Chapter 11 #3
She must’ve discovered that Danny takes the bus to school during one of their conversations yesterday (when they weren’t busy sucking each other’s faces) and changed her transportation method.
A blush spreads across his cheekbones as Danny looks at me sheepishly. “I don’t have to sit with her.”
“No, you should go. I b-bet you t-two have a lot t-to catch up on.”
He searches my eyes. It takes everything in me not to bite my cheek.
“Are you sure?”
I just nod and smile to avoid triggering more of my stutter.
Danny narrows his eyes, clearly hesitating, before bringing his attention back to Tori.
“Go ahead,” I encourage, desperately wanting this conversation to be over.
“Alright,” he says tentatively, taking another few steps down the aisle. “See you after school, then. We have a longer practice, so I’ll catch you at my house later?”
“Sure, Dan.”
His back stiffens before he swivels around, his eyebrows drawn together. Before he can say anything, I sit down.
For the first time in six years, I ride the bus alone.
My gaze stays glued to the window the whole way to school, avoiding any potential visuals of him and her.
With every classmate that boards the bus, the unclaimed space beside me grows wider.
Loneliness oozes into my pores like an incurable rash, making my skin feel itchy.
When we arrive at school, I scramble off the bus like someone is chasing me. And deep in my heart, I kind of hope someone is.
Sitting at the table in the library that’s become my favorite over the past few months, I wait for Ben to arrive.
Even though I just saw him in P.E., we didn’t have a chance to catch up.
He loves running the mile, and I love running from mandatory exercise, so we don’t cross paths unless he’s lapping me.
That said, we’re in almost all of the same classes, and he’s continued to be a good friend.
In a time where all of the other relationships in my life are complicated, my friendship with him remains simple.
Tori’s been monopolizing almost all of Danny’s time spent not at football, and lately, it’s been difficult not to overthink my relationship with him.
We’ve been able to maintain our same balance as always, just outside of school.
We still go on backyard expeditions with Charger, drink milkshakes at the diner, and watch trivia show reruns with Tess.
But after the third awkward who will Danny sit next to today at the lunch table interaction, I started finding excuses to be anywhere other than the cafeteria at noon.
“You look sparkly,” Ben tells me as he adjusts his glasses and sits down.
“…in a bad way?” This morning, I rolled cucumber melon body glitter on my cheekbones, and I’m kind of surprised it’s still around.
“In a glittery way. It’s cool.”
His reaction does not convince me it’s actually cool. “That’s the last time I listen to Teen Girl magazine,” I mutter.
Ben sets down his binder and yanks out a sheet of lined paper. He points to the fabric wrapping my textbook. "Nice book cover. So shiny, like the glitter on your face."
Jesus Christ. That’s it. No more glitter.
“Thanks. Janie got it for me.”
“Who’s Janie?”
“Oh. Just my next-door neighbor—you know, Dan Thompson? Uh, his mom.” Sometimes I forget Ben doesn’t already know.
I haven’t let him in on my home life, including the fact that Danny and I are more than just neighbors…
or maybe not. I frown, because I’m not so sure anymore.
I haven’t been sure of anything when it comes to Danny lately.
Ben nods. “So, what’s up with you?”
“In the five minutes since we saw each other in gym class?”
“No, in general. Although, I had a good time watching you try to convince Mr. Venzel that we should play with a parachute instead of running the mile.” He shakes his head.
I lift my chin. “Running doesn’t prove anything. The parachute, on the other hand, requires teamwork and collaboration.”
“The parachute is for children.”
Waving my hand at him, I effectively dismiss his wrong opinion. “Whatever. You’re only saying that because you’re one of those freaks who exercises for fun.”
“Running distracts me from missing Mia,” he says wistfully, propping his head up on his hand.
I smile, loving how he gushes about her. “That’s actually really sweet.”
Ben spins a sheet of paper on the table. “Seriously, though. You seem down.”
It’s odd having my hidden emotions noticed by someone other than Danny. I anxiously tap my pen against the table.
Ben studies me for a moment. “I was thinking…hanging out in this prison has been fun, but we should take our friendship to the streets. My sister’s having a sleepover tonight, but maybe we can hang out at yours?”
“No.” I swiftly decline on reflex, and the playful glint in Ben’s eyes dims.
“We don’t have to hang out if it’s a bad time, no worries.” He interlaces his fingers behind his head, leaning back slightly in his chair.
I consider lying. Tell him that my dad is on a work trip and I’m not allowed to have friends over or something. But I really don’t want to lie to Ben, so I decide to go with a partial truth.
“Sorry. Um, it’s not that I d-don’t want you t-to come over. It’s just that my mom d-died when I was younger. And my d-dad and I d-don’t really get along. I d-don’t think it’d b-be fun.”
Ben pulls off his glasses and rubs them against the cotton of his Jurassic Park shirt.
“No problemo,” he replies lightly, as if I didn’t just stutter my way through a snippet of my tragic life.
“We can do something else instead one day. Hey, can I copy your notes? I have Galloway for history, and I can’t even hear him half the time.
He’s like the oldest teacher here. When he’s teaching us about the past, sometimes I think he’s just writing down a first-hand account of his memories. ”
I chuckle. “Stop, Mr. Galloway is the sweetest man!”
Ben slides his glasses up his nose. “I didn’t say he wasn’t sweet, Grace. I said that he was old. Rumors are he owns an autographed copy of the Bible.”
I start laughing loudly now, earning a stern look from the librarian. I dig around in my backpack for my orange notebook (because history is orange). Handing my notebook to Ben, I think about how maybe it’s Danny that needs to step up in our friendship.
“Can we go to your place tomorrow?” I ask hopefully. It would be nice to go somewhere other than home.
“Sounds good.” Ben throws me an easy grin. “I can’t wait to show you all of my plants in the house.”