Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
PERRY
For the first time in years, my nerves before a scene had me crawling the walls of what we all referred to as the green room in Lukas’s basement studio.
Lukas Knight was a performer once upon a time, and now he ran his own studio.
It was a small operation, one that focused on the well-being of the performers above a paycheck.
Which was why I knew I could cancel the shoot, even halfway through if I needed to, without any pushback.
I hadn’t done a scene in a couple of months.
Not with someone else anyway. I’d shot a few solo videos.
Some basic masturbation ones. A couple with toys, nothing to write home about.
I’d made sure to be vocal in them as I found that the more I whimpered, the more views I got and the more money I made.
But now my nerves were tap dancing under my skin, making it impossible for me to settle. And I knew why. Rex. Rex said it was okay that I was doing this. That he understood what my job was and that he didn’t want to interfere with it in any way.
On one hand, I appreciated that he didn’t want to stop me from doing my job.
But another smaller part of me wanted him to care.
It wanted him to blow up my phone or to charge in here all jealous and possessive.
Only, I didn’t actually want that to happen.
I just wanted him to want to do it, I supposed.
Fuck, I hated it when I got all twisted up about something.
“You look like you’re a million miles away.
” The familiar timbre made me turn my head.
Quinn stood in the doorway looking like a million dollars.
He’d been freshly waxed, everywhere if his shirtless torso was any indication.
The physique he worked so hard for in the gym was on full display as he raised his arms above his head, his hands gripping the top of the door frame.
Quinn and I had worked together before and though we weren’t close, we were friends. Or at least, friendly. Telling him I was nervous because of Rex should have been easy, but I opened my mouth and nothing came out.
Of course Quinn caught on that something was amiss because he dropped his arms and joined me on the couch a couple seconds later. He draped a friendly arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a side hug.
“What’s going on, Perry?” Quinn asked.
I didn’t have a lot of options. Tell him, and maybe still get to do the shoot and make money, because even if I liked Rex, I still had rent to pay.
Or don’t tell him and try to do the shoot, but probably fail because I’d be weird and preoccupied and then make no money and probably stop paying my rent.
I’d get evicted, and then after I’d worn out my welcome on friend’s couches, I’d be friendless, jobless and… okay, no more doom spiral.
“Do you remember that guy you met at the gym the other day?”
“Do I ever?” Quinn purred. “He was hot as fuck. What’s the deal with you two, anyway?”
A sigh tore out of me and I relaxed against Quinn’s side. “It’s complicated.”
“So uncomplicate it.”
It took me a minute to figure out where to start, but I told Quinn the whole story.
About Rex needing a date, and me never having a real boyfriend, or even being with someone who wanted me outside of bed long enough to take me on a date.
How it started off as a mutually beneficial arrangement that wasn’t supposed to mean anything.
And now there I was, currently supposed to be getting my dick sucked by someone pretending to be a plumber or a pool boy, or a pizza delivery guy, and I was in the green room having a crisis instead.
“And you’re worried about today’s shoot and how he’ll take it?” Quinn asked once my story was all done.
“Yeah. I mean, it’s one thing to say you’re okay with someone you know fucking other people, but it’s another thing to be presented with the reality of it.”
“Did he say he was okay with it?”
“Several times.”
“Do you believe him?” Quinn gave my shoulder a friendly squeeze, like he could tell that I needed it.
“I want to believe him. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want to believe him. But—”
“But trust is a terrifying thing to give another human being.”
I exhaled a breath that was so deep it deflated me and I sagged in against Quinn’s side. “I want to believe him. But it’s hard.”
“Well, the way I see it, you have a few options. You can trust him and we can do the scene and you can go talk to him about it after. Or you can do the scene and not talk to him about it after. Or you can say no to the scene. No is always an option, Perry.”
“I need to work. I need the money and I like my job, okay.” I managed to look at Quinn, who nodded along with what I was saying. “I just don’t like the uncertainty that comes with this next step. I feel like there could be something real between Rex and me, and I don’t want this to screw it up.”
Quinn shifted on the couch so he could face me.
“Look at me, Perry.” He waited until I complied before he continued.
“If Rex says he’s okay with this and then he’s not it means he was either lying to himself, or lying to you, and either way, that makes him a liar.
And we don’t fuck with liars. If he can’t hack it, that’s fine, but he needs to be honest about it. Do you think he’s being honest?”
“I want to believe that he’s being honest. There’s no reason for me to think he’s not. I mean, we’re not even together. He’d lose nothing by telling me that he could never date someone who sells sex for a living.”
“If he has no reason to be dishonest, and you want to trust him, then you’re going to have to take that leap of faith.” Quinn took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “But you don’t have to jump alone.”
The scene started out rocky, but Quinn was patient as were Lukas and River, who were manning the cameras today. River had slowly stopped performing, but had joined Lukas in the behind-the-scenes stuff like filming and editing footage.
To begin with, my nerves were still too close to the surface and I’d had a hard time getting into the whole pizza delivery guy fantasy. I usually had a lot of fun with the different role plays, but today I couldn’t keep my focus long enough to get from one line to the next.
“I’m sorry.” I told everyone after Lukas had called for us to cut.
“You don’t have to apologize.” Lukas said and the honesty and compassion in his voice nearly brought me to tears, but I held it together because the whole crying fetish thing wasn’t something I filmed content for.
Although, if I didn’t find a way past my nerves so I could do this scene I might have to so I could make rent.
Quinn stripped out of his pizza delivery uniform and tossed it aside. “How about we keep it simple? You, me, and a couch.” Quinn held his hand out and waited for me to take it. “And when you’re done, I can go with you to talk to him if you want.”
“You want to go with me?”
“I want to be moral support if you need it. And if he hurts you, I want to be within striking distance so he knows exactly why he lost his front teeth.”
“Oh god, you can’t hurt him.” I balked. “What’s wrong with you?”
Quinn just grinned at me. “Not a thing. But you might want to consider the fact that you have feelings for this man, and that might be the reason why you’re so nervous.”
Lukas and River seemed very interested in their camera equipment, which wasn’t at all subtle, but was appreciated.
“I—” Fuck. I did. I had feelings for Rex. “I’ve never done a shoot with someone while having feelings for someone else. I don’t even know if I can. What if I can’t? What am I going to do?”
Quinn stepped toward me and took my face in his hands. “I know you have feelings for him, Perry. And I acknowledge that, and I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. You can stop at any time.”
Quinn’s gaze was intense, but not in a scary way. He had one of those personalities that could either fade into the background or take center stage, and he was just as comfortable either way.
His lips brushed against mine. Once. Twice.
Three times before he settled into the kiss, licking past the seam of my lips, demanding entry to my mouth.
It wasn’t like kissing Rex. There was no wobbly feeling in my stomach.
No nervous fluttering just under my skin.
There was just the pleasant feeling of Quinn’s mouth on mine.
The familiar arousal that wasn’t quite urgent, not like it had been with Rex, but was still enjoyable.
Falling for Rex hadn’t broken me. It hadn’t stopped me from being able to work, but it made the ache in my bones even more excruciating.
Every touch Quinn gave me, I memorized so I could have Rex erase it with his later.
Sickeningly, I wanted him to be jealous.
Not jealous enough for it to be a bad thing.
I didn’t want Rex to feel bad, or to hate me, but I wanted him to care that I’d been at work and that work for me meant kissing another man.
It meant having their hands on me and them being under me and over me and inside of me.
Once I got into the scene, it was probably one of the best shoots I’d ever had.
Quinn was always fun to scene with and today had been no exception, but he’d also stayed concerned about me throughout the shoot and had checked in with me a few times both discreetly, when he whispered in my ear as he entered me from behind, his hand reaching around to stroke my cock as I braced myself against the wall.
And out in the open when he point-blank asked if I wanted to keep going as we switched positions after he got an ass cramp.
Now that the scene was over and I’d showered the touch of another man off my body, I couldn’t wait to get back to Rex.
It wasn’t that I wanted to rub my job in his face, but there was this thing inside me, this little version of me who was desperate for approval, who needed validation like he needed oxygen.
Who needed to be accepted above all else.
And that little version of me had a lot of sway apparently, because I found myself waiting outside Rex’s door for him to get home from work.
I thought about going to his office first, but the day was almost over and this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have around other people. I’d texted Rex a selfie of me outside his door and he promised to be home in fifteen minutes.
Thirteen minutes later, he pulled into his driveway and stepped out of his car. I’d been sitting on his front step, but stood when he appeared. My hands fluttered nervously at my sides as he approached.
When he was finally in front of me, I stood a bit taller because I was on the bottom step and it gave me the tiniest height advantage.
Rex’s hand settled on my waist as I cradled his face in my hands. “Are you coming inside?” He asked as I traced his lip with the pad of my thumb.
“Am I welcome?”
Rex tightened his grip on my waist. “Always.”
“Even though I just—I was at work.”
The expression on Rex’s face changed, but it didn’t turn into a snarl of disgust like I’d feared. Instead, he looked halfway feral with his wide lust-struck eyes and a mouth that begged to be kissed.
Rex herded me toward the house, ushering me backward with his body. He backed me up against the door and pinned me there as he keyed in the code for his front door. “Come inside, Perry. And tell me all about it. Don’t leave out a single detail.”