The Focus
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As the New Year approaches, I’m excited for the possibilities that lie ahead. As per our family tradition, we prepare for New Year’s Eve and crossover at our church’s camping ground.
Mama Gee, having fasted all day, is the poster mother for serene calmness, leaving the responsibility of organizing everything and everyone to myself and Aunty S?epe?. Coolers packed with drinks, fried rice, jollof rice, moin moin, fried meat, and a basket of fruits for the seven of us find their place in Mama Gee’s Toyota Sienna.
Despite our meticulous preparations and inevitable fuss, we arrive at the campground a tad behind schedule. Under the night sky, we settle in with our foldable chairs and mats we brought from home, joining the sea of people gathered to pray their way into the new year. Although some may depart for clubs or house parties shortly after midnight, the essence lies in starting the New Year with collective prayers and putting God first.
The atmosphere crackles with spiritual energy. I engage in prayers, songs, and dance with an intensity like never before, committing all my endeavors into the hands of God. It’s going to be a transformative year. Mama Gee’s gaze sharply catches mine during prayers, urging me to be fervent with my prayers.
Minutes before midnight, the general overseer instructs us to lift our notebook containing twelve things we want God to do for us in the coming year, praying for answered prayers. At the stroke of midnight, he ends his countdown and I join the congregation to scream. “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Taking a long, satisfying breath, I watch the ongoing fireworks, thanking God for seeing the new year.
Amidst hugs and well-wishes exchanged with family and strangers around us, my phone vibrates, disrupting my celebration. Glancing at the notification, my heart skips—Evans sent me a New Year message.
He’s thinking of me…
David’s playful nudge, accompanied by a reminder of his hunger, snaps me back to reality. I immediately respond to Evans’ message while David, Aunt S?epe? and I make our way to the car for the feast of food and drink. The general overseer allotted a 90-minute break for those who fasted into the new year to eat before the second service that will span till dawn, resumes.
Having eaten to satisfaction, I find myself succumbing to sleep for the rest of the service. Mama Gee should chill, Peter and John slept while Jesus prayed.
*****
With everyone returning to what life was before the holidays, the house is fast becoming boring.
A week later, I’m in a cab, driving through familiar surroundings of Hopewell Uni to begin the new semester. I feel fortunate that daddy and Mama Gee can afford a school without strikes. Checking my phone for messages, I realize Special never called or messaged me, happy new year, and I’m fine with it. I didn’t, too. So we’re even.
Evans has been… Evans. Ever since we left school last year, we talk at least twice a week. I look forward to our conversations. He’s got a view of life that has us talking for hours. I can see him trying his best not to push it—we both know what he is aiming for.
As I step into my apartment, the familiar surroundings wrap around me like a warm embrace. I send messages to Mama Gee whom I know will be at the joint, daddy, Linda, Ekene, and after going back and forth, to Evans, letting them know I arrived safely.
Linda oooo… when would she return to school? I miss her presence already.
As I unpack my belongings, my mind drifts to our conversation during the holidays. Late one night, during a check up call, Linda confided in me about some personal challenges she was facing. She fervently poured her heart out.
One issue she shared was her growing dissatisfaction with her chosen major. The pressures of academic expectations and societal norms was making her question if she was truly following her passion. I could relate to her feeling trapped in a path that seemed predetermined, and yet yearning for the courage to pursue her true calling. Not to belittle Linda’s concerns but I’d never been more glad about Mama Gee agreeing with my plans, even though some part of me thinks she thinks I’ll come around after Uni.
Another concern plaguing Linda’s thoughts was the state of her romantic relationship. She recently started experiencing doubts and uncertainties, questioning if she and her boyfriend, Deji, were truly compatible in the long run. They’ve been arguing a lot lately and she’s suspecting he’s seeing someone else.
Deji used to be in Hopewell University Staff Secondary School—same with Linda—before he left to study medicine in Ukraine. Theirs was a love written in the stars. They started having sex in SS2 and according to Linda, the boy was insatiable. Randy D, is what she save his number as.
Now she’s experiencing conflicting emotions—love and the fear of losing someone she had invested so much time and energy into—and it’s making her emotionally drained.
In addition to this, she confided in me about her struggles with self-confidence and the constant comparison to others. She often felt inadequate and overwhelmed by the achievements of her peers, causing her to question her own abilities and worth. I had to clear her on that one, offering a confidence boost, words of support and how I struggle with my self-confidence. At least she was confident enough to be in a relationship, me? I really don’t know how to explain what I want without sounding like a fool.
One of the things I admire about Linda is her strength and vulnerability. I don’t think I’ll be this version of myself if I hadn’t met her and started living with her.
Her attitude towards life would never have made me aware of the weight of her concerns. She hinted she approached her struggles with a determination to find her own path, to rediscover her worth, and to cultivate a sense of self-assurance. I hope she finds the answers she needs to go through this phase of her life.
I’m humming Tiwa Savage’s latest song, arranging the things I brought from home when my phone rings, disrupting the quietness of the room. My heart skips a beat when I glance at the screen to see Evans’s name flashing. I smile ruefully. The message was not enough? There’s something different about seeing his name on my screen when I was home and now that we’re back in school. Curiosity piques within me as I answer the call, eager to hear his voice and the reason behind his unexpected call.
“Hey, Fifi,” he greets warmly. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“Nothing much.” I glance around the square kitchen. “Just looking for where to keep this extra bucket of garri.”
He chuckles. “I have space in my kitchen.”
“Ah, thank you.” Giving up on busying myself while on the call, I ask, “What’s happening? Got my message?”
“Yeah. That’s why I’m calling.”
“Hmm… What happened?”
“I was wondering if you’d like to hang out.”
“Evans, it’s late.”
“I know. I was thinking of a late-night walk. The night sky is clear.” He chuckles softly. “And there’s not many people around to share it with, which is how I like it. You’ll love it.”
His invitation sends a ripple of excitement through me, as I contemplate the prospect of spending time with him. It’s the same tingling feeling I was experiencing during the holidays. Either I’m a dog in heat or I just attained puberty.
He goes on about making plans for the semester and sharing our new year resolutions. “You can laugh at my resolutions which I’m fine with, but remember this, we’ll be having a cute romantic walk. Just the two of us.”
Cute romantic late-night walk with Evans? Count me in!
A smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I respond, “You ehn.”
“Seriously, doesn’t it sound good?”
“It sounds wonderful.” I glance at the open box of clothing I’ve been sorting and the kitchen I’ve been organizing for hours. “I could use a breath of fresh air.”
“Yes! See you at…?”
Putting into consideration what’s left to do I suggest, “8:30.”
“8:30 it is.”
As I end the call, my insides feel like they’re vibrating as I come to a sudden realization.
I like Evans.
Ugh! I cover my face with both hands, then let it slide down with a grimace.
I like Evans Eke. There’s no doubt about it.
He gives this… this sense of comfort and familiarity. The thought of spending time with him, being in his company and mapping out a strategy for the upcoming semester gives this calming assurance.
A soft smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I reflect on the warmth and comfort his constant calls and messages provided throughout the Christmas holiday. His calls came like rays of sunshine, piercing through the fog of loneliness that threatened to overshadow the festivities. Each conversation filled with laughter, genuine interest, and a comforting presence that enveloped me with a sense of belonging.
The messages he sent were like little gifts, scattered throughout the day, reminding me I was on his mind. A simple “How’s your day going?” or a playful meme sent waves of joy through my heart. He seemed to understand the impact of his words, how they could illuminate even the most mundane moments.
How did I not notice this when it was happening? His consistency. His genuineness. That he was always just a call or a text away. When did I get so engrossed in our friendship that I forgot he is a man on a mission, planting seeds of affection?
It’s so hard being a grown up. So much conflicting emotions. We need to define our relationship. I mean, I need to define my relationship with him.
Done with my arrangement, I slip into comfortable jean trousers and a round neck. There’s a slight chill in the air since harmattan is around so while grabbing a pair of slippers, I grab a light jacket.
Besides the notebook which I raised at the church’s campground during the new year crossover night, I haven’t shared my new year resolutions with anyone. I have five specific things I want to prioritize this year.
My academics: I want to strive for academic excellence by making sure I attend 99% of my classes. If I can create meaningful relationships with my instructors, that will be cool. The main thing is to maintain a high GPA because G-Ben has left me no choice but to. The pains for going to the same school as your sibling. Eyeroll.
My relationships? I don’t even have one. If the opportunity comes, I won’t coward away like I’ve been doing. Waiting for someone to notice and acknowledge their feelings for me, when I know it would take them forever to do isn’t something future me would see as smart. I would jump into a relationship with someone I like. Let’s even see what the fuss is all about. Even so, no sex till marriage because the strength of a relationship is not defined by physical intimacy.
Next is my family. I want to visit as often as I can. Everyone is growing so fast. I didn’t mention it while home, but Mama Gee isn’t the only one who needs to relax, daddy too. And David and Daniel are growing up so fast.
I’ll pray more this semester. Be more diligent by attending religious activities. Maybe even go for outreaches. Okay, that is pushing it too far, but yeah. I want to take my Christianity serious.
Most important is self-care! Which is why I’m choosing to hang out with Evans tonight. What are his resolutions? Does he have something else planned? Did he do something this holiday he wants to share under the moonlit sky? Nothing bad I hope.