Chapter 57
Chapter fifty-seven
Sage
If the nightmares of getting attacked and then taken by Dorian aren’t enough, my sister’s face when she realized I had her husband killed haunts me. I’ll never forget the pain, disgust, and hatred that shot at me through her eyes that are so similar to mine.
Fucking emotional overload. I finally realized and accepted what I have with Barrett, and then the rest of my life comes down in shambles around me. I told him I love him and I haven’t been able to say it since. I haven’t been able to say anything since he brought me home.
The news has been full of reports on Dorian Campbell and the multiple deaths of people connected to him.
Police and federal authorities don’t know where to start.
They’re baffled by the mass murders all in one night and in different locations.
They know it was a coordinated attack, but they have too much else to deal with and break apart from the things he’d done, they can’t focus on the whodunit.
Every time they turn a stone, they find more evidence and more names.
The more they find, the less interested they seem in the killers, knowing they’ve done everyone a huge favour.
Liam’s face appears in the reports. The entirety of Morrison and Harper Real Estate is broken. None of us have a job any more and some are being questioned by the police. But Liam is missing. I haven’t asked Barrett if he’s really missing or if he’s dead.
Barrett turns the television off whenever he enters the room, but I always turn it back on. I want to know. I want to see. The more proof I have that he’s truly gone, the more that truth will chase away the nightmares.
For an entire week, I feel numb. I haven’t spoken to my sister, but I haven’t tried, wanting to respect her wishes. Hypocritical now, but anything I say will only make it worse.
Barrett has been a constant and I’ve never been more sure of my feelings for him, even knowing that staying with him could mean losing Nova forever. But I can’t say that won’t happen in any circumstance.
“Do you know how Nova is?” Rafe insisted that someone stay on her at all times.
They’ve been rotating men to keep an eye on her house.
Rafe and Fain have gone as far as going to her door and making themselves known.
Barrett’s told me all of this while I stared blankly at the wall during those first few days.
“They’ve noticed a change in her hostility once everything Campbell was involved in became public knowledge. But she’s okay.”
I nod, but it isn’t enough. It hurts to stay away.
“They’re still watching her.” He’s trying to comfort me, but it just isn’t there. Not in his voice or his lack of touch.
“I’m hungry.” I frown and touch my stomach. My voice sounds thoughtful and weak.
Barrett snaps his gaze up, shock in his wide eyes. “Anything you want, pet.”
“Can I cook?”
“Sure.”
It’s odd doing something normal. My mind is able to focus on something other than the events from a week ago. I have to start somewhere.
After an hour where I’ve peeled and cut vegetables, stirred pots, and slid dishes into the oven, Barrett steps up behind me. “Can I help?” He sets his hands on my hips and his lips brush against the top of my head.
I pause. “You’ve been so patient with me.”
He turns me around and lifts my chin. “Would you rather I wasn’t?”
Yes. Why haven’t you punished me for leaving? Why haven’t you put me on a leash and kept me close enough to chase away every demon? “No. I just don’t know where we stand anymore.”
“Nothing has changed for me, Sage.” It has. He was a broken man when someone attacked and cut my arm, but facing death on the edge of a blade and he’s calm. I don’t understand.
“But I said something, when … while …” I suppose the first step to recovery would be to voice the events from last week.
“You did.” His lips pinch.
“I meant it.”
Barrett shakes his head. “I don’t think you did.” He looks so stoic, the same straight expression he’s held since the nightmares no longer made me scream in my sleep.
Why would he believe me after all of this, after my silence for the past week? I need to prove it to him. I need to prove that I need him, want him, love him.
“Sage?”
“It’s true.” I pull in a breath. “Set the table?” I offer a tight smile while changing the subject. I’m not going to prove anything to him in my current state. And maybe I need proof from him that he still feels the same despite his declaration.
I don’t like eating beside him rather than on the floor between his knees. This is the first time we’ve sat at the table. He’s been bringing me trays of food in bed or to the couch in the living room.
“Barrett, this isn’t right.” I let my fork clang against my plate and set my hands in my lap. “The rest of my life has burned. I need this to be right.” The words weren’t meant to have a voice, but once my throat began, I couldn’t pull them back.
“I told you nothing has changed for me.” He sets his fork down and pushes away his plate. Tilting his body, he pushes his chair back. The space is there for me to drop to my knees, but then he leans back, crossing his arms.
“That’s a lie.”
“How so?” he asks with an irritating monotone that should be answer enough.
“You’re patient with no more emotion. You’re tiptoeing. You’ve barely said a word to me.”
“I’m giving you time.”
“I’ve had it.” A week of numbness and I need to claw my way out of the ashes and hold onto the only thing I have left. Him.
“Sage, this is the most you’ve said since it happened.” The muscles in his face twitch. It’s the first sign of any anger. Seems he can’t voice any of the events either. Relief is soft in my chest. He’s hiding and healing as much as I am.
“Since what happened?” One of us needs to say it. One of us needs to start.
Barrett blinks. I can’t tell if he believes I’ve wiped it from my memory and he should be concerned or if I’m being a brat. The answer is neither, but I wait for him to figure it out on his own.
“I’m not the only one who’s barely spoken. Since what happened, Barrett?”
“Sage.” His chin drops and I revel in the warning lacing his tone. Finally, some emotion. I know I haven’t been much better, but we need a crack. Let the torrent free so we can piece ourselves back together. Individually and as a pair.
“What?” The words catch in my throat. Since I was attacked, I left to save my sister knowing you wouldn’t be happy about it, and then almost died in front of you, almost had my throat slit with an ugly knife by a greedy, disgusting human.
I can think the words clearly. They’ve had time to form their story with every nightmare.
“Time for you to rest. I’ll clean up.” His tone returns to the disappointing monotone, but I don’t want to dwell in this hell-hole any longer. I need him to grab onto me and never let go.
“No.”
“No?”
“You heard me. No. I’m done resting.”
Barrett sighs. “Then why don’t you go choose a movie. I’ll join you soon.” Polite? He’s being polite?
“No.”
“What do you want to do?”
I want to get the poison of everything that’s happened out of my body. I need to keep pushing him. Running my finger over the edge of the plate, I tilt my head. “These plates are nice.”
Barrett shrugs. “There’s nothing special about them. They’re available in bulk.”
“Good.” I pick it up, the fork and food still on top. Standing, I lift my hands high.
“What are you doing?”
I bring my arms down and release the dish.
It shatters in a deafening crash and the leftover food flies everywhere.
“That felt good.” And it did. It isn’t how I wanted this interaction to go, but it was a release all the same.
I reach over the table for Barrett’s abandoned plate, but he grips my uninjured wrist. The contact is shocking enough it pulls a gasp from me.
This touch is different. It’s commanding and strong. Sure and steady. Our eyes connect and the contact is complete. My skin heats and I almost weep with the joy of feeling something.
But then his lips pinch and his grip loosens as he tries to put my hand back to my side.
Well, fuck that. With my free hand I grab his plate before he can stop me. He’s quick, so I end up throwing it across the room to smash against the back of the island in the kitchen.
When I look back at him, I finally see that Daddy is back. Gorgeous, dark, controlling, angry.