Chapter 21 Paula
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
paula
It’s hard working in a flower shop when you don’t feel like basking in all the lovey messages people want to add to their orders.
Most of them I don’t have to see. But there are a few customers who refuse to use the online ordering system, and I have to write out their messages on a notepad.
These are the times I consider a different profession.
“Why are you so sad?” Emily asks from behind me and I knock my phone off the counter.
Reaching down to pick it up, I see the background. It’s the picture my sister took of me and Tristan. It doesn’t help my mood, but it does make me smile.
“I’m not sad,” I stand up. “Just feeling a little blah.”
She studies me for a moment. She starts with the hair piled on top of my head, to the oversized sweatshirt and then the leggings.
This isn’t my usual attire, but it’s all I had the energy to put on.
This past week has been brutal with trying to get my sleep schedule back, and sleeping alone in my bed.
Damn Tristan for making me want him next to me at night.
“You can keep lying to yourself, but I know the look of heartbreak. Your outfit was basically my uniform when Alex dumped me in college.”
“Nope. I’m perfectly fine.” It’s a lie. I’ve been a mess since Tristan dropped me off. But I’m not taking the full blame for that. He didn’t say a single word the entire ride home. Then that little speech he gave before he left. The whole thing was weird.
“Alex was an idiot for dumping you back then.”
Emily grabs one of the extra stools and slides it next to me. Oh, so she isn’t going to drop this. Great. Other than Sam, I’m the least likely to show my feelings. Though, I guess she can tell something is up by the way I’ve come into work this week.
“Agreed, but he’s made up for it.” She pulls her sweater over her hands. “No offense, but you look like you need to talk.”
“I really don’t.” In all actuality, I do need to talk to someone.
These past few weeks Tristan has been my sounding board, but he hasn’t bothered reaching out to me.
There’s no way I’m talking to my siblings about anything because two of them will give me so much shit, and the rest wouldn’t understand.
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m caught up on orders. I can hang out up here with you all day.”
There’s no point in fighting her on this.
She will do what she says. At least until I open up.
She always has to play mother hen to everyone.
It’s not a bad thing, it’s who she is. It used to be my role in my family until I got tired of babying grown adults.
Although, I never had to do that with Pierce.
He’s above all that if you ask anyone. Even when he did need help, I was too intimidated to do anything.
“What is it that you want to know?” Maybe if I open up a tiny bit, she won’t pry too much.
“What happened on your trip? I mean you weren’t exactly a ball of sunshine when you went, but you weren’t this, either.” She waves her hand toward me. “Did Tristan do something to upset you? Or, was it something with your family.”
Damn. She hit the nail on the head. Sometimes I wonder if she’s psychic. She always seems to know what people are going through without them saying anything. It’s one of the many things that make her a great step-mom.
“Both?” I groan before placing my arms on the counter and burying my face in them.
“Can you elaborate?”
It would be so much easier to do this without facing her, but I know she won’t be able to hear anything I say.
Kai has the music up louder than normal which is irritating.
But I’m pretty sure he’s doing it to get under his sister’s skin.
The joys of having siblings. Lifting my head, I turn toward her.
“I should have never taken Tristan as my fake boyfriend. Not when I started having feelings for him prior to going, and knowing he had feelings for me. Even though we became an actual couple while down there.”
Her grin speaks volumes. “That’s amazing.” But when she sees my face, she back tracks. “Or, maybe it’s not?”
“No, it is. But we both made some missteps, and now I don’t know where we stand.”
“Have you talked to him about it?” It’s the obvious question, I know that. But it doesn’t make it sting any less.
“Um, no?” I tighten my ponytail then take a sip of water to stall.
“I don’t like confrontation. He pretty much put the ball in my court.
I’m so used to trying to please everyone, I don’t know if that’s the only reason I want to be with him, or if I need to figure out my own shit.
I’ve never done this whole relationship thing. ”
“You should probably talk to him.” She doesn’t say anything for a few moments. “And how did things go with your family?”
“Shockingly, most of the time was fun. There were two instances with my big brother that weren’t great. One led to an argument with Tristan. And here I am.”
“Is he still pressuring you to work at Starlit Fields?”
“Yep. And I told him I’d think about it. Which isn’t exactly true, and why Tristan was upset.”
Emily scrunches her eyebrows together. “Why would that matter to him?”
“It was one of the conditions we had before we left. He would go as my fake boyfriend if I told my family how I really felt about working at the winery.” In the end I didn’t fulfill my part of the bargain.
“I see.” She taps her fingers on the counter. “Do you love him?”
“Pierce? Of course, I do. He’s my brother.”
She gives me a pointed stare. I know who she meant, but I don’t know if I’m ready to cross that emotional bridge. Maybe if I wait her out, I won’t have to answer.
The look is so much like the one my mom used to give me when I was teenager, I break within minutes. “Fine. I don’t know if it’s full-fledged love. But I do know I was, am, falling hard for him. The entire trip he always put me first. My well-being, my decisions, all of it.”
She glances over at my phone and points to it. “I hate to break it to you, but that is far more than falling. You really need to talk to him and set things straight. Trust me, I know all about not talking about things. You don’t want to go down that road and have regrets.”
She’s told me about what happened with her and Alex.
It was all because of some bullshit her dad did, and he was a scared teenager.
Actually, now that I think about it, him and Tristan are a lot alike.
I’ve always been slightly envious of her relationship.
Except when something similar happens with me, I push it away with everything I have. I’m so not normal.
“I’ll talk to him. But, I may need some supplies before I do.”
“Just name it.” She slides off the stool, and turns for the hallway. “I should probably go back to building orders.”
“I thought you didn’t have anything to do.”
She shrugs her shoulders. “I had a feeling you needed my time more.”
With that parting remark, she walks away. She really is a psychic. Now to figure out a way to talk to Tristan without getting defensive. That will be my biggest hurdle yet.
A truck that looks like my dad’s is sitting in my driveway when I pull in. Once I put the car into park, I look out the window. Sure enough both my dad and brother are sitting in the front seats. Pierce is the first one to get out, and he opens my door for me.
Why is he being so nice all of a sudden? The only thing I can think of is my promise to think about working with the family. My stomach drops and I know I need to tell them I don’t want to. At least, not the way he wants me to.
“Hey, Sister.” He waits until I turn the car off before helping me out. This is weird behavior from him. What is he playing at?
“What are y’all doing here?” Once I’m out of the car, Dad gets out of the driver’s seat. “I didn’t get a text from you.”
“We need to talk, and I had a feeling you wouldn’t answer a call from me.”
As bad as it is to say it, he’s not wrong. I dodge calls from him like it’s a sport.
“How did you know what time I get home from work?”
“Parker.” I knew the answer before he said it. He’s the only one who keeps track of my work schedule. He’s also the only sibling who will drop in for surprise visits. This is out of character for both Pierce and our dad.
“Let me open the door really quick. I have a feeling this is more than a driveway conversation.”
“It’s definitely more than a driveway conversation.” My brother nods and follows me down the sidewalk. Dad brings up the rear. I swear we probably look like a line of ducklings.
After unlocking the door, I push it open and walk inside. I set my bag by the door and continue to the living room. Whatever they want to talk about is probably something I should sit down for. They rarely come out of their way to pay me a visit. Especially not out of the blue.
“Do y’all want something to drink?” Mom would be proud of me being a somewhat decent hostess.
“No, we’re good,” Dad takes a seat next to me. Pierce sits across from us on the recliner, and gives dad a look as if he was in fact thirsty. Sorry big brother, Pops spoke for you.
“So, what is this about? Did I do something?” I hate how unsure I sound, like I’m a kid in the principal’s office.
It’s this moment I realize why Tristan told me I should have handled this when we were all in the same spot.
I’ll have to have this conversation multiple times.
While I have them here, I might as well tell them I’m not working for the winery.
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. But, we do have some things to discuss.”
Oh shit. He’s using his dad voice. I don’t like that tone. No matter what he said, it always meant I was in some sort of trouble growing up.
“Well, we might as well get this started.” I lean back until I feel the cushions on my back. Something needs to bring me some comfort since Tristan isn’t here to provide it.
Pierce leans forward and places his elbows on his knees. Okay, so they both mean business. “I need you to be honest with me when I ask you this.”
“Okay?” What the hell is he getting at? He said we need to talk, but this feels very ominous.
“Do you really want to work at the winery?”
That’s not the question I was expecting, and it knocks me off kilter.
My first instinct is to sit up and reassure him I do want to work with the family.
But I take a second to think it through.
Acting before thinking hasn’t gotten me anywhere, and there’s no way I can avoid this conversation.
I have a feeling they won’t leave until I give them an answer.
Actually, I know they won’t. It’s why they came to my house instead of somewhere public.
My escape would have been easy in any other situation. Here…not so much.
“Not in the way you want me to.” I shrink into myself and wait for the chastising I’m about to receive.
“How would you like to be involved?” Pierce asks. He hasn’t changed his sitting position. It’s how he signals he’s listening, but he’s also in business mode.
“I’m not sure yet. But ideally, I think there are ways you can partner with Whoopsie Daisy.”
Dad turns toward me, and I sit up because I don’t want him to be disappointed in me. “Do you love the work you do at the flower shop?”
It’s a question he’s never asked me, and I’m shocked he’s showing interest now.
“Yes. I’m learning a ton of new things. Once I have arrangements down, they plan on me helping with some of the brides and special events. I love the people I work with, and I like creating with my hands.”
He must see the spark of joy in my eyes as I talk about the shop because the smile that overtakes his face is something I haven’t seen in a long time. At least, not when it comes to me in relation with Starlit Fields.
“I know you wanted all of us to take over the winery, but my heart isn’t in it. It never has been.”
Dad pulls me into a hug. “I’m so sorry if I ever made it felt like you didn’t have another choice. I only ever wanted to make sure you knew this company is available to you. Forcing you into something you hate was never my intention.”
“You didn’t force me.” I pull away from him. “It’s the whole reason I moved out and found different jobs. I needed to find what I wanted. The only reason I said I’d think about it is because I didn’t want to let y’all down.”
“That’s my fault,” Pierce moves from the recliner to the floor in front of me.
“I shouldn’t have pushed you as much as I did.
You probably don’t remember, but when we were little, we used to talk about all the things we were going to do when the winery was ours.
Then you pulled away. I thought working together would bring us closer to each other. ”
“Dumbass.” The word is out of my mouth before I know it. “Sorry, Dad. That’s the reason I stopped coming around. I thought you hated me when were teenagers. But it makes sense. That’s when I realized the winery wasn’t what I wanted.”
“I’m sure you’ve called me worse.”
I don’t agree or disagree with him. “How did you realize I didn’t really want to take on a job?”
This time he scoots back. Is he scared I’m going to lash out?
“I may, or may not, have heard you and Tristan arguing at the beach house. You know you didn’t have to bring a fake boyfriend to deal with me. Though, things sure seemed real between you. Especially after he got in my face that first day.”
“He did what?” This is the first I’m hearing of this.
“It was after you stormed out of the house. Don’t be mad at him. It was well deserved.” He glances around the house. “Where is he anyway? I figured you two would be inseparable once we got back.”
“Um, I may have been kind of bitchy toward him. We said some things, and he said I need to figure things out.”
“Have you?”
“Yes.” I realized it after talking with Emily.
This relationship stuff is hard and terrifying, but I need to stop hiding when things get difficult.
He was right about leaving us in limbo. All it’s done is make me miserable.
Not knowing how to handle things between us has cost me more sleep than I’d like to admit. “I’ll need your help, though.”