Chapter 30
Rome
“Welcome back, Rome!”
Marty is the first person to shake my hand when I get to the locker room on my first official day back.
I got the go-ahead from my doctor last week and started skating with the team, and today I get to participate in a full practice.
Depending on how I feel once I’m playing full contact, I should be ready for the first playoff game.
It’s not my first playoff game but this series might be my last so I’m trying to be present, both physically and mentally.
“Hey, man.” I nod in his direction.
“Good to see you!” Gabe calls out. “How’s the leg?”
“Feeling better,” I respond. “And anxious to get back at it.”
A few other guys say hello and it’s good to be in the thick of things.
I didn’t realize how much I would miss hockey until I was away from it for nearly two months.
Having Billie in my life made up for a lot, but the injury left me with a slightly different set of goals.
Instead of looking toward retirement, now I’m geared up to prove myself so I can play another year.
I always wanted that but deep down I’d convinced myself it wasn’t going to happen.
Now it feels like there’s a chance.
I’m not sure what’s changed but I know it has at least a little to do with the beautiful woman I don’t get to spend nearly enough time with.
Ever since my conversation with my mother, I’ve done my best to stay open-minded.
Not just about Billie, but about everything in my life.
Hockey. The possibility of staying in Los Angeles for a while.
Making friends. Even the idea of building something long-term with Billie.
Once we’re out in the open it’ll be easier to work on those things.
But for now, my focus is the playoffs. I don’t know these guys that well, but they’re a talented group.
And the vibe in the locker room is one of the most chill I’ve ever experienced.
For the most part, they like each other.
Hang out on days off. Their families spend time together.
They don’t do it because they have to—they genuinely want to.
And now I do too, if they’ll let me into their inner circle.
The cookout at Marty’s was a lot of fun, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t piss anyone off.
Billie was there too, even though we weren’t together, and everyone seemed to like her.
If there’s a chance that Billie and I are going to try this for real, as a couple—no sneaking around, no stolen kisses in the kitchen at two in the morning—then she’s going to be as much a part of this organization as I am.
“Hey, a bunch of us are getting tickets to a Dodgers game,” Connor yells out. “If you want to go, let me know how many tickets and I’ll take care of it.”
“I want to go,” I say, the words feeling a little foreign in my mouth but I force them out anyway.
“One ticket or two?”
“Uh…” I cut a quick glance in Bodi’s direction. “Two.”
If he doesn’t invite Billie, I will. If he does, I’ll bring Athena or my mom.
“You dating someone?” Connor calls out, wiggling his eyebrows. “How come you didn’t invite her on Easter?”
“Not dating anyone.” I laugh. “I’ll bring my mom or sister.”
“You’re no fun.” Connor types something into his phone before walking around the room to find out who wants what.
“You going to invite Billie?” I ask Bodi as I tape up my stick.
He looks confused. “Why would I do that?”
“Because she loves baseball?” I stare at him like he’s stupid—because he should know this about his sister.
“Says who?”
“Uh… says her since the games are on the TV in the living room whenever they play.”
He seems surprised for a moment but then shakes his head. “Nah. She wouldn’t want to hang out with us.”
“Why not?” Marty interjects. “She’s gotten friendly with Stevie and some of the girls. And everyone enjoyed her company at the cookout.”
I’ve put Bodi on the spot, which is what I intended, and he doesn’t like it.
But that’s too bad. He’s going to have to get used to this because no matter what happens with Billie and me, she’s not the innocent little introverted virgin he seems to want her to be.
I don’t know if it’s her virtue he’s worried about or just her general safety, but he has to get used to her spending time with the team.
“I was going to bring a date ,” Bodi says, frowning again.
“Oh. Well, you can buy my second ticket off me,” I say, “and let her have it.”
“I can order more tickets, guys!” Connor waves an impatient hand, typing into his phone. “There. Extra ticket for Billie. One of you can pay me for it, I don’t care who.”
As much as I want to say I will, I hesitate long enough for Bodi to get the hint.
“Yeah, uh, just let me know.” He walks over to Blake and says something under his breath, but I’ve stopped paying attention.
“Be careful,” Marty murmurs quietly. “You’re in dangerous territory.”
“What are you talking about?”
He smiles. “There’s nothing more obvious than a man in love.”
I start to protest, but he cuts me off. “Hey, your secret’s safe with me. But I’m not the only one who’s noticed. Eventually, someone will say something to Bodi , and it’ll be a lot worse than if you come clean yourself.”
“We’re waiting for the season to end,” I admit. “So that there’s no issue in the locker room. I heard about what happened with you and Phil. I don’t want to be responsible for anything like that.”
“I understand, but we could be two full months away from the season ending, if we’re lucky, and you can’t wait that long. He’s suspicious. I heard him asking Blake if Rowan has heard anything about you guys.”
Fuck .
We think we’ve been slick but obviously we aren’t as clandestine as we thought we were.
“Thanks for telling me,” I say after a moment. “But I don’t know what to do because she made me promise not to say anything until she’s ready. I have to respect a promise I made.”
“You do. But if you’re smart, you’ll get her to let you off the hook. And if you need anything, let me know. Stevie and I are here for you guys.”
“Thank you.” I say it sincerely because I can’t remember the last time someone in my locker room went out of their way to have my back.
He winks. “I saw how she looks at you—kind of how Stevie looks at me. I figure you must be doing something right to have a sweet girl like her look at you like that.”
He whistles as he walks away, leaving me with a moment of discomfiture—we don’t talk about this kind of shit often—but it’s quickly replaced with…warmth? My mother mentioned how Billie looks at me. Now Marty. Hell, I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I just haven’t wanted to acknowledge it.
This is the kind of stuff that makes me want to throw caution to the wind and just do whatever I have to do to make her mine.
I know she wants that too. It’s just so damned complicated.
I can’t afford to give her the life she deserves.
Then there’s my history of divorces. The difference in our ages.
Her being at the start of her career while I’m at the end of mine.
How much her brother is going to fucking hate it.
There’s no doubt in my mind, no matter how it goes down, he’s going to hate that we’re together.
And he’s going to hate me . How we’ll continue to play together, I don’t know.
I want to make it work, both with her and with the Phantoms, but that’s my biggest fear right now—that this is going to blow up in both of our faces.
If I’m honest, the situation with Bodi has made it easy for me.
No one can know that we’re together, so I’m safe.
My bank account is safe. My rep on the team is safe.
My heart is safe.
I’ve been playing it safe and essentially taking advantage of Billie by keeping things under wraps while still enjoying all the perks of having a girlfriend.
That’s not fair to any of us. Not her, not me, not even Bodi.
He should know about someone important in his sister’s life, and while most of this is his own doing, I feel like I’m the bad guy.
As usual.
Christ, this isn’t what I’m supposed to be thinking about.
Hockey should be my only focus.
Billie isn’t going anywhere. At least, I don’t think so.
Our bond is solid. We have a plan, loosely speaking, and even though Marty’s words resonated, I’m not making any rash decisions.
Billie knows I have to focus on finding my groove again in hockey and she’s busy with work and school anyway. We had a conversation about the next couple of weeks being insanely busy so we’re on the same page.
The time to revisit the conversation with her will be after this series is over.
Depending on what happens, she and I can hash out the talk with Bodi.
Not only is it the right thing to do, it’s also getting close to her graduation, and I’ll be damned if I miss it.
I know she wants Athena and Nita there too, so it’s going to be a big deal.
And one that I intend to be a part of.