Chapter 37
It’s early morning. He is still asleep, so I have decided to take a shower. As I dunk my head under cooling jets of water, I recall our lovely picnic and how my overthinking got the better of me.
Having strong feelings for Oliver and not knowing how it will end between us is frustrating.
I have nothing concrete to rely on. I now have a newfound appreciation for ordinary people who enter relationships, flings, situationships, and affairs without spoiler alerts.
They must navigate dating blindly, hoping that their time, effort, emotions and sanity are not wasted when it ends.
Once I have washed my hair, applied an excessive amount of Tropical Burst Shower Foam to my body and rinsed it off, I step out of the shower and dry myself.
After wrapping my hair in a towel, I put on my dressing gown and notice that the cord is missing.
Blast – it’s probably escaped. I pull my robe around me and open the bathroom door.
The sight of him standing in the hallway makes me gasp.
He’s removed his pyjama top, leaving him bare-chested, wearing only his striped pyjama bottoms, and his towel is tucked under his arm.
My eyes dart to his beautiful broad chest. It’s a rich caramel colour and nearly hairless.
I want to reach out and run my fingers over his pecs.
His dark hair is messy and sexy, and those pyjama bottoms of his are riding low on his hips.
He’s staring at me with a newfound intensity. Ripples of warmth are spreading over my body. His eyes shift from my face and glide down my body. I observe them widen in surprise, and then he swiftly covers his eyes with his hand.
My heart grinds to a halt, and I gasp.
My arms are by my sides and… my dressing gown is gaping open like a curtain call at the worst possible theatre.
Oh, God, what have I done?
My face is on fire. This is so embarrassing. I have been a stranger to hair removal cream for some time. I dread to think what images are going through his head right now; a thick, dense forest perhaps?
‘I didn’t see anything,’ he says, still with his hands over his eyes.
With a yelp, I race past him, get dressed in record time and leave the flat.
On my way to work, I pop in my earbuds and frantically search for a song to soothe my shocked state. I need something dramatic about showing far too much of yourself in front of a handsome flatmate. Sadly, music doesn’t come to my rescue in my hour of need.
Miranda hurries over to me when I enter the bookshop.
Today, she’s wearing a short metallic silver skirt and a red-and-white pinstriped shirt.
‘I’ve joined a dating app. Things are going to heat up.’
‘What?’ I stare at her in shock. Where’s the suffering? The pain that takes months to alleviate? Where’s the anger that causes her to cut up all his clothes? ‘Miranda – are you okay?’
She nods. ‘Never been better. My relationship with Frank went past its sell-by date years ago. It’s time for me to move on.
He has done me a favour. I’m going to enjoy myself.
’ With a cackle of laughter, she walks off to the romance section and picks up one of the new spicy romance books that has arrived in stock.
Henry enters the shop mid-morning, carrying a bunch of flowers. It looks like he’s tamed his mass of black curls. He’s wearing a fitted blue shirt and beige jeans. ‘These are for you,’ he says. ‘I felt like I said something wrong the other day and I don’t want to lose your friendship again.’
I take the flowers – pink and yellow tulips. ‘Thank you, Henry. You didn’t say anything wrong.’
‘Nelly, you have an admirer,’ squeals Miranda. I groan as I see that she’s approaching the counter. Henry casts her a nervous smile.
I introduce them, and Miranda coos over the flowers. ‘They are pretty flowers.’ She turns to Henry. ‘I am going to have to keep an eye on Nelly. She’s already proving to be a big hit with a certain bestselling author, and now it seems you are also a fan, Henry.’
My cheeks redden at Miranda’s cringy comment. I notice his smile has faded. ‘Oh, I see,’ he mumbles. ‘I didn’t realise…’
Miranda giggles and interrupts him. ‘Lovely to meet you, Henry. I must dash as I have joined a dating app, and I already have a few admirers myself. Life in this bookshop is certainly hotting up for Nelly and me.’
She hurries away. Henry and I exchange awkward smiles. ‘I’d better get back to work,’ he says, gesturing towards the door.
‘Sorry about my boss,’ I mumble. ‘She’s—’
‘Just like you described her,’ he says, interrupting me. ‘Interesting.’
‘Thanks again for the flowers.’
‘Let’s do coffee again – what about next week, Nelly?’
‘That would be nice.’
I watch him leave the shop, and thoughts about Mum race to the front of my mind. My heart aches. If she did have it – why didn’t she tell me? Why didn’t she warn me?
Eva meets me for lunch. We sit on the bench outside the bookshop. Her blonde hair is full of waves, and she has a hint of sparkly lip gloss on her lips. It feels like the old days. She holds up her hand. ‘I want to hug you, Nelly. I know we’ve been avoiding it, but I want to say something first…’
The word ‘hug’ makes me flinch. Eva and I have been here before.
‘I’ve been seeing this guy from Tinder. He’s sweet, he’s the drummer in a band and I think he’s a keeper so whatever your curse says, I will ignore.’
‘Our hot rocker manifestation board worked then?’
‘It only took a few years.’ She laughs before pulling me into a hug. ‘I’ve missed you so much, Nelly.’
There’s a flash of white light, and when it clears, I can see a tear-stained Eva and a guy with big hair, in a white vest, skintight jeans and carrying two drumsticks.
She’s showing him her phone screen. ‘You have three secret dating app profiles. Let me read what this bio says.’ He shakes his head and screws up his face as if she’s going to show him something gory.
She continues. ‘“Must be up for something kinky while I’m on tour.” You forgot to add, must be okay with being cheated on. ’
Why does my curse have to show me this? After everything I’ve been through with Eva.
The world has gone quiet. She’s staring at me intently.
I blink several times as the sound of two women talking about their morning at work and a child laughing in a buggy greets my ears.
‘What have you seen, Nelly?’
I try to look away, but she is insistent. ‘Tell me. I’ll be okay with whatever it is. Rex and I will work it out.’
I hang my head and let out a silent groan. I’m not meant to have female friendships. Who wants me as a friend when all I do is tell them how the love of their life will break their heart?
‘Nelly, talk to me.’
I cling to her assurance that she and Rex can work through his desires to cheat while he’s on tour. ‘Secret dating app profiles.’
Eva goes quiet for what feels like an eternity. Just when I think my curse has ruined our friendship a second time, she smiles and says, ‘He’s in a rock band, and they go on tour a lot. I think I was being delusional expecting him to stay single. Friendship is more important to me.’
‘Eva, I’ve just told you—’
She smiles and pulls out a little gift from her bag. ‘It’s okay, Nelly. Honestly. It’s your birthday tomorrow, so I bought you this.’
My birthday. With everything that’s happened recently, I’d forgotten about my birthday. ‘You remembered?’
‘Nelly, I always think of you on your birthday. I will deal with Rex. Are you doing anything nice?’
I shake my head. ‘I’m going to see Aunt Polly. She’s struggling with the chemo. I was also planning to go swimming again.’
‘What?’ She looks shocked. ‘Are you swimming? You used to say it reminded—’
‘It did remind me of Mum, but I have done a lot of thinking, and I read a brilliant book about how the water heals. Mum would have wanted me to keep swimming.’
‘That’s amazing,’ gushes Eva. ‘Nelly, I am so proud of you. That can’t have been easy.’
She hands me the gift. ‘Well, maybe you can take this with you and open it.’
‘Thank you, Eva.’ I look at the little blue gift wrapped up with a gold ribbon.
She remembered my birthday.
I watch as she takes out her phone and brings up a photo of Rex, the drummer.
‘Will you dump him?’ I ask.
To my amazement, she shrugs. ‘I might just use him for sex and fun.’
‘But I saw—’
She turns to me. ‘He’s cute, he makes me laugh and we are going to some cool gigs. At least I know where things are heading. I might hang around for the good parts.’
My eyebrows arch. ‘Good parts?’
‘Nelly, love isn’t all about how it ends.’
‘But that’s all I have ever seen.’
She smiles. ‘One day you will see that love is about the glorious starts and the lovely middle bits.’
‘But what about the pain and heartbreak?’
She shrugs. ‘We all get through it, Nelly. Yes, there are days when you’re going through that, and all you want to do is lie on the sofa, eat cereal and binge-watch sad films, but it’s survivable.
It also teaches you things like if you have suspicions about your boyfriend fancying your sister, it’s probably best to do something about them as opposed to ignoring the smell of her perfume on his clothes and pretending he didn’t murmur her name when he was asleep. ’
An awkward feeling passes over me. ‘Really?’
‘Nelly, I blamed you when I had been ignoring the signs for ages. I got through the break-up. It was hard, but I did it, and I am still here smiling – aren’t I?’
‘You are, Eva.’
‘Sometimes, heartbreak is nothing more than a few days wandering around the house feeling sad and eating cereal. Sometimes you don’t feel right for a few months, like an annoying dose of the flu.
Sometimes it is like standing in the eye of a hurricane as, once the winds stop, your old world has been destroyed.
’ She looks at me. ‘But you will get through it. How was the picnic? You never updated me.’
‘There was nothing to tell. He does know how to put a good picnic spread together, though.’
She giggles. ‘I love it.’
‘I’m sorry about my curse, Eva.’
‘I don’t care about your curse, Nelly. You are more important than Rex’s secret dating profiles.’
We both laugh and I am flooded with a lovely warm feeling. Eva is back in my life and she’s not afraid or angry about my curse.
As I head back to the bookshop, I find myself reflecting on what she said about heartbreak. She says it’s survivable and love isn’t about the endings. Maybe there is hope for me?