Chapter 10
Tamara blinked a few times, trying to process what I just said. “Wait, let me get this straight. Mark has asked you to marry him not once, not twice, but three times, and you’ve turned him down each time?”
“Don’t even go there,” I warned her, feeling the frustration bubbling up.
Tamara just shook her head, clearly not understanding. “Sis, I can’t figure you out. You’ve been waiting for this man for years, turning down almost every double date I’ve tried to set you up on, and now that he’s back, you suddenly decide you’re not interested?”
I looked up from my lunch, trying to deny it. “I haven’t been waiting for him.”
“Oh, yes, you have,” Tamara laughed. “No man has ever been able to hold a candle to the insatiable Mark Saunders.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know why I even bother telling you anything.”
“Because you know I’m going to give it to you straight,” she shot back, reaching for her hamburger and taking another bite.
I glanced at Tyler, sitting in a high chair, happily eating broccoli with his little fingers. He’d be sleepy soon. I knew it. We’d been Christmas shopping at the Dover Mall since it opened, all at Tamara’s insistence. I preferred waiting until school was on winter break so the stores wouldn’t be so crowded. Shopping on a weekend during the holiday season was a big mistake. Trying to push a baby stroller through a crowd of shoppers was even worse.
We spent most of the morning trying to find something our picky mother might actually like. Eventually, we settled on a mall gift card. Dad was much easier—three new ties, and he'd be over the moon. Picking out gifts for my niece and nephew was a breeze. Aaliyah was thirteen, going on twenty-five, obsessed with the latest fashion, and Cameron was all about video games. With Tamara’s help, I found a leather belt for her husband, Dennis. Tamara’s gift would have to wait until she wasn’t around, peeking in my bags.
Every Christmas, we drew names, and I’d pulled my aunt Geraldine. She was a seventy-year-old widow who collected angels, so I found her a limited-edition glass sculpture.
As we passed several men’s clothing stores, I debated buying Mark a gift from Tyler but decided against it. It would feel too much like a gift from me, and I didn’t want him reading anything into it.
I’d been trying to get my emotions checked all day, but nothing made sense. So, after waiting forty-five minutes for a booth at Cheddar’s, I spilled my guts to my big sister.
“So, little sis, what are you going to do?” Tamara’s question pulled me out of my thoughts.
I closed my eyes and mumbled, “Nothing. I’m not going to marry him.”
“Give me one good reason why not?”
I opened my eyes and stared at her, feeling the weight of my confession. “Because I think I’m still in love with him.”
Tamara leaned back on the bench and burst out laughing. “Tell me something I don’t know.” She chuckled as she reached over to help Tyler with a piece of steamed broccoli that kept slipping through his fingers. “Ain’t that right, Tyler? Your mommy loves your daddy.”
“Da Da,” Tyler babbled.
“See, even Tyler knows.” Tamara couldn’t stop laughing. “I don’t see what the problem is. Mark wants to marry you, and you’re in love with him. Sounds like the perfect solution to me.”
I speared a shrimp with my fork and turned away. I hated when Tamara tried to give me advice when all I really wanted was for her to listen. “I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving him. I want him in my bed so badly it’s driving me crazy,” I admitted, gazing at her with despair. There was no hiding the frustration in my voice.
“After two years, sex is long overdue,” she said between bites.
I frowned at her. “There’s more to a relationship than sex,” I scolded softly. Dropping my fork, I rested my chin in my hand. “I love Mark, but he doesn’t love me.”
Tamara gave me a skeptical look. “How do you know?”
“He told me so.”
She shrugged. “Men say all kinds of things. I don’t think Mark would’ve asked you to marry him just for the hell of it.”
I shook my head, my thoughts swirling. “He asked me because of Tyler. He wants his son to have a stable home with two parents like him.”
Her full lips curled into a knowing smile. “I can’t argue there. We grew up with both of our parents. I don’t know what I’d do if Dennis and I weren’t together.”
I snorted and picked up my fork again. “That’s not about to happen. I’ve never seen a couple more in love than you two.” Tamara had married her high school sweetheart, and on her thirty-fourth birthday, they’d celebrate sixteen years together. Sometimes, it was hard to believe, especially when she wore her hair in that simple ponytail and bangs that made her look years younger. Like our mother, Tamara had skin the color of Colombian coffee beans, with large dark-brown eyes.
I reached over to help Tyler with his drink cup. “Mark doesn’t believe in commitment. He told me so.”
Tamara shrugged again. “People change.”
A frown creased my forehead. “If I marry Mark, I’ll be shortchanging myself. I want a man who loves me.”
“Like Malcolm?” she retorted, rolling her eyes. “Girl, I have never met a man more wrong for you than him.”
I sighed, dropping my arm onto the table. “True, but you must admit he loves Tyler and me.”
“And that makes it right?”
I was quiet for a moment, then finally sighed and replied, “No, but it’s something to work with.”
Tamara leaned forward, elbows on the table, fingers laced together. “I disagree. You deserve to be happy, and even though I haven’t met Mark yet, I know you’d be happy with him. It’s written all over your face. Every time you mention him, your eyes light up.”
I reached down for my last onion ring and popped it in my mouth. I knew she was right. Malcolm wasn’t right for me, but was I willing to shortchange myself and marry Mark? I don’t think so. I knew that since his return, I’d barely slept a wink. And when I did, every gesture, every expression, even the sound of his voice replayed over and over in my mind.
“I wish I didn’t love him so much,” I murmured softly.
Tamara gave me a half-smile. “Girl, there’s nothing wrong with loving a man.”
“It is when he doesn’t love you.”
A wry smile tilted the corners of Tamara’s mouth. “Then make him love you.”
I studied her for a moment, unsure. “And how am I supposed to do that?”
She locked her gaze with mine. “Throw some of that Monroe whip appeal on him. He won’t know what hit him.”
Unconsciously, I stirred my iced tea with my straw. Tamara had no idea how close I’d come. The only thing holding me back was my stubborn pride.
“You need to get him to fall in love,” Tamara suggested while sipping her lemonade.
My mouth dropped open at how easily she said it. I used to think my sister was such a prude. Over the years, I’d learned otherwise. “Girl, you’re crazy. Some of us have more important things on our minds.”
“What you need to be thinking about is how to hook Tyler’s daddy,” she said, exaggerating her perfectly arched eyebrows.
“Da-Da.”
We both turned to Tyler simultaneously and couldn’t help but laugh.
Tamara’s smile widened. “See, even Tyler agrees.”.”
* * *
Texas !
Man, I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. The news hit me like a damn sledgehammer last night—report to a military intelligence unit at Fort Cavazos, Texas, the day after New Year’s. Just like that, everything I’d been planning, everything I’d been working toward, got flipped on its head.
Damn it!
I fell back on the mattress, staring at the ceiling, trying to understand everything. Texas meant I’d be hundreds of miles away from Tyler. And Essence. The whole reason I’d pushed to stay on the East Coast was to be close, within driving distance, so I could see them as often as I wanted. Now, that plan was straight-up shot to hell.
Three weeks. That’s all I had left. Three weeks to figure out what the hell I was gonna do.
I laced my hands behind my head, my eyes roaming the room, trying to piece it together. Why did Essence have to be so damn stubborn? I wanted to raise our son together. I promised to be faithful to her—something I’ve never offered any other woman. So, what’s the problem?
But I knew what the problem was. It’s always been clear.
My gaze landed on the old baseball bats lined up along the blue walls. My mom had surprised me with them for my tenth birthday, decking out the room just how I wanted. It was still the same twenty years later, like a time capsule. It would be perfect for a little boy.
I couldn’t help but smile when thoughts of Tyler flooded my mind. After the snow hit yesterday, I bought a sled and took him to the park. We tore up those slopes, his laughter echoing through the air, more precious than anything I’d ever heard. Afterward, we hit up Chuck E. Cheese for lunch. It was perfect—just me and my little man.
Every day, driving to and from Essence’s place, I was smiling, thinking about something Tyler had done. My feelings for my son ran deep, deeper than I ever imagined. I’d always been willing to take a bullet for my family, but for Tyler? I’d lay down my life in a heartbeat.
And then there was Essence. No woman had ever gotten under my skin like she had. This wasn’t just about lust—it was something real, something deeper. It was the bond we shared, the fact that she wasn’t just another woman. She was the mother of my child, and that meant something.
I inhaled a ragged breath, trying to calm the storm brewing inside me. Sitting in bed, I rested my elbows on my knees like I did every night after leaving her house. I’d lie awake, thinking about those kisses, aching for a release only she could give me. No one else would do. It was Essence I wanted.
I could still feel the heat of her lips, the softness of her body pressed against mine.
Three weeks. That’s all the time I had to convince her to take a chance on us. I’d have to use every minute, every second, to remind her how good we were together. I knew I had a fight on my hands, but I was a captain in the United States Army—I was built for challenges. And Essence? She was as stubborn as they came, but I was just as determined.
Lying there, I realized it was time to switch up my strategy. I wasn’t just going to fight for her; I was going to enjoy every single moment of it. I would prove to her that I was the man for her and she was the woman for me. I’d come to understand that my life was meaningless without them—without Essence and Tyler. If that meant opening my heart and letting love in, so be it. I wasn’t backing down. Not now, not ever. Essence was worth the fight, and I was going to make damn sure she knew it.
* * *
After leaving the mall, I made a quick stop at the grocery store to pick up a few things. It was close to four when I finally pulled into my driveway. As I pressed the button on the remote control clipped to my visor, a smile tugged at my lips. I was still getting used to the luxury of parking in the garage, all thanks to Mark.
I opened the rear door, ducking my head inside to smooth back Tyler’s dark baby curls. “We’re home, handsome,” I whispered, unfastening the safety belt on his car seat. Carefully slipping his arms through the straps, I lifted my sleeping angel into my arms.
“Need some help?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard Mark’s voice. Spinning around, I found him looking too comfortable in my space. My heart did a little flip, making me angry at how easily he affected me.
“It’s the weekend, Mark. What are you doing here?” I tried to keep my voice low, not wanting to wake Tyler.
“I thought I’d drop by and check on you two,” he said as he shut the car door behind me like he belonged here.
“Tyler had a full day at the mall and is now sound asleep,” I replied, wishing I’d been smart enough to close the garage door behind me.
Mark just grinned, those white teeth contrasting against his dark brown skin. “Looks like you’ve got your hands full. Let me carry him inside for you.”
Before I could protest, Mark had already taken Tyler from my arms and was heading toward the side entrance. I hurried after him, fumbling with my keys to unlock the door, and followed him inside.
The way Mark moved through my house with such ease put me on edge. Things were getting way out of hand, and I knew it was time for us to have a serious talk.
I rushed ahead of him to Tyler’s room and pulled back the comforter on his bed.
“Should I take off his shoes?” Mark asked, his voice soft as he gazed down at our sleeping son.
I nodded, watching Mark gently ease off one, then the other. It always surprised me how gentle he could be. It was that side of him that had captured my heart the first time, and that same side was trying to pull me back in.
I watched as Mark’s fingers brushed Tyler’s tiny hand, the love in his golden eyes undeniable. It made my heart ache in a way that almost had me reconsidering everything. If only Mark could give me the one thing I desired most, the decision would be easy.
Pressing my lips together, I pushed the thought aside. “Mark, we need to talk.”
Mark straightened, stepping away from Tyler’s bed. “Sure, just let me know when you’re ready,” he said, not waiting for my response before leaving the room.
I was about to follow him when a whimper from Tyler’s bed made me turn back. After calming and watching him drift back to sleep, I turned on the baby monitor, quietly shut the door, and searched for Mark. I found him carrying the last of my bags from the car.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, my voice sharper than I intended. “I mean... I was going to get the bags from the car.”
He turned those golden eyes on me, a smirk playing on his lips. “I thought I’d save you the trouble. Where do you want these?” he asked, holding up several plastic bags.
His dimpled smile worked its magic, warming me in places I didn’t want to acknowledge. “You can leave the groceries on the counter. I’ll take the bags in your hands,” I said, walking over to retrieve the Christmas gifts.
“Would one of those be for me, by any chance?” he teased, his eyes sparkling.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” I shot back, rolling my eyes. Bags in hand, I pivoted and headed to my room, hoping to get away before my resistance completely melted.
When I returned, I stood near the door, watching Mark put a gallon of milk in the refrigerator. The way he moved around my kitchen so comfortably made me uneasy. This wasn’t his place.
I leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. “Mark, you want to tell me what’s going on?”
“Going on?” he repeated, playing all innocent. But I knew better. Mark was far from innocent, and I wasn’t about to fall for his charm, no matter how tempting.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, my patience wearing thin.
The teasing light in his eyes faded, replaced by something more serious. “I’m here because you’re here, and so is my son. I told you I plan to spend every minute I can with Tyler,” he said, his eyes locking onto mine. “And I wanted to spend some time with you, too.”
“With me?” I echoed, feeling my defenses crumble as he ruffled my feathers like always.
His gaze dropped to my lips before meeting my eyes again, sending chills racing through me, heat settling low in my belly. “I want to take you out on a date, spend time together, and show you how much I want to be with you.”
I was torn between slapping him and kissing him. He was so damn hardheaded.
“Mark, please don’t start that again. It’s growing annoying.”
He pushed away from the counter and walked toward me, making my breath hitch and my heart skip a beat. “I’m not here to make things difficult, Essence. I’m here to show you how much I need you in my life,” he said, his voice like warm honey, thick and seductively sweet.
“You’re kidding, right?” I chuckled, thinking he was playing around. But the look on his face told me he wasn’t.
He rubbed a hand over his shaved jaw, his expression serious. “Do I look like I’m kidding?”
I quickly got over the shock, my irritation flaring up. Dropping a hand to my waist, I sighed, my eyes narrowing. “And I guess you think that if you keep this up, I’ll eventually accept your offer of marriage?”
“That’s the plan,” he smirked.
“It won’t work,” I snapped, trying to ignore how my heart pounded.
A crooked smile tugged at his lips. “Yes, it will.”
I shook my head, dropping my eyes as the weight of his gaze sent electricity racing through my veins. I couldn’t believe how arrogant he was, and what really got to me was how much that trait turned me on. “No, it won’t. I thought I made myself perfectly clear about my reasons for not marrying you.”
His grin deepened, his confidence unwavering. “You did, but I plan to change your mind about us and me.”
* * *
Silence stretched between us, she glaring and me grinning. Essence’s magenta lips were pursed in a thin line. Her arms were folded beneath her breasts. The orange cashmere sweater she wore showed ample cleavage, causing my loins to stir.
A brotha was starting to get under her skin.
I watched her, waiting for some comeback, while my eyes traveled down to her shapely legs in a pair of black jeans that fit her like a second skin. She was a tempting sight. I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms and kiss her until we fell to the vinyl flooring in a tangled knot of hungry hands and arching bodies.
I fought the urge to take her in my arms. There were still a lot of things we needed to work out, a lot of things I still had to make her understand. I needed to think with my head, not my other body parts. That was what had gotten us into this mess in the first place.
Only I couldn’t help myself.
I eased up to her until our hips connected, savoring the contact of lush breasts and legs.
“Don’t,” she whispered, with little force behind the word. My hand rose and tipped her face up toward mine.
“Let it happen, Essence,” I murmured, barely touching my mouth to hers, drowning in the feeling.
I buried my hands in her hair and kissed her so deeply I almost forgot how to breathe. My lips were demanding, my embrace possessive and strong. I challenged her with my kisses, wordlessly demanding that she acknowledge the tension and sexual heat that existed between us. A heat that was capable of welding us together.
“Mark, stop!” Essence jerked away, and her nostrils flared. “We’ve been getting along so well. Why’d you have to go and ruin it!”
“I only have a few weeks left,” I argued and followed swiftly behind her as she started down the hall.
She swung around. “And? I thought you were going to Ft. Meade?”
“I... I am,” he lied. “But that’s beside the point. I want to come home to you and Tyler each night, not to cold and empty officer quarters.”
She waved a dismissive hand. “Listen, I’ve had a long day and want to start dinner before Tyler wakes up. So, if you don’t mind leaving...”
“Not yet. I brought Tyler something.”
She threw up her hands in a gesture of dismissal. “Fine.” She turned and entered her room, slamming the door behind her.
* * *
Once inside, I stood very still, my knees trembling like I’d just spent an hour on a damn stationary bike. My heart was pounding so hard in the sudden silence I could barely hear myself think. One kiss. How could one kiss turn my whole day upside down like this?
Because you love him.
That knowledge alone was going to be my downfall.
When I finally found the nerve to leave my room, I was greeted by the sight of Mark lugging a full-sized Christmas tree through the front door.
“What are you doing?” I asked, completely appalled. “I already have a tree.”
Mark peered around the pine branches, flashing that infuriatingly charming grin of his. “Don’t get me wrong, your tree is cute, but kids like big trees.”
“I really don’t think Tyler is old enough to care,” I mumbled, rubbing my arms as if that could shake off the shivers running down my spine.
“Maybe not,” he said with a smirk that sent my heart into a foolish frenzy. “But with all the lights, he’ll be fascinated. Besides, I’m a kid at heart.” He shut the door and reached into a brown sack, pulling out a tree stand.
I stayed quiet, watching him set up that big tree right next to mine. My little tree looked pitiful in comparison, like a weed trying to grow in the shadow of a giant.
But as I stood there, something in his manner started to soothe the storm inside me. Instead of grabbing him by the neck and demanding that he listen to reason, I just leaned against the wall, wrapping my arms around myself for comfort, and watched.
As if sensing the shift in my mood, Mark glanced over his shoulder and said, “I promise to leave after Tyler and I decorate the tree.”
I wanted to scream, ‘Liar, liar,’ but the tenderness in his gaze when he spoke about our son hit me right in the gut. It was moments like this that made it damn near impossible to stay mad at him.
I nodded, though deep down, I strongly suspected his leaving wouldn’t be easy. Mark had a way of making himself at home, of making me forget why I was supposed to keep my distance.