Chapter 8 Rowan
EIGHT
ROWAN
Epidermis Exposé
“You can do this. You’ve fought British authorities, you’ve tussled with Nazis, you’ve taken out entire corrupt covens. You’ll be fine.” I looked to Brahmagupta, who was lounging in his tree again, as was his nature. “I’m gonna be fine, yeah?”
“Mrrp!”
“I am well aware, but this is my first time purposefully going out to interact with human society for an extended length of time without so much as a wig.”
Indeed, I was going out into the world in full albino mode. No wig. No makeup. Not even contacts. I was fully being myself. Because if I couldn’t be honest with Naomi about being a vampire, the least I could do was be honest about everything else.
And if she reacted poorly, if she rejected me just like my coven, it was better if I knew that ahead of time rather than being blindsided by it later.
I was still quite surprised at how intensely I’d been drawn and wrapped up in her—and how quickly it happened.
I hated to think of that continuing only for it all to come screeching to a halt in a month.
I looked into the mirror again as if it would tell me anything aside from my outfit. It was a bit more modern than my last one: light-washed jeans and a short-sleeved button-up with a subtle print. As if dressed more commonly would make my uncommon appearance more palatable.
Whatever.
From the moment I’d received that pleading, incredibly sweet text from Naomi, I’d already made my decision.
I had thought that I’d completely destroyed the evening by running off on her and truly never expected her to contact me again.
So when she did, and somehow seemed to think that she was in the wrong, I knew I had to make things right.
Even if I wasn’t ready yet. Even if I would have liked things to have stayed uncomplicated and “normal” for just a bit longer before they got all the opposite.
It was time to do the right thing.
I did, however, grab a hat and place it atop my bone-white hair. That was the only bit of armor I allowed myself before I headed out into the night.
We weren’t going to the same place as before, as that was a bit too populated for what I was planning.
I wasn’t exactly keen on being vulnerable in a place where it was common for surprise performances to happen without anybody really even batting an eye.
And while I could have ordered an Uber, I figured the long walk would give me time to sort out my thoughts, and I could definitely use every minute at my disposal.
I arrived at our meeting location forty-five minutes later, although I was about twenty minutes earlier than our agreed-upon time.
Mostly because I wanted to scope out a place where I would feel safe.
Not that I was worried about anyone actually harming me, but there was a certain level of privacy I’d become used to with being a social reject, and I wasn’t exactly keen on revealing so much of myself with an audience.
“Someplace I feel safe, but Naomi won’t feel unsafe. Should be easy, right?”
Easier said than done. Despite the fact that Naomi clearly was quite capable, that didn’t mean that she didn’t have her own worries about meeting someone she barely knew in a secluded corner of a city park at night.
Thankfully, it didn’t take me long to find a spot that felt adequate for the both of us.
There was a line of hedges that separated the main walkway from one of the bathroom areas in the park, and there was a bench I could sit on with a direct view of the slight gap between a couple of the topiaries.
I would be able to see her approach, but it was highly unlikely that she would be able to notice me—not without knowing exactly where I was to begin with.
That would give me enough time to judge her body language and figure out if this was something I wanted to do at all.
Although it would be scummy to just ditch her for the second time after she’d come all this way, I still wanted a backup plan just in case. A retreat.
When did I become so afraid?
The question surprised me, even though it came from my own head, and I didn’t really have an answer.
It wasn’t like I’d been some superstar or paragon of society before I was turned.
My father had left his home with me in tow to try to shield me from the horrible things the people in our circle whispered, traveling here and there with varying amounts of goods to try to find a spot where I would be safe.
It was a miracle, really, that we found anywhere at all.
And it was another miracle that a strange and mysterious figure rolled into my life many years later and decided to take me under his wing.
I hadn’t known it at the time, but he would be the one to save my life when I was bleeding out in the middle of the desert, betrayed by fellow warriors who I’d thought were my friends.
He’d promised to fix me, to make me perfect, and I agreed to let him feed from me. But to my horror, even though my scars faded, and my twice-broken nose straightened into something far more perfect, even though my hair grew thicker and my eyesight improved, I was still... me.
“Goddamn it,” I whispered to myself. I thought I had come to terms with what I had to do, but my head was still swirling. Always swirling. I just wanted to shake myself and see if that would reset anything, like I was some sort of life-sized Etch-a-Sketch.
I wasn’t ashamed of being an albino. There was just as many positives to it as there were challenges—more even. I just wished that other people could see the same beauty in it that I did.
Then again, I couldn’t help but wonder why I felt such a compulsion to be beautiful and perfect.
Didn’t I work with hundreds of old, wonky, and beat-up instruments that were still so wonderful in so many ways?
I couldn’t tell if it was my own insecurities or an effect of vampire obsession with appearance, or a mix of the two that had me longing for that acknowledgment so intensely.
A very particular scent hit my nose, and my incisors tried to press down into my upper lip. Notes of lemon verbena, peach, and vetiver started at my nose before sliding along my tongue and making me drool.
Naomi had arrived, and she was close.
Swallowing hard, I pulled out my phone and called her, figuring she would need directions. But with my body responding this viscerally to her scent, I couldn’t help but think of how she’d looked at me on our first date.
For the first time in ages, I felt wanted. Not judged or tolerated. But like my presence was genuinely enjoyed, and she was attracted to me. Because while Iko and I were quite close, we weren’t each other’s types by a long shot.
I didn’t want to lose that, and there was a chance her seeing me so colorless and pale would make that attraction evaporate, but I needed to be honest with her.
Well, mostly honest. She was a human after all. And I certainly had no plans of changing that.
“Hello?”
I felt terrible that she sounded so tentative, so uncertain. I wished I hadn’t put her through having to watch me literally sprint away from her, and that I could be more direct, but some things were just easier shown.
“Hey there. I’m already here. I found a spot that’s a bit more private than right at the entrance.”
“Oh, that’s good.”
I hoped it was. “Yeah, it’s kind of by the bathrooms. If you take the left path, then cut through the weeping willows, just walk along the hedges, and you’ll practically be there.”
“Okay. See you soon.”
“See you,” I said before hanging up.
Maybe I was doing too much, but I didn’t just want to stand out in the open like a knob. So, I stayed on the bench with my eyes trained on the path.
Sure enough, I caught sight of her as she approached, somehow looking like even more of a vision than she had before.
She was in another sundress, this one a forest green that made the rosiness of her cheeks stand out that much more.
She was wearing above-the-knee white socks that tucked perfectly into chunky sneakers that were fancy enough to fit with the rest of her outfit.
God, she was incredible. What on earth did she see in me?
I supposed I was about to find out.
I waited until she was about halfway to me before calling her again.
“Hey, am I there?” she asked.
“Not quite. I just… I wanted to make sure that you were down for this. That you don’t feel like you’re obligated.”
“Did anything about my text to you seem obligated?”
“No. I…” I sighed. “Look, I want to be real with you, but I’m nervous. This is, uh, something I don’t share with people right off the bat.”
The silence on the other end of the line was physically painful, but eventually she spoke. “You’re making me nervous, Rowan. You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not ready for.”
Naturally, she was so kind about it. I wasn’t surprised; after all, her sweetness and openness were a big part of what had captivated me so thoroughly during our first hours together.
Still, her words gave me the final bit of courage I needed to stand up from the bench and walk over to in front of the hedges, where a streetlight would make sure that even her human eyes would be able to see me fully.
All of me.
One step. Two steps. Although my heart didn’t technically need to beat, it was hammering out of habit. A callback to my time as a human being. A few more steps, then I was there, watching Naomi as she closed the last bit of distance between us.
She stopped about a second after I was fully bathed in light, her body going stiff. I could read the alarm throughout her whole body, but it was gone almost as soon as it presented, rapidly transitioning into something that looked more akin to… cautious but curious?
Naomi took a couple of slow—so incredibly slow—steps toward me, until we were only a couple feet away at most. Those intense green eyes of hers studied me, from my feet up to my hat, and I belatedly took it off. In for a penny, in for a pound, after all.
“You look different,” she said finally.
If it were any other situation, I might have laughed. But as it were, I felt too sick and hopped up on adrenaline to get even a chuckle out. “Yeah, you could say that.”
“So…” Naomi murmured, sounding like she was thinking but not as if she were entirely horrified. “You’re an, uh, you’ve got…”
“I’ve got albinism, yeah,” I said, trying to sound completely chill about it even though I wasn’t. “That’s the proper way to say it, but I’m a bit old-fashioned, so I usually just call myself albino.”
“I see.” Another long, long pause. “Then our first date was—”
“A wig. Makeup. I’ve kind of perfected the disguise over the years.
” Suddenly words were erupting out of my mouth, one right after the other.
“It’s not because I’m ashamed or anything, but it’s just easier without the staring.
And all the SPF in the foundation sure is handy.
As you can imagine, my skin’s pretty sensitive. ”
And, ya know, the whole bursting into flame if exposed to too much sunlight thing. A good SPF could buy several life-saving seconds in an emergency.
“I… uh, I’m sorry—”
Ah, this was where she’d reject me. Where she’d say this was way too much for her. She’d have every right to. After all, I had tricked her.
“I’ve never really experienced anything like this, and I can’t say that I know any other people with albinism.
” She took another step forward, cutting the scant space between us in half as she looked up at me through her lashes again.
My brain was supplying all sorts of mixed messages at that.
A large part of me definitely wanted to grab her and pull her flush against me, and another wanted to feed.
I didn’t listen to either, however.
“But thank you for trusting me with this. I understand why you wanted someone new to see you for who you really are and not just make assumptions about you.”
Oh.
She got it.
She got it so easily and said it like it was the most natural thing.
Had I fallen and struck my head, putting myself into an undead coma? Was I somehow permanently locked in my coffin and therefore trapped in a dream that had conjured the perfect woman? Either way, I didn’t want to be roused from it.
“Really?” I murmured. This was not going at all like I’d imagined. I expected a bit more interrogation about why I lied, perhaps even accusations about my sexuality considering I used makeup. But no, all I saw in her eyes was acceptance. “You’re not upset.”
“Not at all.” She offered that blazing hot hand of hers, her nails painted a blue that looked like my contact lenses. “I don’t know what I did to make you think I deserve to be trusted with something so important and private to you, but I don’t take it lightly. Thank you, Rowan.
“If this was what you wanted to show me, then I would say that I really still want that second date. That is, if you still do, of course.”
I blinked at her for an uncomfortable length of time, but she never wavered. Her smile was soft, her eyes were kind, and her scent was practically filling my entire head. So I took that her hand, reveling in the way her heat rushed up my arm and straight to my heart.
“Did anyone ever tell you that you have beautiful eyes?” she murmured as she stared at me. “Almost purple.”
Visceral desire surged through me, and it took everything I had to keep my fangs inside of my mouth. As safe and accepted as she made me feel, she also made me want to turn feral and feed.
“Not in a very long while.”
“That’s a shame. They really should say it more.” She gave my hand a squeeze. “Say, how do you feel about starlit walks on the boardwalk? It’s not exactly a beach, but it’s probably the closest thing we have.”
Amazed, truly, utterly amazed, I nodded. “I’d love to.”
“Perfect.”
And with that, we were strolling off together, and I couldn’t help but wonder if everything could really be as incredible as it seemed.