Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Second chances don’t come around often, so I’m making sure our do-over is special.
“Damn! Where’s the fire, rookie?” Dawson grips my shoulders to stop me from barreling past him and out of the clubhouse. After tonight’s win, everyone looks like half-dead zombies. Except for me. I feel like I could run a marathon.
“Sorry. Kind of excited.” I fidget with the buttons on my shirt. “Have you seen Shay?”
In a fatherly way, he smooths my collar. “With Rosie and Luke. Ro said she has never met a woman who loves baseball like Shay. Never took her eyes off the field.”
Shay has watched me play more times than either of us can count. First as my friend with the potential to be more. Then as my agent, which changed my life for the better. I’m sure this new title, my girlfriend, is the most special though.
“How have things been since she told her boss?” he asks as we head down the hall to the family room.
I wish I had an answer for him. The last four days with Shay have been a dream for me.
Pressing a kiss to her forehead before we crawl out of bed in the morning.
Brushing our teeth side by side. Waving goodbye as we head to work.
Coming home at the end of the day to find her sitting on the couch, working her ass off.
Putting together her dining table as she paces across the house on the phone with clients.
Drawing her a bath after she finally closes her computer for the night.
Her laugh vibrating through me as I drag her away before she can answer one more email.
But I’m not the one in a weird position.
“She’s taking it like a professional, but I know it’s hurting her,” I say.
Trevor was more upset than she expected, but the tense phone call I overheard last night wasn’t with him. Shay’s mother called in the middle of a movie, and while I couldn’t hear her, I heard Shay loud and clear.
I don’t know, Mom . . . Impulsive? . . . No, this is what I want . . . I know it goes against . . . I don’t know what to say . . .
Outside the family lounge, I peer through the small glass window.
“I hate that she’s going to deal with so much stupidity because she’s dating me.
From her boss. Social media.” I sigh. “She’s going to bleed for this.
I’m not, which isn’t fair because we’re both in this relationship.
I’m happy, the happiest I’ve ever been, but I know she’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
” My heart stutters as I catch a glimpse of pink in the room. “That’s what kills me.”
After a long look, Dawson bonks the top of my head like a whack-a-mole game. “You’re right. It’s not fair, but Shay will stand tall like always. And you’ll be right beside her.”
“I will be,” I vow, rubbing my head. “For every damn step.”
Whatever comes next, she won’t face it alone.
The moment the door swings open, I’m beelining for the woman in pink who has my heart in her hands. I fold myself around her, lips finding her neck, and I bury myself there, wishing I could stay in her jasmine-scented safety forever.
“Well,” a chipper voice titters, “can’t say I’m surprised.”
Pulling my head from her collarbone, I recoil at the sight of the woman in front of me. There’s a reporter talking to my Shay while I drape myself all over her.
Way to go, Cade.
I paste on a smile. “Summer. Nice to see you again.”
Royal blue eyes shine at being remembered.
“Andy Walker seems like a good choice as your new agent, though he’ll never be my favorite like this one.
” She jams a crooked thumb in Shay’s direction.
“Since the news broke that you two are no longer working together, I was asking Shay if you two were officially a couple or taking it slow.”
“And what did she say?” I ask, looking down at Shay.
Espresso-colored eyes roll. “I didn’t say anything. I was cut off.”
I say I don’t want to make her life any harder, then I go and directly throw her into the fire with a reporter.
On autopilot, I shift into a more professional stance, but steady fingers catch my elbow and draw me closer until our arms are touching.
When our pinkies hook, the tension in my shoulders unravel.
Summer slips her notepad into her tote and smiles. “To be honest, I was rooting for you two the whole time. But no matter what happens, Shay, remember that you’ve got people on your side. You don’t owe anyone an apology for being happy.”
I feel Shay’s gasp more than I hear it. She says the sly comments about her quitting to become a WAG don’t bother her, but I don’t see how that’s possible. Her job is everything to her.
“I know.” Shay’s voice is soft but strong. “But it’s nice to hear after the past few days, so thank you.” Then she pulls Summer into a hug.
This conversation has done more than Summer will ever know.
Stepping back, Summer blushes. “I’m planning a series on badass female agents, so I’ll be reaching out to you for an interview! Keep kicking ass, Shay! And support my girl, Cade. I’m counting on you!”
With a quick goodbye, Summer leaves the room.
The moment she’s gone, I take a half step away from Shay. “Sorry you had to spend the first half of our date watching me play baseball.” I swallow hard. “And I’m sorry if being with me is making your life har—”
My words are garbled as she grips the front of my shirt and slams our lips together in the crowded room.
“I made my decision, Cade, and if that means dealing with shitty people, then so be it. I’m not apologizing for being happy.” Then she pulls a pink sticky note out of her back pocket and waves it in my face. “Great game, by the way. I wrote you a really important message.”
Nice ass #8
A laugh bursts out of me. “I see what was important tonight.”
“You in baseball pants?” She presses a kiss to her fingertips. “Chef’s kiss. Now, about the second half of this date.”
Hooking my arm over her shoulders, I lead her to the exit.
Clear Lake University isn’t a prime date location, but we’re back where it all started.
The lake that runs through campus sparkles like a black mirror, edged in the silver glow of the moon. Considering it’s half past eleven, my favorite town is asleep as we sit on a slope of grass. The first week of August has been unreasonably warm, but the breeze is cool against my skin.
Still, I didn’t bring us out here to just sit.
Even though we’re back together, I’ll never forget the reasons we broke the first time. I know what I did. I know what I didn’t say. I know what I can’t afford to screw up again.
So I came prepared.
“You know I love campus, but please tell me we aren’t here to swim.”
“No way.” I laugh. “We aren’t like Mallory and Kenneth. I’ve got something else planned for us.” Reaching behind me, I grab the picnic basket, turn to face her, and place it between us. “Open it whenever you’re ready.”
She pulls out two bottles of water, a bag of dark chocolate chips, two pens, and two stacks of pink sticky notes.
“Are we having a BYOB night?”
“Sort of.” I reach for a pen. “It’s still Bring Your Own Breakdown, but not about baseball. Normally, we’d break down the highs and lows of each game, but tonight, we’re going to talk about how to not break us.”
Her body stills. There’s no teasing smile. No laugh. She holds the sticky notes in her palm like they’re made of glass.
“We’re going to break down . . . us?”
“Yeah.” I lean forward and brush a loose braid behind her ear. “I want to do it right this time. I can’t lose you again, Shay.”
If I have one chance to get us on the right track, this is the way to do it. Blending our past and present to make something even better.
“BYOB coming full circle?” She gives a small, sure nod. “It’s perfect.”
After setting up, I reach into my pocket and grab the rules I wrote on an index card last night once she went to bed. Hours passed before I figured out what I wanted to emphasize and finally narrowed it down to three sections.
“First,” I say, tapping the top line, “we list four things we didn’t do right last time, and then we break them down.”
She places the pen cap between her lips in deep thought, but my answers come easily. They’re things I’ve regretted every single day since things ended. Each sentence feels like a punch to the gut, but I manage to get them all out there.
Never came home
Didn’t tell you what was going on in my head
Was afraid to show you I wasn’t as golden as I was expected to be
Pulled away because I was struggling and thought it would be easier for you
I take a moment to study Shay as she writes. It’s not surprising she found a way to mix pink and navy. A light pink ribbed tank clings to her in all the ways I’m trying not to think about right at this moment, with my ridiculously oversized navy flannel falling off her shoulders.
Just looking at her calms my racing heart better than deep breathing ever has.
Placing the notes facedown between us, she looks nervously at my stack. “Switch?”
When I take her notes, I expect to see she wrote what I didn’t do right, but these are specifically tailored to her. Things she didn’t do.
Didn’t see that you were struggling
Was too afraid to chase after you because I didn’t want to hurt anymore
Didn’t fight harder for you or us
Didn’t tell you I appreciated every part of you. Not just the golden ones
The ache that fills me is impossible to explain, but breaking it down is part of the process.
“I was scared,” I admit, dropping my head. “If I showed you how much I was struggling, I thought it would ruin everything. That you wouldn’t be happy if you knew the truth. That you’d either leave because it was too much or stay and regret it.”
Shay chews on her bottom lip. “I’m sorry I didn’t see it. And I should have always made you feel safe with me.”
“You were always safe, baby.” My voice breaks on the promise. “I didn’t know how to believe it at that point. If you couldn’t tell, I was an expert at hiding things.”