Chapter 25
IT’S THE NIGHT of Gwen’s dinner date with Cooper and I’m working seven to seven.
I’m thankful for the distraction. It keeps my mind off of the excitement I feel for Gwen and my hope that maybe they’ll hit it off.
Although she said it wasn’t a big deal, she also sent me pics of two different outfits and asked my opinion on which she should wear.
I find myself checking the clock in my patients’ rooms as I do my nightly rounds. I’m on the oncology floor, and it’s not an easy place for any patient or family member to be.
At eleven o’clock I start getting irritated that I haven’t heard anything about their date. I sigh to myself. Gwen told me it wasn’t a date. It was just two old friends from way back when meeting up for some food. It’s totally a date, but I agreed to appease her.
I sit down in the lounge to have a quick sip of coffee on my break and decide to text her.
Everly: You okay?
Nothing comes back for several minutes. Then the next thing I know I receive a text from a number I don’t recognize.
Unknown: Gwen is being very well cared for. How are you, Everly? I hear you’re a big shot nurse now.
My heart and mouth drop to the floor. I try to stay cool, but I’m not Gwen.
Everly: Cooper Ford! You’d better be treating my best friend to the time of her life. I’m trusting you to be the awesome man I remember.
I type his name into my contacts and save the number. I’m hoping the fact that he texted me back means that Gwen likes him.
In response, I receive a photo text of the two of them from Cooper’s phone. Gwen is smiling brighter than I’ve seen in forever. Time has been more than kind to Cooper. He looks amazing! I text him.
Everly: Are you on steroids? Where did this muscular man come from and what have you done with the Cooper I remember?
I shoot out the text and laugh to myself.
Cooper: Eight years in the Marines and six on the police force. This is all natural, baby!
Deep inside I wonder if Gwen and Cooper have discussed Nick.
I’m dying to know, but I’m kicking myself for it.
It’s just curiosity, nothing more. I try to think of a harmless way to ask Cooper but draw a blank.
Just as I begin to text Gwen, my coworker Landon pops his head in the room.
“Hey, room 6134 is beeping for you. I tried to see what I could do, but he insists he needs you.”
I nod my head as I toss my cup in the garbage and place my cell into my back pocket. I wasn’t meant to ask, because it was never meant to be. It’s what I tell myself. It’s the story I’m holding on to.
The hours fly by. I don’t have time to think about anything because I’m swamped with work.
I notice a few hours later that Gwen texted at midnight that she’d call me after the kids went to school.
I try to shake off the surge of adrenaline it gives me to know I’ll hear all the details soon, and I pray things went well.
It sure seemed like they were getting along well from the texts, but Gwen could have been putting on a smile for show.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell what she’s really thinking, and I know her better than almost anyone.
As I flush the IV of one of my patients and fix his sheets in an attempt to make him more comfortable, I can’t help but let my mind drift to thoughts of Nick.
Cooper’s words about Nick never getting over me replay over and over in my head like the lyrics to a song.
As much as I try to forget them, they just keep coming back.
I remember how I felt after we broke up, and I remind myself of how sure I was that he was cheating on me.
Then I think back to Mike and all the times he made me doubt my own self-worth.
I reach up and touch the center of my chest. It doesn’t actually hurt, but the memory of the pain is still as fresh as the pain itself.
I will not allow myself to feel that way again.
“Love the nail polish, girl.”
I’m writing notes in the hall when my coworker, Abigail, coasts by.
“Thanks.” I’m slow to respond and I’m not sure she hears me as she darts into a patient’s room.
I glance down at my nails and the pretty purple polish I put on this morning.
I never want to bite my nails again. I tell myself that to keep my nails, I need to protect my heart at all costs.
I’ll never put my heart out there again.
In the famous words of Gwen Bryant, I’m done.
MY PHONE RINGS the minute I put the kids on the bus. As I slowly stumble toward the house in my scrubs, I yawn and pull my cell out of my back pocket. I wrap my arm around my chest. It’s definitely fall. I’m cold.
It’s Gwen. I can tell by her new ringtone, “Sugar, We’re Goin' Down” by Fall Out Boy.
“Hey!”
“Are you ready?” she asks.
“Are you kidding? It’s all I thought about during my entire shift.” I make my way toward the front door and stop to pull a weed out of the ground by the step.
“So I met him at McNally’s. He was already inside when I got there. I didn’t realize how tall he is until I was standing next to him. He’s got to be over six feet. Even with my heels I still had to reach up to hug him.”
I pause at the door with the weed in my hand. “You hugged him?”
She laughs. “Yeah. He was waiting at the bar and the minute he saw me he stood up. Did you know he was in the Marines for eight years?”
“He mentioned that when I texted him last night,” I say with a giggle. “He must have enlisted after Nick and I broke up. I didn’t know. Speaking of his muscles… my gosh!”
“I know, right? He works out every day. I told him I was up to a five-mile run and he said he’d love to run with me sometime.”
I close the door behind me and make my way toward the kitchen to dispose of the weed I’m still clutching in my hand. “Wait, does that mean there’s going to be a second date?” I ask excitedly.
“This wasn’t a date, Ev. I told you that.”
“Did he buy your dinner?”
“Well… yeah, but only after I told him no ten times. He insisted.”
“That’s because he wanted it to be a date.”
“I’m telling you it wasn’t a date! Why can’t you let it go?”
I can sense she’s incredibly sensitive about the idea, so I drop it. “Okay, so what happened after he saw you?”
“We sat at the bar for a bit while we waited for our table to be ready. He told me he was divorced six years ago.”
“Wow. He’s divorced?” That’s news I didn’t expect. I try to picture who he might have married and Amy comes to mind. “Please tell me it wasn’t Amy.”
Gwen laughs. “No, he told me he hasn’t spoken to her in over fourteen years. He said he has no interest in ever seeing her again. She was toxic.”
I laugh lightly as I open the fridge and look for something I can eat that will make me complete.
I immediately close the door when I realize how old habits die hard.
I’ve lost twenty-five pounds and I have no interest in putting them back on.
I still have twenty to lose before I get to where I want to be.
“I guess she was someone he met when he was stationed on the West Coast. He tried living there for a year after his service ended, but he hated it. Cooper wanted to move back home, but she wouldn’t leave.
He tried to stay to make the marriage work, but after a year they just kept growing further and further apart.
Coop said the divorce was best for both of them. So he moved home and that was the end.”
“I get that. I really do.”
“Yeah, I told him you and I were divorced too.”
“You told him?” My voice elevates more than I intended.
“It’s all I said. He wanted to know more, but he said he understood when I told him your story wasn’t mine to tell.”
I feel an immediate sense of relief. “Thanks. Sorry I freaked out,” I say somberly.
“It’s okay. I know you didn’t want him running off and telling Nick anything.”
The minute she says his name, I have to force myself to not think about him. It makes me angry with myself.
“So anyway, we ate dinner and talked.”
I smile to myself as I start a pot of coffee. Gwen sounds really happy, and when she’s happy, I can’t help but feel it too.
“It was nice. I had a nice time.”
I stop midway, reaching for a coffee mug. “Wait, that’s not the end, is it?”
“Pretty much.” She sighs.
“Well, how did he end up being the one to text me back?”
“Oh yeah, that’s right.” She laughs to herself as if it’s a funny story. I wait patiently.
“I had my phone sitting on the table and he kept staring at it. Cooper cut off a piece of steak and glanced up at me through the tops of his eyes as he pointed to it. He asked, ‘You waiting on a call?’ It made me laugh. He seemed concerned, so I told him I was hoping a hot guy would text me. He said I had a hot guy right in front of me. I rolled my eyes and he laughed. When you texted, I acted surprised and told Cooper a guy from work had sexted me a dick pic. Cooper seemed pissed. He grabbed my phone to look and saw it was a text from you. He shook his head at me and insisted he text you back. He was cute. He seemed relieved it was only you.”
“I bet he was…” I can’t help the playfulness in my tone. I can tell she likes him, even if she won’t admit it to me, much less herself.
“I was surprised by how easy it was to be around him. I thought I’d be nervous, but there’s something about him that’s so straightforward and uncomplicated. He just seems real. He made me feel like I could be myself.”
I lean my back on the kitchen counter and cross my legs at my ankles. “He sounds like he hasn’t changed much at all.”
“Well, he seems that way, but you and I both know people aren’t always what they appear to be. I told him I was reserving judgment on him because I didn’t trust him.”
“You said that?” My legs uncross and I touch my hand to my cheek.
“Yeah. He was fine with it. He said he understood. Anyway, after dinner we had coffee and talked about pretty much everything. He’s really funny.
He had some great stories about pulling people over.
He said he was glad I sped through his area on the night he was on call and he always thought I was sweet when he talked to me back in school. You texted me at the perfect time.”
“I did? What do you mean?”
“Things took on a serious tone and I didn’t know what to say. Once I got the text, I was able to play the sexting card. He begged to text you. I figured you wouldn’t mind, so I let him.”
“Yeah, it took me by surprise, but he was really sweet.”
“He is sweet in some ways, but cocky too. There’s something hardened about him that I can’t put my finger on. I don’t know if it’s age, time, or his military experience, but his eyes tell me he’s seen some stuff he wants to forget.”
I sigh. “Poor Cooper.”
“All night long I was calling him Coop the cop and Cooper the copper. He just laughed it off. He was a good sport. You know how I like to tease people.”
I chuckle to myself as I take a drink of my too-strong coffee. Ick. I cringe and pour it into the sink. “How did the night end?” I ask.
“He walked me to my car and hugged me. It was nice.”
“That’s it? Did he ask to see you again?”
“He might have mentioned it.”
“He did? That’s great! Right?” I wasn’t sure why her voice seemed so indifferent.
“It’s fine. I told him I was really busy with work, so…”
“You what?” I immediately frown.
“I’m just not interested in dating right now.”
My head falls back and I close my eyes. I’m so disappointed.
“He told me he doesn’t discourage very easily. It seemed like he liked the idea of a challenge,” she says with a laugh.
My hopes are restored and I can’t help but smile. “Good for him!”
“Where are you?” she asks hesitantly.
“I’m walking up the stairs to change out of my clothes. Why?”
“I’m going to tell you something, but you have to swear to me you won’t get mad before I tell you.”
I stop mid step and pause. “Gwen… what did you do?”
“Promise me.”
“I can’t. Just tell me what you did.”
“I won’t tell you unless you promise. So promise.”
“Dammit, Gwen!” I’m filled with dread. “Fine, I promise.”
“Cooper asked if he could give Nick your number and I said yes.”
“What?” I sit down in the middle of the stairs and try to breathe. “Why would you…? Why would he…?”
“Before you start freaking out, I need to tell you something. Nick’s never been married and he’s very much single.”
I can’t breathe. I don’t recognize the feeling in my chest. It’s not an ache, but it kind of feels like one.
It’s not anger, but it’s definitely an emotion because I see red, then blue, then every other color before I realize what I’m feeling is something I don’t want to feel.
It’s something I told myself I’d never let myself feel again. It’s hope.