Chapter 36 #2
That stupid yet truthful joke seems to do the trick when she laughs. As she gathers our notes, I prepare for the next prompt.
“Four things that we should have said or done,” I say.
Within seconds, four sticky notes sit in front of me with my failures.
I should have come home
I should have told you I wasn’t okay the moment I realized you were the one for me, which was way before I left
I should have let you see all of me
I should have trusted you. You never gave me a reason not to
Instead of flipping her notes over, Shay reaches out and takes my hand. Each lingering kiss to my knuckles soothes the burn from the four lines I just wrote.
“This is hard,” she chokes out. “Incredibly hard, but I’m happy to do this with you, Cade. It’ll only make us better for each other. I’m right here with you, okay?”
Rubbing my finger over her CLU ring, I nod. “Right here with you.”
There’s a brief moment where I hoped this round would be lighter than the first one, but tears sting my eyes as I focus on what she wrote.
I should have paid more attention. The signs were there
I should have stopped worrying about my fears of being hurt by you and realized you were hurting
I should have made it clear you never had to be anything but Cade
I should have fought harder for us instead of pretending I was okay and trying to forget
“I hated pretending I was okay.” A tremor cracks her voice. “Everything about losing you sucked, and not knowing what happened between us hurt. But knowing that you were struggling that entire time and I had no idea? I should have been there.”
God. My resolve shatters as I take both her hands in mine.
“I pushed you away, Shay baby. I wasn’t thinking of us when I did that. I made myself think I was doing it to make your life easier, but I was too scared to tell you the truth. To let you see the parts I felt I had to keep hidden away. And I’m so sorry.”
She shakes out of my grip, and I almost panic until she caresses my face with a featherlight touch.
“I’ve known how sorry you are for months now, and I forgave you right then and there at the batting cages.
During the silence, I could’ve made effort to get answers too.
It’s not just on you.” Shay lets out a little laugh.
“It’s crazy how simple everything could’ve been if we talked to each other. ”
“Yeah, but I like the people we are now. We communicate better. There’s trust in the messy and awkward moments.
Not two people performing for each other.
” I cover her hands with mine. “We weren’t ready then, but we are now.
Which leads me to our last prompt for the night.
What we’re going to do right this time,” I say. “Our second chance.”
Steady is the only way to describe Shay at this moment. The look in her eyes, the way her hand glides across the pink pieces of paper, and the way she settles me in this moment. And it leaks into me as I fill out mine.
Tell you when I’m struggling
Always tell you the truth. The good. The bad. The ugly
Fight for you. Even if my brain wants to run and hide
Stay. Always stay with you
The moments are finished, we swap, and her promises feel like air in my lungs. And based on the sharp inhale from her, I think the feeling is mutual.
Fight for you. Even if it means putting my heart on the line
Telling you that I want you. Just you. Always
Ask what you need and tell you the truth. Even if it’s scary
Stay. No more running
I pull her onto my lap. “You’ve got me. All of me.”
She looks up at me. “And you’ve got all of me.”
Sticky notes flutter in the breeze around us, pink promises against the dark night that surrounds us. I breathe her in as we watch the lake ripple in the quiet, soaking up every bit of our first date.
With her, I feel everything I always wanted to.
Safe. Wanted. Chosen. Like myself.
And this time, together, we will stay.
Shay tapes the last sticky note to my dashboard as I park in her driveway.
The drive was mostly silent, but with my fingers laced with hers, there was no need for anything to be said. This is more than a do-over. It’s a new start for two people who are ready to love each other correctly.
I point at the three shadowy figures watching us through the window. “Looks like you’ll be up late for your post-date recap.”
Shay yawns but doesn’t look disappointed. “With Jo leaving for med school tomorrow, we’ll probably be up all night. I’ve known she would eventually have to leave, but I can’t believe it’s already time for her to go.”
“It’s going to be really weird without her,” I say, opening my door. “But it sucks that I don’t get to stay the night with you. I’ve gotten used to sleeping beside you again.”
A soft, drowsy laugh slips out of her as I swing the passenger door open. “In your dreams. No getting lucky on the first date, Cade.”
My brows lift, ready to remind her that I ate her pussy until she came on my tongue a few days ago, but she kisses me to shut me up.
After believing for so long that I’d never have this again, I can’t stop touching her and kissing her and holding her close.
I don’t want her to slip through my fingers again, and I’ll do everything I can to keep that from happening.
A shriek from her cell phone breaches our little bubble, but I just smile. My woman is a brilliant agent who receives calls at all times.
Our first date is no exception.
“I need to take this,” she says. “Go on in. I’ll be there in a second.”
I press a quick kiss to her temple before heading up the driveway, leaving the sound of her professional voice behind me. The door swings open before I can raise my fist to knock.
“Look, guys! He’s blushing!” Adri reaches up and pinches my cheek. If it wasn’t red before, it is now.
Mallory swats her hand away. “Did she take any work calls?”
“No.” I give her a quick hug. “But Holly texted her a million times.”
“That’s par for the course,” Jo adds. “She loves Shay.”
The girls try to pull me inside, but I’m too busy following Shay with my eyes as she paces back and forth with her phone pressed to her ear.
Her voice is still bright, but even in the dark, I spot the slight slump to her shoulders.
The Quartet must see it too, because they rush onto the porch beside me.
After she hangs up, I run down the steps to Shay. Now that I’m up close, the hairs on the back of my neck rise.
“What’s wrong?” I ask. “Are you okay?”
Shay’s eyes glisten as she takes a deep breath.
“I didn’t get Garrett Blane.”