Chapter 13
~
June
Greed.
That was the word that had been plaguing my mind since this whole thing started and the fear of it being an apt descriptor for my actions was part of what had almost driven me insane.
But after talking with Oren, I began to view it differently. Why was I so afraid of admitting it? What was so bad about being greedy or selfish in this one area of my life?
I spent so much of my time terrified of stepping outside the rules. I went to school, began dating later, didn’t focus on boys at all and when I did, I was always careful. Then, when the lines grew fainter, I started creating more of my own.
I studied until I fell asleep in the library, rarely went to parties, hadn’t so much as looked at anyone romantically since I started college. But for all the jokes around that part of myself, I’d always wondered what it felt like to be free. Uninhibited.
And now I knew and I didn’t want to ever go back.
This part of my life was for me. There was no commitment, no expectations, no real rules, at least not yet.
While nothing happened between Oren and I during that meeting, I could feel that that would change soon. It felt almost inevitable, that pull between us, between all of us.
But I wanted this. I wanted all three of them. Three of my professors… was that normal? I highly doubted that, but I didn’t care anymore. I still wanted them.
I also wanted to win the derby, though.
And now that I’d finally come around to accepting this part of myself, I felt like I was able to properly focus for the first time in ages.
“It’s already a full house,” Mads said to me as we passed over the very empty riverbank and started the trek towards our boat trailer.
I snorted. “And it’s only six a.m. Imagine that. On a serious note though, it’s funny how the other team isn’t even here yet.”
“Nah, it’s not that funny. Coach Hayes insisted on us breaking the, what did she refer to it as? The early bird barrier,” Mads said. She gave me a sideways look. “I am not a morning person. The things I do for this team.”
“Like help us win?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
Mads grinned. “Hell yeah.”
The day stretched out before us like a scroll and I knew that it would be grueling and exhausting. But walking side by side with Madison, an anticipatory excitement hanging in the half-dark morning sky and a deep desire to take the derby today… I felt an odd sort of serenity.
The day’s schedule slot into place, and after the team met up to unload the shells from the trailer, get our rigging done and breeze through our technical checks, we were set to get dressed, have our team meeting, and warm up.
And after that, the game truly began.
It felt like there was a bubble around the team, our focus slanted toward one single objective.
But it was impossible to not feel the hype of the crowds around us.
Spectators, both students and faculty alike, dressed in our respective universities’ merch and collided in a sea of color on the stands.
Festival zones consisting of food stalls, coffee stands, live music sections and interactive prizes dotted the grass. Between the cheers of fans and the drums, the atmosphere was buzzing with energy.
We started off with the Heats, with Mads and I on the 1V8. We set up a decent lead, taking a break while the second group entered their race. After we’d had something to drink, someone in the crowd by the nearest food stall caught my eye.
Lucas.
It felt like a lifetime since I last saw him, like a million things had happened since the last time we’d managed to speak. I wanted to talk to him and apologize for ignoring his texts. For running.
I had no idea what was happening, whether the high-octane sweep of the day contributed to an adrenaline rush that just wouldn’t die down, or whether it was the talk with Oren and my acceptance of my desires that fixed my eyes on his.
But something passed between us that didn’t seem to require words. His gaze darted off to the empty boathouse and he began to weave his way through the crowd to reach it.
There was so much chaos happening that no one noticed as I followed him.
This time, we were more careful. After making sure there was no one else in the vicinity, Lucas shut the door behind us. I barely opened my mouth to issue my apology when he grabbed me and pulled me into a passionate kiss.
I melted into his arms, all qualms forgotten.
I was once again struck by the difference between him and Ronan, the way Lucas poured so much of his passion into his body when he was intimate. He didn’t try to hide or even leash it. It was a whole different experience and no less thrilling. More so, for the difference.
“I missed you,” I mumbled against his lips.
“Hmm,” was all he said in answer. His hands were everywhere, picking up where words fell off.
It reminded me of the first time we had sex; the rush and risk all commingling with desire and lust.
“Wait, Lucas,” I moaned, trying to pull away from him. He gingerly let go of me, his mouth slightly swollen and pink, pupils blown wide. He looked absolutely feral. “I thought we decided to stop.”
His hands tightened around my waist as he lifted me up and pressed me against the door, his thigh settling between my legs.
“I don’t want to stop whatever this is,” he said, his voice scraped raw and husky. “I’m so tired of pretending I don't, June. So tired.”
He looked at me with such an open show of vulnerability and desire that it was almost overwhelming. I wrapped a hand in his hair, gently scraping his scalp with my nails. A shudder went through him and his eyes closed.
“Me too,” I whispered. “We don’t have a lot of time.”
The fact only made everything that was happening right now that much hotter. Lucas pressed his mouth to mine, resuming the kiss that had me unraveling. We pawed at each other like a pair of drunk, horny teenagers.
“No mess,” I reminded him painfully, knowing our options were limited. I didn’t have a change of clothes on me. His eyes shifted. Then he was tugging down my shorts and underwear, dropping to his knees again.
“I’ll clean you up,” he pressed a kiss to the inside of my thigh, bit down gently on the flesh. “Won’t waste a drop.”
For those brief moments that Lucas ate me out, everything else outside of the boathouse disintegrated. The noise of the crowd, the pressure of the remainder of the derby, the loud music… nothing, nothing could distract me from this.
When I tried to cover my mouth, Lucas grabbed my hand, guiding it to his hair instead. He closed his hand over mine, encouraging me to pull.
“Be as loud as you want,” he slurred. “No one out there can hear you.”
The man really was determined to finish me as quickly as possible. I tugged at his hair, eliciting moans from him that I could only feel as he continued to devour me. Everything we hadn’t been able to say seemed to play out in my pleasure. And Lucas seemed to want it that way.
When I came, I came hard, and he kept his word.
“Oh my god,” I gasped, my chest heaving as I climbed down from the high of the second most powerful orgasm he’d ever given me. Lucas grinned, sliding my clothes up and straightening them out. I reached for his belt, intending to return the favor in kind when he stopped my hand.
“There’s no time,” he said, giving me a quick kiss. I could see that he was hard and my mouth watered at the sight of his arousal. But by the look on his face, it didn’t seem like it bothered him at all. “The second leg of the race is starting soon. You can make it up to me later.”
“I will.” I threw my arms around him and kissed him again, tasting myself on his mouth. “I promise I will.”
I ran out of the boathouse after freshening up as much as I could. Maybe I’d just always harbored voyeuristic tendencies but the thought of having just experienced an earth-shattering climax moments before heading out to the unwitting public outside was actually exciting to me.
It fed the adrenaline coursing through my veins, heightened the arousal still coasting in the recess of my mind.
Finally acknowledging the carnal part of my being, and giving into it, must’ve been the key to finally aligning my focus. Because when I rejoined my team, even despite having just undergone Round 2 of the Boathouse Chronicles, I was able to concentrate on our looming victory.
And by the end of the day—to the ear-splitting cheers from the crowd of fans sporting NEU’s navy and copper garb—we had taken the derby by a landslide number of points.
The team clung to each other, jumping and screaming alongside the crowd’s applause and in that brief, narrow space of time and drunk on delirium, everything felt perfect.
As the day wound down alongside the sun, we were still riding that high. There was the usual helping out with getting our equipment repacked, but even that tedious task and the bone-deep exhaustion couldn’t wipe the smiles from our faces.
Coach Hayes had the biggest grin on hers, something the team marked as a historic moment when she wasn’t listening.
Lucas and Oren had both sent me texts congratulating me on the win. But Ronan was the one who came up to me by the end of the day, when there were too few people spread across the field to notice or care about what was happening.
To the outside world, this was just a professor congratulating a student.
But the heat that leapt in his eyes when he approached me told a different story, and I was already restless with anticipation.
“Congratulations,” he told me, and the pride in his voice was enough for me to take the risk. I reached up and hugged him tightly. He hesitated for only a moment before returning my hug, then quickly patted my back and extricated himself from my embrace.
“And I thought you hated detachment,” I said sardonically, the jab reminiscent of his comment on Lucas’s impersonal introduction.