.

“You’re never going to fucking believe what just happened to me!”

“What? Are you hurt? Do you need me to come and get you?”

“Shit no!” She laughs. “Why do you always assume the worst?”

“Well… I don’t know. It just seems whenever the phone rings when it’s not supposed to it means bad news is coming.”

“Well, this isn’t bad. It’s unexpected and weird as hell.”

“Okay…” I pause. I’m not sure where this is going, but Gwen sounds excited and I’m instantly relieved.

“I got pulled over for speeding!” she exclaims through a giggle.

My mouth scrunches up to the side as I scratch my head. She seems awfully happy for such crappy news. “I’m sorry?” I question.

“Wait, I’m not telling this right. You’re going to want to sit down for this!”

I head over to my couch, and at her insistence, I shake out my arms to relax myself. “Okay, I’m sitting and I’m as relaxed as I can possibly be under the circumstances.”

“I’m at your door. Let me in!”

“You’re what?” I catapult from the couch to the door. Sure enough, she’s standing there.

“I just had to see your face when I told you.”

Roscoe lets out a few small barks until he realizes who she is, and then he instantly begins to lick her hand. She anxiously leads me back to my couch.

“Wait, I need my snack,” I tell her.

She watches me hurry to the kitchen, but she can’t contain herself and she starts telling her story before I return.

“Let me start from the beginning. So I left work in a pissy mood because Clairice was talking crap about people in the unit again, and I was ready to kick her ass before I left. I didn’t even realize how fast I was driving, and when I saw the lights flashing behind me, I almost lost it.

You know how you want to punch something and cry at the same time? ”

I grab my bag of carrots off the counter and reposition myself next to her on the couch, slowly curling my leg under me as I nod my head in total understanding of that feeling. “I used to feel that way daily.”

“Anyway, I’m trying to decide what I could say to get myself out of the ticket as he’s sitting behind me. I’m in my scrubs, so I’m tempted to make up some excuse about a hospital emergency, but then I remember I’m driving away from the hospital.”

I nod my head. Gwen’s a great storyteller. I’m on pins and needles as I shove another carrot into my mouth.

“Guess who the officer is that pulls me over? Guess! Guess!” She vibrates up and down in her seat anxiously. Her pearly white teeth are almost blinding me.

“I don’t know. Who?” I really have no clue. I push another carrot into my mouth, awaiting her response.

“Cooper Ford.”

I start to choke and gasp for air. I cough and gag before a chunk of carrot flies out of my mouth and hits Gwen in the chest.

“Cooper Ford? Nick Rowen’s best friend, Cooper Ford?” I squeal.

Gwen makes a disgusted face at the carrot on her scrubs and flicks it to the floor. It’s immediately eaten by Roscoe. She refocuses on me and bites her lip. “Yep! The one and only!”

“No fucking way!” I shout. I suddenly feel like a teenager again. “Did he recognize you?”

“He ran my plates as any cop should do before he approaches a car. He said, ‘Well, well, well, Gwen Bryant. Where are you headed off to in such a hurry?’ I almost shit my pants!”

“Oh my God, what did you say?” I toss the carrot bag on the coffee table. My hands are starting to sweat.

“After I got over my initial shock and stared blankly at him for a few seconds, I realized who he was. Damn, that man is fine! I wouldn’t have recognized him if he hadn’t smiled when he leaned down to look in the car.

That smile is hard to forget. His hair is shorter than I remember and he has a trim beard now.

I couldn’t believe he remembered me. I only talked to him a few times when you used to hang out with him. ”

My mind races over what I remember about him.

I haven’t thought about him in years. “Cooper was a really good friend to me. He kept me sane when I was missing Nick.” As soon as I say Nick’s name out loud, I feel a flutter in my heart I haven’t felt in…

forever. “What did you say to him?” I question frantically, changing my position to regard her more closely.

Gwen laughs and places her palms face down as she says, “I was cool and breezy. I cocked my head and said, ‘I’m sorry, officer, do I know you?”

“You did not!” I gasp.

She laughs, “I totes did. He placed his hand over his heart and crouched down next to the car. Then he said, ‘Ouch. Way to mess with a guy’s ego.’ I laughed and said, ‘How are you, Cooper? It’s been a long time.

’ Then he said, ‘It sure has. I see you still have a lead foot. At least I know some things never change.’”

“Holy… crap!” I stammer. My hands are shaking now, and I wish Gwen would talk faster.

“I told him I’m always in a hurry. I explained that I feel it’s my duty to race every car that passes me by.

He raised a single eyebrow at me and shook his head, saying, ‘I’m going to pretend I never heard that.

’ Did I mention he has really pretty eyes?

They looked almost green in the light. It was the first thing I noticed right after his smile. ”

“Oh boy…” I sing as I lean back into the couch. “I know that look!”

“No!” she commands as she shakes her head. “Don’t go reading anything into it. He’s Cooper. I know too much about him to ever be attracted to him.”

“What do you mean you know too much?” I question.

“I was Amy’s friend too. I heard all about his moves and games.”

I shake my head. “Cooper had no games. Amy played him. He was a good guy and she toyed with him.”

“Amy said he was a douche!”

“Amy was a little psycho, if you remember correctly.”

Gwen seems to ponder the information, and I can see when the memories invade her mind. “Oh yeah. I forgot about the stuff she pulled with Brenda and Michelle. She broke up their friendship, didn’t she?”

“Uh huh.” I nod. “Now tell me what happened next.”

Gwen smiles again. It’s nice to see her face light up. “After I explained I worked at the hospital and had a bad night, he told me he couldn’t possibly make my day worse by giving me a ticket. Then he said that we should meet up sometime for a drink or dinner. I gave him my number and then I left.”

“That’s awesome, but is that it?” I frown.

“Yes, why?” She holds back a smile by biting her lip.

She thinks she knows what I’m thinking, so I shrug and glance down at my nails. “I don’t know. Just wondering.”

Gwen smiles at me knowingly. “Oh wait, I forgot. I also asked him if he and Nick were still best friends.”

I feel my insides threaten to explode and my face blushes. Gwen covers her mouth at my reaction. She knows me too well. “You bitch! You knew it was killing me to know!”

Gwen lets out a belly laugh and falls back onto the couch briefly before sitting back up to finish. “He said, ‘Yeah, Nick and I talk all the time.’ Then I said, ‘Well, Everly is going to bust something when I tell her.’”

My eyes are bulging. They’ve extended out as far as they can go. I imagine myself looking like a cartoon character and hear an Ahooga in my head.

“So he said, ‘Really? Well, I’ll have to tell him that. He never got over her, you know.”

“Wha…?” I stop breathing.

“You heard me. He said Nick never got over you.” She smiles, and I know she’s watching for my reaction.

The blood drains from my face. I cross my arms as the words pour through my mind like chocolate covering vanilla ice cream. I suddenly want ice cream. My mouth twists as I realize it’s not true. It couldn’t be. “Yeah right. I’m sure Cooper was just being nice.”

“Why would he tell me that? He had nothing to gain. Don’t start doubting yourself. You’ve always been beautiful, Ev. I’m not the least bit surprised Nick feels that way.”

“I’m sure he tells his wife that too.”

Gwen gasps. “Nick’s married?”

“I’m sure he is. It’s been almost fifteen years since I’ve spoken to him. He probably has a hot wife and a few gorgeous kids by now.”

“I didn’t see a ring on Cooper’s hand. Maybe Nick’s single too.”

“Whatever,” I respond. “That ship sailed years ago. I’m not going to revisit the past and get my hopes up. I need to move forward, not back.”

Gwen eyes me suspiciously before her phone pings, indicating a text.

She reads it out loud. “Hey, Gwen, it’s Cooper.

I was thinking since I let you out of a ticket, you should thank me by letting me take you to dinner.

Are you free sometime this week?” Gwen stares at me in shock.

“Holy mother fucking shit!” she shouts. “What do I say?”

“Do you want to go?” I ask.

She shrugs and suddenly seems less excited. “Umm… yeah, why not. It’s not like I have anything else to do, right? Assuming I’m not working or something.”

I shrug in response. “Right.”

She stares at her phone in her hands then places a finger on her lips. I can tell she’s thinking. I see her start to type, so I lean forward to watch what she’s writing.

Gwen: Sure, I can meet you somewhere. When?

Cooper: Or I can pick you up. How about Tuesday?

Gwen: I work until eleven Tuesday. How about Wednesday? Or are you working?

Cooper: No, I’m on days. I was working some OT tonight. Wednesday is good. How about McNally’s? Around eight?

Gwen: Sounds good. And I’ll meet you there.

Cooper: Fine, but don’t speed. I’m patient. I can wait.

She laughs and places her phone on the arm of the couch. She sits back, firmly planting her back against the cushion. “Well, this should be interesting.”

I stare at her. She’s having dinner with Cooper. “I wish I could be a fly on the wall! Can I put a bug on you so I can listen in on your conversation?” I laugh.

“It’s not a big deal, Ev. Really.”

Her mood has shifted, and I think I know why.

Gwen acts extremely confident, and from the outside, she looks like she’s got it all together.

But deep down, she and I aren’t very different, although she has a tougher outer shell than I do.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, and she protects hers fiercely with a loaded gun.

She’s been hurt way too many times and she’s learned not to get her hopes up about anything or anyone.

But it was nice to see her so happy, even if it was just for a moment.

I wonder to myself if Cooper is still the guy I remember him to be.

I think back to all our late night conversations on the phone when I would reassure him about Amy and he would reassure me about Nick.

He was a good friend. When Nick and I broke up, Cooper and I stopped talking too.

I guess it’s only natural. Memories of Nick and me flash through my mind, and I’m shocked that thinking about him causes me to experience feelings I thought were long forgotten.

He never got over me? I mentally slap myself.

Nothing is ever what it seems. I remind myself that I’m good on my own and that Nick lives really far away.

Besides, I never want to have another man make me feel the way Mike did, and I’ll never put myself out there to be hurt like that again.

I glance over at Gwen, and she’s silent and deep in thought. For once, I understand where she’s coming from. Putting your hope out into the world means the possibility of having it returned with a big slice of pain. It’s not worth it. I’m alone and that’s just fine with me.