Chapter 14
After Mark brought Tyler home, put him to bed, and said goodnight, I hopped into the shower, feeling the weight of the school year finally melting off my shoulders. The hot water ran over me, washing away the stress and exhaustion. As I turned off the shower and stepped out, I grabbed a towel, drying off quickly. I wasn’t just tired physically, but mentally. With school closed until the new year, I was looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow—assuming Tyler decided to cooperate and do the same. He’d been knocked out since eight-thirty, and when I glanced at my phone, I saw it was barely ten.
I reached for my candy cane Christmas pajamas, hanging on the back of the bathroom door, and slipped into them. As I stared at myself in the mirror, the truth I’d been avoiding hit me hard.
I’d been foolish.
We both knew the long daily visits were over when Mark left tonight. Now that school was closed for winter break, any time he spent with Tyler would be planned. And that thought hit me harder than I expected because, deep down, I had gotten used to him being around. We were starting to feel like... a family.
I grabbed my face cleanser, massaging it into my skin and neck before rinsing it off with a damp cloth. My heart wasn’t in it anymore—this constant dance of denying what I felt, pretending I didn’t want more from him. I wanted Mark with an intensity that scared me.
After brushing my teeth, I climbed into bed. The emptiness of it was like a cold reminder of everything I was missing. How amazing would it be to have Mark here, filling not just this bed but this space in my life? I ached for him—for the warmth of his body pressed against mine, for his presence to calm the storm of emotions I’d been trying to suppress. I knew I couldn’t settle for a loveless marriage, but what did that do with me getting what I wanted right now?
It had been two years, and I was ready to explode with need. I wanted one man and one man only. Mark. I couldn’t deny it anymore. I’d made up my mind. The next time I saw him, I would tell him how I felt. A sly smile curled on my lips as I felt warmth spreading through my body at the thought.
Friends with benefits.
That way, Mark would get part of what he wanted, I’d get mine, and Tyler would have both of his parents around. It seemed like a perfect setup. Mark could visit from Maryland as often as he liked. I pulled the covers to my neck, hugging my legs to my chest. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. What would Mark say?
I clicked off the lamp and snuggled into my pillow, feeling more at ease now that I had decided. Sleep came quickly, and before long, I was dreaming. In my dream, Mark was there, showing me exactly how much I meant to him in the only way he knew how. But then my phone rang, dragging me out of my dream.
“Hello?” I answered, my voice still groggy with sleep.
“Essence,” Mark’s deep, rich voice vibrated through the phone, instantly warming me. “Did I wake you?” he asked, sounding more tender than usual.
I sat up in bed, fingers running through my hair as if trying to shake off the dream. “No, I was... um, reading.” There was a long pause between us, thick with the unspoken.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, sensing his hesitation.
“Yes... no, not really. I wanted to see if you’d have dinner with me tomorrow night.”
I was about to decline out of habit, but then I heard my sister’s voice in my head: “Do it, Sis! Do it!” She constantly pushed me toward the things I was too scared to want. And I had already decided I wasn’t denying myself anymore.
“I’d like that,” I answered, hearing the pleasure in my voice.
“Good,” Mark replied, his warmth wrapping around me through the phone. “I’ll call you in the morning.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Sweet dreams.”
Even after he hung up, I still held the phone, smiling like a fool. His words and tone all lingered, wrapping around me like the coziest blanket.