Chapter Thirty
Thirty
The cab pulled up outside Excalibur Cruises head office and Heidi turned to me.
‘Remember when we’re in there: we’re a team and we back each other up. Nobody knows this account like we do – and we are going to WIN THIS PITCH.’
‘You said it, boss,’ I said, holding my hand up for a high five.
‘Let’s hope I’m still saying it this afternoon,’ she said, handing the driver a twenty and opening the door.
I took a deep breath and channelled my inner Bryce to manifest a win.
Act as if the deal is already done. The brain doesn’t know the difference between words and the truth.
But the bank does. And there was the small matter of ‘doing the work’ in the middle – and how the hell would Bryce know, anyway?
He was ten thousand miles away in Australia somewhere, knocking out podcasts in a tin shed.
Oh God, I was unravelling. Nonetheless, I tried to envisage us as the winners.
We’d worked so hard on the presentation and done everything we could.
The deck was slick, and the ideas were sharp and ambitious.
I bundled out onto the pavement after Heidi, with the laptop and the boards, like her personal packhorse. I was wearing stockings under my red Azorean dress for secret sexiness, and it felt freeing and exciting. Barbie Queue would be proud. I smiled to myself; this pitch was ours to lose.
Leo and Zach were already in reception drinking coffee. Of course they were. They’d probably stayed overnight so as not to be late.
‘Morning,’ Heidi said into the air, without looking at them.
‘Morning,’ they chorused.
‘Hello, Kat,’ Leo said, looking wounded.
I ignored him and half-smiled at Zach in his yellow, surfing T-shirt and white jeans, with a tailored jacket to smarten himself up.
His tiny specs were nestled in his woolly hair and he looked like an affable cartoon character.
Leo was the total opposite in an uber-fashionable blue suit and crisp white shirt, with shiny brown shoes.
The classic PR man with his creative sidekick.
‘May the best man win, eh?’ Zach smirked at his own joke.
‘Good luck,’ Leo said quietly. ‘Hope it goes well.’
I looked straight through him. Sleazebag.
‘And for you,’ Heidi said with a chuckle. ‘Break both legs and all that.’
There was a high-pitched squeal as Brooke appeared through the swinging doors in a bright pink power suit, her hair tonged into ringlets.
‘Howdy there, friends!’ She hugged Zach then Leo with a beaming smile. ‘And here are my girrrls,’ she said, giving me and Heidi exaggerated air kisses.
‘Exciting day,’ I trilled, enthusiastically, my game face firmly on.
‘Sure is! Can’t wait to see what y’all have got for us.’
I waggled my boards. ‘Plenty of ideas in here.’
‘Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get goin’!’
The four of us trooped through the security turnstiles and followed Brooke down a maze of corridors, eventually landing outside the boardroom. Greg was sat at the head of the table, flanked either side by officious-looking women, one blonde and one brunette – both with clipboards.
‘Good morning,’ I said, smiling at them all and walking over.
‘I’ve met some of you before, but not all,’ Greg said, with a smoker’s gravel.
‘I’m Greg, the chairman. This is Mindy, my PA, and Elizabeth, our COO – and my wife.
’ It was a cat’s cradle of arms as we all shook hands, one after the other, until I realised I was shaking hands with Leo.
The smooth, soft hand that had held me as we’d danced, and traced patterns across my back in bed.
I dropped it as if it were on fire, ignoring his hurt expression.
Brooke stood in front of the screen and took control.
‘OK, good morning everyone, thank you to both agencies for coming in today. We are excited to see how you’ve approached the brief.
Greg’s team have cleared three hours in his diary for the presentations, including time for any questions, so we should get right on with it. ’
Heidi and I sat opposite Leo and Zach, all four of us fake smiling to play nice in front of the grown-ups. Leo’s eyebrow twitched as he looked at me, and I couldn’t help but think he was mocking me somehow. Bastard.
‘Amplify have asked to go first if you gals don’t mind,’ Brooke said, giving us no choice in the matter. ‘Zach needs to dash once they’ve finished presenting.’
‘Absolutely fine,’ Heidi said with a smile. ‘Shit before the broom,’ she side-mouthed.
Leo leapt straight into presenter mode, while Zach fiddled around in the background.
‘Thank you, Brooke. Then let me begin. Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today because we want your business. We make no bones about that. Amplify are the marketing brains behind several holiday companies as you know: Tui, Hilton Hotels, Virgin Holidays…’ As he said the names, Zach flashed the logos up on screen.
‘And we want to add a cruise company to that list. Not just any cruise company – the best in the market. Excalibur Cruises.’
Oh, he was good. His whole demeanour said I’m your man and it was difficult not to get on board as he nodded slowly to himself then smiled at each of the clients, pausing when he reached Greg. I nearly started nodding myself.
Zach lay their boards face down on the table, while Leo trotted through the strategy slides, outlining the thinking that had led to their big idea. Then once he’d whet their appetite and they were desperate to see the creative, he paused.
‘Time for the show,’ he said, gesturing to Zach, who started turning the boards over like a game show host. Brooke got up and walked to the front to get a closer look, as I scanned the copy underneath the illustrations.
I couldn’t help but gasp as the words came into focus.
Their line was our line. It was our idea.
‘Unimaginable moments,’ Zach said. ‘Two simple words, but a rich creative territory to play with.’ He flashed a photo of the four of us at the silent disco and then another of Leo and I whale watching.
A montage quickly followed. Photo after photo, each telling a different story.
The dining room at sunrise, a couple snorkelling with manta rays.
Thiago in full captain regalia on the bow of the boat.
Barbie Queue performing at the drag cabaret.
A sunset over Madeira. ‘We’ve taken hundreds of photos from our trip, showing the richness and range of moments we had on our cruise.
Two weeks that could easily be mistaken for six months. ’
Oh my God. I glanced at the clock. We were on in fifty minutes, I needed to think fast. How could we spin our presentation to be something entirely different in time for our slot? I opened my notepad and pretended to take notes, scribbling so Heidi could see.
WTF???? Shall we revert to Phileas Fogg?
She shook her head and picked up her pencil.
‘A new generation of cruisers’ or ‘Cruising for a new generation’ Do the opposite of this. Go practical for the audience he wants. ‘Generation Cruise’.
We needed to agree.
What about existing customers?
They’ll be dead soon. I’ll talk around it.
I pushed my chair back slowly, trying to be quiet, but it scraped across the floor and six sets of eyeballs turned to look at me.
‘Apologies,’ I winced. ‘I need to use the bathroom.’ I left as quickly as I could, bashing my hip on the table and knocking one of the boards over as I reached the door. ‘Sorry, sorry.’
‘She’s having some trouble,’ I heard Heidi whisper as I left. Honestly, was there ever a scenario where she wouldn’t feel comfortable throwing me under the bus? My hands were shaking as I pulled out my phone to call the office.
‘Hello? Natalya? Are you there?’
‘She’s just in a meeting – can I help? This is James.’ He was a freelance designer we’d hired to work on the pitch.
‘Hi, James, it’s Kat. We’ve got a nightmare problem, and I need some new designs for the Excalibur pitch.’
‘Say that again? You’re cutting out, which pitch?’
‘Ex-cal-i-bur,’ I said, nice and slow.
‘Sure thing. I can jump on it after lunch; I’m just finishing an urgent job for…’
‘This is more urgent,’ I hissed. ‘The most urgent of urgent jobs.’
‘Right. OK. No problem.’
Bollocks. Robo-designer did not understand the severity of the situation.
‘Is Natalya interruptible?’
‘Say again?’
‘Can-you-get-Natalya?’
‘Natalya? Erm… I’m not sure. She’s with clients so…’
‘No, no, it’s fine. I don’t have much time, so I need you to write all this down. Then get Andy and Scott to help you. Heidi and I are in the Excalibur pitch, and the other agency have presented a similar idea to ours.’
‘OK…’
‘I need you to go into the presentation and rework the creative slides.’
‘The slides? Right.’
‘As fast as you can. The headline needs to be changed to say “Gen Z Cruising” with an image of young people having fun on boats and the Excalibur logo and website at the bottom. Can you do me a few different options then email me the updated deck? We’re on in forty minutes.’
‘Forty minutes?’
‘YES, James. We are here right now,’ I hissed through gritted teeth. The receptionist glanced over, and I needed to go back in before my absence became suspicious. ‘Is that OK? Can you do it?’
‘Sure.’
‘And you’ll email it to me?’
‘Yep. Did you say it was Kat?’
Jesus Christ. ‘Yes. Kat Brennan. One of the business directors of the agency.’
‘Right you are. I’ll take a look at it now for you.’
I didn’t hold out much hope. How the hell were we going to pull this off?
I went back into the boardroom and silently took my seat.
Mindy gave me a sympathetic smile across the table.
Heidi had probably told them I had cystitis, or an STD.
The room was now covered in boards and far too many photos of me for my liking.
‘I don’t remember signing a model release form for all these ads,’ I joked, seeing myself on top of a volcano, swimming in the sea, drinking cocktails with Heidi and Brooke, and on the tram in Lisbon with Leo.
‘They’re just positionals,’ Zach said, dismissively. ‘Obviously, we’ll use proper models for the campaign, if we’re appointed.’
‘Unless you’re interested?’ Leo said, twinkly eyed.
‘Let’s see who’s appointed first, shall we?’ I said, sweetly.
I scribbled on my notepad and Heidi frowned.
James is on it.
James who?
Freelancer. Others were in a meeting.
‘…and we’d suggest getting your message out there on hot air balloons. You can run a competition on social with different words on different balloons and have people work out the message.’
I was already thinking through the slides we’d need to delete from our presentation – at least half of them. Heidi could do the set-up and talk through the business side of things at the front, while I untangled the back. I tapped a message out to Natalya, under the table.
Me: Hey – urgent – I’ve briefed James. Need the Excalibur creative updating ASAP.
Natalya: Already on it.
I flashed the phone at Heidi, and she nodded in relief. It was the best we could do under the circumstances. Those cheating bastards.
‘I like it,’ Greg boomed, when Leo eventually finished talking. ‘But if we can be anything to anyone – how do we focus in enough to sell one vision? Sounds expensive to have hundreds of different scenarios.’
‘The beauty of the product you’re offering is that variety is a genuine truth. We can run a photo shoot on one of your cruises and get enough imagery to target eight different audience segments at once,’ Zach said.
‘We wouldn’t need to do lots of set-ups and scenarios, and incur model fees,’ Leo added, gesturing at me. ‘The idea can flex to work within any budget. A couple of models for the hero shots, and real passengers or crew for the rest.’
‘It can run for years. As many campaigns as there are cruises.’
My phone lit up with an email from Natalya.
God love her. She’d be getting a fat Christmas bonus if she pulled this one out of the bag.
I clicked on it to have a quick scan through, as Brooke coughed pointedly and gave me a look.
I’d have to wait to check it. She stood up and beamed at Greg, then turned to Zach and Leo.
‘Thank you so much for that excellent presentation, guys. It’s clear to see a lot of thought and work has gone into the ideas, plenty of food for thought. Can you email me the deck?’
‘Already done,’ Leo said, with a smile.
‘Always one step ahead. OK – let’s keep the energy UP. I’m conscious of time, so let’s have a quick comfort break and replenish coffees, while Heidi and Kat set up pitch two. That sound good to you, gals?’
Heidi and I nodded, like cartoon rabbits, as all the chairs squeaked back and everyone scarpered. To the loo, to vape, to check phones and have a few minutes to themselves, while Heidi and I had a professional meltdown.