Chapter 24
“ T his has to be why my parents cracked open the whiskey when we went to bed,” I said as I trudged into the living room that night, letting my exhausted voice carry to where Cameron had stood guard for hours.
His loud laugh bounced back at me, but I couldn’t find it in me to smile. Not just yet, anyway.
I needed a minute or two or sixty to decompress from the afternoon with Kaia.
She’d refused her afternoon nap. Had taken maybe two bites of dinner between the cries and screams that never seemed to end. Thrashed all throughout her bath and had fought sleep for an hour before finally giving in.
My nerves were shot. I was exhausted in a way I’d never known, which said a lot, considering the demanding work I’d grown up in. And I stupidly felt like crying because it felt like I’d gone ten rounds with a bull in the form of a baby...and lost.
But I just drew in deep, steadying breaths as I headed for the far corner of the kitchen, to where the espresso machine waited for me—note still attached.
“Cameron, do you want coffee?” I asked as I studied the machine as if it might miraculously turn on and make a drink for me.
“No, ma’am. Thank you,” he called back.
My head bobbed before I mumbled, “Do you know how to work this thing?” too low for him to hear.
Turning to the pantry, I searched through the things Asher had bought to go with the machine and found the instructions. And as much as my tired mind wanted to forget about it as soon as I opened the manual, I pushed forward until the smell of espresso was filling the kitchen and my soul.
By the time I had an iced caramel macchiato in hand, I had my playlist pouring through Asher’s speakers and was noticeably more relaxed than just minutes before.
“Briggs doesn’t like country music,” Cameron said as I left the kitchen, as if in warning.
“I’m aware,” I said as my head subtly moved to the song. “I’ll turn it off when he gets back.”
Cameron shifted in a way that showed how much he didn’t like the idea of putting Asher in a position to make him uncomfortable.
“I know why,” I gently assured him and watched as outright shock stole across his features. “I won’t purposefully do that to him.”
“He told you,” he said in stunned confirmation.
I hummed in acknowledgment and gestured to him with my glass. “And if you’re here, I have a feeling he’ll warn you when he’s coming up so you won’t be surprised by his sudden arrival, which means you can tell me to turn it off. Now”—I swung the glass toward the large couch—“I want nothing more than to sit on that couch. So, you can either join me, or we can yell at each other from across the apartment.”
Amusement and something close to respect replaced his earlier shock as he dipped his head in thanks. “I was told to stay here.”
“Yelling it is.”
“He’s also on his way back.”
“O-oh,” I stammered as I awkwardly sank to the couch, being careful not to spill my drink when the news threw me off and had an eagerness building inside me and tangling with my nerves.
I’d been waiting for this before I’d ever gotten here this afternoon. For when Asher would return...for when we would talk .
But after the draining day with Kaia, I felt wholly unprepared for it. My brain was fried, I had no doubt I looked as exhausted as I felt, and I wasn’t sure I remembered how to pick a blueberry, let alone any of the things I’d wanted to talk to Asher about.
“Do you know how long until he’s back?” I asked after I was curled up under one of the replacement blankets and had taken a long sip of my drink.
“Why do you sound worried?” Cameron asked instead of responding, sounding more amused than curious.
“I’m not, I’m just...not ready,” I finished on a whisper. I needed the caffeine to kick in and for my thoughts to not be so disordered and hazy. I wanted to let this music calm and soothe me for just a little while before I faced what was sure to be more shocking—and maybe even heartbreaking—revelations.
“You should probably turn off the music,” Cameron hinted, finally giving me my answer.
Or I can be ready now.
I scrambled to pull my phone out of my pocket and turned off the music as I took another large gulp and prayed for the espresso to hit fast.
But within seconds of silence falling over the apartment, that familiar ding sounded, and my heart kicked into overdrive to no credit of the drink in my hand. Excitement and anticipation coursed through my veins, nearly drowning out my nerves at the whisper of his deep, rough voice trying to reach me from his hushed conversation. And once his dark eyes locked on me as he stole across the space, I wondered what exactly I’d been trying to accomplish earlier.
I was still exhausted, but seeing him then, I felt more at peace than I could’ve achieved on my own. My mind was still a jumbled mess, but it had nothing to do with the hours of enduring baby screams and everything to do with the chaos he’d always created inside me. And even though I had no idea what to expect from this enigma of a man, I was more prepared to learn his shocking truths than I’d ever been.
“You finally used the machine,” he said as he stopped beside me, only eyeing the drink in my hand for a moment before his stare drifted back to mine.
“Only because liquor is frowned upon when you’re working.”
The corner of his mouth twitched in amusement. “I don’t have any anyway.”
Just as I started filing that bit of information away for another time, I remembered that tonight was about getting everything out in the open. “Is there a reason for that?”
“My mom.”
A hum rolled up my throat. “I should’ve known.”
Asher was already shaking his head before I finished speaking. “I wouldn’t have expected you to. Peyton drinks, as you know.”
“But you were the oldest, so it was all different for you,” I said in understanding.
His head bobbed subtly. “Felt that way.” He reached out, the tips of his fingers gently grazing the line of my jaw for the second time that day before he left me sitting there as if he hadn’t just shaken me with a simple touch and a few open words.
And it was all I could do to try to fight my smile or hide the fact that my stomach was filled with dozens of fluttering wings when I lowered my head to find Cameron still in place, smirking at me.
Because I clearly wasn’t just the nanny anymore.
“Don’t worry,” he said as his smile grew, “I’ll be gone once he gets back.”
“Oh, that isn’t—I’m not—we aren’t doing—it isn’t like that,” I stammered and felt my face flush with heat as he choked back a laugh. My lips parted to continue defending what was and wasn’t happening between Asher and me, but I pressed them tightly together before I could make it worse.
Cameron didn’t have to leave because it really wasn’t like that. Just that morning, I’d still been torn between my devastation over Asher’s words and how I easily fell into a place of comfort with him and his surly demeanor. I’d still been berating myself for falling a little more for him each day.
So, no, Cameron didn’t have to go.
But I also wasn’t sure I wanted to have the upcoming conversation in front of anyone else.
My eyes widened with surprise and a whisper of dread as Cameron left his post for the first time, moving across the hardwood floors just as soundlessly as Asher seemed to, even though he was easily six and a half feet tall and solid muscle.
“I’ve really just been the nanny this entire time,” I hurried to defend myself and Asher when I realized he was coming directly toward me. “Honestly, all I know for certain is that I am his nanny.”
Cameron’s head moved in tight, quick jerks as he stopped just before the couch, his voice soft and low when he said, “He tells me everything, so I know you’ve been more than that for longer than you’ve worked for him.”
Even after the confession from Asher that afternoon, Cameron’s words still sent a frenzy of excitement and disbelief coursing through me as he continued.
“I also know what you overheard.” He lifted his eyebrows as if waiting for me to deny it or explain my side, but I was too engrossed in what he was about to tell me, knowing I would likely never get another opportunity to get this side of things. “But, Lainey, I gotta tell you, you really don’t know what you heard.”
This was one of the things Asher and I needed to talk about, and we would, no matter what Cameron told me then. But I still found myself saying, “Unless I’ve been wrong about him all this time—unless Asher demands honesty from everyone else but doesn’t give the same in return—I heard him well enough.”
“No, that guy’s frustratingly honest,” he confirmed, stamping down a good chunk of the wings in my stomach. “I’m not saying you didn’t hear him, or that he didn’t say those things, I’m saying you don’t know what you heard.” He glanced toward the second floor before giving me a pleading look. “For my sake, and everyone else’s in the office, let him explain.”
“I will,” I promised and noted the gratitude in his eyes as he rocked back a step.
Just as he started turning to go back to the post he’d been taking up all evening, he stopped and gave another hesitant look toward the second floor before meeting my stare. “You in love with him?”
A stuttered breath ripped from me. “What? I don’t— what ?” I gripped the ice-cold glass tighter and curled it against my chest, needing something real and solid to hold onto when that question seemed to tilt the entire world on its side. “I-I-I can’t be,” I stammered. “I hardly know him, and he...” My words trailed off and stare unfocused as I thought about the man upstairs.
Was I in love with Asher Briggs?
I’d been in love with Jackson for so long that I hadn’t realized until recently that my love for him had shifted to something bound from duty. Even over the long months of dreaming about a man I’d thought I’d never see again, I’d been sure true love was what I’d had with Jackson.
I hadn’t known there was anything else...until Asher. Until I’d been infuriated and swept away by him. Until I’d been broken by him and had found myself because of him. Until I’d learned there was so much more about a person than what they showed you.
But love ?
I’d fallen in love with Jackson over a lifetime. This was...this was...“I can’t be,” I repeated softly. “It’s too soon.”
“Is it?” Cameron challenged. “Because he was still talking about the girl from the coffee shop before you ever showed up here.”
It wasn’t anything I hadn’t already heard today—not really. But my heart still faltered before taking off at a thunderous pace.
“And if he told you about his past?” Cameron went on, voice so low I had to strain to hear it even though he was only a handful of feet away from me. His hands lifted slightly before falling to his sides again. “Lainey, that’s a trust he doesn’t extend to anyone except me, and I’m like family to him.”
I’d been told Cameron was the only other person to know about Asher’s past, but hearing this ? It changed exactly what it meant for Asher to have shared that with me.
“You don’t have to love him now or ever,” Cameron went on. “And if you know about his past, then you know not to tell him that you do love him.”
I didn’t know that.
But before I could fully grasp what Cameron was saying or attempt to figure out what saying I love you had to do with Asher’s past, Cameron’s expression shifted into a fierce plea when he added, “But Asher doesn’t fall for people. He’s never let himself fall for anyone. So, if you aren’t there with him, he needs to know. He needs to know if you have no intention of leaving the relationship you’re currently in.”
My chest pitched with the force of my next inhale because the unspoken question was just as clear as his judgement, but I didn’t respond. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was more surprised that Asher really had been telling Cameron everything or because I didn’t want to explain myself to someone I really didn’t know at all.
With a somewhat apologetic nod, Cameron turned and drifted back to his spot at the entrance of the foyer, leaving me staring vacantly at my blanket-covered feet until fingers brushed over my shoulder a couple minutes later.
“How are you so silent?” I asked before ever looking up at where Asher was rounding the couch.
“Because I’m better than Jack Ryan?” When my eyes rolled, a hushed, hoarse laugh left him. “Military training.”
“I don’t think they teach people to walk without making a sound in the military.”
“Special Forces teams are different.”
My eyebrows lifted as I glanced from him over to where Cameron had been standing, only to find the space empty just as that ding sounded. “What kind of things did you do?”
“That’s not something any of us talk about,” he said as he sank to the couch just past my feet, then listed his head as he added, “But nearly everyone who works for me now was on my team in the military. We only have one new member.”
I studied him as I put what he’d just told me and what I’d seen him do together. “And is that why you still have Jack Ryan moments?”
Something dark passed over his face. “No.”
I was sure he was going to leave it at that, as he so often did, but he surprised me by leaning forward to rest his arms on his legs, his mouth parting as if he wasn’t sure where to begin.
“I told you, it’d be safer if you hated me. A big part of me will probably always think that and maybe even try to force that because we’ve made a lot of bad people angry over the years.”
“Bad like from the coffee shop?”
A breath of a laugh left him. “Lainey, the guys from that day...they’re mafia.”
I wasn’t sure my stomach had ever dropped as fast as it did in that moment.
The instant, sickening feeling it created mixed with my intense denial and left me on a perilous tipping point of getting sick right then and there or hysterically laughing because—just, no .
Miraculously, I ended up just sitting still as stone as Asher continued.
“You know we’re a private security company. The majority of what we do is for extremely high-profile clients, which has its own threats, but those don’t blow back onto us once we’ve taken care of them. However, from time to time, we help other people out of dangerous situations, and sometimes those threats do come back to us. And Rush and I had already been on the mafia’s radar since before we ever got out of the military because of a mistake.”
A frantic laugh burst from me. “How do you mistakenly get put on the mafia’s radar, Asher?”
He lifted his hands before letting them fall between his knees. “Came back from a deployment and found Wyatt totally strung out. And I just...I lost it on his dealer because I knew I wasn’t getting through to my brother, and I had to take it out on someone. Found out a few hours later what family he belonged to.”
I stared at Asher in horror as I quickly put together the few pieces he wasn’t saying out loud.
He nodded solemnly as if he’d expected my reaction and had worried over it. “We helped a mafia wife escape recently, and even though they don’t know it was us, they have their suspicions because it isn’t the first time we’ve done it.” He gestured to me before letting his hands fall again. “We’ve been watching the husband, but someone tried getting into my company’s systems today. I got the alerts about it when Kaia and I were almost back here. Could be anyone, but...”
“You think it’s them.”
An affirming grunt rolled up his throat.
I sat there, trying to digest everything he’d just told me while knowing it was only the beginning of what we had to talk about, before asking, “If you’ve been on their radar for so long and had already known they might be looking to retaliate, why do you always leave Kaia and me here alone?”
“Because they shouldn’t be able to find me here,” he explained as he sat back against the couch. “I have this place rented out under a name that has nothing to do with me or my company.”
“But the managers here know your name,” I said, the words coming out slow and unsure as I tried figuring out how that worked.
“I don’t like lying,” he said in way of answering, then tilted his head just slightly. “We have the staff flagged so we’ll know if they ever link up with someone they shouldn’t, and their employment contracts have them under heavy NDAs anyway.”
“But?” I prompted when his eyes took on a faraway look.
“But the mafia can find anyone anywhere, and that knowledge makes all of this hard.”
“Like thinking you’re what’s best for Kaia?”
His eyes bored into mine, saying so many things that had nothing to do with Kaia before he agreed, “Among other things.”
I nudged his leg with my foot at the evasive answer. “Don’t be vague. You promised to tell me everything.”
“Like wanting you to be mine.”