15. Eden #2
“ Well , I don’t mind the theories,” I continue, rearranging the books in my arms and ignoring my thundering pulse, “but so many philosophers just waffle on in self-importance. It’s a common fault in clever men—they so like the sound of their own voice.
Oh ! Get that Frank Herbert novel? That shouldn’t be here either. ”
When I don’t get a response, I turn. He leans against the bookshelf. His crisp white shirt is open at the throat, revealing a glimpse of corded muscle. The sleeves are rolled to just above his elbow. He’s a study in elegant disdain, regarding me with a neat, arched brow.
I color as I realize I was ordering him about in his own library and am about to stammer an apology when he slowly plucks the book off the shelf, his gaze never leaving mine.
I’m not too dense to miss the gentle mockery in it.
Or the warning.
Moving closer—closer than he needs to—he places it on the pile in my arms. With one finger, he tilts my chin up toward him. “ I have found many things are best demonstrated without words.”
My thoughts liquify, and I can’t remember exactly what we’re talking about.
As his finger strokes along my jaw, my mouth grows dry, and I watch as his darkening gaze fixes on my mouth.
“ Hey , hands off. It’s my turn!”
The sudden sound of Lucky’s voice makes me flinch back, and there’s an undertone to it that I can’t quite decipher. Jasper doesn’t drop his hand, though, nor does he acknowledge Lucky’s presence.
Lucky comes up behind me. “ Come on, beautiful, I have the whole afternoon planned.”
I want to greet him, but as though he senses it, Jasper’s grip tightens briefly on my chin, holding me captive. His lips thin, and I shift uncomfortably as that off feeling returns. “ You are more than welcome in my library, Eden . And you may reorganize it if you wish.”
Ah . I should have asked before I started doing that, too.
“ Do you enjoy chess?” he asks. His dark gaze finally flicks from my mouth to my eyes, and something distant and calamitous lurks in its shadows.
“ I —” I pause, hearing how husky my voice has become. His presence isn’t Dom’s thundercloud, or Lucky’s warm sunshine; it makes me shiver, like ice sliding down hot skin. “ I’ve never played.”
“ I think you might be good. Join me tomorrow for a game.”
My arms are beginning to ache under the heavy books, but I hold his gaze. A streak of daring darts through me.
“ If you say please, I might be persuaded,” I tell him, though my voice comes out far more shaky and less tart than I intended.
The lighting catches the hollows of his cheekbones as he straightens, turning him villainous.
“ A simple, ‘ Yes , Jasper ’ will suffice, Eden .” His voice is cultured, casual. Rippling with the warning of a great white beneath the waves. “ You might do well to teach her a few lessons before she comes to me, Lucien , since you’re fond of her.”
Indignation pricks me. Now that was a threat.
The warm, easy intimacy of moments ago is nowhere to be found, and his chilly censure seems oddly pointed. Is he mad? My gut starts a slow, queasy roll as I run over our conversation in my head, trying to pinpoint where I might have gone wrong.
As I study his punishing face from beneath my lashes, my brief burst of nerve curls up and dies.
I can’t seem to summon any of the courage I’d found yesterday with Jaykob .
Something about Jayk’s challenging stare had encouraged me to meet his fury with my own— I understand the chip on his shoulder, even while it infuriates me—but under the faint disappointment in Jasper’s expression, I want to cringe into nothingness.
“ Ah ... you know, I’m not really the lesson-giving type.” The uneasiness in Lucky’s voice catches me, and I dart a glance between them. Lucky avoids my eyes and color is high in his cheeks.
What in the world...?
“ Manners should be taught during childhood,” Jasper tells me curtly. Everything about him is strung tight now, and I’m sure I’ve made some horrible faux pas. “ But if that was somehow missed in your education, I’d be happy to assist you. Now , I made you an offer. Answer me, Eden .”
I stop my lip from trembling. Barely . He brushes the pad of his thumb over my mouth, as though sensing the movement. Lucky sucks in a breath.
My grandmother had plenty to say about my manners, and so had my husband.
No matter how I’ve tried to leave my past behind me, I know my trailer-trash upbringing still shows.
It makes me self-conscious about every reference, every turn of phrase, because despite all the books I’ve read and the study I’ve thrown myself into, it’s those small, habitual slips that will always betray me.
That will tip off my betters that I am poor, and lazy, and ill mannered, and whatever other attribute they choose to ascribe to me for the past I can never change.
Jasper is as calculated and wealthy as Henry’s family was. He’s the man Henry always strived to be. Articulate . Assured . Intimidating .
Of course he sees right through me.
Of course he’s disappointed by what he sees.
The years since my husband’s death crumble, and all at once I’m the insignificant, lonely girl who so desperately craved his approval.
I tear away from his penetrating gaze, lowering my eyes. “ Yes , Jasper .”
I know this part. I play it as well as any actress.
I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I won’t embarrass you.
I’ll be good, I swear.
Jasper stills. His stare is intense. Finally , the grip on my chin gentles. After a long moment, he makes a sound of frustration in the back of his throat and drops his hand.
“ It seems I’m on a roll today,” he mutters, sounding unhappy. “ That will be a problem.”
Of course I am.
I keep my mouth pressed shut, but the sudden sting behind my eyes surprises me—as does the waver of my lip that, this time, has nothing to do with arousal.
You don’t need them , I remind myself fiercely. You can leave at any time. You’re a survivor now. You’re not that same girl anymore.
God , how is it that in one week among people, all my insecurities have returned so viciously? I hate this. Hate the unsteady ground I’m walking on here. At least with Henry I knew the rules.
Why do I always seem to be living by someone else’s?
I work to keep my face smooth as I stare at my feet, but tension knots my shoulders.
“ Jesus , Jasper ,” Lucky mutters, “the lot of you need to back the hell off her so she can get her shit together. Between Jaykob hulking out and throwing her against walls and you going full sadist, she’ll be completely warped.
Let me show her how to have a bit of fun before you start stripping her raw.
Please ? Just back off of us for a while? ”
Full sadist? Stripping me raw?
Despite myself, my gaze once again lifts and slides between the two men. The little comments over the last few days start to make sense. I turn the label over in my mind. Sadist .
Jasper doesn’t respond right away. That chilling, deadly stance returns as he faces Lucky ; it would look almost lazy, if not for the treacherous tilt to his mouth.
Lucky gives an uncomfortable roll of his shoulders under that stare, grimacing. The flush deepens over his cheeks.
He spares a blue-eyed glance at me, then sighs, setting his feet reluctantly, as though it physically hurts to set himself against his friend.
“ You owe me,” Lucky finally says in a low, serious voice.
Something silently passes between the two men.
After a long, tense moment, Jasper inclines his head.
“ Very well.” Then his eyes narrow and his voice becomes granite.
“ Though don’t presume, Lucien , that there is any debt between us.
We both know better than that. I have never taken more than was offered. ”
I am most certainly not being told everything.
As Lucky’s face turns scarlet, Jasper looks at me, and the bright, proud insolence from moments before dims back to his usual detached elegance.
“ I apologize, Eden . That was impolite of me. Would you please join me for chess tomorrow? To be clear, you are under no obligation to do so. I would simply enjoy the pleasure of your company.”
Frustration and embarrassment make me want to flee to my room. Maybe even from the house. I don’t know why I thought I could do this.
“ Eden ?” he prompts, and this time his voice is soft, gentle as the brush of a feather.
When I look up, his face is lined with deep remorse. It soothes some of the sting, but none of my confusion.
I manage a nod. “ Yes . Of course. Thank you.”
“ I had better get back to work. Have a good afternoon.”
With a nod to each of us, he stalks back to his not-so-secret secret study. Lucky and I both stare after him, red-cheeked, as he leaves.