Chapter 3
Ethan was torn. The change in Ash hurt worse than before anything was different. He'd been given a false sense of hope — one he had believed in enough to let his guard down, to trust this man — and now he'd been burned for it.
Ethan spent day after day a nervous wreck, building up the courage to hopefully leave. Without insurance, though, it was tricky, and he didn't really have a solution in mind. He only knew that something had to give, and it had to be soon.
The one bright spot in all of it was Jacob. The other man had been sincere about wanting to be close to Ethan. He'd shown up more than once at the club with food and a smile.
It was just enough to keep Ethan coming back when all he wanted to do was bury himself away in his apartment.
Koa had noticed the shift in Ethan. More than once he'd asked if things were okay, if there was anything he could do, and whether they could have a serious discussion about what Ethan's job actually entailed. Koa was going to push harder for Ethan to come work with him.
Ethan didn't need a crystal ball to know that. Didn't need anyone to explain it. His friend was too nice to watch Ethan continue to suffer. Koa was loving and kind, believing everyone deserved to be treated with respect.
Respect that Ethan didn't get in his current role.
Sure, he felt important there. He could see how his role benefited Ash's company, knew that without him things would fall apart. Even so, Ash continued to be a jerk. He continued to poke at Ethan. None of it was directly malicious, but the kindness he'd briefly shown was long gone.
Ethan's psychiatrist, after one particularly rough day, mentioned he should take a break.
A few days off to recoup and rebalance. Ethan had laughed him off.
There was no way he would get a break, not during the stretch of year they were in.
Back-to-back meetings filled his boss's schedule and there was no sign of it stopping, not for a few more months.
“You are going to burn out epically, Ethan,” he'd been told. “And I, as your doctor, cannot allow you to continue without advising a change.”
“But my boss needs me,” Ethan had insisted. “The company needs me. I'm what keeps him from losing it on others.”
His psychiatrist leaned forward at that, his gaze intense. “But who is protecting you, Ethan? Who is there to make sure you don't burn out, that you aren't the one absorbing your boss's wrath?”
The words stopped Ethan cold. There wasn't anyone to protect him. No one who knew just how Ash really was, or that his frustration was often unleashed when Ethan was nearest.
It might not have been directly pointed at him, but it was always Ethan's job to make it better.
He left his appointment that day with the resolve that he had to request PTO.
With each day that crept closer to his time off, Ethan felt a little lighter.
He looked forward to simply being at home without worrying about a meeting on the calendar, or whether his boss was going to want a particular type of food that day and he'd have to figure it out.
Initially his request had been denied. But after speaking with Ash, he’d been given the approval to have the few days he needed. Of all the things Ash had reverted back on, this wasn’t one.
Ethan was smiling to himself in the office, his mind already on what activities he would plan at the club during his break, when his boss's voice cut through his thoughts.
“We have that meeting tomorrow at three. Make sure you're not late.”
Ethan froze, looking over at Ash with wide eyes. “I don't have a meeting tomorrow.”
“You do.” Ash didn't look up from his paperwork. “We have a meeting. You always go with me. I need you to take notes and make sure everyone is on the same page. Why is that so hard to understand today?”
Ethan bristled. “It's not hard to understand, but I think you're confused.
I have PTO, remember? There's no way I'll be around for whatever meeting at whatever time.” Ethan couldn't hide the sarcasm in his tone.
He knew exactly what time the meeting was since he'd scheduled it.
That didn't mean he had to play nice with Ash when the man was being obtuse.
Ash glanced up at him. The look he gave Ethan would have rattled others, but Ethan knew it wouldn't affect him. At least not in the way his boss hoped. He'd been on the other side of it too many times.
Plus, this was something he wouldn't budge on. His health was important. He knew there was no getting around that.
The silence between them stretched on. Ethan reflexively wanted to just agree and move past it the longer it dragged out. It was that familiar feeling of bending to the other man's will and recognizing it was what changed everything.
He stood up a little straighter. His gaze sharpened and he crossed his arms. “Do you expect me to come in for this meeting tomorrow? Yes or no.”
Ash sighed. “Yes, of course. I'm talking to you about it right now, Ethan. What is this all about?”
Ethan shook his head, dropping his arms. Could it really be defeat if he was almost excited about what was coming next? The decision was easy. With the attitude Ash had, there was no chance he could keep going like this.
“I quit.”
The words left Ethan's mouth and hovered in the air. He could see the moment they landed. Ash's expression shifted. The scowl came slowly, almost like disbelief.
“You quit?” he asked softly.
Ethan bobbed his head. “Yes, I quit. I'm done with this and the way you treat me.
I'm done pretending like everything is okay.
You don't like me, and that's fine. But I'm not going to let you make me feel less than.
I'm not going to keep believing that you're going to magically change one day, because you won't. Not really.”
Ash opened his mouth as if to speak, but Ethan held his hand up.
“No. Don't say anything. There's nothing left to say. I'll grab my things and go.”
Ethan spun on his heels and moved to his desk quickly. He didn't want to lose his bravado. He couldn't allow himself to go back on his word, not when he'd finally made a decision.
Koa was going to be ecstatic. Ethan chuckled to himself at the thought of what his friend would do and say. Koa had made it known more than once that Ethan's job was a problem.
Ethan had to stop him from coming up to the office to give Ash a piece of his mind several times. The urge grew worse after the incident when Koa and Manny had come up and found Ash mid-tantrum.
Ethan gathered the few things that were truly his, left behind anything that belonged to the company, and logged out of the computer. When he turned, Ash was there, eyes on Ethan like he was finally seeing the other man clearly for the first time.
“Goodbye, Ash,” Ethan said quietly.
For all the man's faults, Ethan suspected him to be a decent person in the grand scheme of life. But when it came to business, there was no bending, no chance that he would apologize or commit to truly changing long term.
Ethan accepted that now.
He carried his bag and his belongings out of the building a few minutes later.
He'd said goodbye to the people he genuinely liked, and the rest would hear about it through the gossip mill.
People were good at making sure others knew when someone no longer worked there.
Nothing spread faster through an office than a change no one saw coming.
Ethan stood at the corner and looked around with wonder. Everything seemed brighter and lighter, like he was going to be okay. Finally.
He giggled, then covered his mouth and glanced around. No one paid him any mind. They were all focused on their own lives, going about their day.
With no particular plan in mind, Ethan decided it was time to go to Club Delight. He had the afternoon free, and Koa would be happy to see him. His friend would also be very happy at the news. He called for a ride-share and relaxed in the back seat when the driver pulled up.
“Everything okay, sir?” the young man asked, his gaze flitting between Ethan and the road. Maybe he could sense that Ethan was happy and free, or maybe it was the wide smile that Ethan couldn't contain that had him curious.
“Everything is wonderful,” Ethan said in a serene voice. “Absolutely wonderful.”
The driver didn't ask anything further. He merely nodded and drove without commentary. Ethan appreciated it. He needed to gather himself before the whirlwind of his best friend spotted him. He kind of hoped Briar was there too, because she had been just as adamant about him quitting as Koa was.
When they pulled up outside Club Delight, Ethan sighed. He was going to go in there and live his best life from now on. After tipping the driver, he climbed out with confidence.
There’d be no more stress from another man's problems. No more dreading going into work. He was done having to mask his true self in a predominantly white corporate environment. And best of all, he could be Little as much as he wanted.
It was time for Ethan to find himself again.