Chapter 26 #3
His eyes flashed with amusement. “Stuff,” he repeated teasingly, eyeing my bulge. But then he sobered in an instant, and I could almost see him sinking back into his worries and fears. “I don’t know if I…”
“Hey.” I gestured using our still-joined hands. “None of that. We don’t have to do a single thing you’re not a hundred percent comfortable with. You tell me where there’s a line and I will respect it.”
He sighed. “I’m not sure where the lines are, though. Until we get there and my brain goes, ‘Hell nope’ all of a sudden.”
“And it went ‘nope’ to…what just now?” I asked gently.
“Touching dicks? Because we absolutely do not have to do that. Though you will have to excuse me for a second so I can rearrange things down there so I don’t cut off blood flow, because there’s nothing I can do about getting turned on while kissing you.
But,” I added before he could speak, “that’s neither your fault nor your responsibility.
Blue balls aren’t deadly, no matter what that one guy told me when I was fifteen.
” There, hopefully that would lighten the mood.
“Fuck that guy,” he said loyally, and I nodded firmly.
“I know you wouldn’t pressure me or anything,” he went on after a second, “but I feel bad…” He waved his free hand.
“I mean, a few weeks ago we were fucking like bunnies and now…” The waving motion turned into a gesture at his dick, which was no longer poking me in the thigh.
“Just thinking about this stuff kills my buzz.”
I considered that. “Have you…” I ventured slowly, eyes on his face. “Have you masturbated since the diagnosis? Have you even gotten consciously hard since then?”
Swallowing, he shook his head. “No to the first. Not so much because I can’t be turned on as because it just never occurs to me over all the other shit going on in my head.
I’ve gotten hard a few times, mostly thinking about you…
us. But it didn’t last; it’s like I forget and things function as normal, and then I remember and…
” He made an expressive drooping-finger gesture.
Ouch. I wrinkled my nose in sympathy. “Should you maybe talk to your therapist about this?”
His eyes widened and he shook his head vehemently. “I refuse to talk to my female therapist about my inability to jerk off.”
“Eh, I bet you’re far from the first. She specializes in LGBT+ issues, right? And she’s had other poz patients, if I remember what her office told me when I was first researching. I guaran-damn-tee you are not the only person who’s under so much stress that their dick won’t cooperate.”
“Yeah,” he acknowledged, “but what’s she going to do about it, give me wanking advice? She’s a girl!”
That gave me a highly amusing mental image of Hen’s very buttoned-up therapist whipping out a dildo to show him some techniques, and I stifled a laugh.
“I was thinking more along the lines of techniques to keep your stress from intruding when you don’t want it to.
But sure, maybe she’s got wanking advice, too.
We don’t know what’s in her pants, to be fair. ”
He sighed heavily and closed his eyes for a long moment. “This isn’t where I thought things were going to go when you kissed me.”
“I can believe that.” I kissed his forehead quickly.
“Want to go back to making out?” I offered with a leer, and then cleared my expression so he didn’t feel like I had expectations.
“No pressure for anything else. Or we can do something else entirely un-sex-related. Movie? Play with the cats with that ribbon toy?”
He extracted his hand from my grip for the first time since we’d started kissing, and I hid a wince.
I guessed that was my answer. But then, surprising me, he stroked it over my hair.
“I like kissing you. It’s…would it be insulting if I say it’s soothing?
Yeah,” he answered himself glumly, “that’s probably insulting. ”
“Is not,” I disagreed firmly. “It’s a compliment. I can soothe the savage beast that is your brain.” And with that, I kissed him again, teasing my lips over his until he groaned into my mouth. Yes, that was more like it.
Eventually, we scooted down so we were lying facing each other along the length of the couch, Hen’s hand around my back to keep me from rolling off because it really wasn’t quite wide enough for two grown men.
“Mmm,” he mumbled into my lips a few minutes later, “I miss this.”
“You can have this any time you want, sweetie,” I replied, though it came out more like “Mm kuh ha thuh aaa teh yu wah, swuh.” He seemed to get the point, though, because I felt him smile against my mouth before he pulled back just enough to say, “Always.”
I frowned at the separation and yanked his head back to mine.
“Talk later, kiss now.” Within seconds, we were going at it again and I could feel that we were both hard.
I wasn’t going to say anything about it and derail us again, but then I felt his hand drift from my chest toward my beltline and I froze. “Hen?”
He pulled back enough to meet my eyes and swallowed. “I don’t…I can’t…nothing with me,” he stumbled to explain. “But I can for you?” He paused, thought about that. “No, I want to for you.”
He wanted to jerk me off and didn’t want any reciprocation? Every selfish guy’s dream. But still…”Are you sure, hon?” I asked, searching his eyes.
Instead of him replying, I felt him flick open the button on my jeans.
A warm, callused hand dragged down my abdomen and plunged into my waistband.
I let out a surprised eep and he grinned at me.
“I’m sure. I want…wait.” The hand retreated, and I stifled the urge to whimper.
I closed my eyes for a long second, gathering my willpower, then opened them and found Hen studying his hand intently.
“Uh…Hen?” I ventured. “What are you doing?”
He turned his hand over and studied the backside. “Just, you know, checking that I don’t have any cuts or anything.”
Oh, this darling man. I palmed his cheek.
“Even if you did, I don’t have any open wounds on my dick, so we’d be ok.
But…would you feel better if I wore a condom?
” I offered when it occurred to me after a second.
It was a vast amount of overkill, but I was willing to overkill if it made him comfortable.
His body released tension I hadn’t realized it had been holding and he breathed out heavily. “Yes, actually. I’m sorry.” He ducked his head. "I know it's stupid."
“Hey, none of that,” I ordered. “You’re offering me a free handjob, you get to set the conditions.
Let me get up and grab one.” I attempted to stand up, ended up rolling off the couch with a thump, and couldn’t hold in my laugh at myself.
“Oops.” I pushed off the floor and succeeded in standing this time.
“Be right back. Don’t go anywhere.” I said it jokingly, but I half-expected him to have fled by the time I returned with the condom.
Much to my joy, he was still there when I darted back into the living room a few seconds later, after a mad dash to the nightstand. “Bonus,” I announced, holding up the condom, “it’s pre-lubed!”
Hen snorted. “I’m surprised you didn’t grab the lube bottle while you were in there.”
I glanced over my shoulder, thinking about it. “Should I…?”
“Get over here,” he ordered, waving a hand at me. “And bring the condom.”
Grinning, I crossed to the couch. When I got there, he tugged on my hand until I knelt in front of him. “Hi,” I said, leaning down to kiss him.
“Hey.” He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and drew me closer. “Up.”
“Yessir.” Obediently, I climbed back onto the couch and lay on top of him. “How are we gonna do this?” I asked after a second, when I realized that in my current position he couldn’t access my dick at all.
He thought for a second. “Turn over. And take off your clothes.”
“Bossssyyyyy,” I teased, even as I stood and started stripping. I dangled my briefs in front of him for a second in what I hoped was a tantalizing manner before dropping them on the floor. “Ok, I’m naked. Now what?”
He grinned and turned onto his side, clearing some space on the couch for me, then propped his head on his hand and gestured to the space he’d made. “On your back, baby.”
I considered that. “Can you take your shirt off? Just your shirt,” I hastened to add before he could get self-conscious. “So I can feel your skin.” It felt somehow wrong to have him touching me sexually while he was still fully-clothed. Like he’d be servicing me or something.
His eyes softened and he nodded. “Sure, I can do that.” He shrugged out of his shirt and tossed it over the back of the couch. “Now, c’mere.”
I obeyed, flopping onto the couch. My dick bobbed with the motion and I snorted a laugh. “Why do dicks look so comical?” I asked rhetorically. “Shouldn’t they look all sexy?”
Hen looked me up and down. “I think your dick is plenty sexy, I assure you. Condom?” I held it up triumphantly and there was a second of silence before he said, “Uh, maybe put it on?”
Oh, right. Oops. I rolled on the condom and then brandished a hand at my groin. “All yours, sir.”
“Ooh, call me ‘sir’ again,” he teased with a leer, and then his hand was on my cock, his free hand behind my neck, and all the smart retorts I could have come up with flew out of my mind because holy shit Hen was touching my cock for the first time in ages and…
yeah this wasn’t going to take very long at all.
At least, with the condom, we didn’t have to worry about staining the couch.
His warm fingers wrapped around me and gave me a stroke and I whined. “Hen!”
“Mmm?” Stroke. Flick of his thumb on the head. Stroke.
There was already heat building at the base of my spine and I whined again. “This is going to be over embarrassingly fast. Promise you won’t make fun of me?”
I felt the smile widen on his lips as he leaned over my shoulder to kiss me. “I would never,” he said staunchly as he pulled back to breathe.
“Oh, good.” My hips jerked as he gave me another stroke.
“Fuck. Hen.” His grip tightened and so did my muscles.
Sure, it had been a month or so since we’d gotten off together, but it wasn’t like I hadn’t jerked off a few times.
Why did I feel like a teenager having his first petting session?
Now my hips were rocking in rhythm with his strokes and little whimpers were escaping me in a counter-rhythm.
“Hen. Fuck, Hen, Hen, Hen,” I chanted between sharp breaths.
The coil at the base of my dick tightened a little more and heat shot up my spine. “Shit!”
He tightened his grip a little and gave me a feral grin. “I must be doing something right if all you can do is curse.”
“Fuck youuuuu.” It ended on a howl as he stroked his thumb over my sensitive cockhead, back and forth.
I could feel my muscles winding tighter and my breath caught in my chest for a long moment before everything exploded.
My hips jerked up against his hand and I threw my head back with a long groan as I came, long and hard.
By the time I was done, my whole body felt like it was the consistency of a piece of overcooked spaghetti.
I flopped back into the couch with a huff of breath. “Holy fuck.”
Hen tucked his head into the crook of my neck, even though he had to scrunch a little to accomplish it. I felt his lips brush my skin there, but he didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Eventually, though, he lifted his head again and smiled at me. “You’re gorgeous when you come.”
“Nngh,” I managed intelligently. My head was still spinning, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stand up if he asked me to.
Hen, practical soul that he was, busied himself removing and tying off the condom before letting it fall to the ground at the corner of the couch. “Let’s not forget to get rid of that, or the cats might think it’s a toy.”
“Ewww.”
“Agreed.” His hand stroked lightly at the base of my cock and I shuddered with sensitivity. “Thank you.”
I scoffed. “Thank me? I’m the one who just got a handjob; I should be thanking you.” I paused. “You still sure you don’t want me to touch you, too?”
He shook his head. “I’m good. There’s too much…
braining…wrapped up in doing anything to me.
But this…this was good.” He ghosted his lips over my temple.
“Things feel a little more normal now, like maybe I’d been holding myself back and stressing over that without realizing it was one of my stressors. So yeah, thank you.”
I yawned, then slapped an embarrassed hand over my mouth. “Sorry. You don’t bore me, I swear.”
He just smiled and kissed me again. “You want a nap?”
At the word nap, I yawned again. “Well, I was going to say ‘no’, but…”
He scooted a little deeper into the couch and tightened the arm behind my neck into something resembling a hug, then released me. “Better put your pants back on before a stray claw makes you regret everything. You know if you doze off, Curie is going to want to sleep on top of you.”
I dropped a hand to cover my dick and winced.
“Yeah, good call.” I reached for my pants, then reluctantly sat up to pull them on.
“Ew, still sticky,” I commented absently, looking down at my groin.
Not that that stopped me; there was no way I was standing up and walking all the way to the bathroom to clean up.
I’d just wash my pants tomorrow if they ended up crusty.
With a sigh, I settled back down on the couch and cuddled into Hen’s bulk.
“Don’t let me sleep too long or I’ll be up all night. ”
“I know, baby.” He kissed my ear and then raised his voice slightly. “Alexa, set an alarm for one hour.”
“Alarm for one hour set,” said the little speaker that lived on his end table.
“Mmm.” I grabbed his free hand and wrapped that arm around my waist. “Cuddles. Love you.”
His breathing hitched just a tiny bit, and then he gave me a squeeze. “Love you too.”
And then I was asleep. I had my love with me and he was safe; I could rest.