Conflicting Revelations
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Leaving my apartment behind, I make my way to our designated meeting spot. It’s hard to believe that within a week, chattering, boisterous students will flood this place currently bathed in a soft orange glow from the streetlamps.
I arrive at our spot five minutes earlier, and I eagerly await Evans’ arrival. In the night’s stillness with only crickets and night sounds serving as background music, I hug myself, taking note of my surrounding. It’s one thing to live, it’s another thing to truly live, noticing the simple pleasures of life.
Tsk. I should have bought something for us to snack on. Maybe we can walk to Regina’s World for dinner. That’s something I haven’t had—dinner and food from Regina’s World. Regina’s World launched around the time I had chicken pox. During exams, I heard some students talking about it, but I never got around to exploring their menu. Who better to share this new restaurant with than Evans? My hands are in my back pocket when I catch sight of Evans approaching, a smile lighting up his face.
“Final year student,” I hail as he draws closer.
“You’re looking good.” He announces as he closes the gap between us. “Your mumsy’s cooking did wonders.”
I did most of the home-cooking but yes, I spent time at Mama Gees joint. “You’re not looking bad yourself.”
“Thank you. So… what are we doing?” He smiles, slapping a hand on his thigh. Wow, I’ve missed seeing his crooked front tooth.
“Hmm? I thought you wanted us to take a stroll?” When his only response is to smile sheepishly, I continue, gesturing and taunting him. “Under the moonlit sky. Just the two of us. I had a talk with God to make it look perfect for us…”
At this, he breaks into a laugh that casts a magnetic pull I find both exhilarating and unnerving.
“Okay poet,” he smiles, “you got me.”
“So, you didn’t have a plan?” He looks different as the moonlight bathes him in its whimsical glow, but I don’t dwell on this fact for too long. Just weeks ago, I was pining for Special, now Evans. I need to get my act together.
He instinctively steps closer, encroaching on my personal space, and I swallow. “I just wanted to walk with you. I figured your room might be in the process of—”
“Hey,” I playfully tap his shoulder, and he smirks, taking a step back, “I’m not a ruffian. I can be quite organized.” Laughter fills the air, and once I regain control of my voice, I add, “Lucky for us, I have a plan.”
His brows shoot up.
“I’ve not had dinner. Can we walk to Regina’s world, then ride a shuttle back?”
He deliberates, scratching his head. “We can make it there before 10?”
It takes a lot for me to ignore the slight peeking of his tummy with his hand raised. What’s different about him now? I fix my gaze on his face, grateful he’s not noticing my wandering eyes but instead looking down the road at the walk ahead. “I think so.”
“Seeing that students are not around, I hope they’re not selling left over food.”
“Eww. Stop it. They make their food fresh. Do you have another option?”
“No. No. Regina’s World sounds like a plan.”
As we walk further from campus, with the moonlight casting a gentle glow on our path, we engage in light-hearted banter, catching up on the latest happenings during our Christmas holidays. The ones we liked and the ones we never got to share. His familiar voice, a soothing tune in the quiet of the night, gently lulls me into tranquility. Of course, we also talk about the latest school updates, including our eagerness to see the results from last semester.
The dimly lit streets are quiet, with only a few scattered figures moving in the distance, adding an air of mystery to the evening. Cool breeze brushes against our faces, carrying whispers of stories yet to be told.
We make it to Regina’s World on time, order my food, which he ends up paying for, and begin a leisure stroll to the nearest bus park. Usually, the school’s shuttle service is an active movement of buses, however, due to fewer student’s being around we have to wait for the next available bus. There’s a group of three, making loud noises, probably also waiting for the next shuttle.
“Come here.” Evan’s delicately steers me to a faintly lit side of the bus park. “There’s something I want to ask you.”
Is it me or is there a sudden shift in his tone? Why is his voice laced with something I can’t pin down? I hope everything is alright back home. My heart is racing a mile a minute, unsure of his ask.
In the dark, I’m forced to search for the only source of light, his eyes. They are shimmering with vulnerability.
Wait. Wait! What’s happening? Uh-oh. Is this actually happening? I need to confirm what the ask is since he’s clearly lost his tongue with the amount of swallowing he’s doing. “Um, what’s on your mind?
His eyes search mine. “Fifi,” he begins with a smile, then licks his lips, “these past few months have been incredible. Getting to know you… your plans for the future,” his voice quivers ever so slightly, “and being there for each other—it has made me realize how much you mean to me.”
Uh-oh. My pulse is quickening, I nod rather than speak as apprehension courses through my veins. My eyes search his face for any clues about his feelings. Is he saying this because he believes he has hit a milestone with me? We’ve been hanging out for a while now. Ever since our first date at Abe Igi, he’s been nothing but a reliable friend.
“Go on…”
Nodding, he continues, his voice steadier than before. “I admire your strength, your intelligence, and the beautiful soul that shines within you. Look at me Fifi.” He reaches for my hand. The contact of skin on skin sends bolts of electricity to my chest.
I didn’t realize I was looking above his shoulder, so taking nervous breaths, I direct my gaze back at him.
He takes a deep breath. “I care about you deeply, and I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
He’s about to ask me the question. I know he is. What was I expecting? After getting to know each other, our connection is undeniably stronger than when we first met. A part of me knows right now, Evans is more than a friend. Yet, there’s another part that hesitates, because...
He smiles, preparing to speak again while my mind keeps racing with thoughts and doubts. Tenderly squeezing my hand, I know he is about to open his mouth to propose a question that could change everything between us. “I want to take this to the next level, to be more than just friends. Let’s—I know you don’t want labels and such but we’ve kind of been doing it already. You’ve shared your expectations in a relationship, and I promise you, getting intimate is not my goal for this. That’s the last thing on my list and the list is long... I want us to have that assurance that we’re here to support and cherish each other every step of the way, with no regret.” His voice softens. “Fifi, would you consider being my girlfriend?”
My heart is swelling with joy, curiosity, and a flicker of fear. I know he is waiting for my response, but I don’t know what to say.
True, I am drawn to Evans, captivated by the depth of his feelings and happy about the strength of our friendship. But my heart… I don’t know where it lies. I know I made some resolutions but… Special, the lingering longing…
What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t be holding on to a distant hope, waiting for Special to be mine. He graduated months ago. Has moved on with his life. And G-Ben doesn’t think nurturing a flame for him is healthy.
Oh God! I need to embrace the present and seize the happiness that’s standing before me.
My breath catches in my throat as I absorb Evans’ words, grappling with the conflicting emotions swirling within me. As I wrestle with my internal conflict, my tummy churns and a surge of questions floods my mind. Can I truly open myself up to being in a relationship without thinking of Special? Is it possible to be with one person without thinking of another? Will I be able to trust my heart and take a leap of faith?
Evans’ gaze stays locked on me, his eyes filled with a mesmerizing smile and lips slightly parted. Unaware of the gravity of his proposal, he doesn’t realize the weight it places on my shoulders, compelling me to confront my fears and venture into the unknown.
I take a deep breath, allowing my instincts to guide me, to help me navigate this labyrinth of emotions.
Despite my reservations, I long for a relationship. A relationship that can withstand the trials of life. And perhaps, in Evans, I can find the comfort and understanding I’ve been yearning for. Is this the right time? Even though I’ve been boy crazy for Special, am I ready for a committed relationship? These questions, like a chorus of doubt, echo through the chambers of my mind.
With a tentative smile, I meet his gaze, battling the vulnerability in my voice, determined to sound composed. “Evans, I appreciate your honesty and our friendship—I mean to say I appreciate our friendship and your honesty. But I need time. Time to… time to be sure of what I want. I’m not sure if I’m ready for a committed relationship right now.”
He momentarily shields his face with one hand, glancing around with an air of confusion. Then, he turns to me, his shoulders drooping, as if he has felt the sting of past wounds and that he was expecting me to respond like this. “I completely understand. I don’t want to rush you or push you into something you’re not ready for. Take all the time you need. Just know that I’m here for you, no matter what. Tonight… tonight changes nothing.”
Oh, but it does,whispers of caution fill my head. “Thank you,” I murmur, subconsciously pressing a hand to my tummy. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for your understanding. You’ve been an amazing friend, and I value our friendship.”
In the distance, I hear the rickety sound of an arriving shuttle. The headlights illuminate Evans’ features, giving him an angelic appearance.
“The last thing I want is to jeopardize our friendship. You mean a lot to me, and I want nothing more than to see you happy. We can take things slow and see where it leads. You know, taking it one step at a time?”
“Sounds fair.” I smile warmly as a weight lifts off my shoulders, and the tension loosens like an invisible thread, allowing me to breathe evenly. “Thanks for understanding.”
“Are you going?!” A voice calls out to us.
We hurry side by side to the bus in silence.
Settled in the bus, I take a moment to collect my thoughts, my gaze shifting between Evans and the moving world around us. In my internal turmoil, a sense of peace settles upon me. Perhaps, in Evans, I can find the love, and companionship I’ve been longing for.
I replay the moment he asked me to consider being his girlfriend. A sweet smile graces my lips, and I gently press his hand, conveying my unspoken answer. Yes, Evans. I would love to be your girlfriend, but I have to get my act together.
As those words leave my heart, a surge of happiness fills my heart. Evans doesn’t know it yet, but he has opened a new chapter in my life—a chapter filled with hope, laughter, and the promise of a love that just might be the one I’ve been searching for.
A spark ignites within me, slowly growing into a comforting flame. Maybe with time, this flame would become an inferno.