Chapter 12
~
Oren
I tidied my desk despite the fact that there was never any real mess to be made. Then I looked at the time on my phone again, waiting. I may have been slightly nervous.
But what I was about to do was very unlike me.
The perfectionist tendencies, well that was perfectly familiar. The way Miss Price made me feel was not. She’d still answered the email and agreed to meet me during office hours, though. I supposed that counted for something.
I wasn’t her student advisor. I wasn’t her professor either, and by all counts, this wasn’t technically any of my business. Regular protocol would have me simply speak to whichever staff member was in charge of actually helping the troubled student.
But I was in the habit of taking on more work than was necessary, not trusting anyone else to guarantee the desired result. And Miss Price wasn’t exactly someone I considered to be “work”.
The knock on my door sounded at exactly one minute before our agreed upon time. She was certainly punctual.
“Come in,” I said, and she quietly opened the door, popping her head around as though she was still unsure. I beckoned her over and finally she closed the door behind her and sat down in the chair across the desk.
“Thank you for meeting with me, Miss Price,” I started, quietly observing her.
Her eyes were ringed with red as though she’d been crying. I remembered how upset she seemed in the gym a few days ago and how she’d declined the meeting offer with the recruiter.
Something must’ve happened. I didn’t know what it was but it was still clearly unresolved.
“Professor Reed… Oren. Why did you book this meeting with me?” she asked the question in a tone that was both genuinely curious but also tired. It made my chest ache.
“I’m worried about you,” I said genuinely. There was no fancy way to couch that in a strictly academic framing. There was no excessive verbiage. It was just the bare truth of why I called her here today.
She blinked, looking taken aback. I noticed how she wrung her hands together. She’d done it during the dinner we had months ago, and when we first spoke on the field. She also scratched at her palms when I caught her in the gym last week. A nervous tic perhaps?
“Look, Miss Price,” I used the formal address again, hoping to add some semblance of professionalism back into the conversation. “You were clearly very upset the other day.”
She looked down, as though unable to even meet my eyes.
“But as someone who recognizes your potential, I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you that I think throwing away a perfectly good chance at this career move could be one of the biggest mistakes of your life.
I know how hard you’ve worked and how badly you’ve wanted this opportunity.
I know the power of regret and how bitter it can be,” I said.
Her shoulders sagged a little under the weight of those words, as though they’d only now truly sunk in. But it still looked like whatever burden she carried was even heavier. I sighed, placing both of my hands on the desk.
“You don’t have to answer this question if you’re uncomfortable. But what is it that’s bothering you this much? Is it academic pressure?” I asked gently. “What’s going on?”
Her mouth opened imperceptibly, her eyes flickering. For a moment, I thought she might actually share the problem with me. But then she clammed up, shutting her mouth again.
“I appreciate your concern, but it’s nothing I can’t handle,” she said, offering me a strained smile. “If we’re done, I think I’ll go now.”
She got up and started to move towards the door and I was about to let her go when I noticed something. She moved as though she was still in pain, her body clearly suffering from the extensive workout she’d put it through.
She was either punishing herself or running from something. For all I knew, she wasn’t going to stop.
I stood up, reaching the door before her in fewer, longer strides. The timing had her almost chest-to-chest with me and the sudden proximity took us both by surprise. It hadn’t been my intention but now…
I took a breath and attempted to gather my drifting thoughts.
But that was an impossible feat when being this close to her only caused more of my thoughts to scatter. The lighting from the window poured sunlight into her hair that brought out the most beautiful fiery red. Unbound, the strands hung loose in her face.
Now thoughtless, I reached out to brush them out of the way, tucking them behind her ear. Her skin was soft under my fingers.
Her eyes met mine, a question dancing in them.
It was only after the fact that I realized what I’d actually done but by then, Miss Price hadn't flinched or moved away. And just knowing that was an exhilarating observation.
Her green eyes softened, slowly growing more unguarded. My own armor fell apart a while ago. I knew that I was crossing a line.
But when she looked at me like that, I found it impossible to resist. I couldn’t help myself.
“I wish you could see what the rest of us see when we look at you,” I said, enraptured. She started to shake her head but I reached out to grab her hand and she stopped. “You don’t see it. But others do.”
“I’m a selfish person, Oren,” she said. “I’m greedy and reckless and I don’t deserve your help. Not anymore.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Miss Price, if I recall correctly, your entire purpose for pursuing this career path is because you wanted to help people who didn’t have anyone fighting in their corner. That’s a more noble path than many.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” she said, and I noticed tears starting to form again.
“Yes, it does. You’re so hard on yourself that you forget all the good that you have to offer.
” I paused, putting the pieces together.
“Maybe you’ve spent so much of your life in a cycle of ascetic diligence that the mere thought of stepping outside of that sends you fleeing.
You’re allowed to take, June. You’re allowed to want. ”
Something seemed to click for her. And for me, when I realized that it was the first time I’d ever used her first name. Perhaps I was learning to be greedy, too.
“You’re one of the most intriguing students I’ve come across in my time here,” I said, my voice low as though conveying a secret.
And perhaps this was one. “Our time together is almost up. I just want to make sure that I’ve done everything possible to set you on the right path. It would be a crime if I didn’t.”
I’d never been one for eloquence, but I’d never felt less adequate to describe how I felt when she moved closer, gazing up at me with those eyes.
There was still uncertainty there, and maybe even a hint of fear. But there was more too, something darker. Something more dangerous.
“And what path would that be, Professor Reed?”