Chapter 27
Billie
The distinction between loving and being in love exists, but in this moment, I don’t know what it is.
I thought I did, because when I said what I said I was talking about the trust and comfort level between us, how it feels when we’re together.
But now I’m so confused because this gorgeous, strong, slightly broken man is leading me up to his bedroom.
But it’s not about sex.
This is so much more than that.
I see it when he looks at me, I hear it in his voice, and I feel it in his touch.
The way he slowly peels my robe from my shoulders and skims his hands across my breasts.
How he gently plucks at the bar in my nipple and then rubs his thumb over it.
My skin breaks out in goose bumps, and I let my head fall back.
I don’t want to think—I just want to revel in how this newfound intimacy between us is solidifying something I already knew.
The closeness was there but we’d been dancing around the feelings. Now it’s all out in the open, including his insecurities, and I hate that he doesn’t understand how attractive he is, how he’s even better than the heroes in the romance novels I read.
Because Rome is real, flesh and blood.
And mine.
A soft moan escapes me as he scrapes his teeth across my throat, pulling me flush against him.
“When was the last time you had sex with someone else?” I ask bluntly.
He freezes.
“It’s not a trick question.” I hold out my arm. “That’s my birth control implant. The last time I had intercourse was November.”
His eyes turn to liquid fire.
“December,” he says. “And I get regular bloodwork through the team.”
“Then we don’t need condoms. I want to feel you inside me, Rome. Bare. Nothing between us.” I don’t care how bold that is. I need him to be in this moment with me—or not at all.
“Yes.” He pulls his shirt over his head and drops his sweats. “I’m about seventy-five percent healed, but I think it’ll be easier for me if you’re on top.”
“I love being on top.”
He sprawls out on the bed and then holds out his arms.
I move slowly, not wanting to rush because it feels like what we’re about to do is important. I know it’s just sex. Except it’s not. We bared our souls tonight, and now we’re going to share something both physically and emotionally intimate.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful, Billie.” He reaches up to put his hands on either side of my face as I straddle his mid-section.
“You’re pretty gorgeous yourself.” I run my fingers over the scruff of his beard.
“I love how this feels when you’re between my thighs.
But as much as I love that, I think I’m going to love being able to watch your face as I’m riding you.
Your eyes are so expressive when you’re not holding back.
That’s what really attracted me to you at Blue Thunder.
Your eyes told me that you were going to protect me.
But also that there was someone special inside.
I know how corny that sounds, but I thought about you so many times after that night…
and when you walked into my apartment with Bodi, I knew there had to be a reason. ”
He reaches up and practically yanks me down, fusing our mouths together like he never wants to let go. I don’t know what I said to get that reaction from him but I like it. I’m falling for him, and I don’t care. This is the man I’ve been waiting for.
His erection pokes at me, rubbing against my thigh and I wiggle into position. I pull away just enough so I can look into his face, and then slide down one excruciating inch at a time.
And it’s everything.
The look in his eyes. The way he spreads me open, fills me. The connection between us that goes so much deeper than what our bodies are doing.
“Fuuuck, baby.” His voice is hoarse, and his eyes start to close.
“Nooo,” I plead. “Please… look at me.”
I can’t seem to help myself—the visual is just as important as the physical, because when I stare into the depth of his gray-blue eyes, I see the answers to questions I don’t even know to ask.
“Beautiful girl, you’re going to wreck me,” he whispers, eyes boring into mine.
“And you me.” I shift and slowly lift before inching down again.
We both groan when he bottoms out.
I knew it would be good. I just didn’t expect such an emotional piece to go with it.
Not this soon. It’s a little crazy, a little overwhelming, but everything is crazy and overwhelming when we’re together.
It’s also addicting. Soothing. Romantic.
Sexy. So many different things that make him, and us as a couple, stupidly perfect.
“Make me come, Rome,” I whisper, pulling my lower lip through my teeth.
“I will. I just don’t want to rush. You started with all this looking into each other’s eyes stuff and now I’m mesmerized…”
He thrusts up and I sink down, the sensation of such deep penetration nearly taking me over the edge, but I don’t want it to be over this soon either.
“Fuck, that’s good,” I murmur. I rest my hands on his chest and do my best to find a slow, steady rhythm but there’s no stopping the freight train barreling down on us. The pleasure is too intense, too all-encompassing, too…perfect.
“Baby, this is…” He grunts, squeezing his eyes shut as his breath becomes labored. “I can’t…”
“Oh, God!” My orgasm shoots out of me. So hard I jerk against him and dig my fingers into his chest as he pounds up and in a few more times.
Strong fingers clamp around my hips holding me fast as we come apart.
“God damn!” He finally stills beneath me, and all I can do is drop down, draping myself all over him like a warm, formless blanket.
I can’t move, breathe, or even think as I lie there.
All there is right now is the two of us, linked together in a moment I never want to end.
“Been waiting my whole life for you,” he murmurs. It’s so soft I almost don’t understand the words but they sink in after a beat.
I’m just too spent to formulate an appropriate response.
Because I didn’t know I was waiting for Rome Castellano either—all I know is that his presence makes me whole in a way no one else ever has.
“Remind me again why we waited so long to do this?” I tease, pressing light kisses on his chest.
He runs his hands up and down my back. “Stupid groin injury. But I’m past the worst of it now.”
“You sure?” I lift my head to look into his eyes. “You winced a few times in the beginning.”
“The muscles are tight,” he admits. “I start physical therapy this week, and we’ll work on that. But it’s not pain, just a twinge of discomfort. And believe me, what we were doing more than compensated for a little discomfort.”
“Okay. I just don’t want you to overdo it. If you wind up delaying your progress because of me…” I plop my head down on his chest again.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I asked the doctor.”
“You did?” I lift my head again. “You planned this?” There’s a playful lilt to my voice. “Now I understand the big romantic gestures.”
He frowns. “You don’t really believe that, do you? I would have done what I did even if the only thing on the table was me rubbing your feet all night.”
“I’m joking,” I say softly. “I don’t believe that at all. There’s never any pressure when we’re together. That’s part of why our relationship is so good. I’m always relaxed with you. Happy. Like I have someone to count on whom I don’t have to worry about disappointing.”
There’s a beat of silence. “Do you worry about disappointing Bodi?” he asks finally.
“Yeah. I mean, not the way it sounds. He never yelled if I got a B in school or if I was ten minutes late for curfew but?—”
“You had a curfew?”
“At sixteen? Uh, yeah. Until I turned eighteen. But even then, he explained that if I was going to be late, to call. After what happened with our parents he would panic thinking something happened. That’s kind of what I was talking about when I told you I cut him slack because of that.
I know he needs therapy. And it pisses me off that he made sure I got it but he never went himself. ”
“I don’t understand,” he murmurs. “Why wouldn’t he go? Especially at eighteen, trying to help his fifteen-year-old sister grieve and heal. Even if you went together.”
“We did go together immediately after, but he only went to learn how to take care of me, not for any of his own issues. He still won’t listen. If I bring it up he gets mad.”
“That all makes sense but you’re a grown woman now, Billie. You can’t stay under his thumb forever.”
“As you can see—I am not under his thumb.” I gently bite his nipple.
“Then why are we sneaking around?”
“Because both of you have something to prove on the Phantoms, and I don’t want to be responsible for either of you getting traded or whatever. In the off-season, when there aren’t any professional repercussions, I’ll sit down with him. If I have to, I’ll bring in Blake.”
“Why Blake?”
“Best friends since Bodi started with the Rebels. He’s like another big brother to me, though he’s been a bit less available since he married Rowan. But he’s aware of Bodi’s overprotectiveness, so I can ask for his help in this.”
“What if Blake agrees that I’m too old for you? Or too much of a jerk?”
I laugh. “That’s none of either of their business. I’m the only one whose opinion of your age and personality matters. Bodi will have to accept it. It just might take some time.”
“The fact that you’re so worried about him finding out during the season tells me it’s not going to be that simple.”
“Simple? No. Not even a little. But he will come around.” I pause, suddenly unsure of myself. As good as things are between us, it’s still new and there haven’t been any proclamations of love or discussions about what happens if he gets traded. “Unless you don’t think I’m worth the struggle.”
“That’s not it, baby. But I might not be here come July.”
I sigh. I know this. I just don’t know how to respond. He doesn’t seem to have anything to add either.
And that’s the part that scares me.
But it’s too late to stop what we’re doing or feeling.
Right, wrong, good or bad—we’re in this now.
I just hope we’re in it together.