Chapter 1
Ethan could see easily how his friend Koa was affected by Manny, the new Daddy at Club Delight. The way he couldn't stop looking at the other man said a lot.
It made Ethan smile, knowing that Koa wouldn't have to be lonely, that his friend would get the love and care he deserved.
A little piece of Ethan was jealous. He wanted a Daddy of his own to take care of him. One in particular always came to mind when he thought of his happily ever after.
The big problem was that Ethan was shy… and so was Jacob. Jacob didn't always have the ability to step up and say what he felt. And for all Ethan knew, Jacob just liked him as a friend. He was just being supportive with his kind smiles and the recent cuddle session.
Anything more than that was an assumption on Ethan's part.
He was contentedly playing and thinking about Jacob, his mind deep in Little space and wishing for a Daddy of his own, when his phone rang. The sound of it ripped him straight out of Little space and threw him into Big mode.
That ringtone could only be one person: his boss.
He answered the phone, and with a few short, brisk sentences, the man made it clear that Ethan was to come back into work. He looked down at himself, noticing how he was still in his Little clothes, and thought of how he'd been content just a moment before.
There was no chance he would get back to that mindset. No way he'd find peace again after just a few moments of his boss's deep, angry tone.
Ethan let Koa know he had to leave, citing that work had called him in. Koa didn't want him to go. Koa never wanted him to. His friend had encouraged him for months to quit his job and come work at Club Delight full time.
But Ethan didn't think it was fair. What right did he have to get a job just because his friend told him he could have it? Sure, he was qualified. That didn't mean he should just be handed something.
Ethan's parents had always told him he had to work twice as hard and for twice as long to get what others had.
Being Black in this world was difficult.
Add to that the fact that he was gay and submissive, and you had a person who masked regularly to fit into a world not built for them.
He constantly needed to code-switch to get by.
When Ethan had changed enough to look less Little and more his work self, he went to the office. The security guard, Steve, waved at him with a sad smile on his face.
“Hey, Ethan,” he said. “You get called back?”
Ethan couldn't speak, so he nodded instead. He scanned his badge on the kiosk and waved goodbye when Steve didn't say anything else. The pair didn't need words to communicate. Steve knew how often Ethan had to come back into work, knew the long hours he kept.
There had even been occasions where Ethan was arriving and leaving in a way that aligned with Steve's shifts. Those were hours no one should have to keep as a personal assistant.
Someone should tell that to his boss.
In the office, Ethan found his boss behind his desk, as usual. His brow was furrowed as he scanned the papers in front of him. Ethan knocked on the door frame and stepped inside, his hands clasped before him.
Mr. Lucas looked up instantly, his gaze raking over Ethan. For a moment, it was still and quiet. Ethan felt a sense of dread inch through him, knowing it wouldn't be long before he was given a demand.
When Mr. Lucas was in a mood, Ethan could do nothing right. The man never said it outright, of course. It was in the way he looked at Ethan, the way he bit out orders. It pained him to be around his boss during those times.
He’d had never been hateful or rude in the sense of his race or sexuality. In fact, Ethan was pretty sure the man was gay himself. But he was still mean. Still tough to be around for long periods.
“You called?” Ethan said, putting on his professional voice instead of the Little one he'd been using earlier in the night.
“I did,” Mr. Lucas replied. “You worked on these reports for the software company. Typed up the notes from our meeting and sent them to me.”
“Yes, sir,” Ethan replied.
Mr. Lucas’s eyes brightened at the word, like they always did. If Ethan weren't so sure that his boss wasn't part of the kink community, he might think that maybe there was some dominance there that enjoyed the title.
Instead, he figured it was probably pride and a bit of the fact that the man was a jerk. The fact that he was attractive made it so much worse.
Could the man not have been ugly and mean? Nooooo. He had to be easy on the eyes.
“There was an error in the report. I found it when I was double-checking everything.”
“An error,” Ethan repeated.
He knew that wasn't possible. He'd taken meticulous notes, even going so far as to record the meeting to be sure. His boss wasn't aware of that.
It was a habit he'd started recently. Ethan found his mind wandering during work at times. He wondered what people were doing at the club, what it would be like if he had a Daddy to take care of him instead of slaving away at a corporate job.
The daydreaming sometimes meant he didn't catch every little detail, so he'd listen back to the audio at night, review his notes, and make sure everything matched.
“Yes, there is an error,” Mr. Lucas growled.
He proceeded to point out where in the document he'd found the so-called mistake. Ethan would have moved closer to look at the paper, would have moved around the desk to stand beside Mr. Lucas and see every individual red pen mark he'd made, but something inside him refused to move.
He was tired and hurt, and the abrupt rush out of Little space probably hadn’t done him any good. He couldn't bring himself to engage with the situation.
“Ethan,” Mr. Lucas said, pulling his attention back. “I was speaking with you. Do you understand this is a problem I need you to correct immediately?”
Something in Ethan snapped. A part of him could hear a sound in the distance — the elevator arriving, perhaps — but that didn't matter anymore. He could no longer hold it in.
“You can't keep doing this to me,” Ethan said, his voice rising with each word until he was nearly yelling. “I've done nothing wrong. I'm the best employee you've ever had.”
His arms were thrown out and his hands flapped. His body couldn't contain the pain and anger it felt, couldn't hold back anymore. Ethan was seconds away from collapsing into a heap on the floor, but then arms wrapped around him and the familiar scent of his best friend filled his airways.
Koa. Koa was here.
His mind provided the thought, and with it the emotions he'd been working to contain broke open further. He sobbed into Koa's shoulder as his friend wrapped him even tighter, making sure Ethan had a safe place to land.
Around him, people spoke. There were words and angry exchanges.
They didn't register for him at first. It wasn't until he heard mention of soup being brought for him that Ethan managed to get a hold of his tears.
He understood instantly, from the container and the words his mind was still slowly putting together, that the food had come from the club.
“Jacob made me this?” Ethan asked.
Koa smiled at him. “He was upset you had to go, so he stopped everything to make you soup.”
Ethan covered his mouth and felt heat surge through his body.
This is nice, he thought. It felt like being cared for.
Like something a Daddy would do. It catered to that part of him that wanted to feel loved and adored, the part that wanted someone to look after him instead of Ethan having to take control of everything.
Mr. Lucas cleared his throat and Ethan turned to look at him. From the corner of his eye he could see Koa and Manny doing the same. Manny must have come with Koa to bring the soup. Further proof that his friend had found his person. Ethan couldn't wait to see how that panned out over time.
“You haven't eaten, Ethan?” he asked.
“When would I have eaten?” Ethan replied. “I hadn't been gone all that long when you called me.”
The energy in the room shifted, and in a flash Mr. ’Lucas’s mood changed. He told Ethan to go home. Demanded it, even. He was instructed not to come in the next day either.
“Are you firing me?” Ethan said, his words tumbling over one another as fear laced through him.
He needed to keep his job, needed the insurance. He needed coverage for his anxiety and the regular medical checkups his heart condition required. Losing that care wasn't something he could risk.
Mr. Lucas shook his head, before replying, "Not at all. You're right. You are the best employee that I have, and I have, unfortunately, taken you for granted. Take tomorrow off. I'll see you the day after."
And then, with the instruction given, Ethan, Manny, and Koa left the office. They spoke as they went downstairs, and Ethan discovered that Koa was already calling Manny his Daddy.
Score for his best friend! He hoped the universe could send some luck his way.
After assuring his friends he would be fine going home alone, Ethan made the journey to his small apartment. He carried the soup carefully the entire way. He didn't want to drop a single drop.
Jacob's food was always good, but knowing there was care behind this, that the other man had stopped what he was doing to create something just for Ethan, made it even more appealing. It made him want to cherish it, to enjoy every single bite.
It was still warm when Ethan opened the lid.
He grabbed a spoon, sat on his couch with his legs folded, and took the first bite.
When the food hit his tongue, he had to rush to put the container on the table.
Both hands flew up to cover his face and he began sobbing again, even as he tried to chew.
He didn't want to choke, but there was no holding back.
The soup tasted like love. It tasted like all of the longing and want he felt made tangible.
All of the frustration from his boss calling him in, the way he'd had to leave the club, and then the moment his friend had shown up and defended him poured out of his soul with a flood of tears.
By the time he managed to get control of himself, he was exhausted.
He forced himself to eat at least half of the soup, not wanting it to go to waste, and also because he knew the next time he saw Jacob, he would be asked if he'd eaten any.
Then he packaged it back up, put it in the fridge, and stripped down for bed.
He put on a comfy onesie covered in tiny little hearts.
Not hearts like people draw, but the actual organ.
It had been a gag gift from one of his friends at the hospital after his last surgery.
He rubbed at his chest, the scar there a reminder of all he had been through, of all he might still have to go through one day.
While his condition was manageable, there was always a chance he'd have to go back under the knife, a chance that he would need to be cared for, and that others would be responsible for him.
If he had a Daddy…
Ethan let the thought go, pushing it away. No need to dwell on what-ifs.
As he pulled his weighted blanket up over his body, he allowed the heaviness to coat him. He wished it could be someone's body. Ethan wanted to feel someone else's heartbeat against his own, wanted their breath to mingle with his as they fell into a deep sleep.
Maybe one day he’d get the chance.