Chapter 45 - Tessa
I don’t remember most of the drive. Just…
noise. Not out loud, but inside me. A rushing, roaring, suffocating noise that made my ribs feel too tight around my lungs.
I remember Eli’s voice sounding far away, even though he was right beside me.
I remember my pulse in my teeth. I remember gripping the handle above the window so hard my wrist cramped.
But the world didn’t slam back into focus until the night outside his truck window shifted.
Until I saw the glow.
Someone had lit flares along the side of the road to mark off the accident. I could see Chase's truck blocking the other end, his lights shining bright. My breath stalled, and I scanned the wreck, looking for one vehicle, one person. My stomach dropped so violently I tasted metal.
“Eli…” My voice didn’t sound human.
He was already slowing down, trying to find a safe place for us to pull over.
But then I saw it, NO....
Nate’s Bronco... or what was left of it. It was lit up by the headlights, on its side in the ditch.
The driver’s side, crushed inward, glass glittering everywhere like someone had smashed a jar of stars into the road. Steam and smoke billowed up from the crumpled hood, thick and ghostly in the cold.
I felt something inside my chest tear wide open. “Stop... STOP... ELI, PLEASE...”
He braked hard, and he had to steer to the edge of the road as we hit a bit of the black ice. The seatbelt punched tight against my shoulder, but I was already yanking at it, already throwing the door open, boots slipping on the ice as I hit the ground running.
“TESSA...WAIT...!” Eli shouted behind me.
I didn’t, I couldn’t. My heart was in my throat as my world narrowed to one point.
A dark shape on the ground beside the wreck.
Chase. On his knees. His head bowed, and his hands stained red.
My feet skidded as I reached them, the cold slammed into my lungs so hard my vision spotted, but it didn’t matter.
Not when Chase looked up at me with eyes, I had never seen on him before.
A sight I will never forget, they were hollow, devastated... defeated.
“Tessa,” he choked, reaching a hand out as if he could physically hold me together... like he could stop this from happening. “Don’t...”
But I was already moving past him, already seeing properly, already understanding.
Because Nate...
Oh god, Nate.
As I slid around, I got the full view of him on his back in the snow. Someone had pulled him out of the vehicle, probably Chase, probably more gently than anyone else could’ve... laid him flat to stabilize his airway, protect his spine. It was the right thing to do.
But the sight of him...
Nate.
His skin was… wrong. It was already taking on a gray-blue tint, too pale; it almost looked fake. Like my mind was trying to convince me this wasn't him, this was some sick joke, and Nate would walk out any minute and...
But that wouldn't happen because I was looking at Nate, whose lips had a bluish edge I recognized instantly... oxygen deprivation.
I didn’t need to check vitals... my heart knew.
This was bad.... The kind of bad that steals time and turns it into nightmares.
“Tess…” Chase said softly. “We can’t move him. Paramedics are almost...”
I didn’t hear the rest, because Nate made a sound. A low, wet, dragging cough that rattled through his chest like something tearing inside him.
My whole body lurched toward him. I dropped to my knees so hard the shock shot up my spine. My hands found his face, cold, too cold, and I whispered his name like it could fix this: “Nate… Nate, I’m here... I’m right here...”
His eyes fluttered open. I knew he was barely conscious. But he saw me and the relief that hit his face… Like he’d been underwater for hours and finally broke the surface.
“Tess…” he rasped, voice wet, barely audible. "The.... rs... my angel."
I leaned in closer, my breath puffed white between us. I clenched my hands open and closed at my sides, terrified to touch him, terrified that I was too late and there wasn't anything I could do.
“I’m here,” I whispered. “I’m right here. Just look at me, okay? Don’t close your eyes.”
He blinked slowly, the effort visible in every muscle. His mouth moved, but at first, I couldn’t hear him. Then...
“Is it true…?”
My heart stuttered. “Is what true, Nate?”
His chest hitched. A trickle of blood slid from the corner of his mouth.
“That you’re… ha-ving my baby…”
The world dropped out from under me. I hadn’t even realized I was crying until a tear hit the snow beside his cheek. His beautiful eyes looked flat and almost lifeless. I choked back a sob and tried to give him a reassuring smile.
“Yes,” I breathed, voice breaking. “Yes, Nate. It’s true.”
I heard someone suck in a rough breath from behind me, but my focus was all on Nate. On the smile that pulled weakly at his mouth... I’ll never forget it. It was so soft, relieved, and so proud.
“I’m… so happy,” he whispered. “Tessa… I’m so fucking… happy.”
His fingers twitched against the ground. I caught his hand in both of mine, warming it between my palms. He swallowed painfully.
“I’m sorry,” he rasped. “I’m so… sorry. I promise… I’ll be the... best dad. And... husband.”
A broken laugh escaped me through a sob. “Husband?”
“Yeah…” he wheezed, a ghost of his old grin flickering across his split lip. “Gonna marry you. Build a house… on my family's land. Grow old… tog-gether. And this baby…”
His eyes drifted closed like it was slow motion. Slow and heavy. My training screamed that this was bad. The slowing was bad, the unfocusing was bad, the way his breathing rattled like there was fluid filling his lungs...
Like this was catastrophic.
“Nate…” I whispered, stroking his cheek, trying to anchor him to me. “Stay with me. Hey... stay with me.”
His lashes fluttered open, barely, like he was fighting to stay with me.
“Do you… l-love me?” he asked, barely a puff of breath.
My soul cracked open.
“Yes,” I cried. “Nate...yes, I love you.”
He tried again, weaker:
“Do you… for-give me? We can… do this right. This... time.”
There was no time for the truth to be complicated, just time for grace.
“Yes,” I said as tears streamed down my face. “I forgive you. We can do this. We can...”
He blinked again, slower this time. Like the energy it took to open his eyes was almost too much.
“Can I… see?”
I frowned, confused. “See what, Nate?”
He swallowed, and I barely heard him, over the sound of the sirens finally growing louder.
“Our… baby.”
It hit me then; he was talking about the ultrasound photo. The one that was still in my pocket. My fingers trembled as I pulled it out, creased, warm from my body heat, already smudged on one edge. I placed it gently on his chest, angling it so he could see.
He opened his eyes one last time, just for that, just for us.
“That’s… our baby,” he whispered, wonder threading through pain. "Thank yo...."
And then his chest jerked... spasmed. The breath rattled out of him instead of in.
“Nate?”
I leaned in closer. “Nate...hey...HEY...”
I could no longer recognize my own voice; it was shrill and full of terror.
It happened as if I were being dragged underwater... Sirens exploded around us, and paramedics rushed in. Chase’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me back carefully as they descended on him.
“Nooooooo.... NO, CHASE, LET ME GO...!”
“Tessa... Tess, they need space...”
“CHASE DO SOMETHING... PLEASE... PLEASE...”
My screams scraped my throat raw. The world blurred into lights and snow and chaos.
Chase moved with me like I weighed nothing, and then another set of strong arms pulled me in close, holding me, trying to shield me from what was happening. But I knew. I knew what was happening.
Eli... I think it was Eli who was holding me. Trying to calm me. Talk to me... But I couldn't process it, couldn't understand... because all I could see was the blur of movement around Nate and my eyes were locked onto his hand on his chest and the ultrasound picture peeking out from under it.