Chapter 21 Ever #2
“Being selfish. That’s it, right? You’re selfish, Loche. You got what you wanted, and that’s all that mattered to you.”
“I didn’t set out to trick you into sleeping with me.
When I heard you were going to that party, something in me snapped.
The guys who go to those things are trouble and not worth your time.
I went to make sure none of them hurt you.
When you chose me, I knew it was wrong not to say something to you, but in this fucked up brain of mine, I figured it was better you sleep with me than one of them. ”
“It was never up to you to keep me safe. I’ve been doing just fine since I moved here.”
“I know. But I’ve also seen what happens when a violent man is scorned and the destruction he leaves behind as a result.
Before I stabbed him and ended his reign of terror, my father put my mother in the hospital.
Both he and she lied to the doctors about what happened.
I almost lost her because I didn’t do anything to stop him, and I wasn’t going to let the same thing happen to you.
I meant to stay in the shadows, but then I got to have you, and I couldn’t stay away anymore.
One night with you wasn’t enough. The way you looked at V was so different than the way anyone has ever looked at me.
I wanted you to look at me as Loche the same way before I told you the truth.
I wanted you to choose Loche over V. It was wrong of me. You deserved transparency.”
I nodded, wiping a tear from my cheek with my sleeve. “I did. And for what it’s worth, I was going to choose Loche. Because I kind of liked the man I was getting to know. But it’s impossible to get to know a liar, isn’t it?”
“The me you’ve gotten to know over the last couple of weeks is the real me.”
“Says the man who’s been gaslighting me almost every day he’s known me. I’m going to need some time to process all of this. And space. I need space.”
“Okay,” he said softly in a voice hovering just above a whisper. “I understand.”
How I stayed on my feet when I walked out of Loche’s room, knowing that I’d lost not one but two men who were actually really one man whom I enjoyed spending time with, I didn’t know.
All I knew was that I was so numb I couldn’t even feel my legs walking or the cold steel of the door handle in my grasp when I turned it to open the door and leave the room.
When the door to my room closed behind me, I leaned with my back against it while my body slid down to the floor.
I sat there, my mind blank, my vision blurred by tears, unable to tell whether minutes or an hour had passed, until a notification from my phone in my tote bag pulled me from the haze.
Vinny is all fed. I hope you’re going to be home soon because he seemed bored, so I turned some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on for him before I left. Oh, and your baseboards look like they were directed by Alfred Hitchcock. You know you need to clean those every once in a while, right?
Katy followed up her text with a selfie of her flashing a peace sign next to Vinny’s aquarium.
V is my coworker.
I text-vomited back. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have been surprised when Katy called me approximately five seconds after I sent the message.
“A text! This is how you break this news to me? Seriously, Ever. Do I mean nothing to you?”
“I just found out five minutes, twenty minutes, or maybe two hours ago at this point. Let’s just say I’m still processing it myself.”
“Are you okay? Do I need to drive up to wherever the hell you are and kick his sexy ass?”
“I don’t know how I am or how I’m going to be.”
“Who is it?”
“Loche.”
“Is that the hot one you don’t like?”
“I mean, I’ve kind of been liking him a lot over the last few weeks. But otherwise, yes.”
“What are you going to do?”
“No idea.”
“Do you want to date him?”
“Yes? No? I don’t know. He’s been lying to me for so long, I don’t know what I want.”
“Well, the dude is dedicated. I’m not sure I’ve ever dated a man who put so much effort into being that close to me before.”
“He was stalking me.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“This isn’t a dark romance book, Katy. It’s real life. This isn’t how normal people meet and fall in love.”
“And swiping on someone’s picture and meeting them for casual sex only for them to ghost you as you cry over a bowl of vanilla ice cream that you topped with a half-bottle of rosé to make a wine cream float is normal?”
“That was—strangely specific.”
“All I’m saying is the man shows initiative. Hey, didn’t you ride there with him?”
Fuck.
“I’m just going to have to find someone else to give me a ride home.”
“And when will that be?”
“Tomorrow at the latest.”
“Okay, well, I won’t pop back over and turn off your TV, then.”
“The electric company will thank you with my bill next month.”
“Oh, there was a package left at your door today. I brought it inside and put it on your dining room table. Is it from V or Loche or whatever name he’s going by?”
“Who else would it be from? Although it’s weird he would send anything with us both being here.”
“Well, let me know when you get home. We’ll get together and commiserate over floats made from the finest alcohol the local gas station has in stock. God, Jem is going to shit herself when she finds out the identity of your masked man.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Are you going to be okay?”
“I think so.”
“Call me if you need to talk or some other crazy shit goes down while you’re there.”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s possible, what with Loche and the senior founding partner of our firm getting arrested.”
“What!”
“We’ll talk about it when I get back.”
“Goddamn it, Ever. Love you, even though a real friend would have put me on speaker phone while all of this was going down, so I could hear it in real time.”
“Love you, too.”
I had to get out of here tonight. Being here with Loche was too much, and it would be impossible for me to act like nothing had happened between us in front of Blaine and Jack, not to mention the Sawyers.
Was there a bus or someone around here who picked up hitchhikers without intending to tie them up and keep them in their basement until they were done with whatever depravity they had planned?
My phone rang as I was contemplating whether or not I wanted to risk becoming a future Netflix special. I was surprised to find it wasn’t Katy who, aside from the lady asking me if I wanted to renew my car’s extended warranty, was the only person who ever called me.
“Caroline, I’m sorry I never made it back,” I answered, cringing. “I’m not feeling well and didn’t think it would be in anyone’s best interest to be around me.”
That actually wasn’t a lie.
“Oh, that’s okay. It’s not like there was much left to do, anyway. The jurors are deliberating, and Blaine is telling us we can pack up the trial materials and head home if we want to. I’m just calling to see if you want to ride home with me tonight, or if you’re going to stick around with Loche.”
Had hell frozen over? Were swine taking flight? Was a plague of locusts descending upon us? Because all of those would explain why, for the first time in my life, things were coming up Ever.
“Yes, actually. I would really appreciate a ride home tonight.”
“Awesome. I really wasn’t looking forward to a long drive by myself.
Meet me downstairs in fifteen minutes. We’ll load up my vehicle at the courthouse and head on out.
It’s supposed to start snowing back home soon, so I want to get on the road before people forget how to drive in the snow like they always do during the first snowfall of the season. ”
Some of us can’t afford snow tires and end up getting up close and personal with the ditch, Caroline.
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll be down there.”
Not about to question this sudden change in fortune, I slowly picked myself up from the cold tile floor, rising to my feet.
I made my way to my bed, where I’d thrown my suitcase, and hastily stuffed all my clothes and toiletries inside, only pausing when I picked up a pajama shirt that I now knew had been sent from Loche.
This t-shirt had been the most comfortable one I owned by far and featured a sleeping Tyrannosaurus Rex wearing a nightcap on the front.
Below the graphic of the dinosaur was the word Tyrannosaurus.
At the time, I wondered how my stalker knew I would be into something like this.
Looking back, it should have been obvious after receiving many of the other things I’d received.
What was I going to do now? Return to work? Act like none of this had ever happened? With Conrad gone, would there even be a firm to go back to? Tears burned my eyes, but this time, the tears that fell had an entirely different meaning behind them.