Chapter 8
I pushed open the front door, letting out a deep breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding. The familiar weight of the day slid off my shoulders as I shrugged out of my coat, hanging it on the hook alongside my purse. Mark’s SUV was gone. My house was almost too quiet, but in a way that made me feel like I could finally exhale. Stepping into the kitchen, I noticed a note stuck to the refrigerator.
Went to the mall to see Santa Claus again . Dinner is in the oven .
A smile tugged at my lips as I approached the stove, finding a pan of mouthwatering lasagna waiting for me.
“Now we’re talking,” I mumbled while reaching into the oven to pull it out. Mark was really trying to win me over with his cooking—like that was all it would take. But still, it was sweet.
When my cell phone rang, I was preparing to wash my hands and cut a slice. I retrieved it from my purse, cradling it between my shoulder and ear. “Hello?”
“Hi, sweetheart,” came my mother's familiar voice.
“Hi, Mom.” I kicked off my shoes and settled into a chair at the table, already feeling the comfort of our conversation. Talking to her always felt like wrapping myself in a warm blanket on a cold day.
“I haven’t heard from you in a week. How have you and Tyler been?”
“Fine,” I replied, but I knew she could hear more in my voice.
There was a pause before she asked, “What’s going on?”
I hesitated, unsure if I wanted to dive into everything swirling around in my head. There was no point in pretending; she always knew when something was up. “Mark’s home,” I finally said.
“Oh!” Mom’s surprise was apparent. “And how is that going?”
“Actually, better than I imagined. Mark fell in love with Tyler the minute he saw him.”
Mom chuckled softly. “Well, that’s easy to do... he is a little ham. How does Tyler feel having his dad around?”
I smiled, resting my chin in my palm. “He already knows the word ‘da-da.’ Mark gave Liz the holiday off so he could take care of Tyler.”
There was a brief silence, and then my mother asked the question I dreaded. “And how do you feel having him around?”
I sighed, the mixed emotions I’d been wrestling with bubbling up. “Relieved, happy, confused,” I confessed, the words tumbling out before I could stop them.
“How so?”
I knew what she’d say, but I couldn’t keep it bottled up anymore. “Mark asked me to marry him.”
Mom took a deep breath. “And?”
“And I told him no,” I admitted.
I heard the surprise in her response. “I thought you were in love with him?”
Her words hung in the air for a moment before I spoke again. “I do, or at least I did. But he doesn’t love me.” It felt strange to say it out loud, like finally admitting a secret I’d been hiding from even myself.
“How can you be so sure?”
“He told me so...,” I admitted. “The only reason he proposed is because he doesn’t want Tyler to be raised without a father.”
“Is that so bad?”
“Yes, Mom, it is. I won’t settle for anything less than love.”
I heard her dragging air into her nose before saying, “Maybe deep down in his heart, he does love you.”
“Maybe, but I’m not willing to take that chance.”
“Well, I trust you to follow your heart. You know what’s best. Just remember to consider what’s best for Tyler, too.”
I sighed again, the weight of the sentence settling over me. “I know.”
Sensing she had given me enough to think about, Mom switched topics. “Your aunt Tina’s coming up for Christmas.”
“Oh, that’s great,” I said, happy for the distraction. “Is she bringing anyone with her?”
“As many as she can load in her van,” she chuckled. “You know they can put away some food, so I’m expecting all the help I can get for dinner.”
“I’ll be more than happy to help. In fact, I’m sure Mark wouldn’t mind pitching in either.”
“Oh, really?”
“Oh, Mom, he’s a wonderful cook! I’ve come home the past week to delicious homemade meals, not Hamburger Helper.”
“I see.”
“I don’t remember when I’ve eaten so well, and I don’t know how he managed it after spending the entire day with Tyler, but he did. He even washes dishes and does laundry.”
“And this is the guy you refused to marry? Maybe you need to lend him to me for a few days.”
I gasped, suddenly realizing how I must have sounded, singing Mark’s praises. But the truth was, he was making it hard not to. “Mom, just let me know what you need, and I’ll take care of it.”
Mom chuckled knowingly. “I’m sure you will.”
I groaned inwardly, feeling the urge to wrap up the conversation. “Mom, I just got in, and I haven’t even had a chance to change out of my clothes,” I said, hoping she’d get the hint.
“Sure, dear. I’ll talk to you this weekend.” She was still chuckling as we hung up.
Now you’ve done it, I thought, hanging up the receiver. I could already hear Mom telling Dad, and I knew the questions would start coming from all sides.
Still scolding myself, my eyes drifted to the end of the counter, where I spotted a small gray remote control. Curious, I picked it up and turned it over in my hand. When I pressed the button, I heard a loud motorized sound from the garage.
“Oh, no, he didn’t,” I mumbled as I rushed through the laundry room to open the side door. I gasped. Mark had installed an electric garage opener. My heart did a little flip, the kind you get when someone surprises you in the best way. He was so thoughtful. What am I going to do?
“I’ll tell you what you’re going to do,” I said aloud. “You’re going to put your shoes back on and park your car in the garage.” With the remote in hand and a smile creeping across my face, I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my car keys, feeling something warm and hopeful settle in my chest.
* * *
I pulled into Essence’s driveway, letting the engine idle momentarily as a mix of satisfaction and frustration settled over me. Tyler had been a superstar at the mall, charming every woman within a ten-mile radius with those big brown eyes and that infectious laugh. It was like rolling around with a celebrity. One look at him and women practically tripped over themselves to initiate a conversation. But as flattering as all that attention was, none of it mattered. There was only one woman I wanted, and she was the one who kept drawing that damn line in the sand. Essence. She made it clear from the jump that all she wanted was for us to be co-parents for Tyler.
Nothing more, nothing less.
And I’d agreed—at least for now. But Essence knew as well as I did that I wasn’t the type to settle for less than I wanted. And I wanted her. Bad. I turned off the engine, grabbed Tyler, and approached the house. As soon as I stepped inside, I noticed the soft glow of the TV casting a warm light over the living room. Essence was stretched out on the sofa, looking all kinds of relaxed, watching one of those sappy Hallmark Christmas movies she seemed to love so much. The empty plate on the coffee table told me she’d enjoyed the lasagna I left for her. Good. I was hoping she would. “Hey,” I said, setting Tyler down. He immediately toddled over to Essence, climbing onto the sofa like he’d been doing it forever. “Hey,” she replied, her eyes flicking from the TV to me, already bracing herself. I could see it in how she tensed like she was waiting for me to start in on her again about our future and how I wasn’t just gonna be some part-time dad. But tonight, I had a different plan. “Tyler’s had a big day,” I said, keeping my tone casual as I scooped him back up. “I’m gonna get him ready for bed.” Essence blinked, clearly surprised, but she didn’t say a word. She watched as I carried Tyler down the hall to his room, probably wondering what was up. I went through the whole bedtime routine, giving Tyler a quick bath, getting him into his little pajamas, and tucking him into his crib. He was out like a light within minutes, his tiny chest rising and falling steadily. I stood there momentarily, just watching him sleep, feeling that familiar pride and protectiveness that always hit me when I saw him like this.
Our son.
After ensuring he was settled, I returned to the living room. Essence was still on the sofa, her eyes on the TV, but I could tell she wasn’t really watching anymore. She was waiting, expecting me to sit and start the conversation we both knew was inevitable.
But not tonight.
I walked over to the door, grabbing my coat. “Well, I’m gonna head out. See you in the morning,” I said, keeping my tone light, almost calm.
Essence sat up a little straighter, her eyes widening slightly in surprise. “You’re leaving?”
“Yep,” I replied like it was the most natural thing in the world. “Tyler’s down for the night, and you look like you’re enjoying your movie. Figured I’d let you relax.”
She didn’t say anything at first; she just stared at me like she was trying to figure out what game I was playing. I could see the confusion in her eyes, the way her mind was racing, trying to make sense of it.
“Thanks for the garage opening,” she said shyly.
“No problem. I am glad I could help.”
“Do you want to watch a movie?” she said, gesturing toward the sofa so I could join her. “We can turn to something else?”
The idea was so damn tempting. “No, I have other plans,” I said, flashing a quick smile before turning and heading for the door. “Good night, Essence.”
“Good night,” she finally managed to say, her voice a little uncertain, like she wasn’t sure what just happened.
I walked out, closing the door behind me, and couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face as I got into my car. I knew I was leaving her wondering, and that’s exactly what I wanted. I played by her rules tonight, but I ensured she knew I wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t backing down, and I damn sure wasn’t giving up.
Patience. That’s what this was about. I could give her that—for now. Let her think she was in control. Let her wonder what I was up to. But one way or another, I would break down those walls she kept putting up. I would make her see that we weren’t just meant to be co-parents. We were meant to be together, and I wasn’t stopping until she was all in.