Chapter 13 Push Away #3
"I still don't know whether that was courage or stupidity."
"Maybe it was neither."
Gideon looked at him.
"Maybe it was a decision made by someone who loved another person and didn't want to leave him behind."
Gideon's expression shifted.
Nico continued.
"But whatever it was, you survived it."
Gideon looked down at his scarred hands.
"I don't feel like I did."
"I know."
"I feel like I walked out and left him there."
Nico's chest tightened.
"You don't have to convince yourself that you were right every second of that night."
Gideon looked at him.
"You don't have to turn it into a clean story where you did everything perfectly. You made decisions in a disaster. Marcus died. You survived. Both things can be true without you spending the rest of your life punishing yourself."
Gideon looked away.
Nico let the silence remain.
After several seconds, Gideon said, "What if something happens to you?"
"Then it happens."
Gideon's face tightened.
Nico stepped closer.
"But I will not spend my life making every decision based on the possibility of dying."
He stopped within reach.
"Neither should you."
Gideon's breathing became slow and controlled.
Nico knew that expression.
He had seen it before.
The moment Gideon wanted to touch him but did not trust himself to move.
So Nico stayed still.
"I am not asking you to promise that nothing will happen," Nico said. "I'm not asking you to stop being afraid."
"What are you asking?"
"Nothing."
Gideon frowned.
Nico gave him a tired smile.
"I'm not asking you to stay."
The words surprised them both.
"I'm telling you that if you leave, it has to be because you don't want this anymore. Not because you decided I am incapable of choosing it."
Gideon stared at him.
Nico continued.
"If you don't want me, tell me."
Gideon's expression broke.
"But don't tell me you love me and then disappear because you think I'm too fragile to choose you."
"I never said you were fragile."
"You don't have to."
Gideon looked at the floor.
Nico took a slow breath.
"I don't need a hero."
Gideon looked up.
"I don't need someone who can guarantee my safety."
Nico's voice softened.
"I need someone who can stand beside me and let me decide what my life means."
For a long moment, neither man moved.
Then Gideon said, "I don't know if I can."
"I know."
That answer seemed to surprise him.
Nico reached out slowly, stopping before touching him.
He waited.
Gideon looked at Nico's hand.
Then at his face.
Finally, Gideon nodded.
Nico placed his hand lightly against Gideon's forearm.
The contact was simple.
There was no seduction in it.
No attempt to force closeness.
It was an invitation.
Gideon did not pull away.
His eyes closed.
"I want you," he whispered.
Nico's throat tightened.
"I know."
"I'm just terrified."
"I know."
"I don't know how to be both."
Nico's thumb moved once against Gideon's skin.
"Then learn."
Gideon opened his eyes.
"With you?"
"If that's what you choose."
Gideon stared at him for several seconds.
Then he turned his hand and held Nico's.
The gesture was small.
It was also a choice.
Nico squeezed his fingers.
Neither of them pretended the danger had disappeared.
The investigation was still active.
The people connected to the old fire were still somewhere in the city.
The threat had not vanished.
And Gideon's fear was not cured because he had admitted it.
But something had changed.
For the first time, Gideon seemed to understand that protecting Nico did not mean building a cage around him.
It meant trusting him enough to let him walk beside him.
Gideon looked toward the street.
"I still don't know what happens next."
"Neither do I."
"You're not angry?"
"I am."
Gideon almost smiled.
"Fair."
"I'm also not leaving."
He looked at Nico.
"Not because you asked me to stay," Nico added. "Because that's my decision."
Gideon's fingers tightened around his.
"Okay."
It was not a promise.
It was not a resolution.
It was only one word.
But for Gideon, it was a beginning.
Nico released his hand first.
"Call me tonight."
Gideon nodded.
"And Gideon?"
"Yeah?"
"If you decide you can't do this, tell me the truth."
"I will."
"Don't disappear."
Gideon's eyes met his.
"I won't."
Nico turned toward the doors.
He walked away without looking back.
Gideon watched him cross the street and enter the tattoo studio.
Only after Nico disappeared behind the glass did Gideon realize something.
He had spent six years believing that survival meant taking responsibility for every life around him.
He had confused responsibility with control.
He had believed that loving someone meant standing between them and every possible danger.
Now, for the first time, he understood something harder.
Love required trust.
Not blind trust.
Not the kind that ignored danger.
The kind that respected another person's right to choose.
Gideon looked down at the place where Nico's hand had rested.
His fear was still there.
It had not become smaller.
But it no longer felt like an instruction.
It felt like what it was.
Fear.
And for once, Gideon did not obey it immediately.
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