Chapter 15
“Lizzy? May I enter?”
“Yes, Papa.”
Her father sat down on the bed next to her and patted her hand.
“It pains me to see you crying, my child. Be sure that I shall not force you into any decision. I know you always disliked Mr Darcy, just as I know you liked that Wickham fellow and are probably hurt by his betrayal. I should not have let Mr Darcy speak to you so soon, but he seemed worried about the consequences and confident about talking to you. I knew you would not marry a man you cannot respect and love, regardless of his good character, fortune, and connections.”
Elizabeth looked at her father dumbfounded, wiping her eyes.
“Papa, what are you talking about? I was hurt by Mr Wickham — not because I liked him but because I was a fool to trust him! I am as angry with him as I am with myself! As for Mr Darcy, I have long changed my opinion of him, but it is ridiculous to even consider his proposal. What was he thinking? What were you thinking to allow it?”
“Lizzy—”
“Should any man who helps a woman or dances with her be forced to marry her because some scoundrels gossip about them? This is outrageous, absurd! Mr Darcy should challenge them to a duel instead of proposing! I would have done so if I were a man!”
Frustration combined with anger, adding to the feelings that had confused and troubled her for the last few days in regard to Mr Darcy, made her raise her voice and lose her temper. She could see her father still looked unwell, but she still spoke further.
“I do not want to upset you, Papa, nor to offend Mr Darcy. I do respect him and appreciate him, but we barely know each other. How can I accept a proposal he had not considered himself until today?”
“You are not upsetting me, Lizzy. As I said, the decision is yours, and you should ponder it carefully, especially if your feelings for Mr Darcy and Mr Wickham are not as I assumed.”
“Papa, I know that marrying Mr Darcy would mean salvation for our family. And I know he is a good man — probably one of the best. But to know that he married me out of charity, out of guilt he wrongly assumed, out of a sense of duty which is exaggerated, would be unbearable. He will come to regret his decision soon and will despise me, even if he would provide protection for our family.”
“Marrying a man like Mr Darcy is truly something I never imagined for any of my daughters. As much as I love and value you, I never considered you might even meet such a man, and if you did, he would certainly overlook you as he did at the assembly.”
“I shall not argue with that, Papa. I do not know what happened to make him change his opinion and improve his manners so much. I have done the same, I admit.”
“It might be the admiral’s influence over both of you perhaps. But Darcy is not a man to whom I could refuse anything he did me the favour of asking for. Dear Lord, I am speaking like Mr Collins now…”
“I would not refuse Mr Darcy’s request either if he asked for my help in any way. But I shall not accept a forced proposal.”
“My dear, we should put aside this matter for now. We all need rest, as neither of us slept much, if any, last night. We shall speak about it again tomorrow, after a good night’s sleep.”
“There is nothing to speak of, Papa. I already told Mr Darcy that I would not accept a proposal made for such reasons.”
“Let us speak again tomorrow, Lizzy,” her father repeated, walking to the door.
“Papa, where is Mr Darcy? And the admiral?”
“They are finishing their drinks in the library.”
“Did they have any other news?”
“Apparently, they spoke to Colonel Forster. That Wickham fellow is expected to find other employment soon. As for the others, it is not settled yet. The admiral insists they all should come and apologise to us.”
“Oh, no, Papa! They might beg your forgiveness, but I shall never grant them mine. I never want to see them again!”
“I assumed you would say that. I am going back to my guests. I shall not attend dinner tonight. I only want to sleep.”
“Papa, I hope you will not mention the conversation with Mr Darcy to Mama. Please!”
“Not if I want to have another single moment of peace for the rest of my life, Lizzy.”
Once her father left, Elizabeth sat by the window, waiting for the guests’ departure. As time passed with no sign of them, her turmoil increased.
She could not recollect Mr Darcy’s exact words when he had proposed.
She remembered his repeated attempts to interrupt her refusal and some mention of his feelings that Mr Wickham and the admiral had recognised.
What feelings he meant, she could not guess, since he had also admitted that he had only considered proposing after the scandal had broken out.
Lost in her thoughts, she observed Mr Darcy departing on his horse — alone. He must have been offended, and rightfully so. But he would thank her in the future; she was certain of that.
She waited a few more minutes, but neither the admiral nor Mr Bingley appeared. Mr Bingley was probably in the drawing room and the admiral still with her father.
She was curious to know whether the admiral supported or disapproved of Mr Darcy’s decision to propose. He must have known of it, since he had been present when Mr Darcy had discussed it with her father.
The admiral was the brother-in-law of Lord Matlock and the late Mr Darcy’s friend.
They surely wanted the current master of Pemberley to marry into a titled family with wealth and connections, if he did not marry his cousin Anne.
Despite his friendship with her and her father, the admiral knew they moved in different circles, so he was probably relieved by her refusal.
Half an hour later, Jane entered again, and Elizabeth felt almost irritated by the interruption. She did not want to see or speak to anybody.
“Lizzy? The admiral and Mr Bingley are ready to leave. Will you not come and say good-bye? Mr Darcy left earlier as he had some business to attend to.”
“I do not feel well, Jane.”
“I see… The admiral said he would like to say a few words to you. I believe he wants to comfort you. He was so kind and considerate. He explained that he heard the officers making some improper jokes, as most men do when they are drunk. He said Mr Wickham said some impolite things but that we should not allow him to upset us. I know the truth, Lizzy, and I realise it was more than jokes. But for Mama, it was a real comfort, as she has been truly devasted all day.”
“The admiral is a kind and considerate man,” Elizabeth said.
“Will you not speak to him, then? He is having a drink in the library…”
“I am in no disposition for more conversation, Jane.”
“I know, dearest, but he is there alone…he is not a man to be treated disrespectfully.”
“Alone? Is Papa not there?”
“No, Lizzy. Papa retired some time ago.”
“Oh…very well. I shall speak to the admiral and say good-bye,” she reluctantly agreed.
For the second time that day in front of the library door, Elizabeth felt a surge of panic. Eventually, she pushed open the door and entered; the admiral was holding a drink and a cigar. He stood up and invited her to sit.
“Miss Elizabeth, how are you feeling?”
“As poorly as I must look, sir. I pray for this day to finally come to an end.”
“That is understandable. You do not seem happy about talking to me.”
“I am not. I beg your forgiveness for being so blunt, but you are already well aware of the truth.”
“I have always admired your open manners and blunt sincerity, Miss Elizabeth. Would you allow me to speak in the same manner?”
“Of course. The circumstances require no false politeness.”
“Agreed. Then I shall ask directly — why did you refuse Darcy’s proposal?”
She had expected the question, but not in such a manner.
“Have you not been informed by Mr Darcy? Or by my father?”
“I dared to insist on having your response directly, Miss Elizabeth.”
“Then you will have it. I refused it because it was not the type of proposal to be accepted.”
“Marrying Darcy is not acceptable to you? That sounds rather harsh. He is an excellent man, in character and situation in life. Half of the young women in London dream of such an opportunity.”
“I must be in the other half, Admiral. I do not deny Mr Darcy’s qualities or the advantages of marrying him. I just said that this proposal, induced by unfortunate circumstances, is unacceptable to me.”
“Are you aware of the tremendous benefits such a marriage would bring to you and your family?”
“Of course.”
“Have you considered that this could be your salvation, in case you lost your father and your home at the same time? I know your cousin Mr Collins intended to propose to you. You would probably have refused him, but is Darcy’s proposal no better?
Do you not have more respect and consideration for him? ”
Elizabeth felt suddenly drained, exhausted — from tiredness, from emotions, from answering questions that should not have even existed, from doubts, and from the fear of losing control and having her life ruined by others.
“Admiral, with all due respect and consideration, please give me enough credit to see that I am not a complete simpleton. I certainly know all this, and it is my respect and consideration for Mr Darcy that induced me to refuse something that he offered out of misplaced guilt. I shall apologise to him if he felt offended, but I am sure he will realise I was right, no later than tomorrow, when we all have clearer minds. We all need rest, as my father said.”
“Very well. I shall leave you to rest. However, I shall just ask one more thing. You have mentioned several times that Darcy was forced to propose to you. Am I correct?”
“You are. I told my father the same. How is it possible for a man to be forced into a marriage because he helped a woman and danced with her once? Absurd!”
“It is absurd, indeed. However, I am asking for only one favour. Would you consider a few things by tomorrow? No, do not answer now, just reflect upon them with calm, using your wit and reason.”
She breathed deeply, trying to gather a little more composure.
“What things would those be, Admiral?”
“Do you believe, Miss Elizabeth, that Darcy would have proposed marriage to any woman, if they were in your place? Do you think he would take so much trouble to please any other woman with small attentions? Did you ask yourself why he danced with you alone at the ball? Do you remember your conversation during the dance?”
The admiral’s words stirred Elizabeth’s mind, leaving her more confused. She was too troubled to answer, too troubled to even comprehend the questions properly.
“I shall leave you now, Miss Elizabeth. We shall speak more tomorrow. Please know that you have all my admiration and consideration. I wish all the best for you. That is why I took some liberties in addressing you.”
“Thank you, sir. Then, may I ask…am I wrong in assuming that you approved of Mr Darcy’s decision to propose to me? Were you ready to support such a marriage?”
“Yes.” The answer, so straight and quick, disconcerted her, shattering the last remnant of her composure.
“But sir…may I ask why? What do you gain from such a union which, if it happened, would be only to the advantage of me and my family?”
He gently took her hand and gave her a smile.
“My dear Miss Elizabeth, I shall tell you what I told Darcy this morning. I was charmed by you the moment I met you in the woods. I immediately recognised your admirable qualities. I envy your father for having such a bright daughter, and I envy the younger men who can compete for your favours.”
She laughed for the first time since her heart had been pained by the unfair accusations.
“Sir, now you are joking at my expense.”
“Not at all, I assure you. At that time, I heard you despised Darcy, and it disappointed me. In time, I was pleased to see some reconciliation between the two of you. Till very recently, I did not suspect a possible connection between you. But the more I think about it, the more I am convinced you would be well suited, and that a union in marriage, regardless of how it started, would be to the advantage of both.”
While Elizabeth was stunned by his statement, the admiral bowed his head, placed a polite kiss on the back of her hand, and then exited.