Chapter 27
Ruth swallowed hard as Teddy walked away from the art gallery.
Millie had already lost interest, wandering away to look at another painting – the child had enormous fortitude for staring at pieces of art, far more than Ruth possessed.
Or perhaps her inability to focus was due to the turmoil that had set up camp inside her brain.
Teddy being here was too much to process.
The monkey man halted Teddy’s progress as he crossed the square and Ruth had a split second to decide. To let him go – again – or do something. Right now.
Even though she’d managed to run into Hannah on more than one occasion during the early days of the cruise, she didn’t fancy her chances of seeing Teddy again on board if she relied on luck. And this had to be a sign, didn’t it? Coincidences of this magnitude never happened – not to her, anyway.
Ruth took a breath, told Millie to stay put, that she’d be back in a second, and pushed out into the bright sunshine and bustling activity of the square. Her focus was entirely on Teddy, who was fending off an overenthusiastic monkey.
‘Teddy – could I talk to you?’ she said, her voice overly loud and startling the monkey back onto its owner.
Teddy turned, eyebrows arching as he used her interruption as a good excuse to step away from the hawker. Ruth side-eyed the monkey, reached for Teddy’s elbow and guided him away into the shade beside a stall covered in bottles of chilli sauce, the sign promising enough heat to blow your weave off.
‘That bloody monkey,’ she said, shuddering as she checked its location a final time. ‘Gives me the heebie-jeebies.’
‘Thanks for rescuing me,’ Teddy said. ‘I never was very good at saying “no”.’
Ruth smiled. ‘No, you were always very kind – there’s a difference.’
Teddy’s expression dipped in confusion. ‘How are you here?’ he said. ‘I never thought I’d see you again.’
‘Me neither,’ she said. ‘And I know I’m probably the last person you wanted to see, but I didn’t want… it’s a big ship and I don’t think…’ She huffed as she fumbled over her words, then straightened to look him directly in the eye. ‘I don’t want to let you get away again.’
His eyebrows arched again – an expression she thought she’d forgotten, remembered how much she loved it – as the corner of his mouth quirked.
‘If I remember correctly, last time you were the one who ran away, Ruth.’
She studied her canvas shoes, then nodded. ‘Not without good reason, Ted.’
‘Anyway. That was a million years ago – lots of water has flowed under the bridge since then. And you never told me – is your husband here somewhere with you?’
‘I messed that up, too,’ Ruth said. ‘Decree absolute in the bag and he’s already moved on. Seems that’s my MO where relationships are concerned, doesn’t it?’
Teddy frowned, and Ruth wondered if her self-flagellation had sounded like a criticism of him.
‘Why don’t we go and get something to drink. Take some time and have a chat?’
Ruth smiled – she’d not forgotten how level-headed he was. ‘I’d like that very much. Yes, please.’
With Millie in tow and Nathan messaged to update him that they were heading back to the Ballygowan – and, shockingly, with a reply received saying he’d be heading back soon too – they made for the ship.
Ruth dropped Millie off at the ship’s art gallery on their way to Teddy’s choice of bar. Near the back of the ship, The View had an excellent panorama of Basseterre and beyond, right up into the canopy of the rainforest.
‘I’m not sure I’ve got my head around a hot Christmas,’ Teddy said as he squinted at the beverage choice. ‘It seems weird choosing a “South Pole scotch on chips of iceberg” when we’re in the tropics.’
Ruth grinned.
‘And I thought icebergs were at the North Pole?’
‘Must be some at both ends, I suppose,’ Ruth said. ‘The kids are having such fun with it all, they don’t seem to have an issue with the names – Millie ate her own bodyweight in Christmas croissants the other day.’
‘Your daughter is so like you,’ Teddy said as they ordered, then took their drinks to an empty open-air table with a fantastic rainforest vista.
‘What, you mean she never stops talking and is, at times, incredibly irritating?’ Ruth said with a rueful smile.
‘You said it.’ Teddy’s gaze twinkled as he glanced at her, his expression edged with amusement.
Ruth tilted her head. ‘Fair enough.’
They sat quietly; Ruth kept her gaze on the view as she tried to dampen down the thoughts bubbling up in her head. Tried to stop herself from recognising how easy it was to be in his company – how easy he was making it for her, even after everything.
Eventually, Teddy lodged his glass on the small table between their chairs and let out a long, contented sigh.
‘Good scotch,’ he said.
‘Why are you being so nice to me?’ Ruth said, the words hurried and cutting through her ridiculous thoughts. ‘Why are you even giving me the time of day?’
‘Why wouldn’t I?’ he said, shifting in his seat to face her.
‘Because I’m someone you should hate, that’s why.’
She was being self-indulgent. She shouldn’t load her lifetime of regret onto him – that was exactly what she’d wanted to avoid – but now she’d opened the floodgates, she feared she wouldn’t be able to stop.
Teddy frowned. ‘I don’t hate you, Roo. Why would I hate you?’
And then it struck her. He was being magnanimous because, even though he still meant everything to her – a realisation dawning hard and fast as she sat beside him – he truly had moved on. Had nothing invested in her, not any longer. That explained his calm demeanour.
‘No. I suppose that was a bit of a ridiculous thing to say.’ She frowned.
‘I heard you’d met someone, not long after I got my transfer to the office in Portsmouth.
I was glad you’d moved on.’ His eyebrows did their thing again.
‘No, really. I was. And then I heard you were married and expecting a baby, and…’
It was Teddy’s turn to frown, his chunky eyebrows dipping like crows on the breeze.
‘It happened quickly; I wasn’t expecting to find someone like Mai.
I thought that kind of a bolt only came once in a lifetime.
And you’d made it very clear we were done.
I needed her at first – that’s the truth – she picked me up when I was at my very lowest. And then I wanted her.
And then I loved her and continued to love her for the rest of her life. It’s that simple.’
‘And she never let you down, I’m guessing,’ Ruth said.
Teddy’s frown deepened. ‘No. But I would have loved her even if she had. Just like I tried to do with you.’
Ruth shook her head. ‘You would have come to resent me sooner or later, would have begun to question my loyalty. Who wouldn’t? And I couldn’t do that to you.’
Teddy drew in a sharp breath. ‘I didn’t ask you to decide what I wanted to tolerate or forgive.
How was that your decision? And yet, you made it yours.
You didn’t allow me the chance to prove how much you meant to me – or yourself the time to forgive yourself for what I’ve always believed was nothing more than a drunken mistake.
Instead, you took to your heels, and I never got the chance to build a life with you.
And yes, Mai came along quickly, and we had our son quickly too – it might all have been unexpected, but I also wouldn’t change any of that for the world.
But that only happened because you weren’t brave enough to try to work it through. ’
‘Wasn’t brave enough?’ Ruth straightened in her chair, stung by his comment. ‘I thought I was doing the right thing – I thought I was being brave. It would have been far easier to have stayed.’
‘So, why didn’t you?’
‘Because I’d proved myself to be exactly what you didn’t want – and there was no way to put it right. I can’t tell you how much I wished I’d never gone to the Pink Pineapple that night. But I did. And nothing can change it, so here we are.’
‘You were such a whirlwind – still are, by the sounds of it. Impetuous and wild, mind whirring at a million miles an hour. I always did have to run to keep up.’
‘No,’ Ruth said. ‘It was only because I had you I could be any of those things. You were always there for me – I never forgot that. Even though I did fuck it all up.’
Teddy smiled and then said one of the most Teddy things possible. ‘Well, Roo – it seems there is another day being offered in which to have a go at not fucking it up. How about we concentrate on that, instead?’
Hannah grinned as she spotted the Herring family already seated in the Harvest Basket.
With Louis on duty for much of the sail to their Christmas destination of Castries, St Lucia, they’d snatched as much time together as they could.
She would just have to be content with that until the following day.
For now, she was extremely hungry. The thought of why she was starving had heat sidling up her neck and onto her cheeks, radiating through other parts of a body fully awake as never before to the delights of Louis’ touch.
She was toying with the idea of challenging Nathan to an eating duel – though even with her current appetite she felt sure she would lose – when she noticed there were more people at the table than the usual trio.
And that Nathan hadn’t even noticed her approach, his focus instead on a teenage girl with tightly braided hair and a generous smile sitting next to him.
Confusion grew as Hannah clocked a man also at the table, opposite Ruth.
He looked vaguely familiar, his precisely cut salt and pepper hair and dark-framed glasses prompting a memory – she’d seen him in Basseterre perhaps…
in the art gallery, that was it. She remembered now, he held the door for her as she headed out, her thoughts consumed by getting back to the ship to see Louis.
The Herring family seemed adept at collecting strays. She slid into her seat with an open greeting to everyone.
‘Here she is,’ Ruth said. ‘Everyone, this is our friend, Hannah.’ She waved a hand towards Nathan, encouraging him to go next.
‘This is Keisha – we met in Basseterre. She’s on this cruise too with her family.’ Nathan looked painfully embarrassed, a sign Hannah took to mean he liked Keisha. A lot.
‘Hi, Hannah,’ the girl said, extending a hand for Hannah to shake.
‘My family is over there.’ She pointed at a large grouping on another table.
‘We brought all my grandparents, too, so there’s like millions of us.
Can’t miss the Owalabi family.’ She flashed Hannah an enviably bright smile.
‘It’s a relief to get away from them for a bit, actually – that’s how I met Nath; he said he was doing the same thing in port.
’ The girl paused, realised how her words sounded, glanced at Ruth, then grimaced. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t apologise,’ Ruth said. ‘If you ever have a teenage son of your own, you’ll understand just how embarrassing it’s possible to be.’ Ruth sucked in a breath, then gestured towards the man sitting opposite her.
‘And, Hannah, believe it or not, this is Teddy.’
He reached out a hand, strong fingers against her hand taking a firm grip for his greeting. ‘Good to meet you, Hannah.’
‘Teddy? As in… Oh, sorry. Yes. And you.’ Hannah failed spectacularly to hide her surprise. The man who had meant so much to Ruth – how was he here?
‘Sounds as though I’ve already been mentioned.’ Teddy looked at Ruth for clarity and the tips of her ears turned pink.
‘Um, well yes – I was trying to help Hannah with a situation she found herself in, and… well…’
‘You were spoken about in high regard, if that helps,’ Hannah said.
The fact Ruth had been all set to marry him thirty-odd years previously, the way they were casually sat across from one another… Hannah stared at Ruth for more of an explanation.
‘Teddy and I recognised one another in that art gallery on shore and, well, it’s just such an amazing coincidence. And Teddy agreed to join us for some food this evening. He’s travelling alone, so it made sense.’
Made sense to Ruth, obviously, and Hannah couldn’t ignore the way Ruth’s expression had taken on an animation previously absent – but none of it made sense to Hannah.
‘Well, my son is on board. I hadn’t got as far as saying that – we had so much to catch up on, Ruth and I. It’s hard to know where to start.’
‘You’re cruising with your son? I thought you said there was some difficulty between the two of you?’ Ruth now joined the ‘looking bewildered’ club, which eased Hannah’s own frown to a certain extent. But only until Teddy spoke again, his words swirling reality all over again.
‘Yes, I did. I’m not travelling with him, but he is the reason I’m on this cruise. He’s the captain. Louis King is my son.’