Chapter 33
Billie
I may have said too much too soon because I can all but see the wheels turning.
There’s a part of me that regrets speaking up but I don’t want to feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him.
I know he’s nervous about the future. He’s had two disastrous marriages that cost him almost everything, both emotionally and financially, but if he doesn’t trust me to not be like them, what are we even doing?
This isn’t some starter romance for me. He’s everything I could possibly want.
I truly don’t care about money even though I know it’s important.
But if Bodi and I could survive without parents, then Rome and I can make it work even if we’re poor for a while.
“Is that too serious for you?” I ask after a moment, hoping he doesn’t hear the hurt in my voice.
“No. It just makes me feel…old.”
“Old?” She looks confused.
“Because I’m jaded. You’re at the start of your life and I’m smack-dab in the thick of mine.
You have endless possibilities while I’m potentially going to be unemployed by summer.
I know I keep saying that and you keep setting me straight, but I’m scared, Billie.
Not for myself—I don’t give a fuck if I live in a trailer somewhere.
But I don’t want that for you. I want everything for you.
You deserve it. By settling for me, you’re not?—”
“Stop it!” I yank my hand free and put both hands on my hips. “I’m not settling ! What do I have to do to make you understand I don’t care about money?”
“You don’t care about it because you have Bodi. He’s never let you be cold or hungry. College isn’t the real world, babe. And what happens when I retire and it takes me a long time to find a job? Can we survive in L.A. if I’m working part-time at a gas station and you’re waiting tables?”
I bite my lip to keep from laughing at the visual of him working in a garage or something. I don’t know why it’s funny, because he does seem to know a lot about cars, but it’s such a random comment.
“Go ahead.” He shakes his head. “I know it’s killing you not to laugh.”
A laugh bubbles out of me. “Look, what’s really bothering you? Talk to me instead of getting all sulky and broody. I mean, it’s sexy as hell but I can’t read your mind.”
“You think I’m sexy?”
I roll my eyes. “Duh.”
He smiles but then shrugs. “Okay, here’s a reality check.
Having a brother who’s a pro athlete is totally different than being the significant other of one, and I’m not sure you fully understand that.
Fans can be brutal, and it doesn’t matter if I’m playing well or not.
When I’m on top, female fans will tear you apart.
Not pretty enough for an athlete. Not dressed right.
Your hair is too long/short/curly/straight.
It doesn’t matter, they’re jealous and will do everything in their power to tear you down.
You think it’s no big deal but when five thousand comments about how ugly you are float around the internet, it’s hard. ”
“I’ll have you at my side, right?”
“Of course, but then when I’m not doing well?
It’s just as bad, maybe even worse because it’ll be your fault that I’m distracted.
Your fault for not supporting me correctly.
Is that tow-headed baby really mine? You probably cheated.
That last one has never happened to me but it did happen to one of my teammates in Buffalo. Are you ready for all that?”
“I don’t know, but we’ll find out together. Do you see a theme here, Rome? Together . You and me against the world. As long as we have that, we’ll figure all that other shit out.”
When he doesn’t respond, I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him.
“Babe, we’re going to be fine. We’ll figure it out together.
Nita is going to give me a raise after graduation—and I make good money waitressing.
She’s even talked about paying for me to go to bartending school because I can work almost anywhere once I can do that.
And you’re not going to work at a gas station, but if you do, it’s fine with me.
As long as you love me. At the end of the day, all I need is you. ”
He wraps his arms around my waist and holds me close.
“Your brother is never going to like it,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to mine.
“He’s not the boss of me.” I lift my head so we’re looking into each other’s eyes. “But you have to want this, Rome.”
“You have no idea how much I want this…how much I want you. Can you just give me a little time to wrap my head around falling in love?”
“What’s a little time?” I ask warily.
“Just while we’re finishing the season and your semester. I’m not talking about dating other people or any bullshit like that, just giving me time to get comfortable with where this is going. Can you be patient a little longer, Billie?”
There’s no universe where I say no.
It’s not possible.
I’m crazy in love and I think he feels it too, even if he’s not quite ready to articulate it.
“You’re worth the wait, my grumpy Roman Emperor. Besides, I’m getting used to being in a serious relationship too. I’m fine with giving you time. Just no puck bunnies.”
He grimaces. “Not in a million years.”
He kisses me, lips lingering softly before we start to walk again, hands linked between us.
“The food here is supposed to be amazing,” he says as we stop in front of a restaurant.
He pulls open the door and then stiffens. “Fuck.”
“What’s wrong?” I look around, trying to figure out what’s going on.
“I think I just got recognized…there was a guy with a camera.”
“Oh.” I look back and see someone duck down an alley. Damn. This is an unfortunate twist. “Well, unless it’s for something really big, like People Magazine, Bodi doesn’t pay attention to social media or read magazines. I can’t imagine it’ll get back to him.”
“Either it will or it won’t,” he says quietly. “We can’t stop it now that it’s happened. No use crying over spilled milk.”
“Yeah.”
Ugh. This is going to put a damper on the rest of our evening, and it pisses me off a little. I just talked him off one ledge and now he’s staring down a damn cliff.
“Let’s just eat.” He gives his name to the hostess, and she shows us to a table.
“You’re stressed,” I say softly once the waitress has taken our orders.
“A little.”
“Look, if it blows up, I’ll talk to him. I promise. He’s hard-headed and stubborn, but he loves me. And when I tell him how happy you make me, he’ll get over it.”
“You don’t know that. He’s polite and as far as being roommates goes, he’s fine.
But there’s no bond between us, no friendship, not like with some of the other guys on the team.
Hell, I’m closer to Connor, who’s almost young enough to be my kid, than I am to Bodi.
So he doesn’t like me all that much already.
It will be exponentially worse when he finds out I’ve been sleeping with his sister. ”
Unfortunately, he’s probably right and I don’t have a clue what to do about it.