Chapter 58
Chapter fifty-eight
Barrett
I’m wound so tight that when Sage said no it vibrated my entire body. All day, I’ve watched something in her shift, but I didn’t expect this. A tantrum. She’s really throwing dishes?
Over the past week, I’ve been spinning in circles in a deep, dark hole.
I hated that the first time she told me she loved me was when she was in danger.
I’d hoped to hear them again when she woke and got over her shock, but Sage has been somewhere else.
Instead of pulling her out, I barely kept her from drowning while finding my own hiding place.
A place where I didn’t almost witness the most precious thing to me die in front of me in one of the most brutal ways possible.
But right now, I have a grip on her wrist and every tightened string in my body snaps.
There’s a flood in my chest and gut. The anger at her for leaving the house, at Campbell for touching what belongs to me, at myself for not making the man suffer far more, and at myself for not dragging Sage out of this days ago.
Seems she’s snapped too, forcing us both to face this.
Our eyes connect and I swear hers soften in response to my anger and need. Seeing the Sage I’ve claimed and love eases the red edge of that anger and I’m able to concentrate.
“This is how you want to act, pet?”
She lifts her chin. “I’m not acting. It felt good to break something. Now, say it.” Her bottom lip trembles.
“You need me to say it?” I soften the question, realizing she wasn’t trying to be a brat. Sage needs this from me because she can’t do it herself. She’s not only breaking the dishes, she’s trying to break through the protective barriers we’ve built.
“Yes.”
“You disobeyed me.” I grab her other wrist and stand, pushing her back.
“I trusted you not to leave this house and you did, rather than let me handle Campbell. I could have gone to the meeting and ended him in minutes, saving your sister. Instead,” I back her up toward the hall, leading to the bedroom, “I had to watch him hold a knife to your throat with no way to stop him. I’m good at what I do, but no one is that good.
No one could have stopped him if he’d slipped or if he simply decided you were no longer worth it.
You made me watch someone threaten the most important person in my life. ”
She gasps as tears pool in her eyes.
I let go of one wrist and slide my hand around her neck, avoiding the healing cut, and gently caress her with my thumb. “Do you need to hear more?”
Sage nods.
“If I have to speak, so do you. Do you need to hear more?”
“Yes.”
I hesitate, realizing there is still something missing. The heart of our dynamic, of what makes us work so well. And if we’re going to rip through the barriers, we aren’t doing this half-assed. I pause our trek down the hall, halting outside the open bedroom door. “Yes, what?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“You’ve done everything for your sister.
She doesn’t want to see that you saved her by having her husband killed.
But you did the right thing. It was my pleasure to rid the world of him.
And last week, you still put your sister first. You sacrificed yourself for her. ” We stop at the side of the bed.
“But he didn’t let her go.”
“He lied.”
“I was late. He gave me thirty minutes.”
“Sage.” I reach for the hem of her T-shirt. She hasn’t worn anything but my shirts and her sweatpants. I’ve been doing laundry every other day. “He was never going to let her go.” Lifting my arms, I pull the shirt free and drop it to the floor.
“But I had to try.”
“I know. It doesn’t make me any less angry.” I shove her sweats over her hips. Running my hands over her skin, I sigh. “You aren’t ready for this, pet.”
“You have a whole cupboard full of dishes I could break instead.”
“Now you are being a brat.”
Her lips lift lightly at the side and my heart seizes to see something resembling a smile on her face.
I tuck her hair behind her ear and slide that arm down her back to lay her out on the bed, but Sage instantly pushes against me.
“Please, Daddy. I need to feel something. Don’t coddle me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t. I’m not scared of you. And I think you need this too.”
She isn’t wrong. Fuck, I need to redden her ass and fuck her in every way imaginable. She is mine and we both need that reminder. But Sage has been in some sort of catatonic shock for a week. I have no way of knowing how she’ll handle anything between us.
“Barrett? Daddy?”
"Okay, pet. But it’s your turn. What happened a week ago?”
Her next breath is shaky and I need to take my hands off her. If she wants me, then she needs to prove she’s as ready as I am.
But I strip, giving her something else to concentrate on while she talks.
“I was attacked and I watched you kill someone. I don’t have any remorse for coming to you to kill Adam, and I don’t have any remorse for the man you killed.
” She wraps her arms around her middle and tilts her head.
“I’m selfish. I keep my life exactly how I want it, never giving anyone any part of me, except for my sister.
The first time I dropped to my knees in front of you was the first time I ever relied on anyone but myself. ”
Fuck, this is killing me. My shirt is on the floor next to hers and my hands pause on my belt.
“If I hadn’t been with you, I would have eventually caved to Liam and Dorian, taking him on as my only client.
It might have kept my sister out of it, but not me.
Nova was in danger because of me. Either because Adam would still have been there to abuse her or because Dorian would have used her as lure to get to me.
I had no other option but to go when Dorian called, despite knowing I should have called you and let you handle it.
I knew it, but that didn’t matter. I needed to do everything I could, and staying behind wasn’t that. ”
Her knees start to shake so I reach out to nudge her onto the bed while I continue to stand over her.
“I went to Liam’s house. It was dark and I thought I was too late. Then he appeared. He knocked me out and I woke not long before you came into my room through the window. I tried to keep him talking, saying anything that would give you time. It wasn’t working.”
I can’t keep my hands off her anymore. Tracing my fingers down her cheek, I hook them beneath her chin and make her look at me. “Keep going.”
“I felt the knife and I knew it was the same as the one the other guy used on my arm. And I looked at you. I’ve known how I’ve felt about you for a long time, but I’m stubborn and selfish.
My only regret was not telling you that I love you when you so clearly showed me what I mean to you.
I didn’t want to die, and I didn’t want to die in front of you.
” Tears run freely down her cheeks and she wipes them away.
“There’s one more thing, pet.”
“Nova.” She closes her eyes. “I’d almost forgotten how smart she could be before she married Adam. She pieced it all together so quickly. I’m so proud of her for finding herself again. But …”
“But?”
“I’ve lost her.”
“Maybe.” I won’t offer her false hope. But time can change many things.
Sage clears her throat and pulls in a fortifying breath that pushes away her tears.
“How do you feel now, pet?”
“Everything hurts. I need you to take it away.”
“Everything hurts for me too. And I need to do something about it.” I step back and pull her up so I can kiss her.
I don’t give her everything, only softly supping at her lips. We’re both raw and to do what we both seem to want, I need to build up to that.
I’ve forgotten about my jeans. My belt and fly hang open at my hips. But I don’t touch them, dragging out the kiss until she’s whimpering and arching her body against me. The only way I can feel certain she is ready for all I want to do to her is to have her begging.