Role Model
28
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It’s the d-day! My first event where I’m the guest speaker to girls who have been sent my amplified career bio and I’m all nerves and excitement. I’ve prepared my thoughts and experiences to share with them, ready to inspire and encourage them. But before the virtual event starts, I get on a call with Special, my heart fluttering as I share my upcoming plans.
I fidget with the edge of my laptop, a bit hesitant as I remind him about the event. “Yes, it’s that one where I get to mentor young girls.”
“Oh, oh, the NGO one.”
“Same. Evans actually invited me to be a part of it.”
There’s a pause on the other end of the call, with the silence stretching for a moment before Special’s voice breaks it. “Evans? Evans of Hopewell? The same guy who’s been chatting you up recently?”
I swallow hard, feeling the weight of my omission. “Yes, the same Evans. He reached out to me because he’s involved with this NGO and thought I’d be a good fit.”
Special’s tone is ten se as he responds, “So, you conveniently left out that it was him who invited you?”
I wince at his words, realizing the mistake I made in not being completely open. “I... I didn’t mean to hide it from you—”
“You didn’t?”
“I just didn’t think it was a big deal.”
He cuts me off, his voice sharp and cutting. “You didn’t think it was a big deal to mention that your ex invited you to an event? Fifi, that’s not just a small detail.”
Pangs of guilt hit me as his words hit harder than expected. “Baby, I’m sorry. I thought—I should have been more transparent about it.”
His frustration is evident as he continues, “You’re letting your job and all these opportunities make you think you can make decisions without considering the impact they have on us. You keep doing these things—making decisions and playing with my head—”
I try to interject, but he doesn’t give me the chance, his words cutting deeper. “What do we even talk about when we talk? You’re acting like you’re too busy to talk to me properly. It’s like your world has become all about your job and these events. What do you take me for? That I’m dumb or what?”
Tears well up in my eyes as his words sting. “Baby, I—I… I didn’t mean for it to come across that way. I respect and love you. I care about you and us, and I didn’t mean to make you feel dumb.”
He sighs, his tone softening just a bit. “Fifi, I want you to succeed and be happy, but I also want us to be on the same page. We’re a team, and decisions that affect us should be made together. Do you think he would let his ex speak at my event? I’m not saying I would have told you not to do your thing, but a man has his pride. All you could have done was let me know.”
I wipe away a tear, nodding even though he can’t see me. “You’re right, baby. You’re right. I should have talked to you about it first. I’m sorry.”
He lets out a sigh, his voice gentler now. “Just remember, I want you to be successful, but I also want us to always communicate and be honest with each other.”
I sniffle, licking my l ips. “I promise. Baby I promise I’ll make sure we talk about things before I make decisions that involve us.”
He sighs again and I can imagine the worry lines on his forehead easing up. “Okay,” he lets out a big breath, “umm… just focus on your event right now. Hearing the whole Evans thing last minute rubbed off real bad.”
“I’m eternally sorry.”
“No problem. We’ll talk about this later. Focus on your event.”
“Okay baby.”
I take a deep breath after we say our goodbyes, determined to approach the event with a clear mind and a renewed commitment to make my relationship with Special a priority. There’s a heaviness in my chest from our argument, a pang of guilt for not being more transparent. But there’s also a determination to not let it overshadow the event I’m about to be a part of. I don’t know what got into me that I didn’t mention Evans earlier and why I thought to bring it up now.
What’s done is done.
The virtual event is about to start, and I want to give these young girls the best of me, despite the turbulence in my heart. Gazing at my reflection in the mirror, I hype myself.
“You’ve got this, Fifi,” I whisper. “Focus on the girls, on sharing your journey with them. Let them see your passion, your dedication to data and tech. Don’t let what just happened affect what you’ve prepared to do.” Confident, I nod then smile, before heading over to my laptop.
Joining the video call, I push aside all lingering doubts and anxieties, channeling my energy into being present for the girls.
They’re in what looks like a classroom, over thirty of them. After a brief introduction by the lady on ground, I introduce myself with a warm smile, feeling a rush of excitement as I share snippets of my experience in the tech world. The girls seem engaged, their eager faces visible on my screen. I tell them about the challenges I’ve faced, the barriers I’ve overcome, and the opportunities that have come my way. And as I speak, I feel a sense of empowerment in sharing my story with them.
“This brings me back to my point of the importance of surrounding yourself with people who support your goals and dreams,” I preach, knowing how impactful someone like Special has been in my career journey. “I believe you all have brighter futures, so please, keep it up. If you have questions, you can go ahead and ask now.” I smile, ending my speech.
With each question they ask, their curiosity and enthusiasm remind me of my newfound passion to mentor and guide the next generation of women in tech. I offer advice, encouragement, and insights, hoping that I can inspire them to pursue their dreams fearlessly.
Done with my session, with a grateful smile, I bid the girls farewell and log off from the call.
“Thank you, Jesus!” I grin, dancing around my room.
“That felt great!” I murmur, walking back to my table. Just as I’m about to close my laptop, my phone buzzes with an incoming call from Evans. I gave him my phone number a while ago, but he’s never bothered to use it. We mostly communicated via LinkedIn and emails for the event prep.
“Hey,” I greet, a smile spreading across my face. “How was it?”
“It was great.” His voice sounds enthusiastic—that is a good sign. “Thanks again for agreeing to mentor those girls. It means a lot to them, you know?”
A warm glow of satisfaction melts my heart, and my cheeks burn. “Of course, it was my pleasure. I believe in the power of empowering others, especially when it comes to paying it forward.”
“Absolutely,” he agrees. “Speaking of empowerment, I couldn’t help but notice how inspiring you are, Fifi. You have this incredible drive and passion that’s truly infectious. Time has molded you into an extraordinary woman.”
I blush at the compliment; thankful this is a voice call. This is the part where I’m supposed to respond, oh. “Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.”
“Ah, Fifi…”
Yes…
“You did great.” I can hear the smile in his voice. “You said it and you’re doing it.”
“Wait oh.” I chuckle. “What did I say?”
“Remember that first night we talked about our dreams? You said you’d work in companies like Microsoft, and look at you, doing your thing with Rubicon.”
“Oh. ”
“Yeah. I never doubted you. See you travelling the world.”
“Travelling where?”
“You’re in Dublin, so you’ve started already.”
Shy now, as it looks like Evans is unraveling a part of me that I’ve long forgotten about, I place a hand to my face. “I don’t know about that—”
“You’re a strong lady. I believe that with you, it’s all a matter of time.”
What do I say to that? This conversation is getting too close to home.
“So… any special someone in your life?” he teases.
His question catches me off guard, and I chuckle at the unexpected turn. “Oh, you’re diving into personal territory now,” I respond, matching his playful tone.
“Come on, spill the beans.”
The transition to relationship talk feels natural, and I’m curious to know what’s happening with him in that department too. “Sure, let’s talk relationships.”
“I bet there’s someone out there feeling pretty lucky right now, because you’re a catch.”
I playfully roll my eyes, enjoying the banter. “Well, you know, work keeps me pretty occupied,” I say with a smile. “But, yes, I’m in a relationship.”
He doesn’t miss a beat. “I knew it. Who is it? Someone I know? A Naija guy? A white dude?”
I chuckle as he keeps guessing, maintaining a mysterious demeanor, neither confirming nor denying his guesses.
He laughs, giving up. “Well, whoever ends up with you is one lucky person, that’s for sure.”
“Thank you.” Curiosity gets the better of me, I decide to reciprocate the question. “How about you? Any special someone in your life?”
There’s a momentary pause on his end, and then he responds, “Well, you know how it is.”
I muster a surprised ch uckle, trying to mask the astonishment in my voice. “No one since—really?”
“Yeah, it’s been quiet on the relationship front. Work engagements and stuff. Though, I guess I haven’t found anyone quite like you.”
Stunned is an understatement. I felt bad when I broke it off with him, now I feel horrible. “I’m sorry, I—”
“Sorry for what?”
That’s true, sorry for what? I bite my lips, trying to figure out an answer to that question. What exactly am I sorry for? For moving on? For finding someone else?
I’m glad I did not reveal too much about my current relationship, choosing to keep the details private for now. It feels like I’m doing something wrong. Special’s words from earlier are mocking me and I want this call to end now.
Trying to maintain composure, I respond with a soft laugh. “It’s all good. Thanks for reaching out—I’m glad you did.”
“Thanks for participating,” he responds, getting the hint. “And Fifi, if you ever need someone to discuss more than just tech or mentoring, feel free to give me a call. I’m always available for a good chat.”
I respond with a nervous friendly chuckle, “Sure... I’ll keep that in mind.”
Liar!