Chapter 37
Ruth couldn’t stop smiling as she walked the promenade, arm in arm with Teddy.
She’d thought Christmas Day had been her best on record for a very long time, but it had been surpassed by Boxing Day on St Vincent.
Once they’d reboarded, the kids had headed off to dinner with Keisha’s family and Ruth dined with Teddy in the Crow’s Nest, at a discreet table in a corner.
It was like travelling back in time to when they used to have a Boxing Day Meal Deal at the local Burger King, except the seating in the Crow’s Nest wasn’t vinyl and dotted with ketchup, the choice of burgers included halloumi and grilled watermelon, and these days Ruth had become middle-aged about burger eating, preferring to use a knife and fork.
Now and again, they paused to lean against the promenade railing and stared out to sea.
At one point Ruth noticed Teddy fiddling with the ring he still wore on his left hand, a flashback to early in the cruise flooding her brain as she realised she and Millie had seen him right at the start.
The jolt of coincidence came again, and even stronger.
Teddy must have looked at her, spotted what she was staring at and tucked his hand into a pocket.
‘No, don’t,’ she said. ‘You are honouring Mai and that’s as it should be, Ted. I couldn’t wait to take mine off – I think it’s a mark of the kind of woman Mai was that you still wear it.’
Before either of them spoke again, Louis emerged from one of the doors set at regular intervals down the length of the promenade, glancing around and then heading in their direction.
He looked unsettled as he approached. He was still in uniform, although he’d swapped a formal jacket for a deep-blue ribbed jumper, gold epaulets on each shoulder.
‘Good evening, Louis,’ Teddy said. ‘Everything all right?’
‘Not really,’ Louis said, staring at Ruth. ‘Could I talk to you? It’s about Hannah.’
‘Of course. But I haven’t seen her all day today. She didn’t want to come to St Vincent. Is she OK?’
‘I’m not sure. We met for dinner, but she wasn’t herself. Apparently, her ex was in a car accident and she phoned to see how he was.’
‘Did she?’ Ruth said.
‘Yes. And I suppose it was only a matter of time for real life to butt its way in, but she seemed completely conflicted. So now I don’t know where I stand.
And the reason I’m saying any of this is because she mentioned you, Ruth.
Said she thought maybe you might have been right after all.
So, I’d like to know what she was talking about. What did you say to her?’
Ruth swallowed, glancing at Teddy.
‘I didn’t mean to upset anyone,’ she said, stalling for time as she worked out what she should say.
‘It’s just that I was very keen for Hannah and you to get to know one another – I think you’re both wonderful and even better together, but…
Well, the thing is that I made a stupid mistake a million years ago, which cost me my relationship with your father, and the fact we’ve reconnected after all these years set me thinking about Hannah and her ex-fiancé.
’ Ruth paused, looking from Louis to Teddy and back again.
‘I just didn’t want them to end up regretting the break-up as much as I have regretted walking away from your father.
I simply thought it was worth Hannah being certain.
Maybe it wasn’t my place to say, but that’s never stopped me before, so… ’
Louis’ expression darkened. Teddy crossed his arms, both men staring at her.
‘You said what?’ Teddy spoke first, not with anger but with what Ruth recognised to be the same level of confused sadness as when she’d told him she was leaving.
‘I didn’t suggest she choose Ian over Louis, nothing like that. I just said I thought she deserved to be sure.’ Ruth doubled down on her reasoning. It still made sense in her head. Although maybe she had put the emphasis more on Hannah and Ian making amends than Hannah moving forwards with Louis…
Louis shook his head, tight lines around his lips as he stared at his father.
‘And this is who you would replace Mum with?’
The anger in his tone was unmistakable. Ruth frowned – this was all going wrong.
‘I have no intention of replacing your mother with anyone,’ Teddy said, his voice spiralling.
‘Doesn’t look that way to me,’ Louis said.
‘Mum’s not even been gone six months – I was doing my best to be rational about it, did my best to convince myself it was a good thing for you to reconnect with an old friend, whatever that might lead to.
But now?’ He shook his head. ‘No. I can’t do this.
As usual you’re not understanding things from my point of view.
So, you do whatever you want, Dad, but leave me out of it.
And please, Ruth, for the love of God, stop meddling in other people’s relationships, would you? ’
Louis stalked away, ignoring Teddy’s pleas to wait, to talk it through in a more constructive way.
‘Maybe he just needs to cool down a bit,’ Ruth said.
Perhaps it wasn’t the best comment she could have come out with, but she was surprised by the strength of Teddy’s response.
‘Are you serious? What the hell did you say to Hannah about my son?’
‘I didn’t say anything negative about Louis – I think he’s absolutely amazing.’
‘You think he’s amazing, but not good enough for some random woman you met on the Ballygowan. Is that right?’
‘Random woman? It’s not like I knew who Louis was either until I reconnected with you. And Hannah’s lovely.’
‘I know. And I could see how happy she was making Louis – that’s what’s so intensely frustrating about you, Ruth. Why do you always have to go one step too far?’
‘Please let me explain, Ted. The situation is more complicated than girl meets boy, they fall for one another and live happily ever after…’
‘Isn’t it always? So, what needed your particular brand of meddling this time?’
‘Hannah’s ex-fiancé cheated on her. This cruise was supposed to be her honeymoon, so she was incredibly confused when she met and fell for Louis. She wasn’t sure what to do.’
‘She soon got over that, then,’ Teddy said, with more than a hint of judgement.
‘No, you don’t understand. She absolutely adores Louis.’
‘So, what the hell is the problem?’
And in that moment the problem became all too clear.
‘Me. It’s me.’ Ruth’s voice hitched. ‘Because everything was fine until we reconnected and I realised just what I’d thrown away all those years ago.
If only I’d allowed myself some forgiveness, we could have been together for the last thirty years.
We could have had a son just like Louis.
And I didn’t want Hannah to get to this point in her life, twenty or thirty years down the road, and regret her decision to walk away from Ian.
That’s all. Because if Ian regrets what he did anywhere close to how much I do my mistake, then maybe he should be allowed another chance – like you were prepared to give me.
Do you see? I just felt it was important for her to be sure. ’
‘Are you suggesting her relationship with my son would pan out like yours with your ex-husband?’
Ruth frowned. ‘No. Not at all. Oh, Teddy, I fucked up. Again. I should have kept my thoughts to myself, shouldn’t I?’
‘Yes. You should.’
‘I’m sorry. I’ll talk to Hannah. I’m sure I can straighten everything out.’
‘Christ alive, Ruth. Listen to yourself. Leave. Them. Alone.’ Teddy shook his head. ‘And while you’re at it, leave me alone, too, would you?’
All Ruth could do was stand and watch as Teddy walked away. And there was nothing she could do or say to stop him.