Chapter 14
Elizabeth did not manage to soothe her torment despite sobbing for a while. Jane came to her and, as much as Elizabeth tried to spare her sister pain, she could not resist Jane’s pleas and revealed the secret.
The sorrow which shadowed Jane’s handsome face only deepened Elizabeth’s misery, and they embraced each other in a desperate attempt at comfort.
“I cannot believe Mr Wickham is such a vicious man!” Jane whispered. “Vicious, hateful, spiteful man! How did we allow him to deceive us all?”
Jane’s outburst of anger — never heard before — made Elizabeth embrace her tighter.
“Dearest, you warned me not to trust strangers so readily. I am the only one who allowed herself to be so easily deceived. I was flattered by his attentions and upset by Mr Darcy’s arrogance, so I chose to confide in the one who flattered me. I was an utter and complete fool.”
“Nonsense, Lizzy! I shall never forgive Mr Wickham. I shall tell all our relatives and friends to ask Colonel Forster to remove him from the regiment. He cannot be allowed to stay in Meryton.”
“Jane, let us calm down. I am reluctant to tell anyone. In truth, I hope such reports remain unknown in Meryton, though I doubt it very much.”
“Then what can we do, Lizzy?”
“I do not know, Jane. I do not want to see anyone. My only concern is Papa. If he does not feel better later, I shall fetch the apothecary.”
Despite her desire for solitude, Elizabeth was soon invaded by her sisters and mother, asking for details about the officers.
Since she had spent the longest time with her father, they assumed she had more information, which she was not prepared to share, so she denied it.
It took another hour until they all departed and she was left alone.
She went to see her father, but he was still asleep, so she returned to her chamber and fell asleep too.
A knock on the door and Jane’s worried voice awakened Elizabeth sometime later. Her head was spinning, and she felt worse than before the nap, with a terrible headache.
“Lizzy, Papa is asking for you. He is in the library. Oh, dear! Have you been crying? You look so pale, and your eyes are swollen.”
“A little. But do not worry. I cannot remember crying in years. Perhaps it was time.”
“Dear Lizzy…”
“I shall go to Papa now,” she said, wiping her eyes. “He is feeling better, I hope?”
“I believe so. He is with Mr Darcy and the admiral. Mr Bingley is in the drawing room.”
The response kept Elizabeth still, staring at her sister. She could not possibly face the two men, especially Mr Darcy. Not so soon after the dreadful events. To know they had heard the horrendous claims about her and Mr Darcy and the meaning behind them was mortifying.
“Jane, I cannot. Tell Papa I am unwell. I do not wish to see Mr Darcy and the admiral.”
“As you wish, Lizzy. But Papa insisted. He said it was a matter of great importance. I shall tell him you are ill. Do not worry. Try to sleep a little more. I shall take care of it…”
“No, wait!” Elizabeth said after a brief hesitation, while Jane was at the door. “If you tell Papa I am ill, it will worry and distress him even more. I shall go.”
She glanced at her reflection in the mirror. She looked as bad as she felt, and she arranged some pins in her hair before leaving the room.
“Shall I come with you, Lizzy?”
“No, my dear. If Papa asked for me, he must need me alone. Mr Bingley…how is he? I imagine he is distressed, too.”
“A little bit…but he is very much his usual self.”
“Then go and keep him company, Jane. We shall speak more later.”
At the library door, Elizabeth stopped again. She heard low voices, and her first temptation was to run. Instead, she knocked and entered.
The three men were gathered around the desk. At her appearance, Mr Darcy stood up, while the others remained sitting.
Elizabeth quivered as she looked at him; his expression was dark and troubled, as she had never seen it before. His gaze was so intense that she did not wish to hold it or avert her eyes.
“Miss Bennet, I…”
“Mr Darcy I…”
They spoke at the same time; she stopped, feeling her knees would not support her. She looked for a chair; he seemed to read her mind and immediately brought one for her. She sat, and then he was the only one standing, tall, moving awkwardly from one foot to another.
“Mr Darcy, Lizzy, I beg you not to start another argument with each of you taking the blame,” Mr Bennet interjected. “I cannot bear it any longer. I am exhausted, and my head is burning.”
“Papa, you look ill,” Elizabeth said. “You should be in bed, resting.”
“You look ill too, Lizzy. But neither of us can rest for now. Lizzy, the admiral and I have something to discuss — we shall be in my old office. Mr Darcy has something to discuss say to you. Please listen to him carefully and do not hurry to answer.”
“But Papa—”
“Please, my child. Just listen, and we may discuss it afterwards. Please know that, whatever you decide, I shall support you. And nobody will know of this conversation unless you want them to.”
Elizabeth’s confusion was beyond words; she felt lost, dumbfounded, and frightened, wondering what else had occurred and what the three men had planned.
“On second thoughts, you should go with Mr Darcy into the other room, Lizzy, so you can speak undisturbed. Somebody might come into the library and interrupt you, but you will be safe there.”
“But Papa, can we not discuss it here? I have no secrets to keep from you.”
“Mr Darcy has already asked my permission, so it is not a secret to me. You must listen to him.”
“Miss Bennet, I promise I shall not trouble you long,” Mr Darcy said. “I only need a few minutes of your time, and your decision will be yours entirely.”
“Very well,” she agreed against her will. She led Mr Darcy to her father’s old office — the one he rarely used, preferring the desk in the library. The fire was not lit, so the moment she entered, she felt cold and wrapped her arms around herself.
“Please allow me to offer you my coat,” Mr Darcy immediately suggested.
“No, thank you. Please tell me what the matter is. The entire situation is so dreadful that every moment I fear it might get worse.”
“I understand your feelings, Miss Bennet. Since last night, I have had no rest considering the circumstances and trying to find a way to reach a reasonable resolution, and I could not find one. I am well aware that my poor decisions in regard to Wickham, as well as my imprudent behaviour towards you — although it was well meant and with the most honourable intentions — caused you harm and torment that cannot be forgiven nor easily forgotten. I deeply apologise to you, but I know my excuses are worth nothing.”
“Mr Darcy, I do not understand…what imprudence? What sort of behaviour do you mean? You should know that your excuses do have value, but they are neither necessary nor appropriate!”
“I have known for a long time that Wickham had no scruples in seeking revenge against me in any possible way, with no regard to whomever he might hurt in the process. You have been an innocent victim of a conflict that I should have handled better in the past. My enjoyment in being in your company induced me to do things that could be seen in a bad light…”
“I am still lost to your meaning. We have barely spoken a few times. You escorted me back home and you danced one set with me. That was after Mr Wickham asked me for the first set, and I have danced with many other men in the last year. I see nothing to blame you for.”
“Perhaps. However, I shall admit that my attention to you was due to my admiration that, at the beginning of our acquaintance, I tried to disguise. My struggle was in vain, as apparently Wickham, as well as the admiral, noticed my feelings, and one of them acted with malice and a lack of honour.”
Elizabeth watched him in utter puzzlement. She sat in a chair — which was cold and uncomfortable. He sat too, then stood up and sat again. She heard some words, barely coherent. He spoke of admiration and feelings in a way that only deepened her confusion.
“Mr Darcy, I beg you to speak more clearly, sir. I am tired, and I confess I am freezing. Please rest assured that I do not blame you at all, and I only hesitated to see you because of embarrassment. Your apologies are not needed, and you have done nothing that I might forgive. The only thing I would expect of you is to punish the men, especially Mr Wickham. I understand you have the power and the means to do that.”
“I shall. That, you must not doubt. But your forgiveness was not the only thing that I wanted to ask from you. There is something more important that induced me to address you and to expose you to more distress.”
He paused, staring at her. She held his gaze until it became too intense.
“What is it you want to ask from me, Mr Darcy?”
“Your hand in marriage,” he said in a tone heavy with emotions.
Their gazes locked again, and she put her hand over her mouth. She could not reply, nor could she understand well enough to offer an answer.
“Excuse me?”
“I am asking you to do me the honour of marrying me, Miss Bennet,” he continued, somehow less uncomfortable, though still agitated.
“I imagine this request is rather shocking for you. Yesterday, it would have been impossible for me to even consider having this conversation with you. But due to the latest circumstances, I dare say it would be the best solution to remedy the wrong — to protect you and your family from more harm. Also—”
“Mr Darcy, I beg you to stop, sir,” she interrupted him. She finally comprehended him, and the astonishment and mortification overwhelmed her. He had chosen to address the rumours of her being his mistress by asking her to become his wife. Had he lost his mind?
“Sir, please do not make this dreadful situation worse than it is. As I said, I have nothing to blame you for. You are as innocent as I am, and it is not your duty to protect me or my family from harm caused by others.”
“But, Miss Bennet—”
“Mr Darcy, I do not know how serious you are in your proposal but—”
“Very serious, I assure you! I could not possibly trifle with you on such a matter! I have never spoken more in earnest.”
“My answer is equally serious and heartfelt. Your suggestion is unacceptable, and I understand you made it from a deep sense of honour and responsibility, which is simply too much!”
“That is not the only reason…” he tried to intervene. She felt tears threatening to spill from her eyes and did not trust herself to fight them for long, nor could she bear to cry in his presence. So, she continued in haste, turning her back to him.
“I shall not trap you and me in a forced marriage, nor shall I condemn both of us to a life of misery, only to dismiss some malicious gossip that will pass soon. I shall not marry for such reasons, Mr Darcy.”
With that, tears defeated her, and she whispered an excuse, then left the room in haste without another glance at him.
As she passed the library, she heard the door open and her father call her name, but she pretended not to hear it, returning to her room.
She struggled not to cry — it was the second time in one day — but she could not control her emotions any longer.
Things were going from bad to worse, like a storm that had swept her up and trapped her in its midst, with no escape.
She wiped her eyes, but the tears continued to fall, and she balled her fists in anger and frustration.
Only moments passed before she heard a knock on the door — which she both expected and feared.