Chapter 2
Well, like we told Harker, the last time we had to get to Fairyland, we went through a portal at Ruby Falls,” I said, looking around at my gathered team.
I had a shaved Sasquatch, a human who was kind of a douchebro, a tech genius who couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a twelve-gauge, a Latino priest who I barely knew but had proven himself capable in a fight, the mostly psychotic kid sister of my dead first fiancée, and one of the most dangerous people I’d ever met, who gave the middle finger to Satan and had breakfast with Dracula at least once a week.
It was not the team I would have hand-picked, but it was the family that picked, me, so it was the crew I was gonna go to war with.
Oh, and there was a nonbinary stagehand who was just along for the ride as far as I could tell.
I hadn’t decided what I thought of Ash yet, but they seemed to be the only person enthusiastic about going to Fairyland, so that had to count for something.
“I reckon we load up in a couple vehicles and go to Chattanooga. Then we cross into Fairyland and get our people back,” I said, sincerely hoping someone would come up with a better idea.
Harker cleared his throat. “Yeah, that might be a problem,” he said.
“Why?” I asked. “It worked once, no reason to think it won’t work again. And last time, it took us right into the Winter Court, so it oughta be just a hop, skip, and a foot in the ass to get to Mab and free everybody.”
“Except I closed that portal last year,” the demon hunter said.
“What?” I asked.
“I told you I had a run-in with Oberon, right?” Harker asked.
“Yeah, but what does that have to do with a portal to Winter?” Skeeter asked.
Harker looked at him like he was an idiot, then relaxed a little.
“Okay, I’m gonna have to give you more information about magic, especially dimensional travel, than you probably want to know, but you’re gonna get it anyway.
Portals aren’t fixed on both ends. Honestly, they aren’t fixed on either end, but they seem to be.
It feels like you stepped into a doorway in Chattanooga and stepped out in Winter, but that’s not what happened. ”
“Hate to break it to you, pal, but that’s pretty much what happened,” I said. “I remember, on account of being there.”
“No, that’s what it felt like happened, but what really happened was you stepped into a void between planes, and your will and desire connected one end of the portal to the place you most wanted to go, and that’s where you popped out,” Harker said.
“That’s stupid,” I argued. “I didn’t even know where Winter was when we went through. How could I have wanted to go there?”
“You told me once that your mother was with you on that trip, right?”
“Yeah, so?”
“And your mother is a Princess of Fairy, the Heir of Winter, right?”
“I repeat, yeah, so?”
“Then she probably was very familiar with Winter and its castle, right?”
“Shit,” I said. That made sense, in the kind of weird sense that stuff makes with magic, which is kinda saying it didn’t make any sense at all unless you hold your head just right.
“Because Mama was with us, and she knew the Winter Court better than any other place in Fairyland, her subconscious took us there. Is that what you’re saying? ”
“Pretty much. Which means that even if the portal to Faerie was still open under Ruby Falls, which it isn’t because I’ve been closing down every portal I could find ever since I found out Oberon wants to destroy all of humanity, there’s no guarantee it would lead you to the same place.
” The wizard shrugged. “Sorry about that.”
“Well, now what?” I asked. “There’s a whole lot of humans trapped in the wrong dimension, and we’ve got to get them out!”
Harker let out a half-chuckle, half-sigh. “Funny enough, that sounds like almost the exact thing I had to deal with on my last vacation, except mine involved a lot more dismemberment.”
“I haven’t started ripping people’s arms off yet,” I shot back. “What did you do?”
“I went to Hell and got them out. But I know how to get to Hell already.”
“Yeah, you change planes in Atlanta,” Ash said. Everyone turned to stare at them. “What? You’ve all heard the joke, and this shit is getting way too serious. You guys need to lighten up.”
“Lighten up?” I said, stomping over to the rainbow-haired stagehand/caterer.
“You want me to lighten up? My fiancée and most of her family are trapped in Fairyland, along with an entire damned building and almost everybody I give a shit about in my hometown, and you want me to lighten up?!?” I was yelling by the end, but they just stood there staring up at me.
“Yes. I want you to get out of my goddamned face, take a few deep breaths, and lighten the hell up. You’re running around like a chicken with its head cut off, all locked in on the one way you knew about to get to Faerie, without even listening to what the hottie with the stubble is saying.”
That stopped me dead in my tracks. I did just what Ash asked and took a step back. “What do you mean, what he’s saying?”
“What do you mean, hottie?” Geri asked, looking cockeyed at Harker, who just stood there in his kind scruffy sport coat over his jeans, with a little five o’clock shadow even though it wasn’t noon yet, and shrugged.
“Girl, please,” Ash said. “Tell me you wouldn’t climb that like a tree.”
Quincy Harker did something I would have sworn on a stack of whatever book you think is holy he was incapable of doing. He blushed. I reveled in his discomfort for a couple seconds before bringing the new kid back on track. “Ash, what exactly did Harker say that you think is relevant?”
“He said he’s been closing down portals as fast as he can find them.
Which means that he’s either got a list of where a bunch of them are, or some way to find them.
” She turned to him. “So what’s the story, morning glory?
You gonna tell us how to get to Faerie, or am I going to start listing all the ways I think you’re smoking hot until you die of embarrassment? ”
Harker surrendered almost immediately, holding up both hands, palms-out. “I yield, I yield. I do have a list of potential sites where there either may be portals, or where there have been portals in the past. But I’ve cleared all the ones between here and Atlanta.”
“But that’s not the whole list, is it?” Ash asked.
They were giving him a very direct look, and it wasn’t the one where they were thinking about all the things they’d do to him given the opportunity.
No, this was way more appraising, more…considering, like they were rummaging around in his head and sifting through to find the relevant information.
Harker glared at them. “Stop that,” he said, holding up a hand wreathing in yellow light. “You do not want to go messing around in the dark corners of my mind. There’s shit in there that could fry your brain.”
Every eye locked in on Ash. “You’re a mind reader?” Geri asked, taking a step away from them.
“Not exactly,” Ash said. “Usually I’m just sensitive.
I can pick up on emotions, especially strong ones, and I can kinda tell when someone’s either lying or holding something back.
When Harker mentioned closing down portals, I got the sense that there was more he wasn’t telling us, so I thought I’d push a little. ”
“Maybe not such a good idea when the person you’re pushing throws fireballs for funsies,” Harker said with a glare.
“Don’t threaten the telepath, Harker,” I said. “You never know what they’ll reveal about you.”
“Most of it’s in your girlfriend’s files already, pal,” he replied. Then he let out a sigh. “There is a guy I know in Atlanta that might be able to help. He’s my tattoo artist.”
“Your tattoo artist might be able to get us into Fairyland?” I asked, dubious. “I mean, I could use some new body art, but I don’t know how that’s going to open a portal.”
“I don’t think the tattoo alone will do it. I think he’ll probably use his shop assistants for the portal opening. They’re all fae, on loan from his grandmother,” Harker replied.
The tone gave me a real nervous feeling, but Skeeter beat me to the question I was just a little too chickenshit to ask. “Who exactly is your artist’s grandmother, Harker?”
“Titania, Queen of Summer.”
“So Oberon, my dickhead grandfather, who wants to kill all of humanity, is...” My words trailed off as I tried to parse the genealogy of this shit.
“His grandfather, too. Which makes him—”
“My first cousin,” I said. “Technically my half-first cousin, since we just share the one grandparent. Holy shit, I’m coming up with all kinds of family lately.”
“Yeah,” Harker said with a nod. “And one thing breeds true in your family, pal.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“He’s a big son of a bitch, too. So maybe try to behave when you meet him. I don’t want to pay for rebuilding a tattoo shop.”
And just like that, we were off to Atlanta to meet my half-cousin fairy tattoo artist. As I walked to the truck, I wondered if he gave a family discount on ink…