Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
tristan
The drive back to Asheville has been mostly silent.
A few questions here and there, but Paula and I haven’t touched on what happened last night…
between her brother or us. This feeling is completely different than how it was when we drove to the beach.
That was peaceful and companionable. This time, there’s tension and uncertainty. It’s heavy, and I don’t like it.
I went into this weekend feeling optimistic and hopeful. Not even about being her potential real boyfriend, but in growing the friendship we had started after we agreed to this arrangement.
Now, I don't know what to think, or feel, after last night's confrontation. I thought she might bring it up when we stopped to get gas, but she only asked if I wanted anything while she ran inside to go to the restroom.
It's just hard because my heart is tied into this now. I don't want to lose her, but I also can't stand idly by while she gets trampled on by her big brother.
“Do you want me to stop and get anything to eat before we get to your house?” Maybe opening up some dialogue will help.
She doesn't say anything for a moment, and I worry she's fallen asleep. Her head is leaning against the window, and her eyes are closed. She’s been in that position for most of the four hour journey. I wish I knew what she was thinking.
“No, thank you. I'm pretty sure I have food at the house.”
“Oh, okay. I just wanted to be helpful.”
“You have been Tristan. More than you know.” Then she doesn’t say another word.
I don't know how I'm supposed to read into that. Even though I'm the type of guy that can roll with the circumstances in most occasions, I can't do that when it comes to relationships.
Right now, I don't know if I pushed her too far when I told her she needed to confront her brother while we were at the beach house.
And now, I don't know that she ever will as defiant as she can be.
She always tries to do the right thing, unless it's blackmailing me into going on this vacation with her.
I smile remembering how that went down. Even though I was pretty mad at the time. It was clever.
We pull into her driveway and I put her car in park before turning it off. Opening the door, I hurry around to her side and open hers.
It's a lot colder here than it was down by the beach, and I'm already missing the temperature difference.
As soon as she's out of the car, I pop open the trunk and grab her suitcase and comforters.
“You don't have to carry them in for me.” She doesn't sound annoyed. But she doesn't sound like she wants me to come inside either.
However, my mother would be horrified if I let her carry her own bags inside.
She takes out my duffel and sets it beside my car. I have a feeling today isn't going to end the way I expected it to do.
Not just on her part, but on mine as well. I need her to figure out what she really wants, and she needs to figure that out as well. Not because I want her too, though. She needs to want to do it.
Because, despite how much she doesn't want to work at the winery, I saw a little spark of interest at being a part of her family legacy.
Which is fine by me. I can't tell her what to do with her life, and I want her to do whatever makes her happy.
But I also know if she's not all in, she's going to end up resenting her family.
Following her to her door, I wait for her to unlock it and push it open.
“You can set those right there.” She points to a spot just inside the door. “Most of that stuff is dirty clothes, and I need to wash the comforter to make sure there isn't any sand in it, because my mom is right. That stuff gets everywhere and never goes away.”
I do as she asks and set her stuff down in the front entryway. Luckily, there's only one comforter she'll have to wash because the other one I packed away in her bag after we bought it.
I hate this weird feeling between us, and not knowing where I stand.
The only reason I slept on the floor last night was to give her space, because she seemed like she needed it, and I didn't want to smother her.
But maybe that was the wrong thing to do, because this morning, she's acting as if she doesn't want anything to do with me.
“Look,” I say at the same time as she's set as she opens her mouth to speak. “You go first.” I concede what I was going to say so she can say what’s on her mind.
She clears her throat and shoves her hands into the pockets of her leggings. “Thank you for coming with me this weekend. It was a lot of fun.”
“Yeah, I've never been one for beaches, But I had a good time.”
“So, what you're saying is you'll be my fake boyfriend on anything I have to go to?” Her use of the word fake makes my stomach drop.
“Well, I mean, I kind of thought I was your actual boyfriend. But yes, I will go anywhere you ask me to.”
“You know what I mean.” She waves away my comment. “Anyway, I have a lot to do to prepare for the next week, so I'm gonna go do that.”
“Oh, okay.” What else can I say. It’s a clear dismissal.
I reach in for a hug and give her a soft kiss on the cheek.
“Look, I know things were weird last night, and a lot of stuff happened, but I'm going to give you your space so you can figure out what it is you want and what you want to do. Because even though I told you to live day by day and in the moment. And to take a shot on something new. I don’t know if I can be in this back-and-forth space. You need to figure out what it is you want, and if I’m a part of that. ”
Her entire body stiffens, and I know without a doubt I've said the wrong thing. But it's too late to fix it now.
She pulls away, and that's the end of it. I flinch because I can't act like that one motion doesn't sting.
I don't know if it's the end of us, but it's the end of this conversation. I know she doesn't want to get into it right now, after last night. I think I've learned my lesson about pushing her when she is not ready to be pushed. I just learned the lessons too late.
“Okay. Well, I guess I will see you around.”
She simply nods her head, and I back out of the doorway.
I guess this is what I get for wanting more when she wasn't sure she was ready for it. But I can be patient. It’s all I can do, even though every cell in my body is telling me to go in there and apologize for acting like an ass.
“You look depressed,” Dale leads us into the soon to be studio.
They've made a lot of progress since I was last in this space. There's still so much to do, but it will come with time.
“I’m fine.” I sigh.
I'm not. It’s been four days since the beach trip, and I haven't heard from Paula. I don't know what's happening, and it's driving me bonkers.
“No, you're not fine.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“It’s because I know that look and nothing good ever comes from it. I take it things didn't go well on the trip with the girl from the flower shop.”
“How did you know that was where I went?”
I don't remember telling him that specific part. I don't even remember telling him I was going with Paula. So how did he find out?
“We may have played a gig at the bar over the weekend.” He's no longer looking at me and studies every possible thing he can in the studio. “And Eric may have let it slip.”
I swear to God, that man is nothing but a gossip. He might actually be worse than the moms of some of the kids I went to high school with. Hell, even my mom is a pretty big gossip, but she has nothing on the local bartender.
“Wait, you played a show? Who did you have help you with the equipment?” A tiny part of me is hurt I wasn’t included.
As much as these guys drive me up the wall, I love them and working with them.
Paula was wrong, I do know what it’s like because these guys are like my siblings.
I spend more time with them than I do my own family.
“Calm down. It was an acoustic show and we set up ourselves. Now, what happened while you were gone?”
There's no hiding anything now. I might as well confess all the events that transpired.
“It was going great until it wasn’t.” I run a hand through my hair because this next part is entirely my fault. “I may have stepped into something I shouldn't have.”
“What do you mean?”
“It's this whole thing with her siblings and the company they own. They want her to be a part of it, and she said she was going to tell them that she didn't want to do it. And I may have confronted her about it, when she told them she would think about it.”
Now Dale is shaking his head. “Oh, Tristan. There's one thing you should definitely learn. Do not get between a person and their siblings. They may dislike them. They may fight and argue. But at the end of the day, they love each other and they will always stick up for each other.”
“Is this coming from personal experience?”
I've only known Dale to be with one person since I've known him. I mean, of course, he has had other relationships. But I've only seen him in his current one. And he is head over heels happy with her.
“Let's just say, once upon a time, I tried to get between a girl and her family, and it did not work out well.”
“Did you use any of the situation as song inspirations?”
“I plead the fifth. You know that shit can get me in trouble legally.”
“Okay, okay, I'll stop asking for the gory details. But what did happen?”
“It was a whole thing.” He sighs and sits on a makeshift chair of boards. “Her brother treated her like crap, and I stepped in, but I wasn't nice about it, and things went badly.”
“What did you do, fight him?”
He doesn't answer me. Well, I guess that answers that question. I don't know why he thinks I would fight somebody. I am not that type of person. If anything, I'm usually the one breaking up arguments and almost fights with people we surround ourselves with.
“Well, nothing like that happened when we were there. I did get in his face once, but she doesn't know about that because he never brought it up.”
Now I’m about to sound like a jerk. “But the last night where we were there, I did get an argument with her. That's where I feel like I overstepped. Now I haven’t heard from her in days, and I feel like it might be the end of us.”
“All you can do is give it time, man. I don't know what else to tell you?”
“Do you have any idea how incredibly hard that is for me?”
“Yeah, I know you're patient to a point. Not that I’m speaking from personal experience.” He grins up at me.
“That's only because all of you wait until the last possible second to do anything, and it's mind boggling.”
“You have to trust the process, and that's my process most of the time.”
“I guess.”
I don't tell them that a part of me wants to go talk to Pierce.
I'm really debating whether or not I should. if anything, just to clear the air between us. I know he could feel my glare the night everything went down. But that would be another area where I’d be overstepping my boundaries, and I do not want that to get back to her.
“You hungry?”
Dale’s question pulls me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, I could eat.”
“Well, let's get out of here. There's not much else we can do here today. And I'm starving.”
“Let’s go.” I already know where we’re going. It’s a good thing because me and Eric need to have a little chat.