Chapter One
Mariska
This is it. Today I start my dream job. I’ve spent a decade fighting through my trauma to get here.
I’ve dedicated my entire soul to helping people who went through the same as I did.
I never got justice, but I will do everything I can to ensure these victims are heard. Even in death, they deserve closure.
I stand in front of my mirror and stare at myself.
Somewhere in my reflection is the ghost of who I was before I was raped.
I spent months recovering from what should have killed me.
Why didn’t I die? I wanted to. God, I was so mad when I woke up in pain.
My parents stood by my side and made sure that I started college on time.
I went to my school of choice, and I moved on alone.
When I was released from the hospital, I swore to myself I would never look back.
I would keep pushing forward, despite the loss. Despite the betrayal.
I’d like to say I faced the world alone and never made new friends, but that’s a lie.
I was forcefully adopted by the nicest man I have ever met, Levi Woods.
We have been attached at the hip since I started college, and he was the TA for a class my freshman year.
He is the State Medical Examiner now, and the reason I got this job.
I signed my contract yesterday to receive my badge and gun, so now I get to work in the field.
As I am going out to my car, my phone dings in response to an incoming text. When I get settled, I see that it’s Levi.
Levi
Good luck today! I know you are going to kick ass!
Me
Thanks! I’m a bit nervous about being the only female detective. Met Kevin yesterday to do the contract and such. He said I’d meet my partner today!!!!
Levi
That’s amazing. Come see me when you get some time.
I tend not to spend much time alone with men who aren’t Levi.
At first, he scared the fuck out of me, because it was mere weeks after my rape and near-death experience, but when I found out he was gay, it alleviated a lot of my anxiety.
This new partner I’ll have to spend a significant amount of time with.
I just need to remember that it’s some men, not all men.
I won’t disclose my trauma or anxiety issues, obviously.
No one knows I’m in weekly therapy and as-needed emergency sessions to make sure I can function like a normal human.
Maybe it’s phantom pain, but when I get stressed, the scar tissue on my abdomen aches.
The man who raped me had a serrated knife, too.
He was choking me while he raped me, but I didn’t pass out.
He let me breathe and went again and again.
When he came, he stabbed me and twisted the knife, so it created a decent amount of scar tissue.
I got really fucking lucky that I didn’t bleed out.
I also ended up with a horrible perineal tear, and that was the worst part.
Crying every time I went to the bathroom and having to have my mother help clean me because I couldn’t move…
I know she didn’t mind, but... Mom and Dad both helped me so much, and I owe them everything.
When I get to the station, I park and get out.
I’m nervous as hell, so I take a deep breath before I walk toward the door.
I am wearing simple black flats that I can move around in easily, black slacks, and a snug-fitting blood red blouse.
I have to be careful with the shirts I wear because my breasts will bust out of most things.
This one is layered and comes up far enough not to show too much skin.
I have it paired with a black jacket and a simple silver necklace that I’ve worn since I was fourteen.
I walk inside and navigate up to the second floor.
I am starting as a sex crimes detective for the New Haven Police Department.
We have well over five million people in this city, but we are the only ones running the sex crimes unit.
This department specifically handles murders with rape and cases involving children, though.
There is a separate team that handles the cases that do not result in death.
Homicide handles some overflow rape and murder cases, but if a pattern is detected, it gets moved to our team.
“Hey, you’re early,” Kevin says, standing in the doorway of his office.
“Hey! Yeah, I wanted to make sure I gave myself enough time,” I say.
“Most everyone comes a few minutes early, too,” he says.
“This is your desk. Your partner will be in soon, but we have y’all set up side by side.
” He points to a desk, and I set my bag on it.
There is a messy desk next to it. Great, he’s a slob.
There are two desks across from ours, and another at the end, facing all four.
Behind that desk, there is a massive screen on the wall.
“Across from you is Detective Geno Harvey and Detective Parker Losson,” Kevin tells me. “Geno has been around for a while, but Parker is fairly new, too. Your partner is also.”
“Everyone is new?” I ask.
“But passionate about what they do,” he says.
“Who is my partner?” I ask, glancing over at the desk next to me. “He’s got a bit of a mess over there.”
“Yeah, Ze… Oh, here he is,” Kevin says. I turn, and it’s like a fucking gut punch. I am staring at my past, wishing the floor would swallow me whole. I am panicking suddenly, and I need to go somewhere else. “Zeke, this is your new partner. This is…”
“Mariska,” Zeke says to me.
“I…” I say, but I’m already spiraling. I can’t do this, and I am about to ruin everything. Before I can make a fool of myself, I turn and rush to the elevator. I leave everything behind, and I just need to get to Levi.