Chapter 21 Ever
Ever
The solid wood bench was already making my rear end fall asleep, while at the front of the courtroom, Blaine was delivering the closing I’d put together to the jury with a few revisions from him.
Being the end of the trial, the courtroom gallery was largely empty aside from Caroline, Jason, and me, along with a couple of staff members from the defense counsel’s office.
Matt had left early this morning to head back to the office to quell any rumors that might be going around.
Kim had ridden back with him, seeing as how she’d ridden here with Conrad.
Every creak drew my attention to the door to see if it was Loche.
I hadn’t seen him since he went down to the police department, though Jason had spotted him talking to Matt this morning.
The amount of space he was taking up in my brain was embarrassing.
But no one had ever stood up for me the way Loche had.
It was like an aphrodisiac. It was probably a good thing I hadn’t run into him because I’m pretty sure I would have climbed him like a tree.
Blaine finished his delivery of my speech and sat back down at the table, turning his head to acknowledge me and mouthing “Excellent job,” leading to a pat on the back from Caroline from the bench behind me.
“Do you have a pen?” Blaine asked, whispering when opposing counsel took the stand to deliver their remarks. “This one died on me.”
I nodded, then realized that I’d already packed up the trial supplies because we were essentially done with the trial after today.
Who would have figured that being efficient would screw you over?
I’d stored my tote bag directly underneath the bench where I was sitting, remembering I had a pen in there that was more accessible, even if Morally Gray Is My Favorite Color was etched along its side.
Let’s hope Blaine wasn’t familiar with BookTok.
Quietly, I leaned down and pulled the bag out from underneath the bench, placing it next to me as I proceeded to rifle through it, pulling out scraps of paper and bills I’d be paying once I received my next paycheck from the firm.
At the very bottom of the bag, I located the pen and handed it to Blaine.
A piece of paper folded neatly in half caught my eye as I stuffed everything back inside the bag.
I unfolded it, recognizing it as the note V had written to me while he was still playing the silent game with me, and I gasped so audibly that both Blaine and Jack turned around to see what had happened.
Shaking, I smiled unconvincingly to convey nonverbally to them that I was okay, while inside I was internally combusting.
No. No. No. It couldn’t have been him the whole time.
Suddenly dizzy, I searched my bag for the notes that Loche and I had written back and forth to each other on the first day of trial, knowing that I already knew what I was going to see before I pulled that piece of paper out of my bag.
Finding it tucked between my electric and gas bills, I pulled it out and took a deep breath, holding one sheet in each hand as my eyes scanned over matching loops, whorls, and letters written with startling precision.
There was no need to call in a handwriting expert; it was the same handwriting.
And V and Loche were the same person.
I didn’t know it was possible for a body to be both hot and cold at the same time, but my body was showing me it was. A shiver ripped through me, preceded by a full-body flush.
“Are you all right?” Caroline whispered, leaning forward on the bench.
“Yeah. I mean, I will be,” I answered her, folding the notes back up and stuffing them back in my bag. “I think I just need some air. Do you mind covering for me?”
“Yeah, sure.” She nodded. “But you don’t look well at all. Do you need me to have Jason drive you to the hospital?”
If anyone’s going to the hospital, it’s going to be Loche.
“No, I’m good.” Spoken by someone who wasn’t, in fact, good.
I shrugged the straps of my bag over my shoulder, thanking Caroline as I stood up and slowly made my way out of the courtroom, eyes clouded and ears buzzing as though I were going to pass out.
When the doors closed behind me, I braced myself against the polished marble wall.
All of the clues had been there, hitting me in the face, practically screaming at me to get my head out of my ass.
The shoes, the bruises, the voice Loche tried to mask, all ran through my head like clips from a roll of film.
But, why? Why gaslight me?
Those were questions I needed Loche to answer himself, and I needed him to look me in the eye when he did so.
I needed to confirm with my ears what my heart already knew.
But first, I needed to run back to the hotel, pack my things, and figure out a way back home because I couldn’t stay there another night, working alongside a man who’d been lying to me for just over a month.
I sent a text to Caroline as I walked into the lobby of our hotel, pushing the button for the fourth floor, where all the staff were staying while the partners stayed in suites near the top.
I’m not feeling well. Please let Jack and Blaine know I’m at the hotel.
The elevator shuddered to a stop at the same time the tone sounded, letting me know the car had reached my floor, and I threw my phone back inside my bag and stepped out into the hallway.
Where was Loche’s room? I’d seen him walking into one, but I couldn’t remember how many doors down from me he was. I guess there was one way to find out.
I passed my room, walking down roughly four doors, passing rooms I knew belonged to Jason and Caroline. Utilizing my powers of deduction, I narrowed the possible rooms Loche could be in down to two, ultimately choosing the one closest to Jason’s.
Here goes nothing.
Hesitant, I knocked on the door to no response after several seconds. And I’d just started to move to the next room when the door opened and I was staring face-to-face with Loche.
“Nevermore, what brings you to my doorstep?” he asked. His face fell when all I could do was stare at him, trying to understand how he’d duped me for so long. “Everything okay? Did something happen?”
“Can I come in?”
He smirked. “I don’t know. Can you?”
“Let me in, Loche.”
He stared at me, and I’ll be damned if I didn’t see a glimmer of fear in his eyes as he stepped aside to let me into his room.
“What is it, Ever?” he asked, closing the door and following me into his room.
“Kiss me.”
“What?” In the time I’d known him, I hadn’t seen Loche so taken off guard.
“You heard me. Kiss me.”
We remained locking eyes as he took a few steps toward me and leaned down to give me a quick peck on the lips.
“Not like that. I want you to kiss me like you mean it. Like you want to do when you’re trying not to check out my legs at work when I wear that blue dress I know you like. Take me in your arms and claim me right now.”
“Ever, fuck.” There was an edge to his voice that I would have found absolutely panty-melting if not for the fact that I wanted to castrate him and shove his balls down his throat.
Loche’s large hands gripped the back of my head, and his lips crashed into mine, parting to taste me.
My tongue caught the familiar hint of wintergreen on his breath like V always had, and I could feel my knees weakening in response.
Our lips moved in tandem while my hand moved to caress Loche’s face, traveling to his jawline the way I had with V.
The chiseled terrain and the coarse grooves where his razor couldn’t quite reach sparked memories of my hands having been here before.
My hands had traced this jawline; my lips had touched these lips.
“Mother fucker.” I jumped back suddenly, tearing us apart. Understanding dawned on Loche’s face, and his eyes widened, taking me in without an ounce of the confidence I’d come to recognize.
“Ever,” he spoke, “I can expla…”
“Take off your shirt,” I commanded him, needing that final piece of the puzzle as though there was a part of me that still believed I could be wrong at this point.
“Please.”
“I said take off the goddamned shirt.”
Overcome with defeat, he gripped the bottom hem of the black t-shirt he was wearing and slowly pulled it up to reveal the distinct tattoo forest I’d traced while V had held me in his arms, naked and vulnerable.
“No,” I whispered, backing up. Tears stung the corners of my eyes
“Hear me out, please.” Loche at least had the common sense to stay where he was.
“Hear you out?” An involuntary laugh tumbled out of me. “No, V…Loche. Whoever you are. I will not be hearing you out. You don’t hold the cards anymore.”
He nodded. “You’re right. Ask me anything you want. I’ll answer you. Yell at me, punch me. You know I can take a hit. I just ask that you refrain from pulling a knife out on me.”
“Am I some joke to you? Is this what all of this has been, some sick, fucking joke? A bet between you and Conrad, perhaps?”
“What? God no.” He moved to take a step toward me, stopping when I held my hand out like a crossing guard trying to hold back a freight train. “You were never a joke to me. Everything we’ve been through together was and still is real for me.”
“Then why gaslight me? Why keep your face hidden? Why not just come clean with me?”
“Because, Ever, you hated me. You wanted nothing to do with me when all I wanted from the first day I saw you walking down the hall was to have you—mind, body, and soul. If you had known it was me at the Halloween party, you would have turned me away. You wouldn’t have given me a chance.”
“Well, you didn’t give me a choice, did you?” Damnit, I wish my tear production wasn’t fueled by anger. “I didn’t flee from Oklahoma to a town I never heard of just to have yet another man manipulate me to suit his own needs.”
“That was never my intention with you. I was just…”